Provide some jokes that can't be colder. Ask god for help

1) A foreigner waved a 50 yuan bill in front of the conductor: Did you see it? Have you seen it? "... the conductor was stupid and simply took out a 100 yuan bill to show it. Did you get a look at him? Finally, I realized that the man wanted to go to Jianguomen12 and go home by car. When he got on the bus, he found that there was no one yuan change in his wallet. When he was in a hurry, he took out a ten-dollar bill and put it in the slot. Later, the more I thought about it, the more timid I became. He discussed with the driver whether I could keep the money that the next passenger should put in the slot. The driver agreed. The bus soon reached the next stop, and many people scrambled to get on. I stopped at the door and said to the first passenger, "Give me the money." The other party was stunned. "Why?" I couldn't explain it clearly in a few words, so I said, "Just give it to me, and don't worry about anything else." The other party glanced at the driver and the driver nodded acquiescently. So, I got one yuan. I cooked it according to law and quickly collected eight yuan. Then a big man came over, hunchbacked and tattooed. When I stopped him, he said angrily, "What are you doing?" Dude? "I said," I'll talk to you later, ok? Give me the money. "The other person's eyes are clear." What did you say?/Sorry? "I said," give me the money! "The other party asked the driver with an open mouth;" What does this child do? "The big fellow was blocked at the door, and the people behind him couldn't get on, but the people in the carriage were in a hurry to start, so everyone shouted noisily," What are you shivering about? "Give me the money!" The big fellow soon fell down. He took his wallet out of his pocket and handed it to him. He said sadly, "boss, this is the only money I have." There are many of you. I am convinced. " 3) When the bus was waiting for the red light, a man shouted, "Driver, open the door, I want to get off!" "Is this the platform?" The driver said angrily, "I just said it behind you, because this is not a platform." -The driver was speechless. 5) I caught the bus in the morning. When I got to the platform, the bus had already left, so I had to chase and shout, "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! " At this moment, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Stop chasing Bajie. 6) A fat woman got on the bus and couldn't find a seat, so she had to pull the pull ring on the bus. Unexpectedly, the driver suddenly braked, and the fat woman pulled off the pull ring and jumped in front of the driver. The driver looked at her and the pull ring in her hand and said angrily, "There are three sets. Send the driver a signature: "Once upon a time, Tomato A and Tomato B went shopping together. Then one day, a truck suddenly rushed out to crush tomato A, and tomato B pointed at tomato A and laughed [hahaha, ketchup ~]. Chocolate and tomato fought, and chocolate won. Why? Because of the chocolate bar-tortoise-hare race ... the hare quickly ran to the front ... The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly ... and said to him: Come up, I'll carry you ... Then ... the snail climbed up ... Soon ... the tortoise saw an ant again ... and said to him: Come up, too ... So the ant came up. When the ant came up, he saw the snail on it and greeted him. Do you know what the snail said? Snail said: hurry up, this turtle is so fast ... two people fell into a trap. The dead call the dead, what is the name of the living? A: Call for help! Ming Dow Jr.: "Kang, let me ask you something." A shark ate a mung bean. What did it become? Kang said, "I don't know. What is the answer? Xiao Ming said, "The answer is' green bean paste (mung bean shark)'. Ah, you are so stupid! Q: A rabbit races with a fast tortoise. Guess who won? A: Rabbit ~ ~ Q: Wrong ~! It's a turtle. As mentioned earlier, it's a fast turtle. It runs fast. Q: The rabbit doesn't want to compete with a turtle wearing sunglasses. Who will win this time? A: Mm-hmm. Rabbit bar q: wrong ~ ~! The tortoise took off her sunglasses, too! It's the fastest turtle again. Oh, oh, mm got lost while looking for a university. Meet a gentle professor. Excuse me, how can I get to the university? Professor: Only by studying hard can you go to college.