Ask for a classic joke

Mom said my IQ was only 76. I don't know how high my IQ is I only know that I am a very lethal person. Many people have been hurt because of me. Some of them lost hope in life, and some even committed suicide. So I have always suspected that I have a potential superpower, and this superpower has had a particularly strong effect on my teacher for some reason.

I remember the first teacher who died because of me. At that time, I was in the first grade of primary school, and my teacher took us to the wild for a natural practice class. Seeing the spring breeze blowing green and the willows sprouting branches, the teacher couldn't help thinking of a question, so he asked, "Students, do you know how to tell the wind direction?" "I know!" A little girl in my class replied, picking up a leaf from the ground and throwing it into the air. "Pick up a leaf and throw it into the air, and you will know." "Well, good," the teacher praised. "Who else would like to show you again and see what wind is blowing now?" "me." I volunteered, picked up half a brick from the ground and threw it into the air. ...

"Teacher, it's blowing up and down!" ………….

I can't remember clearly what the teacher looked like at that time. I only remember that he struggled a few times and then died. Later, according to the hospital doctor, it was because of sudden strong stimulation that qi and blood were retrograde and died. In this way, I killed a people's teacher

The first grade teacher taught us poultry and animals.

Teacher: "There is an animal with two feet. Every morning when the sun comes out, it will wake you up and wake you up. What animal is it? "

I replied, "Mom!" Laughing so hard that the teacher almost died!

After coming home from the mid-term exam, my mother asked me how I did in the exam. My precious son said, I didn't fill in any questions. My mother asked what it was. My precious son said, there is a question asking me how much I get when I multiply 3 by 7. I don't care. I filled in 15. My mother sprayed the water I just drank on my father's face. Hey ... I'm great!

My father asked me how school was. Dear son, "the father asked," is your female teacher satisfied with you? "

"Ah, yes, Dad, very satisfied."

"How do you know? Did she tell you herself? "

"Of course, dad. The day before yesterday, she said to me,' If all the students are like you, I will leave school at once!' This shows that I have learned everything. "

My father's brain. Now! @#$# @! $%$#@ @

One day in math class, the teacher asked 1+ 1=? I said I don't know. The teacher asked me to go back and ask. I asked my mother who was cooking and told me to go out. I asked my father, who watched the ball again and shouted' cool'. I asked my sister that she had been singing until the baby was born. I asked my brother and he said on the phone; I'll wait for you outside.

The next day, the teacher asked 1+ 1=? I said; You get out, the teacher slaps me, I yell, the teacher scolds me for being useless, and I scold myself for being mean. Get out. I said; I'll wait for you outside. Our math teacher had high blood pressure on the spot and fainted. .....

When the Chinese class is in primary school, all the Chinese teachers in the school go to listen to Teacher Ni. Teacher Ni wrote the word "Bei" on the blackboard and asked me, "Do you know this word?" I answered "no", so Teacher Ni began to enlighten me: "Do you have a bed at home?" I answered "Yes", "What's on the bed?" "Summer sleeping mat" "Where is the summer sleeping mat?"

I replied, "My mother", and Teacher Ni thought, this is also true. My mother was covered with a quilt, and I then inspired: "What about your mother?" "My father". Teacher Ni didn't expect me to say this. He made a fool of himself in front of so many teachers and was anxious to ask, "What about the quilt?" I replied, "The quilt is on the ground" and "Teacher Ni" was taken ill by my angry lamb and entered the general hospital!

Later, the school changed a teacher and asked us to make sentences. I finished my homework calmly. The teacher was impressed with me. The sentence I wrote is:

Sadness-The ditch in front of our house is very sad.

If canned food is not as nutritious as fruit juice.

Naive-it's really hot today. This is a good day for swimming.

Ten points-it's a pity that my sister only got ten points in the math exam.

Relax, I always start with simple things.

Ginseng-the teacher said that everyone must try their best when they take part in the relay tomorrow.

Quilt-Xiaoyu's sanitary quilt was stolen.

Lunch-Xiaoming takes defecation as the first thing when he gets up every morning.

The teacher touched my head and said sternly, I'll go home from school to fight for the article 10. When I got home, I was ready to finish the homework assigned by the substitute teacher when there was no one there. When I went to the toilet, I began to poop on the wall, and I drew ten in the toilet. I was satisfied with my homework before I stopped. My family came back to scold me. The next day, my mother went to the headmaster to tell the substitute teacher about the misunderstanding. Later, the substitute teacher was fired ...! ! ! ! ! ! "

One morning in class, when I was chewing gum, I put my feet on the aisle. Then the teacher said to me, "Please spit out your mouth and put your feet in." My brain: @ $ #% # "

In the days that followed, several teachers suffered misfortune one after another. Fortunately, no one died and there was no big leak. But my reputation spread like wildfire, and for a time I became a celebrity in this city.

However, celebrities also have the pain of celebrities, and I deeply realized this.

