Seek the quick adoption of jokes

What's your annual salary?

B:100000.

A: There were more than 800,000 that month!

Yes, this is the basic salary.

A: Not bad. What do you do?

dreamer ...

Second,

1, "happiness" means that cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and Altman beats little monsters.

2. "Generation gap" means that I asked my dad what he thought of "Chrysanthemum Table" and he said he had never drunk it.

3. "Narcissism" means that you must be reborn as a woman in your next life and then marry a man like me.

4, "speechless" means that the judge asked: Why do you want to print counterfeit money? The criminal said: I can't print real money.

"Despair" means that the restaurant ordered two dishes and ate the first one: "There are worse things in the world.

Really? ! Eat the second shit! Really! "

6. "Crash" means that an old lady walks into KFC and says to the waiter, I want a KFC.

A McDonald's and a hamburger.

Three.

What is a white-collar worker?

Today, I paid my salary, paid the loan, paid the rent, utilities, bought oil, rice, instant noodles and touched my mouth.

The money left in the bag sighed: this month's salary is white-collar again.

What is a blue collar?

The foreman said that his salary would be paid soon, and he still owed his own accommodation, meals, lost time and medical expenses.

Boss/kloc-more than 0/00, too lazy to take it. He is called the blue collar.

four

One day, the geography teacher asked the students, where does this river go?

A student suddenly stood up and sang: The river flows eastward.

The teacher ignored him and then said, how many stars are there in the sky?

That classmate sang again: the stars in the sky can participate in Beidou.

The teacher is short of breath: get out!

Student: Just leave.

The teacher said helplessly, are you sick?

Student: You have everything I have!

Teacher: Try again … ..

Student: shout when you see an uneven road!

Teacher: Do you believe I hit you?

Student: Do it when you should ...

The teacher was angry: I told you to drop out of school!

Student: Rush into Kyushu!

five

MM got out of the taxi and left her camera in the back seat.

When the driver saw it, he quickly put his head out of the window.

Shout at MM: "Miss, your camera!"

MM blushed and turned to scold: "You are like a fucking duck!"

Then the taxi left. .....

Then mm chased the car and shouted: master, my camera ~ ~ ~ ~! My camera ~ ~ ~ ~

six

Xiao Wang works in the personnel department on 10 floor. A month ago, he was transferred to the administrative department on the ninth floor. ......

Today, Xiao Wang called the personnel department to find him: "Is Xiao Wang there?"

The colleague who answered the phone said, "Xiao Wang is no longer in the personnel."

Xiao Wang: "Ah! ? When did this happen? I don't know. I haven't had time to send it to him yet? "

"Never mind, you can find him below." 1. An old man flew for the first time. He patted the plane window with his hand, and the stewardess quickly stopped him and asked, "What do you want?" The old man said, "Why can't this window be opened? I want to vomit! " 2. A couple came out of the canteen, each with a bottle of iced tea. Just as I was about to buy water to drink, the woman shouted to the man, "Hey, what do you mean by another bottle?" Without looking back, the man said, "I don't know." So the woman threw the bottle cap on the ground. When I saw this, I thought I met two idiots. When they are far away, I will go to pick them up, blowing the wind and watching the sun. I saw them clearly. Four characters: Thank you for tasting ... 3. Today, two boys at school were fighting at the school gate, and they were in full swing. No one dares to open them. One moment I don't know whose mobile phone is flying out, and the other moment I don't know whose money is flying out. At this time, a buddy said, "Awesome, explosive devices and gold coins ... Sir, although we didn't bring that man back, we brought his fingerprints back." Where is it? ""on the face. Auto Parts The driver of a cart asked a villager when he passed a mountain village:

"Excuse me, where can I find auto parts here?"

"Go ahead, there is a canyon after that sharp turn, and there are many more below." Drive too fast. A driver has to drive home after drinking. He saw the car speeding by again and again in the mirror and thought, no, the car is driving too fast! So he's going to slow down. However, the car in the mirror is getting faster and faster. No, slow down, he thought. So I'm going to slow down.

At this moment, I saw a policeman knocking on the glass of his car. No way, he thought. He must have driven too fast and was seen by the police. So he opened the car door and said apologetically, "I'm sorry, I didn't pay attention just now. I was driving too fast again." I saw the policeman angrily pulling him out of the car: "You know you can't park in the driveway! A fine of 50! " When Bauer came back from his driving license test, his wife greeted him and eagerly asked, "What's up?" I don't know! Bauer said gloomily. "Why don't you know? What did the examiner tell you when you left? " "He didn't say anything. When I left, the examiner was unconscious. " It doesn't matter if you don't brake. Someone's car brakes are out of order. Take the car to the garage for repair. The manufacturer promised to repair it within an hour.

But from morning to afternoon, the brakes were still not repaired. The owner flew into a rage and said that the manufacturer would compensate him for the time delay, otherwise he would resort to the law.

