The fifth grade second volume Chinese 10 Yang Zhizi comprehensive learning answer.

A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming towards her with open arms and hugging her. The man fell to the ground crying and said, this is the third piece. It's hard for me to bring a piece of glass home.

Ge You once went to the toilet, and Ge You invited a friend to dinner. He went to the toilet on the way, and his pants were wet when he came back. Friend: Why are your pants wet? Ge You: It has been like this ever since I became famous. Friend: Often? Ge You: Yes! It is often that the people next to him suddenly turn around and shout, "Isn't this Ge You?"

Three people went to new york for a holiday. They booked a suite on the 45th floor of a high-rise hotel.

One night, the elevator in the building broke down and the waiter arranged for them to spend the night in the lobby.

After discussion, they decided to walk back to their rooms and agreed to tell jokes, sing songs and tell stories in turn to reduce the fatigue of going upstairs.

After telling jokes and singing songs, we finally climbed to the 34th floor, and everyone felt exhausted.

"Well, Peter, you tell a humorous story.

Peter said, "The story is not long, but it is extremely sad: I left my room key in the hall."

A foreigner holding a ticket for 50 yuan waved it in front of the conductor: See? Have you seen it? ……

The conductor was stupid, so he simply took out a program of 100: Have you seen it?

Finally, I learned that the man wanted to go to "Jianguomen!"

I caught the bus in the morning, and when I got to the platform, the bus had already left. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! " Then a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Stop chasing Bajie."

ring-pull

A very fat woman got on the bus and couldn't find a seat, so she had to pull the pull ring on the bus. Unexpectedly, the driver suddenly braked, and the fat woman pulled off the pull ring and jumped in front of the driver. The driver looked at her and the pull ring on her hand and said angrily, "There are three sets. Send the driver an autographed photo!" "

4. I went to physical education class in junior high school. I was sick that day. After I asked everyone to line up, I wanted to give the leave note to the PE teacher. As a result, I touched it into a dime note. Before I knew it, I said, "I'm leaving."

After that, everyone burst into laughter. Some people said "taking bribes", "too corrupt" and "not enough"

The teacher is also very happy. In a week, I became the topic. . .

5. The director of the Political and Educational Affairs Office of Senior Three criticized some boys who like to watch XXXXX at a school briefing: "Not being proud is shame" and laughed a lot.

6. on the playground, the teacher said: the male classmate stood on my left, the female classmate stood on my right, and the others stood still ... as a result, he didn't move.

13. A teacher played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is sitting in the village today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

20. I once watched Tao tell an anecdote about his first time as a host, and never said that the opening ceremony was a curtain call ... What impressed me most was that he said that when he was hosting a party, he calmly walked up and said affectionately, "Friends, have you seen the Yellow River? Do you know it is our mother river ~ ~ "After introducing the Yellow River affectionately, he said," Let's listen to the songs of the Yangtze River. "

2 1. I went to my class for a physical examination in high school. When I took my blood pressure, I found that a male classmate in junior high school took my blood pressure. I seem to be an intern there. That mm's sleeve will never pull up. I said to the boy when I was in a hurry, why don't I take off my pants? The boy blushed and said, Oh, no need. That mm may have frozen to death.

23. I met a long-awaited girl who came out of the bathhouse and wanted to get close. She held back for a long time and said, "Are there many men in your bath?"

25. Visiting a factory, I saw an assembly line and blurted out, "What goods are produced by this abortion line?"

26. On one occasion, I mistook someone on the road and slapped him severely. The man turned around and tried to eat me. When I get nervous, I say, it doesn't matter, I admit my mistake. ...

When I called from home, I asked, "Dad, where are you?" The parents on the other end of the phone froze. Answer: "I am at work!

1. Recently, the company organized a singing contest, and the manager suggested that everyone join in and have a chorus, which can fully reflect the cohesion of all employees. The song is "We are All Family". On Wednesday afternoon, the game went on as scheduled. When the employees walked on the stage with neat steps, the manager came forward: "We present a little chorus for everyone, and the song is" We are all human "..."

In class, the teacher asks the students to judge right and wrong on the spot.

Teacher: "Xiao Lin, please judge."

Kobayashi: "I think the answer should be' wrong'."

Teacher: "Why?"

Kobayashi: "Because Xiaoyan answered correctly earlier, but you didn't let her sit down."

On a dark night, a woman with long hair in white was sitting in the last seat of the last bus.

The bus was moving forward, and the driver glanced at the rearview mirror and suddenly found that the woman was gone. He quickly braked and opened his eyes to look carefully. The woman appeared again, and the driver's heart beat faster.

