Couplet jokes

1. Once upon a time there was a master Jinshi who was overbearing and arrogant. One Spring Festival, in order to show off, he posted such a couplet on the door:

Father Jinshi, son Jinshi, father and son Jinshi;

Mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, mother-in-law

It happened that a poor scholar in the town passed by the door of Jinshi's house and saw this couplet. First he showed contempt, and then he gave me a smug smile. In the evening, when he saw no one around, he quietly added a few strokes to the couplet.

Early the next morning, there were a lot of spectators in front of Jinshi's door. They talked and laughed, and everyone praised them: "What a change! Well changed! "

The noise outside the door alarmed the master Jinshi, who quickly opened the door and immediately fainted on the steps in front of the door.

The couplet in front of the original Jinshi has been changed by the scholar to this:

Father in the grave, son in the grave, father and son in the grave;

Mother-in-law loses her husband, daughter-in-law loses her husband, and both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law lose their husbands.

2. Guarding a computer, two confidants, three friends who savor life, five sons playing chess secretly, won seven and lost eight, and woke up for a long time at ten o'clock.

Watching ten people stay up all night, nine legends, eight private servers, the Big Dipper, and six punching bars, I looked at my body, winning three out of four, one snoring at my desk and one sleeping.

Once upon a time, there was a young master who ate, drank and had fun on weekdays. He spent all his father's inheritance, and he didn't even have any firewood near the end of the year. On New Year's Eve, the poor young man wrote a couplet to laugh at himself and posted it at the door: "Live frugally and spend an indifferent year". After reading it, an old scholar in Murakami sighed deeply and added a sentence to the couplet, which became: "Go to frugality early and avoid indifference."

4. Jie Jin was eager to learn since he was a child. This year's Spring Festival, he posted a pair of Spring Festival couplets at the back door: "The door is against a thousand bamboo poles, and the family hides thousands of books." I was very unhappy after reading it outside the door. I thought: only a family like me can post this couplet, so I ordered my servant to cut down the bamboo. After a while, the family reported that the Spring Festival couplets in Jie Jin were changed to: "The door is as short as a thousand bamboo poles, and parents keep thousands of books." The members were very angry and had the bamboo roots dug up. Unexpectedly, Xiejia's Spring Festival couplets were changed to: "The door is short of bamboo, and there is thousands of books at home."

In ancient times, there was a family who was superstitious and wanted to make good luck in everything. On New Year's Eve, the father and his two sons discussed and said, "There is a new Spring Festival couplets in the class. Now let's each say a few auspicious words and make a pair of Spring Festival couplets. " The two sons nodded in agreement. Father stroked his beard and read, "What a good year!" The eldest son thought about it and read, "Less bad luck." The second son then read: "No lawsuit!" Everyone was full of praise after reading it, so my father wrote a long article without punctuation and posted it in the middle of the room. Neighbors come to pay New Year greetings. As soon as I entered the door, I saw the Spring Festival couplets and read aloud: "This year is so unlucky, I have to go to court!"

6. I used to work in the front line of the railway construction team, and the Spring Festival is coming. In order to catch up with the schedule and ensure the construction period, the construction team decided to work overtime on holidays and surprise production.

The cold wind is rustling, the plants are yellow and everything is depressed. Although the machines on the construction site are roaring and full of enthusiasm, the construction site is deserted, lacking some atmosphere and a little flavor of the year. I came across an article the other day. The general content is that a school teacher tells a silent story about others with rigorous and fair couplets. Deeply inspired, I wrote a cursive couplet on the door of my comprehensive class, such as electricity, pliers, car and welding.

Complement: send the silver wire to the bright spot for spot welding.

Bottom line: turn, cut, knock and knock carefully.

Horizontal criticism: proficient in everything

As soon as this couplet was posted, I felt that the simple building board house was vivid and more festive.

When the workshops met, they all came to beg, so they dug holes according to radishes, one for each person.

The first link of the automobile category is: holding the plate in hand and stepping on the wheel with your feet.

The bottom line is: I miss my children in my mouth and my wife in my heart.

Horizontal criticism: Zizi is tireless

Upper part of excavator class: lift the arm to measure the sky height.

