From the perspective of cognitive dissonance, "PUA" technology refutes the victim's guilt theory.

PUA case analysis

Victim guilty theory

Consistency of actions and attitudes

Psychological balance problem

1.PUA From the perspective of cognitive dissonance,

Recently, when I was studying the topic of psychology, I came across a rather coquettish question:

Why can love rat be so successful emotionally?

Why do many silly white sweets remember love rat after they became Huo Huo?

Why do you provide nourishment for the grass when you know it grows on your head?

Is all this moral decay or lack of humanity?

Love rat has a history of thousands of years in our country. From the self-protection in The Book of Songs Feng Wei, we can see the most basic underlying logic of love rat's grandfathers' self-protection by picking up girls, and the bitterness of cheated women.

With the development of human history and the progress of human society, human routines have gradually become more and more complicated, but its most basic underlying logic and final result remain unchanged.

After being cheated again and again, we seem to abstract a theoretical model from the individual, which makes the underlying logic and final result of love rat's behavior have a reasonable explanation.

? It is necessary for us to study the logic behind love rat's behavior.

? First of all, at the beginning of the attraction, you were bombarded with sugar-coated shells of American imperialism, which was extremely gentle and considerate, like a model companion. This process is sweet.

? After basically entering that hazy state, it began to create a crisis.

This crisis is divided into two aspects. On the one hand, it is to create an intimate state with you. On the other hand, I tell you that many people like him, but he only loves you.

At this time, if you are completely carried away by love, you won't think so much.

But occasionally you will think about why he has this contrast from a rational point of view. Why did he choose me? But this feeling was almost impossible in the environment at that time.

Even with this doubt, there are two ways. First of all, tell love rat directly and frankly why there is such a contrast.

At this time, his behavior and language will bombard you with new sugar-coated shells for a while, so that you can understand that although many people like me, I only like you.

Rational thinking is dialectical, but there is only one phenomenon in reality. If there are two different contradictory views on one thing at the same time, we will fall into a state of cognitive dissonance.

At this time, we will not rush to choose, but return to reality and make decisions with reality. ?

At this time, love rat's behavior during this period prompted you to decide his attitude. Obviously, since you chose him, he also loves you. ?

Once you make a choice, you will be very loyal to your choice and will not make any changes easily.

I don't know. I fell into love rat's trap. In the next * * *, you and your best friends gradually discovered his difference, and gradually felt as if the whole world was saying: This man is so scum, I advise you to break up.

At this time, you remembered the difficulties that the prince and princess in fairy tales had to overcome before falling in love, and then fell into blind self-touching, which made you reluctant to leave.

This is love rat gradually opening your body and wallet. When you are almost poor and your body is open, love rat has already cheated money and color, and is ready to run away.

But at this time, you are deeply in love and can't extricate yourself, so he opened two possible paths.

First, I gradually began to abuse you, from verbal abuse at first, to physical assault, and finally to infidelity, until you offered to break up.

It is worth mentioning that this way of wearing pants to deny people is easy to be retaliated by women, which is not worth the loss, so the second way will be adopted more.

The second way of cold violence, such as not seeing each other for weeks, or not talking for days, is that you will wonder if you have done something wrong, and then you will keep draining yourself to please him.

But it didn't save his heart. Later, love rat began to say, "I'm sorry, I had a failed relationship before, which made me unable to accept too intimate a relationship. I don't deserve you "and so on, ready to leave at any time.

Finally, you watched him pretend to be haggard and left.

What I hate most is the second way, throwing a set and unchangeable scene to force you to "take the initiative" to leave. It's really a distortion of human nature and moral decay. Killing people requires a pig's heart.

It even leads you to say this sentence over and over again: "I'm sorry I'm late." How can this humble love last?

After breaking up, he hacked all your contact information. Although you can't bear to leave, there is a feeling that my life is worse than death, even so humble that I hope he can find a better home and someone who loves him more and cares more about him.

Obviously I am the victim, but I feel that I have done something wrong.

In the example I listed above, we will find an attitude problem, which is your brain tonic. In your brain map, he has always been an image of being injured in love, which makes you feel that you should give him some help.

Originally, I had two completely different ideas about the stranger in rational thinking. With the help of time and time again, I gradually affirmed the image of "he is not pretending, he is weak and he needs help", and the attitude of the brain has changed from "mutual affection" to "duty".

After the concept is formed, morality naturally comes. If you don't help him, you will feel as if you have a moral problem.

In this process, we can clearly see a pattern, that is, the objective environment determines the internal spiritual consciousness. Sometimes the cognition of spiritual consciousness exceeds the time limit of the development of things, which will lead us to think rationally and dialectically about two different or even opposite endings of this thing.

But objective things are constantly developing and changing, the ideal is full and the reality is very skinny.

Sometimes we are not sure which of the two results is correct, so we prefer to determine a result through the development of external objective things.

