Daily happy event joke

Many people can make their mood better by watching jokes every day. With the development of the Internet, jokes have become a kind of daily entertainment, not limited to the original intention. Let's take a look at the daily paragraphs and related materials.

Daily happy event Jokes 1 First of all, those who are good-looking and like to eat are called foodies, and those who are ugly and like to eat are called gits!

Second, it is said that men have gold under their knees. I quickly scraped off the skin and didn't even find a piece of iron!

Third, in ancient times, pharmacies would hang a couplet: I hope everyone in the world will not get sick, and I would rather put the medicine on the shelf to produce dust; Now pharmacies hang a big banner: People who buy medicine in 38 yuan give away a catty of eggs.

4. I wore a leopard coat to go out in the morning. A couple walked past me with her children. Her child pointed at me and shouted, Mom, look, Tigress!

I have a buddy who said to his daughter-in-law, "Daughter-in-law, I have a fortune teller. The fortune teller said that I 135 years old has a hurdle! " His daughter-in-law said coldly, "Why, the graves are all planed?"

6. The son is disobedient, and the husband beats his son there. I stopped him and advised him. My husband said, "Don't stop me. If you don't teach him today, you won't be able to manage it later. " Who knows, the son said indignantly, "You are not a good person if you don't even listen to your wife. Why should I listen to you? "

7. What is friendship? I changed my mobile phone number four times after graduation, but no one told me, but my classmates still contacted me when they got married!

Eight, when I was a child, I compared my grades. Compare wages when you grow up. Now you have to compare your steps when you walk. Leave me alone, I just want to be an undisputed garbage, but I really did it before I found out that even garbage should be classified!

Nine, my wife made a dynamic in the circle of friends: keep exercising, 30,000 steps a day, great. In order not to be exposed, let me take her mobile phone to run every night, and I won't come back if I don't meet the standard.

I finally know why people choose a good day for marriage, because there may be no good days after marriage.

I heard that shopping is good for treating depression, but I am depressed because I have no money.

12. Exercise can really change a person's fate. My wife listened to Lao Wang next door and started running with him in the morning five years ago. She hasn't come back yet.

Daily happy event jokes 2 lack of oxygen

"Are there many mosquitoes in Tibet Plateau?" "There should be very few!" "Why?" "Because everyone who has been there says it itches!" One day, the cow gave the donkey a difficult problem and asked which of the two bugs under the word "stupid" was male and which was female. The donkey racked his brains, but he still couldn't answer. Cow scolds: What a donkey, male left and female right!

bargain

A doctor stood in front of a stingy rich man's bed and said, "I can cure you." "How much is this?" The rich man asked weakly. The doctor calculated and said, "2000 yuan." The rich man asked the price in a low voice, "Can you reduce it?" The coffin seller wants much less than this! "

Last name

A couple, the man's surname is Qian, the woman's surname is Xu, and his wife is pregnant. The two families fought over whether the child's surname was Qian or Xu, and the young couple almost divorced. As a result, the problem was easily solved as soon as the child was born. The wife gave birth to twins, one named Duo Qian and the other named Duo Qian.

catch criminals

The police officer was angry with his subordinates: "You four can't catch a criminal, you are really useless!" " ""sir, although we didn't bring the man back, we brought his fingerprints back. " "Where is it?" "On the face. "

Jiaoziwei rose

Men know that roses will definitely increase in price on Valentine's Day, so they buy roses a few days in advance and put them in the refrigerator. Give it to your girlfriend on Valentine's Day. Who knows that my girlfriend threw away the rose immediately after receiving it, and gnashed her teeth and said, "Although the rose is good, it smells like jiaozi."

Eat the wheels first

Dad asked his son, "If the car is made of chocolate, which part do you eat first?" Son: "wheels, so the car can't drive."

* * * Same language

Mom: "Why did I introduce you to this young man with high salary and good job, but you didn't agree?" Daughter: "He is not my type. I want to find someone with the same language. " Mom: "He is not a foreigner. How can he not speak the same language? "

Multiple escorts

One morning, Xiao Zhang got up late. If you are sure to be late when you arrive at the unit, send a text message to the leader: "Didn't you say you were going to the head office to get the information?" I'll go! "The leader replied," What happened today? Xiao Liu, Xiao Wang, Xiao Dong and you all asked to go. "Xiao Zhang looked busy and sent another message:" Information is important, and many people are required to escort! "

Frog fell in love and gave birth to a toad after marriage. The male frog was furious after reading it: "Bitch, what is this?" ?

Mother frog cried and said, To tell you the truth, I had plastic surgery before I met you. ...

2. In the cell, two prisoners are chatting. Prisoner A asked: How did you get caught?

Prisoner b said, "because of a cold."

Prisoner A: Nani?

Prisoner B: Well, I sneezed while stealing, and the security guard woke up. ...

I asked the coach when I was practicing driving: Why is the steering wheel a little loose?

The coach said calmly, you used to have a senior. In an emergency, instead of stepping on the brakes, she pulled the steering wheel and shouted, "Woo … Woo … Woo …"

4. Xiao Wang has a stomachache in the middle of playing the glory of the king. Let me help him play for a while.

Teammate Zhang Fei is too pit, and he can't slow down without two skills. He put his head under the tower, I violently index finger fly, garbage, gits, pit goods all scold, I directly scold him off the assembly line.

When Xiao Wang came back, he saw Zhang Fei hang up and took out his mobile phone directly. Why did you get disconnected again?

I only heard a strong roar from the phone. ...

5. Take the bus and get off at the station. There are many small three-wheeled vehicles on the roadside. An uncle asked me: Do you want to take three rounds?

I looked at him and said, no.

Grandpa asked again, young man, where are you going?

I thought it was annoying to say "going abroad"!

Grandpa paused and said, then I'll take you to the airport. Get in the car.

I'm confused. ...

Today, I took my three-year-old daughter to fly a kite. The wind broke the line and the kite flew away, so the two of them had to go home very depressed.

On the way home, my daughter asked, Dad, the kite flew away, so when will it fly back?

Dad replied, your mother will give me pocket money next month and return it.

The daughter nodded firmly. ...

7. Dad: Look how dirty your hands are! When have you ever seen my hands as dirty as yours

Son: Well, that's because I've never seen you as old as me.