Twelve seconds and eighty-seven jokes

1. My friend's son went to primary school and got a mobile phone. Yesterday, I looked at his mobile phone. There are two contacts in the phone book, one is Dad and the other is Devil.

2. The subway is very crowded, and there is a buddy chatting on WeChat. After a curious look, he should be chatting with his girlfriend. The woman said, "honey, I played customs clearance last night!" " "... I guess it's a discussion game. I saw that the buddy immediately quickly typed: "I have already cleared customs! "... hesitated and didn't send it, but deleted it and typed it again:" Really, it's so powerful, take me to play another day? "

After two months, I finally waited until school started. The result was so disappointing. I saw many school girls, some of whom looked like seniors and some looked like parents. .

3. Go to see the wallet with the boudoir in the morning. I took a fancy to a small one and asked her for reference. She said, "Well, it's really small, especially suitable for people like you who have no money to wear." . . . . .

When I was a child, shopping outside always gave my parents a high price, but now I always give my parents a low price when I go home to buy things. . .

5. My goddess really loves cleanliness. Every time I talk to her, she takes a bath for a long time. She must feel that chatting with me needs to be clean, so you should envy her.

6. I took a sister for a ride. When I passed a path, she leaned over my ear and said, "There is no one here. Do you want something exciting? " "Come on," I gave her a white look. "Don't think I'll let you drive without a traffic policeman here."

7. Stop squeezing! A girl yelled at me on the subway. I was afraid that others would misunderstand that I wanted to take advantage of her, so I quickly explained, "It's rush hour. With so many people, crowding is inevitable. " "That you fucking don't squeeze the acne on my face? ! "

Some people say that Jam Hsiao is the Dragon King, but you are wrong. He is actually the reincarnation of the three princes of the Dragon King. Dragons can walk, fly, swim and make clouds and rain. The third prince of the Dragon King was cramped and skinned by Nezha, the third daughter of Li Jing's family in Qiantang River, for making rude remarks. After extreme pain, he finally regained his human form and began to take revenge on the dragon. The root of his hatred is all written in his name-cut! Tendon! It hurts!

9. In high school, the math teacher giant Niu B brought a deck of cards into the classroom for the first time in class and distributed them to everyone to remember their cards. From then on, he took the deck of cards in class every day, shuffling cards on the podium while attending class! Flip two cards lightly from time to time: "Box 4, plum blossom J, come up and do the problem."

10. An old woman who has smoked for most of her life said, "Granddaughter, don't marry someone who has given up smoking in the future." I was puzzled and asked her why. She said, "Men who quit smoking are cruel! Think about it, you can quit smoking, you can't do anything! " -Grandpa said to his grandson, "Never look for a thin woman! A woman can control her mouth, what else can she do? "