What are the cold jokes in the industry?

1, teacher: "Zhou skinned very stingy, dressed as a chicken at night in order to make the farmer's uncle work more ..." Students chorus: "Seduce the farmer's uncle". ……

On a snowstorm day, an external professor came to the classroom and found only one person sitting inside. He waited for a while, but no other students came, so he talked to the man and was about to leave. The listener stopped him and said, "Hey, don't go, it's my turn to have a class."

3. Weather forecast of a university: 2 1℃ for the president's office, 23℃ for the administrative building, 25℃ for the teachers' office, 28℃ for the library, 35.5℃ for the teaching building and 42℃ for the dormitory building. Please pay attention to summer in hot climate areas. Today's program is here. Thank you for watching. Goodbye.

The monitor received the "imperial edict" from the class teacher and read it out in class. The first sentence at the beginning is: "According to the instructions of the class teacher, the whole class will sit down as ordered." The students soon quieted down, and she went on to say, "I'm the head teacher." "What?" The students opened their eyes wide and asked in surprise. "Sent by the' Imperial Commissioner'." Then he said, "There will be no cram school tomorrow and Sunday." Hearing this, the students danced with joy and shouted "Long live the head teacher". She cleared her throat and added loudly, "No way!"

5. A girl in the dormitory is usually an idiot. She once took a cup to drink water, and then watched the whole glass of water spill on her. Everyone wondered what happened to her. She calmly said: Nothing, I forgot to open my mouth when drinking water.

6. "Do you say there are many mosquitoes in the Tibetan plateau?" "There should be very few!" "Why?" , "because people who have been there say it itches ..."

7. A: "I bought a lottery ticket. How's it going? Did you win? " B: "There is no need to squeeze buses this month." A: "Won?" B: "What a fart! I have spent all my money on lottery tickets, so I have to walk to work this month. " , a: "..."

8. On the way to March, the general met a left-behind child and asked him with a smile, "Little friend, do you want to get on the horse?" The child rested her hands on her hips and replied stubbornly, "I'm not a kid, I'm a soldier." The general was amused by his cuteness and said with a smile, "All right, little soldier, what level? Why did you add some? What skills have you learned? "

9. Learn to drive in a driving school and rest on the roadside on the way. Master, let my brother see how much oil is left. My brother unscrewed the oil tank and looked in, but he could see nothing. My buddy took out his lighter and wanted to take care of it.

10 As a typist, I often help writers input manuscripts, and they pay me by check. Every time I get a check, I write the title on it to avoid confusion. Once, I took a check to the bank to cash it. The cashier turned pale after reading the check. Only then did I realize that the name of this book was Money or Death.

1 1. The woodcutter suddenly became rich. A man went to ask about his experience. The woodcutter said: I passed a lake that day and my axe fell off. The goddess in the lake came up and asked me if it was a silver axe or a gold axe. I said it was an iron axe. The goddess said I was honest and gave me all the gold and silver axes. The man listened with envy. He also took an axe and threw it into the lake. After a while, the goddess' body floated up with an iron axe on her head.

12. Today, two boys at school were fighting at the school gate, and they were in full swing, and no one dared to go forward and pull away. One moment I don't know whose mobile phone is flying out, and the other moment I don't know whose money is flying out. At this time, a buddy came over and said: real cow, explosive equipment, gold coins.

13, two roommates quarreled, and one said angrily, "Be careful that I use your face as a mop." The other side calmly said, "You will regret it!" "Wipe, I regret a hair? ! ""Because you can't drag it in the corner. " .

14, on the road that day, I reached out to say hello to my friend, and a taxi immediately stopped next to me. I asked, "What can I do for you?" Driver: "Get on the bus!" Me: "Where to?" The driver was covered in black lines.

15, a: "Today, two cars collided on the road, and the two drivers quarreled fiercely. I sang by, but they scolded me. " B: "Are you scolded for singing? What song did you sing? " A: "I will sing a song."

