Ask for a funny joke!

A farmer went to town for the first time to see a doctor. I went early and hung up on number one. The nurse shouted: no! Yao Hao! Yao Hao! agriculture

I didn't know whether to call him or not, so I didn't agree. When the nurse saw that no one agreed, she called No.2 in. The farmer waited for a long time.

I was anxious without calling him. The nurse said, what's your number? The farmer called me the first! Then why didn't you call you just now?

Promise? The farmer said when you would call me, and the nurse said the number was number one, which means number one, which means farmer.

When the people understood, they went in to see a doctor. The doctor asked, what's the matter with you? The farmer replied: it hurts. The doctor doesn't understand: one

Does it hurt? The farmer said: back pain, the doctor is angry: back pain is back pain, how is it painful? The farmer said, Your wet nurse said so.

Yes (waist), (waist) is one. The doctor chuckled and wrote him a note, saying: Go, check (swallow).

Ten minutes later, the farmer came back with shit in his mouth. Doctor, I almost didn't swallow my urine.

Yes, I can't swallow my shit! The doctor laughed and cried, and explained it to the farmers again. The farmer understood and accepted it.

The urinal is out. I swallowed it just now. I managed to squeeze half a bottle. I just walked in the door when I came back, and I accidentally got it right.

I bumped into a pregnant woman and peed. The farmer is in a hurry. What should I do? The pregnant woman said: don't panic, I have it here! as soon as...

I went to the toilet and peed a bottle myself and gave it to the farmers. The farmer took it to the laboratory, tested it and went to see a doctor. Doctors are also doctors.

Ma Daha looked at the test paper and said to the farmer, nothing, you are pregnant. After listening to this, the farmer will take the test paper home.

Then, when I got home, I slapped my wife twice and said angrily, I said I was up there. You have to be on it.

Listen, did you get me pregnant?

2

A Cyclops accidentally swallowed his artificial eye, which got stuck in the anus, but he couldn't get it out.

Come, so he went to the hospital. The doctor was stunned during the examination, and when he woke up, he said a word: I

I've watched it all my life, but I didn't expect to be looked at by * * today.

three

Late at night, after correcting the last test paper, Mr. Wang turned on the radio wearily, trying to find the addresses of Pan Shao and Long J.

Poke J's voice: "The whole class of Class X, Grade Three, xx Middle School dedicated this song to their beloved Wang xx."

The teacher listened and thanked him for giving them countless exercises over the years (especially this year), so that they got valuable practice.

Learning opportunities ... "When I heard this, Mr. Wang's eyes were moist, and a gratified smile appeared on his tired face. Dj Yuji

Continue: "... now let's listen to this song, Li Huimin's" You won't have a good result "..." My eyes turned white.

Foaming at the mouth and falling to the ground ......

four

When we were in high school, some teachers were very bad to our students. A group of students have been suppressed for a long time, so they discuss how to grow old.

Teacher. One day, the teacher was giving a lecture in class, and a boy sitting at the back showed a painful expression and gently covered his stomach.

Groans. The teacher ignored him and went on preaching. The middle teacher just turned around and wrote notes on the blackboard. This man

Suddenly, "concave ... wow ...! "(Vomiting) A boy at the same table poured a bottle of eight-treasure porridge at a breakneck speed.

Above the boy's desk, when the teacher turned around, he saw that the desk was covered with yellow and white things. At this moment, another boy came out.

A small spoon, eating the things on the table spoon by spoon, said while chewing, "Hey, this guy ate flowers at noon."

Yes The teacher said, "Wow ... concave ..." and then he vomited wildly.

five

An infantryman who has been through many battles and won many medals has retired. Hardly had he returned to this city when his friends introduced him.

I have a girlfriend. Before he went out, his friends gave him a lot of advice: "You may have experienced a lot in the war.

Things, but there are some things you have to listen to me. First, open the door for your girlfriend after getting off the bus; Second, your girlfriend went in.

You should help her behind the chair when sitting; Third, you should look at her gently when she speaks; Fourth, what does she need?