The theory that reflects this way is cognitive dissonance theory.

2. The victim is guilty

We can also infer some strange phenomena from this.

For example, if your wallet is stolen, you don't blame the thief for it at all, but blame the person who didn't manage it well.

For example, after those strong criminals commit crimes, many times the victims will feel as if they have committed the original crime.

Some "keyboard men" in society also began to criticize the victims from the moral high ground. "If you don't do this, how can you lead them to commit crimes?"

You don't look after your schoolbag at ordinary times, and it serves you right to be stolen.

I don't like my wife at ordinary times. I deserve to be green.

How dare you go out in the middle of the night? It serves you right.

You deserve to be dressed so beautifully.

. . . . . . .

Md, this abnormal idea of eliminating the questioner without eliminating the problem is really speechless.

This keyboard man has a smelly mouth, so he needs to pull out three pounds of shit and wash his mouth well.

This kind of thought exists objectively, which shows that it has certain rationality, but the source of this rationality is extreme. Hegel said, "Everything contains its own negation."

Extreme negation will lead to this kind of thinking to a certain extent. This kind of negation is based on the "moral commanding height", and it sets off its own "coming out of the mud without being stained, clear without being demon" by suppressing the victims. In fact, to put it bluntly, it is to look down on the victim.

This is a kind of "moral permission" effect. Keyboard man tells the theory that "the victims are guilty" through "moral commanding heights", which is actually to relieve some conscience and moral pressure for their crimes. The self-made sage proved the correctness of this view by experiments.

Humanity is a double-edged sword,

The righteous do evil, and the wicked are right.

Evil people do the right thing, and the right thing is evil.

What we want to eliminate is poverty, not the poor.

3. Consistency of actions and attitudes.

Here I list a very strange experiment. I haven't been able to make a critical study, so I just intend to describe it.

In order to study the theory of cognitive dissonance, scientists joined a religious group, which claimed that the earth would be destroyed in a few years and only the most devout believers could be saved by aliens.

Before that day came, some believers cut off contact with their families and spent all their money.

But when that day came, the earth didn't explode as predicted, and aliens didn't come to save them. All this seems to be a joke.

Scientists predict that these people will no longer believe in this religious group and belief, but it is shocking that after this incident, believers have become more religious.

They believe that the gods saved the earth because of their pious belief.

This is very strange. This is completely different from prejudging, just like being silly and sweet under the ravages of love rat.

This strange phenomenon shows that people have a tendency not to admit their mistakes, and this tendency will make people lose the most basic rational thinking ability and make a series of amazing operations.

This tendency will distort the facts and achieve the purpose of self-deception. Although this is not a good phenomenon and reflects the dark side of human nature, it must be said that this is an inevitable phenomenon.

Many of our decisions are emotional, these emotional decisions are subconscious and not controlled by reason, and most of our self-behaviors are not controlled by reason, which also ensures that we can maintain our lives better.

Corresponding to decision-making is action. After action, we use perceptual thinking to guide, and decision-making becomes a reality.

In the process of implementation, there will be many situations that can not be completely solved by sensibility. Only rational strategic thinking can judge events more comprehensively, but the result is always unsatisfactory, because of that tendency.

When we use objective reality to correct our rational thinking, some strange phenomena will happen.

This phenomenon is when we participate. I thought I was collecting objective information for rational thinking, but it wasn't. This kind of "collected objective information" is formed on the basis of perceptual thinking, and this kind of "objectivity" is not necessarily objective in practical sense.

I'm not talking about completely denying this decision. As I said, I'm just describing a phenomenon and a hypothetical conclusion drawn from it. Everyone is welcome to look at and comment critically.

4. Psychological balance.

The word psychological balance is a psychological term created by China people. In the vocabulary of western psychology and psychological counseling, there is no such term as psychological balance.

In fact, "psychological balance" means that people use sublimation, humor, externalization and rationalization to adjust their understanding of the gains and losses of something.

The reason why China people use the word "psychological balance" to describe this psychological adjustment process can probably be attributed to the "cultural gene" of the opposition of Yin and Yang and the transformation of good and evil in China people's thinking.

For thousands of years, China people have been deeply influenced by the Taoist thoughts of Laozi and Zhuangzi when they look at personal gains and losses, so they pay great attention to inner balance.

Therefore, it is not accidental for China people to use the word "psychological balance" to describe their psychological adjustment, which is also very appropriate.

This question is mainly used to compare cognitive dissonance. This is a means of adjustment, and it is necessary to maintain this balance or keep it in a certain range.

Cognitive dissonance will cause internal cognitive contradictions, which will lead to physical discomfort. If there is no adjustment mechanism, it is easy to go wrong.

This adjustment mechanism is called "self" in psychoanalysis, which can keep inner peace. In a calm state, we can better think about problems and express our lives in a rational way.