When I was in junior high school, the physics teacher asked me in physics class: You say, how to change tracks? Me: According to the Diamond Sutra, if a person does something bad in Yangshiguang, he will become a ghost after death! It turned out that the teacher was talking about how the satellite changed its orbit!

I was awakened by the teacher when I was sleeping in history class. The teacher asked me, "Who did Princess Wencheng marry?"

Xiao Wang Xiao Sheng told me, "Songzan Gambu." I didn't hear clearly, so I opened my mouth and answered, "Song Dynasty cadres."

Later, history failed.

One day, I came back from the barber shop to be cool. As soon as I opened the door, all the girls exclaimed, "Cool Brother is here!" I am embarrassed to scratch my head: "Where! Where! This is just a cool hairstyle. " The headmaster happened to pass by and said solemnly, "You have to pay for a pair of trousers!" "

Our brains are on the horse! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Yeah, it's nothing. I walked to the dormitory and went downstairs from the girls' dormitory. I saw a good friend and boasted loudly, Look, I got a cool haircut. On the second floor, a girl immediately poked her head out and said, my pants, you take my pants ...! ! ! ! !

The next day, the biology teacher brought a bird covered with cloth. Then he exposed the bird's legs and asked the students to guess what kind of bird it was. I really don't know, so I handed in a blank sheet of paper. The teacher looked very angry and asked, "Why did you hand in a blank sheet of paper?" What's your name? "When I heard this, I rolled up my trouser legs angrily and said," Now it's your turn to guess who I am? "The biology teacher immediately fell down.

My fame has caused me a lot of trouble. For the safety of our teachers, all middle schools in the city refused to accept me. No way, I went to the countryside with infinite yearning for key middle schools. Although the conditions of middle schools in rural areas are a little bitter, I still live happily without the pressure of public opinion. However, gold always shines, and the unique silence of rural middle schools did not restrain my outbreak. By chance, I again.

One day, I was late, and the teacher asked,' Why are you late today? I said: I took my uncle's wild boar to breed this morning, so I was late. Before the teacher heard it, he opened his eyes wide and said, "This should be made by the uncle next door." I said inexplicably, "It must be a wild boar, and the uncle next door is not an outsider."

It was a quiz, and our class and another class still didn't win the final game. So the host announced the final decision: each class draws lots to send one representative, and two representatives guess coins again.

The right person asks the wrong person a question. If the wrong person answers correctly, the wrong person wins. On the other hand, the class to which the right person belongs wins. I can't escape my mission. I was drawn as a representative to guess the wrong coin smoothly and enter the question-and-answer stage. Teachers and classmates suddenly became nervous, and everyone looked at me with eager eyes. Especially the head teacher, Miss Li, looks sad. But not because of this, but because of my opponent Wang Xiaofo, who was the most powerful "teacher killer" in our school at that time. He also saved several lives. It is said that the last headmaster was destroyed by him. But I still have some confidence, because I have been criticized for some time anyway. The problem begins.

Wang Xiaofo put his hands in his trouser pockets and said slowly, "My mother cooked some eggs in my pocket today. Do you know how many? " "Hey!" There was an uproar around. I don't know why everyone is booing, but I know this question has aroused my great interest. Eggs! I hardly heard what he asked. I only heard the word "egg" clearly. You know, in the hard years in the countryside, there was almost nothing to eat. There are two eggs that are really delicious. I seem to see shiny egg white and yellow and tender yolk ... "If I get it right, will you give me one to eat?" I have long forgotten what a quiz is and what a class honor is. I'm only interested in eggs, eggs! "If you get it right, I'll give you two eggs." "shh!" There is an uproar again. I saw the students look startled, and they cheered and hugged each other to celebrate the victory. Miss Li also gave me a happy look. I don't know what they are happy about, but everyone is smiling at me. I smiled shyly at them and then answered, "Is it five?"

The students' smiles suddenly stopped, and gradually, the ebb tide generally disappeared without a trace. The other students burst out laughing. Things in this world are changing really fast. In a blink of an eye, everyone was crying and laughing and didn't know what to do. I haven't had time to think about what's going on. The meeting was suddenly chaotic. I saw a man lying on his back, blood gushing from his mouth, and then slowly.

"Miss Li!"

"Miss Li!"

It's our head teacher! I rushed there, too. I saw the teacher pale, eyes closed and unconscious. "He killed Miss Li!"

"It's him!"

"It's him!"

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Hey! Swish swish swish swish swish! ! !

Angry eyes shot at me like sharp arrows.

My eyes went blank, and a voice echoed in my ear: "Duo Long! Close the door! Let the dog go! Everybody else back off! "

Later, it was said that Mr. Li did not die, but was seriously ill. After he was discharged from the hospital, he saw through the world of mortals, cut his hair and became a monk in Wutai Mountain, and never taught again.

The first semester arrived ... Xiaoying handed in her homework and was immediately called to the penalty station by the teacher at noon. She read "I won't cheat the teacher again" 500 times.

Why? Why is this teacher so cruel to this fragile pupil? Let's see how her composition is written. ...