Lucy, you must do it first, don't let her do it. "Said the infantry remember, so he went away.

The next day, a friend called to ask the infantry how it was last night. The infantry said in dismay, "I have no hope!" " "

So a friend asked him, "Did you forget to open the door for her?"

The infantry said, "No, I opened the door for her, and she was very happy!" " "

The friend asked again, "Did you forget to help her sit down?"

The infantry said, "No, I'll help her sit down. She said I was a gentleman! " "

So the friend asked again, "Were you looking around when she spoke?"

The infantry said, "No, I've been watching her. She said I was gentle and charming! " "

Finally, the friend asked, "What did you let her do on her own?"

The infantry said gloomily, "If only it were like this. When I got home, she said she was thirsty, so I ran to buy it for her.

"The friend said," that's great! "

The infantry added, "But out of years of habit, as soon as I opened the drink can, I threw it at her and hid myself in the grass."

In ... "

six

One day, a driver was robbed while driving, and the roadblock said, "Get off! ! "The barricade added," Do 100 prone position.

Hold on. "

The driver was forced to obey and said, "I've never seen you rob the road like this." After that, the robber said, "Make another 500."

The driver did it again, and then the driver was weak and dizzy.

The robber shouted to the Woods behind him, "Sister, you can go to town in his car.

seven

One day, a little devil who claimed to know a few Chinese characters was wandering in the street, hungry and began to look for a restaurant. It's already here.

At the door of a small noodle restaurant, I saw several big characters written on the water sign at the door: beef noodles, large rows of noodles, simple meals.

He wanted to taste it, so he went in.

The busy waiter ran over and asked, "What kind of noodles do you want, sir?"

"I eat ..." The little devil said, and wanted to show off his recognition of Chinese characters, so he turned his head and looked at the words written vertically on the water label.

I read aloud: "I eat a bowl of cow, big and poop …" I want to eat shit loudly and slowly.

So all the diners in the restaurant looked at the little devil in surprise and whispered, "This beast is really fierce!" "

eight

One day, a Japanese working in China went to the countryside to shoot wild ducks.

When he finally shot a wild duck, the wild duck fell into a farmer's yard.

The Japanese climbed over the fence to catch their prey. But the farmer who witnessed everything shook his shotgun and said loudly, "Look here, not in the middle."

Hunting in chaos. The devil replied, "I shot the duck, so it should be mine." I do. "The farmer said.

"It flew in China and was killed by you or landed in China. Go to the village with me and pay a fine! " They have been arguing.

The problem of eating ducks. After a while, the devil said, "We should decide in the traditional way. Use Japanese Bushido

Spiritual decision! "The farmer looked down on Bushido, so he asked contemptuously," What is the method of Bushido? "the devil

Explained: "first, I kick your ass." Then you kick my ass again, so kick each other until one side lets go.

Give up. The winner gets the duck. The farmer thought about it and agreed to take part in the competition. But the farmer asked himself to kick first.

To show fairness. Thinking about revenge for the villagers who were killed more than 60 years ago, but he knows better, and now he still

You can't kill the japs. Then, the farmer in China put his leg back and slapped the devil's ass with all his strength. ache

The unwilling demon fell to the ground, moaning and wailing and rolling. Ten minutes later, he tried to get up and bite his teeth.

"Now it's my turn," he said huskily. Farmer China said, "Oh, no, this duck is yours. You can get out.

Went back. "

nine

The humor of the hotel lady

1

I was on a business trip with my colleagues. The local colleagues were hospitable and hosted a banquet in characteristic hotel's private room that night. man

After sitting down, a dozen men and women have been chatting, and only one person is ordering. All right, let's ask for your opinions.

See: "The dish is ready. Do you want to add it?"

In this case, in Beijing, we usually ask the young lady to quote the name of the dish she ordered. So a buddy in Beijing

Say, "Miss, report."

Miss saw his one eye, nothing happened.

"Miss, report it!" Dude, it's a little urgent.

Miss face flushed, still nothing happened.

"What? I asked you to report it. Did you hear that? " Dude, it's really urgent.