After a while, he took another look in the rearview mirror and found that the woman was gone again. He quickly braked and found that the woman's face was covered with blood! The driver turned pale with fear and his legs were weak, but he heard the woman say, "Brother, I have a grudge against you. You brake as soon as I tie my shoelaces. "

4. The director of a medical college took a group of students to the hospital for clinical practice. Before coming to a ward, the director said, "Let's go in later, let's have a look, diagnose the patient's condition, think about his illness, nod if you know it, and shake your head if you don't know it."

Jiasheng went in to watch for a while, bit his pen and thought about it, then shook his head helplessly. In B, he looked at it and shook his head helplessly. Then C went in, sighed, shook his head and came out. When Ding Sheng came in, he saw the patient rushing out of bed, grabbed him and said with tears in his face, "Doctor, please help me, I don't want to die!"

Crosstalk:

1: There is such a girl in our community. This girl is not ugly. That's the mouth. It's a little big.

2: big mouth, nothing.

1: She thinks she is ugly and looks down on others. What should I do? I thought of a very unwise way.

2: What method?

1: She pouts like this every day.

2: pursed up?

1: Ah, she is like this (pouting)

2: What is this?

1: Let others see this mouth.

2: What should she do when she speaks?

1: She is also looking for the one who doesn't speak when she speaks.

2: Don't open your mouth? Is it okay?

1: Of course, if you don't believe me, I'll learn it for you.

2: Oh? Can you still be like that girl?

1: Feel free to ask me. I won't ask you anything.

2: Then let's try (Wang pouts)

1: Oh, her mouth is really small. See how she talks.

2: What's your last name, girl?

1: surnamed Wu ~ ~

2: surnamed Wu ~ This is really not open.

2: Girl, what's your name?

1: Hulu ~ ~

2: Ah, which big girl is called Wu Hulu?

2: How old are you?

1: 25 ~ ~

2: Oh, 25 ~ ~ What do you belong to?

1: Tiger ~ ~

2: Wrong. Twenty-five years old should be a horse.

1: Say "horse" with a big mouth.

Who's in your family?

1: parents ~ ~

2: Oh, parents ~ ~ Do you have any brothers or sisters?

1: None ~ ~

2: no? ! She didn't say no, she said no!

2: Do you have an appointment?

1: spell ~ ~

2: pinch? Oh ~ I just didn't. Oh, no, I saw you on the road with a man the other day. What is that?

1: juwan ~ ~

2: Uncle, where are you going with your uncle?

1: department store ~ ~

No, this is a department store.

1: If you talk big, your mouth will be big.

2: Oh, the department store ~ ~ What did you buy in the department store?

1: buy vinegar ~ ~

2: Ah, does the department store sell vinegar? What to eat when buying vinegar?

1: baked sweet potato ~ ~

2: Hi! ! ! Nonsense. Where is your vinegar?

1: all spilled ~ ~ ~

2: Hey, open your mouth ~! ! !

M: Well, politeness is advocated now.

Tang: Being polite is the embodiment of one's self-cultivation as well as a national civilization.

M: Use honorific words to people.

Don: Mm-hmm.

Ma: Speak politely.

Don: Only in this way can we be commensurate with our civilized country.

For example, I saw you.

You saw me.

M: I have to talk to you like this.

Don: What do you mean?

M: Hey, comrade, I'm sorry. Let me ask you something.

Don: Look how polite it is. If you have something to do, just do it.

Let me ask you a question.

Don: Who are you going to ask?

M: I asked this comrade.

Don: Mm-hmm.

Ma: He is tall and burly with heavy eyebrows.

Don: Oh.

M: I heard that he is a crosstalk performer.

Don: Oh, what's this man's name?

His name is Comrade Tang Jiezhong. Is it in your company?

Don: Oh, now, now.

Man: Ah!

Don: Yes, yes, yes.

M: Please come out and I'll meet him. Thank you.

Don: Don't thank me. I am.

Oh, you are Comrade Tang Jiezhong.

Don: Hey.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Don: Huh?

M: I haven't seen you for a long time. Excuse me!

Don: What's the big deal?

M: Did you hear this in your heart?

Don: I sound comfortable. How modest and polite.

Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Thank you.

Don: Kind words.

M: That's impolite.

Don: Huh?

M: It shows respect for each other.

Don: Oh.

M: I am modest and polite.

Don: Yes.

M: Hey, everyone has to talk like this.

Don: Oh, oh.

Man: You have to change the way. Don't use these polite words. You don't feel good about this.

Don: What can I say?

M: That's right.

Don: Mm-hmm.

Man: Hey! I said.

Don: What do you call it?

Let me ask you something about a person.

Don: Who are you going to ask?

M: This man.

Don: Mm-hmm.

Ma: A little taller than Wu Dalang, with a head and a tea tray. Yes, I heard that he is a crosstalk performer. What's your name? Everyone's name is Tang Lan.