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Sunday

Today is Sunday. Although we went to Ocean Park to play until 1 1 pm yesterday, we got up early today and went to Taiping Mountain next to Ocean Park to pick fruit, because my grandparents live in Taiping Mountain.

At the foot of Taiping Mountain, we took off our shoes and began to climb the mountain. It took about 1 minute to reach the top of the mountain. The air at the top of the mountain is very good. Grandpa took us to his orchard.

Wow ... Grandpa's orchard is so big, many fruit trees are planted, including watermelon tree, strawberry tree and pineapple tree ... Because I am too young to climb trees, Grandpa climbed the watermelon tree, picked the biggest watermelon and threw it to Dad, and Dad picked it up with one hand!

There are many fruits growing on the ground of the orchard, such as apples, pears, coconuts, etc ... Grandpa picked some coconuts, peeled them with his hands, removed the seeds and gave them to everyone. Coconut is delicious! I ate more than 20. Cousin also threw a coconut in my face, killing me!

After the fruit dinner, we went to the Himalayas next to Taiping Mountain to play. We heard the teacher say that the Himalayas is the highest mountain in the world.

Sure enough, the teacher didn't lie to us. My cousin and I climbed and climbed. It took about 2 minutes to reach the top of the mountain. I'm so sexy.

Later, we still felt very hot, so we went to the top of the mountain to soak in hot springs. What a cold hot spring ~ Himalayas is really a good place.

Later my cousin asked me if I had any money. He saw McDonald's near the top of the mountain. Cousin, you always borrow money from me!

When we were still shopping, we heard my mother calling us home in Taiping Mountain, so we had to leave reluctantly. Taiping Mountain and Himalayas are really interesting places, and we will ask our parents to take us to play in the future.

Dad said that if I won the first place in this exam, he would take me to Tokyo, Beijing and Nanjing this Sunday. I want to go to Xijing most because my cousin lives in Xijing.

She said that in fact, textbooks are deceptive. There is a mountain in Xijing that is higher than the Himalayas. It takes about 3 minutes to climb it. There is also a big night market and children's playground, as well as a clear stream.

I must study hard and let my father take me to these places to play.

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Lecturer's comments:

The content is full of contradictions and exaggerations.

I don't know what to say, this is something I have never seen in more than 20 years of teaching.

Please pay attention next time.

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This time, the teacher asked for 600 words of travel notes. With the last experience, Xiaoying didn't dare to scribble any more, but actually wrote down the situation that her father took him to the animal and plant park on Sunday.

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Sunday

This morning, my father took my family to the animal and plant park. Along the way, cicadas kept twittering, twittering, twittering, twittering, twittering, twittering, twittering. Making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making. Making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making. Making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making. Making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making. Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep.

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Lecturer's comments:

The content is real and can be changed.

But the whole article uses more than 500 words "zhi"

I have been teaching for more than 20 years and have never seen it.

Please pay attention next time.

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The teacher did well this time, too, fearing that the students would scribble, and asked for 600 words of travel notes, but she wanted to mention her learning experience that day. Xiaoying and her mother carefully consulted the textbook after climbing the mountain, and finally found that one thing verified the knowledge of the textbook and happily wrote it down and gave it to the teacher.

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Sunday

Today, my mother and I went climbing. When I get to the top of the mountain, my mother says there will be an echo on the quiet mountain.

My brother and I tried to shout "How are you?"

Sure enough, about three seconds later, I heard:

How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you?

How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you?

I haven't changed a word. I finally realized the sonic reflection in the textbook. What a meaningful day.

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Lecturer's comments:

As a teacher, I am very happy to learn from it.

But the whole article used about 200 sentences of "How are you?"

I have been teaching for more than 20 years and have never seen it.

Please pay attention next time.

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It is said that the teacher doesn't like Xiaoying's lazy composition and no longer writes travel notes. Think about how to stimulate Xiaoying's writing potential and write another one:

The most unforgettable thing

Xiaoying bit her pencil and thought hard. Finally, she wrote a crash book. After handing it over, she thought to herself, Teacher, don't punish me any more. She couldn't help giggling.

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When I came home from school last Friday, I saw a lot of shit in front of my house. At that time, I ate a catty: "Who is so wicked to shit in front of my house?" 」

I'll call my sister out at once. She ate a kilo. "What a heartless woman!" She said. Poor thing! "My sister asked me to take a broom to sweep together.

Mom came out to see it when she knew. She also ate a catty and cried, "Evil! 」

Dad heard his mother's cry and came out to have a look. He also ate a kilo. "Who did it? 」

Mother Wang, the neighbor, just came back from shopping and ate a catty. Uncle Wang and Wang Xiaoming came out and ate a catty. In a short time, a dozen people gathered and everyone ate a catty. Finally, they dialed 1 19. After eating a catty, the firemen finally got rid of that shit. This is the most unforgettable thing.

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Lecturer's comments:

advance

Note that the typo is "taken aback" rather than "ate a catty"

This thing always weighs 20 kilograms. Who has this ability?