A female colleague hurriedly dozen circle field: "Miss, you hurry up and report one by one!" "

The young lady mumbled something and asked, "So, so ... is it okay to hold a woman instead of a man?"

"poof!" A female colleague just took a long sip of tea and sprayed it all on the person in front. A dozen people laughed together, miss.

I'm at a loss.

10

It's time to serve Let's have a mixed face lift first. A large plate of lapis lazuli was served, followed by several dishes of ingredients and sauces.

Yes Miss didn't pay attention when serving, and a drop of sauce spilled on a buddy's pants. So is that buddy.

Deliberately teasing, he pretended to be unhappy and asked the young lady, "What should I do?"

The young lady said calmly, "Whatever you want."

"What do you suggest?"

"Do what you want?"

"What do you usually do here?"

"Why don't I help you?"

"Very good."

I saw the lady holding chopsticks in one hand and a spoon in the other, and quickly poured several dishes of ingredients and sauces on the rapier.

Son, just mix a few brushes. Then he said to his buddy, "Sir, you can eat."

Buddy stared at the plate for a long time without saying anything, and another colleague said "thank you" to the lady for him.

Thank you ".

three

The main course is served-roast leg of lamb, a big plate of meat bones and a plate of salt and pepper. A Beijing buddy loves this mouth.

You're welcome to grab a leg of lamb, click it is a bite, eat it loudly.

The young lady looked at it and said, "Sir, this should be dipped." The man looked at the tracking lady and then at it.

In order to meet local colleagues. A local colleague said, "It tastes better when dipped in it."

The buddy then stood up with a leg of lamb and clicked again.

The young lady hurried over and asked, "Do you need anything, sir?"

"ah? No. "

"Then please sit down and eat."

The buddy sat down and muttered, looking at everyone, lost. Carefully put the leg of lamb in your mouth,

Take a careful bite.

The young lady added, "Sir, you should dip this."

Buddy stood up, waved a leg of lamb and shouted angrily, "You have to eat standing and sitting.

How to eat! ? "

four

The table is full and the leaders are here.

The house was full of greetings. The lady next to the banquet is very beautiful, new, inexperienced and quite tight.

Zhang.

Everyone sat down, and someone called, "Miss, tea!" "

Miss hurried forward and pointed her finger: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, * * * seven!"

Everyone laughed, and the leader went on to say, "pour the tea!" "

The young lady quickly "checked" again: "7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, or 7."

Someone asked, "What are you counting?"

The young lady hesitated and replied in a low voice, "I am a dog."

Everyone was very angry and shouted, "Call your manager!" As soon as the manager came in, he put his hand down and asked with a smile, "What do you want to tell me?"

The leader said, "Don't ask more questions. Go and ask the young lady's age. "

The manager was confused and did as he said. He replied: "18 years old, dog!"

The leader smiled and everyone laughed. It is not convenient for everyone to pursue the massive failure of leaders. Miss, manager, it's like falling five miles

Clouds.

five

After drinking for 30 days, a dish came up: "Stewed tortoise!"

Everyone was happy, but they didn't forget the rules. Someone waved the turtle's head with a bamboo stick and said, "The leader moved, the leader moved!" "

The leader looked at the tortoise's flustered head and was unhappy. He doesn't want to reconcile the ending of this statement, and he doesn't want to go against everything.

So he picked up the spoon and tasted the soup, saying, "Good, good! Please make yourself at home. "

Someone said, "Yes-a turtle should have soup!" " The leader almost spat with anger.

Soon, the soup was almost finished, and something came out and asked, "Miss, what is this?"

The young lady quickly replied, "It's an asshole." Everyone was surprised and happy: "Leaders eat first, leaders eat first!"

The leader didn't hear the words "bad luck" and was very happy. He called the young lady: "Give it to everyone!"

For a long time, the young lady didn't move, and the leader asked angrily, "Why, is this unclear?"

The young lady said awkwardly, "How to divide seven people and six bastards?"

Everyone looked at each other, full of delicious food, hard to swallow.