Bottom line: Bend down and explore the ground.

Horizontal batch: familiar with the depth

Heightening of bulldozer team: pushing convex and concave to level barren land.

Bottom line: Fine grinding and compaction to build the foundation of Li Long.

Horizontal batch: repair the earth

Technical group connection: portable telescope (level) with red tassel gun (slide bar) on shoulder.

Bottom line: swing a sledgehammer with your left hand and stick a stake in your right hand.

Horizontal batch: draw a clear line

Although it is not neat and rigorous, it is harmless. All the classes said, "Put a piece of popular paper on the door and make it lively!" "

Fat man, the canteen manager who seldom laughs at ordinary times, also came with a smile. "Give me one, too" is childish. As soon as I saw him, I remembered two chicken heads and a chicken butt in the bowl when I bought spicy chicken nuggets the day before yesterday. I was out of breath, so I took the opportunity to Doby him and sent him a picture. The first part: pork stewed vermicelli is less meat, and the second part: radish is short of oil, which is difficult to swallow horizontally. The fat man looked like a pig's liver and said, "What the hell!" After slamming the door, I covered my mouth and smiled, feeling comfortable and cool after the prank!

When I was proud, I suddenly heard a crash. The foreman of the construction site kicked the door with a broom and went straight to me without saying anything. It turned out that the first part I sent him was: I am not afraid of the sun and rain, the second part is: the wind and rain are stronger, and the horizontal criticism is: dark and thick! A look at this appearance, I knew it was not good, so I made a dash for the door and heard the sound of stamping my teeth behind me:

"Boy, you wait, run the monk can't run the temple ..."

Hey, it's all this couplet!

7. There are three adjacent dormitories in the university. People in room A are numb, people in room B like cigarettes, and people in room C like good wine.

So Room A is called "Horse Hall", Room B is called "Smoke Hall" and Room C is called "Pub". One day a nosy person posted three couplets to three bedrooms at night:

The link in Room A is "Building My Great Wall", the link is "Love My China", and the cross-section is "No Play, No Play".

The first part of Room B is "Purple Smoke in Rizhao Cabin", the second part is "Burn all the money in your pocket" and the second part is "Spitting everywhere".

In Room C, the first couplet reads "Always drink porridge and wine", and the second couplet reads "The golden cup cannot be empty to the moon!" The second couplet reads "Drink more when you drink".

After the end of the semester, the school conducted a "three inspections" of these three bedrooms. People in the third bedroom were not only caught in the make-up exam, but also punished, and some busybodies secretly posted couplets to the third bedroom at night:

The first part of Room A is "It's not a hero not to repair the Great Wall", and the second part is "Repairing the Great Wall for 10,000 yuan", which is criticized as "a group of idiots".

The first part of room B is "pocket money drained", the second part is "golden face" and the second part is "sick pneumonia".

The link in Room C is "empty cup tears", the link is "failed to drink bad stomach", and the cross-reference is "paying for drinks".

9. Shanglian: Love is in arrears, love has stopped, and fate is not in the service area. Bottom line: thinking is also painful, and thinking is also sad. When do I pay the fee and turn it on again? Horizontal approval: dreams come true

10. Teacher: One volume with two questions, * * three questions and three answers. I don't know that it is very bad to write 789 words on the theory of four forces, five forms and six forms!

Health: It takes eight days, 7: 06: 5: 40, three touches and two invitations, a first-class mediocre teacher!

Teacher: All the year round, spring, summer, autumn and winter. Funny students, do you know spring and autumn?

Health: There is a place everywhere, east and west, north and south, shameless teachers and ignorant things!

Teacher: In the classroom, if there is no one, there will be no class. Warn the students that this subject is a must!

Student: The books in the classroom are chaotic, and the exams are chaotic. How is your mother, Mr. Backrest?

Teacher: I teach in a senior class and devote myself to my study!

Health: You feel inferior, revealing half a bald head!

Teacher: You're a tough apprentice!

Health: I accidentally chose the wrong teacher for a while, and I am very painful!

Teacher: Please hurry, don't be forced!

Health: I want to sit still and insist on staying!

Teacher: I'm worried about affecting teaching!

Health: It's my turn to teach you to jump off a building!