16, the notice of a detention center reads as follows: hit a police car with stones and win a seven-day all-inclusive value-added tour of the detention center; Hit two cars and then send a beautiful bracelet, a fashionable prison uniform and a police car to pick up and drop off; The more surprises, the top ten can enjoy a free haircut; The former 100 people can also play with police dogs, and all guests have stick massage and electric shock peeling beauty and health care services.

17: "which one can make a phone call, the light or the phone?" I thought about it for a long time. The correct answer should be electric light, right Cell phones don't call themselves. ...

18, can't sleep at night. I really can't help it. I started counting sheep and pretended that a sheep jumped in front of my eyes and ran away. The more sober the result is, the rhythm of counting sheep can't keep up with the rhythm of running sheep.

19, three people pick up the children at the school gate. The driver said: children can't afford it now and live far away. They have to pay more than ten yuan a day for gas, which wastes gas. The cyclist said: Who said no? It's a waste of electricity to pay 20 or 30 yuan for electricity this month. The cyclist said, I don't need oil or electricity. I can still exercise every day, but it costs money. I eat a lot every day, which costs money.

20. A boxing gym is about to open, and friends are going to visit it. Everyone pointed to the "welcome next time" at the door and said, "It's so literary. Or change it to have industry characteristics. " On the opening day, everyone found that it was changed to five words: "Come again if you have the ability".

2 1, I met a beggar while shopping today. I saw a big hole in the bowl in front of him. I was very unhappy. Why do poor people use broken bowls? So I picked up the bowl without saying anything and threw it into the trash can for him.

22. A long time ago, an ice cream applicant came for an interview. The examiner asked him: What is the best subject you studied at school? Ice cream thought for a long time, cold sweat DC, whispered: chemistry, chemistry.

23. Someone went to the barber's to get a haircut. A young woman barber saw that he was rustic and finished cutting him in less than ten minutes. The man looked in the mirror and asked, "How much is it?" , "Three pieces." The man took out a five-dollar bill, pointed to the mirror and said, "Keep the change, please give me two more dollars." .

24. I remember that all of us were strangers to teachers when we first entered junior high school. Once in a math class, the teacher wanted a classmate to do a problem on the blackboard, but he forgot the name. It happened that the classmate was very fat. Our teacher pointed at the child and made him cry. Let's do this problem.

25. Teacher: Why is the name of Tai Yi Er1861∽1941? Student: That's Taylor's cell phone number. Teacher: What about the middle line? Student: He doesn't want to disclose all his personal information!

26. Go shopping with friends today. Go to the sports monopoly. A fat MM walked into the shop. Go straight to men's wear. The shopping guide said: beauty. You are looking at men's wear. Women's wear is this way. MM ignored it. The shopping guide also said: beautiful ~ beautiful ~ this is a women's dress. MM is angry: who says I have no man! ! ! ?

27. I saw a sports car hit a friend at the corner. I thought the owner would apologize after getting off the bus, but I didn't expect him to say, "My car is coming, why don't you hide?" The person who was hit was shocked! When the owner saw that he didn't respond, he repeated, "Why didn't you hide when you saw my car turning?" I saw this guy angry. He got up and punched his master on the chin, and he fell to the ground. Then I asked, "Why didn't you hide when you saw my fist coming?"

28. Common potatoes are kung pao chicken, boiled pork slices and curry beef beef ... It's hard to imagine what a school cafeteria would look like without potatoes! ?

29. A female wolf has just been lovelorn. When she was foraging, she passed by a hut and heard a man teaching her children: "If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolves!" " The child cried in the house all night, and the wolf stayed outside all night. When I got up in the morning, the wolf choked and said, men, men are liars! !

30. The man's surname is Qian and the woman's surname is Xu. Then the daughter-in-law got pregnant, and her surname was Qian or Xu. The young couple almost divorced. As a result, the child was born, and the problem was solved, twins! Then one called a lot of money, and the other called a lot of money!

(Source: Network)