Don: Hey, why do you call it a nickname?

M: Huh?

Don: Yes, I am. Can I help you?

Man: You are!

Don: Mm-hmm.

M: Don't be ridiculous.

Don: What do you mean? Don't be ridiculous. I'm Tang Jiezhong. what can I do for you?

M: I have something to do. I'm fine. Can I call you?

Don: Say something.

M: Come on, stop it. Neither side wants to. What are you talking about?

Don: Why are you here?

Ma: I said you, don't stare, don't stare. Staring is uglier than epiphysis.

Don: Drink!

M: Look, what does it look like? No, it's not. Please, please, why are you doing this? You see, sometimes angry, sometimes sick, sometimes sick, sometimes cold. Please, if you don't want to tell me, I'll ask someone else. Come on, stupid gentlemen.

Talk big and cross talk lines

Sue: Oh, look at this cross talk.

Woman: Yeah.

Sue: Crosstalk is a kind of comedy.

Wang: It's also oral literature.

Sue: Right, right, right.

Woman: Yeah.

Sue: Crosstalk is not just a performance.

Woman: Yeah.

Sue: In the process of creation.

W: Mm-hmm.

Sue: All aspects.

Woman: Yeah.

Sue: It's all exaggerated.

Wang: Right, right, right.

Sue: However, exaggeration must be moderate.

Wang: Oh.

Sue: If there is no marginal exaggeration.

Woman: Yeah.

Sue: I can't let you listen.

Woman: Yeah.

Sue: That will lose its educational significance.

Wang: Oh, it's unbelievable.

Sue: Right, right, right.

Wang: Oh.

Sue: It's not just art.

W: Mm-hmm.

Sue: It's the same in life.

Wang: Is there?

Sue: There are people in life.

Woman: Yeah.

Sue: The misty mountain covers you. Say what you have to say.

Wang: Oh.

Sue: Wow, it's unbelievable. There are many passers-by I met one that day, on the road to peace.

Wang: Oh.

Sue: Only saw me. Hey, Mr. Su, wow, I'm telling you, oh, I was looking for you.

Wang: Oh.

Sue: I want to introduce some topics to you.

Wang: Oh, what's the theme?

Sue: Me, I was here the other day. I am taking care of an adult. He is very tall. Oh, I said how high? This man, this man is standing at the bottom of the department store. He can reach the roof with his hands. It's great that you can make up a cross talk about this. I said you, you probably haven't woken up yet. Ah! Did you say you got it? This man is very big. ...

Wang: No, no, no, sir. Mr. Su.

Sue: Huh?

Wang: I have to stop you.

Sue: What's wrong?

Wang: Don't talk to people like that. When you talk like this, people will think you are rare and strange. How can you be so subjective? You know people who are not that tall.

Sue: Why is it so high?

Wang: Hehe, alas. You said this.

Sue: Hmm.

Wang: Just this man.

Sue: Hmm.

Wang: Come with me to see the tall man.

Sue: Hmm.

Wang: This is Xiao San.

Sue: mistress?

Wang: mistress.

Sue: How high have you seen it?

Wang: How high is this one I met?

Sue: Hmm.

Wang: Anyway, let me tell you.

Sue: Hmm.

Wang: This one, sitting at the bottom of the well, head up.

Sue: Is this man underground?

Woman: Yeah.

Sue: Hold your head up to the sky?

Wang: Go against the sky.

Sue: Why is he sitting? Is he not allowed to stand up?

Wang: No, no, you can't stand up.

Sue: Why?

Wang: Stand up, boy.

Sue: Hmm.

Wang: Poof, there is a hole in the sky.

Sue: Is that right?

Wang: Yes! You won't believe it. When I was six years old, I lived in my grandmother's house. My grandmother took me to see it herself.

Sue: With your own eyes?

Wang: I saw it with my own eyes.

Sue: Oh, I think so.

Woman: Yeah.

Sue: The size of the universe is amazing.

Wang: Well, that's right.

Sue: Well, right, right, right, right, right.

W: Mm-hmm.

Sue: It seems that you said this is not new either.

Wang: Isn't this new?

Sue: I saw a tall man.

Woman: Yeah.

Sue: It's taller than yours. Hmm. How interesting

Wang: How high is it?

Sue: How tall is he?

Woman: Yeah.

Sue: His head is indescribable. Anyway, let's put it this way.

Woman: Yeah.

Sue: I met this man.

Woman: Yeah.

Sue: This man only needs one mouth. His upper lip is close to the sky and his lower lip is close to the ground.

Wang: the upper lip is next to the sky and the lower lip is next to the ground?

Sue: Hmm.

Wang: What about his face?

Sue: Face.

Woman: Yeah.

Sue: Hey, this kid is full of nonsense, so why bother?

Wang: Me.