Give as many jokes as you can.

1. A criminal escaped from prison and was arrested.

Policeman: Say it! Why did you run away?

Criminal: The food here is terrible.

Policeman: Then what did you use to break the bars on the fence?

Criminals: Steamed bread at noon.

2. Patient: "Doctor, you left your scissors in my stomach." "Never mind, I have another one."

Two gangsters were lying in wait, trying to plot against someone, but they never saw him. One of them was anxious and said, "What's the matter? He hasn't come yet, I hope nothing will happen to him! "

The judge looked at the defendant and said, have I seen you? You look familiar. The defendant said, yes, your honor, you forgot to pull it. I introduced your wife to you 20 years ago. After hearing this, the judge said: this case does not need to be tried. The defendant was very excited. Then the judge went on to say: Pull it out and shoot it directly.

Judge: Why do you print counterfeit money? The defendant said innocently, because I can't print real money.

6. A said to B: If you can guess how much money I have, I will give you all my 90 yuan. Hearing this, B was overjoyed and said, I guess you have it on you. . . Yes . . There's 89 yuan.

7. A girl is too ugly to marry, hoping to be abducted one day. One day, my dream finally came true, but I couldn't sell it for a year. But the kidnapper can only send it back, but the ugly girl insists on not getting off the bus. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet and said, let's go. We don't want the car.

8. In the west of the city, Zhuge Liang played a song with a lingering sound. After listening to Wei Jun's words of 654.38+0.5 million outside the city, Zhuge Liang said: Thank you, please pay 654.38+0 Liang for admission, as long as 654.38+0 Liang. In a blink of an eye, all the 6.5438+0.5 million troops escaped.

9. Bajie went for plastic surgery and became a handsome guy, so he went to a nightclub to find a beautiful woman. After the break, Bajie said to the beautiful woman, Do you know how ugly I used to be? I am Pig Bajie. The beauty was startled and said, second brother, I'm Lao Sha.

10. There was a traffic accident somewhere and there were many people around. No reporter can squeeze in. He had an idea and said, I am the son of the injured. Please make way. Sure enough, the onlookers gave way to the reporter. The reporter walked over and saw that it was a dog that was injured.

1 1. One day, a new prisoner came to the prison. The old asked the new: Hey, what did you do wrong? The new guy said, it's okay. I just fried fish in a place where fishing is forbidden, and then some fish came up on the water. The old man said: Is this going to jail? The new guy said, I'm not finished yet. Six divers came up with me.

12. One day, a soldier wanted to see an officer and was stopped by the guards. Xiao Bing: I have something urgent to see the director. Guard: Password. Xiao Bing: Can you bend the rules? Guard: No. The soldier growled, you watchdog. Guard: Yes, please come in.

13. A leader went to a mental hospital for inspection, and all the patients cheered, but only one patient ignored him. Leader: Why didn't he say hello to me? Dean: I'm really sorry. He is sane today.

14. One day, the wife asked her husband: Is this dish delicious? Husband: Not bad. Wife: Is this soup delicious? Husband: Not bad. Wife: There can't be a good word in the comments. Husband: OK. . . Very sexy.

15. One day, a woman went to a hair salon and asked the barber: Is it ugly for me to do this hairstyle? Barber: No! Woman: Really? "Yes," said the barber, "your ugliness has nothing to do with your hairstyle.

16. One day, a student was late for class. Teacher: Why are you late for school? Student: I was robbed by a robber on the road. Teacher: What did he rob you of? Student: All the teachers assigned homework yesterday.