33 funny jokes that you will never forget.

1, boyfriend and girlfriend quarrel, girlfriend says to boyfriend:? I admit that I was wrong first, and then you are saying that I am right, okay? ? The boyfriend agreed. Girlfriend said:? I was wrong. ? The boyfriend said:? You are absolutely right! ?

My wife brought me a solid peach stone: My husband bit it open for me. ? So I put it in my mouth and bit it open for her. She shouted happily: You are still awesome! Mao Mao (my dog) hasn't bitten for a long time. ? Say that finish, he ran and shouted, "Mao Mao, come and get something to eat and help you get rid of it? I .........

A boy has had a crush on a girl for a long time. One day in the self-study class, the boy finally got up the courage to write a note to the girl, which read: In fact, I have been paying attention to you for a long time. After a while, the note came back, which read: Please don't tell the teacher, I promise I will never eat melon seeds in class again.

I saw a very loving father and daughter in the park. My father is about fifty and my daughter is about twenty. My daughter is very clever. She peeled a tea egg for my father and said something to make him laugh. What a warm picture. This is the real family life, but? Then why did they start French kissing?

One day, the rabbit saw a group of ants marching in line and asked them:? Why are you going? ? Ant:? One of our partners stretched out his leg and overthrew the elephant bank. The elephant is in hospital, and we are going to donate blood. ? After a while, the rabbit saw that they were back in line again and asked, how did you come back so soon? ? Ant:? Only one ant is found to have the same blood type as the elephant after blood drawing, so leave him there to offer. ?

6. Call your girlfriend:? Hello? I'm taking a bath. Let's talk about it when we have time! You're perfunctory! I'm really taking a shower, and your roommate testifies! ? As soon as I thought that Xiao Zhang was a very honest man, it should be true, so I stopped pursuing it. Fortunately, my girlfriend didn't perfunctory me!

7. The nine-month-old daughter is biting with a condom on the bedside table. Want to take it, don't give it. At this time, 19-year-old little girl who is in charge (the little girl is playing in my house) shouted at her daughter, please give that to your mother quickly. Take a bite and your little brother will grab the delicious food with you! Sweating. . . Now this child. . .

8. After passing the door of the company next door, I saw a girl with an anxious face, looking for something in her bag and saying: Where is the room card? Where is the key card? This girl is very young, has long hair, looks pretty, looks like Lori, and is a frequent visitor to our lunch chat. Seeing the door clip exposed in her coat pocket, I knew my chance had come. I went over and hugged her, shook her up and down five times, and the door card fell to the ground. I said indifferently, if you lose your key card in the future, just call me.

9. Brothers love to fight and have fun together. Last time, a brother came to my house to play and fought in my room. I suddenly pushed him down on the bed and squeezed his face hard: see if you dare! Then he looked confused and swayed with the wave: Hehe ~ ~ ... Then my dad pushed the door and decided for a few seconds: You two keep your voice down, your mother has a bad heart ... and then turned and left ... all kinds of embarrassment and humiliation. ......

10, my girlfriend said to me yesterday: Do you know why you met me? ? Me:? I don't know? Girlfriend: Because I'm here to repay your kindness, fairy! ? I looked at my girlfriend and said weakly, you'd better go home. I think you're here for revenge! ?

1 1, I changed my pants in the office today and got ready to run. As a result, I just took off my pants in the middle, and a woman pushed the door and came in. I squatted down while lifting my pants. At this time, the female man spoke. Don't squat, I see it. What's the big deal? Find something to take with you! What's the big deal? Big deal? Can I tell you that I am in a special gap?

12, the traffic patrol checked the drunk driving at the intersection in front of the hotel, and the second brother asked the police inspector about drunk driving? Let me blow? The police ignored it. So he yelled at the lieutenant? Let me blow? Are the police angry, too Did not drive. Blow what? . So the second brother turned away swearing. Ten minutes, just ten minutes. My second brother went home and drove back. He squeezed in front of the police and said it was time to blow. Then, you haven't come back yet?

13, I remember once we were smoking in the school toilet, and an aunt cleaner came. At that time, a buddy just squatted in the pit and got up quickly? When we snickered, my aunt said, "Don't panic. I played with the older ones and raised the younger ones! " ! I'm not rare to you, am I? Then aunt turned around smartly! ! ! ! !

14, the chemistry teacher likes to say: This is just the beginning? Then there will be a pool of water pouring down from the top of your head and getting wet. Today, the teacher learned his lesson. After reading this sentence, he turned away immediately. The water didn't pour, but people fell off the platform, and the students in class immediately burst into laughter. ........

15, I visited a buddy's house, only to see that buddy gave his wife an apple that was almost finished. I asked him: won't you buy another one for your wife? That idiot came up with a sentence:? My daughter-in-law didn't like leather, so I gave it to her. ? Then his daughter-in-law silently said:? You should chew thinner next time.

16, my girlfriend came out and asked: Have a taste and comment? ? I took a bite and looked at the plate. If it is a bowl of soup, you should put less water; if it is a dish, you should put less vegetables. ? Girlfriend's face sank: get to the point. ? I said:? There is too much salt. ?

17, girlfriend:? Dear, what am I in your heart? ? Boyfriend:? A bamboo! ? Girlfriend: I'm not that honest. ? Boyfriend:? It has nothing to do with moral integrity! ? Girlfriend: Tall and thin? ? Boyfriend:? No, no waist! ?

18, Xiao Ming: In today's history exam, I asked who I was, but I couldn't answer. ? Dad:? Obviously, dad raised you for nothing! ? Xiaohua:? Why? ? Dad:? See me every day, you can't imagine. Tell your teacher that I am Lao Zi. ?

19, quarreled with my wife in the afternoon and didn't eat dinner. . . In the evening, my wife and I watch TV in the living room. After watching it for a while, my wife suddenly said "stand" to me. In an instant, my little temper came up. At least I am the head of the family. How can I be at the mercy of my wife? So I replied domineering, "Nothing, I will kneel for a while. . . . "

20. An employee was found reading a novel by his boss at work and was called to the office for a lecture at noon. Everyone is busy, but you have nothing to do. You are very free. ? The secretary went to the door and heard the boss shout so loudly? Isn't it salty? Turn around and pour a glass of water. Manager Wang, if you feel salty, you should drink more water. ?

2 1, when I was in college, a buddy sleepwalked in the middle of the night and woke up the whole dormitory. The sleepwalker kept walking back and forth in the dormitory with a mop. Everyone was afraid to wake up directly, for fear that he would hurt people, so they sent a brave buddy to get the mop back. As soon as he took it away, the buddy turned around and shouted, Idiot, what are you doing with my golden hoop?

22. I once liked a girl who studied medicine and took classes with her. I didn't know whether the teacher had a seizure or something that day, so I began to talk about how to take medicine to make her husband die suddenly for unknown reasons. After eating for half a year, eating for 1 year and eating for1year, I made up my mind to be good friends with her by watching her take notes carefully. ..