The factory director was sweating with anxiety and urged the repairman.

The repairman is also in a hurry. He suddenly used his quick wits: "Yes, it doesn't matter if you don't brake. I will turn up the horn a little! " "Playing with my four-year-old niece, she suddenly asked me," Auntie, when will you find a boyfriend? "I'm full head big sweat, I don't know how to answer! The little niece asked again, "Aunt, are you unwanted? "... I'm speechless. Then the little niece added, not surprisingly, "aunt, you'd better be a nun!" "! ! !" Tears welled up in my eyes ... 2. My daughter refused to sleep at night and was scolded by her father, and she shed a lot of tears. When she went to bed, she whispered to me, "Mom, shall we sell dad and buy a better one?" 3. Grandma educates her grandson: "Cover your mouth with your hand when you cough!" Grandson: "Don't worry, Grandma, I just won't let my teeth fall out." My little nephew is addicted to watching TV. One day, he suddenly asked me, "Uncle, did you call 1 10?" "No, what's the matter!" "Someone always calls 1 10 on TV. Doesn't he hurt? " "。 . . . . 。" The teacher asked the students to make sentences by "gilding the lily". A child wrote: "I found that the letters S and Y taught by the teacher were written into RMB and US dollars by the bank's uncles and aunts, which is superfluous." 6. At night, the three-year-old comma was lying in bed: "Mom, give me an apple!" " Mom: "The child is too late, and the apple has gone to bed." Small comma: "no, the little one may be asleep, and the big one is definitely not asleep!" " 7. When I was studying in senior three, I didn't want my brother to disturb me, so I locked the room door. Brother wanted to come in, so he knocked at the door and said, "Sister, it's my mother. Open the door for me quickly." . . . One day, when the teacher came into the classroom, the students stood up and shouted, "Good morning, teacher!" " "The teacher said angrily," just good morning? What shall I do in the afternoon? Not good? So the students shouted together: "Good afternoon, teacher! "The teacher said angrily," What shall I do at night? " The students shouted together again: "Good evening, teacher!" " The teacher nodded and said, "That's it, shout it again!" " The students shouted: "Good morning, teacher, good afternoon and good evening!" " The teacher said, "Sit down! Today we are going to review antonyms. Let's practice like this. When I say something, you say the antonym loudly. From now on. Teacher: "The weather is fine today. Student: "The weather is terrible today. "Teacher:" There is sunshine everywhere. Student: "There are clouds everywhere. "Teacher:" The road is crowded with people. " Student: "There is no one on the road. "Teacher:" Young. " Student: "Old." Teacher: "Stand." Student: "Lie down. Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road. Student: "There is an old man lying on the road. Teacher: "I found a dollar." Student: "I lost a dollar." "Teacher:" I found a dollar and gave it to the teacher. "Student:" I stole a teacher and lost a dollar. "Teacher:" No, you can't say that! ""Student: "Correct, you should say so!" "Teacher:" Wrong. "Student:" Correct. "Teacher:" That won't do, it's illegal! " "student:" this is ok, this is a legal act! " Teacher: "I was wrong. Student: "We are right. "Teacher:" Listen to the teacher, what the teacher said is correct! ""Student: "Listen to us, everything the teacher said is wrong!" "Teacher:" You are so stupid. Student: "We are very smart. "teacher:" stop! " Student: "Go on! Teacher: "You stop! Stop it! "Student:" Let's continue! Say it! Teacher: "You stupid pigs, I said stop! ""Student: "We are all geniuses. Go on!" Teacher: "You listen to the teacher!" Student: The teacher listens to us! "Teacher:" All students should listen to the teacher! "Student:" Teachers should listen to students! " Teacher: "Don't practice! Student: "Let's keep practicing! "Teacher:" Are you endless? Student: "We finish what we started! "Teacher:" Then stop! Stupid pig! " Student: "Then let's go on! Genius! "... and then the teacher walked out of the classroom angrily with a book in his arms. Junior high school love, parents are impeccable. High school love, parents kick down the ladder. The university found that it was impossible to talk about love, and parents began to make things out of nothing. In order to achieve countless results, my parents kept arranging blind dates in chain. As soon as they met, they knew that the girl who introduced people to make people feel happy had been invaded by all kinds of barbarians, and was finally stolen, and they had long since broken up. If no one has a bumper harvest, it will be another day with gay friends Taoyuan 1. The boyfriend said, "No money, just give me a kiss. "So I kissed him and got in his car. A "motorcycle" master next to me was blindsided and kindly reminded me: "Little girl, don't be fooled! "2. One night, I played a race with my boyfriend, and soon I was left behind, so I shouted at him," Robbery! "Passers-by are looking at us, so my boyfriend has to slow down. I passed him at once, so he had to follow me. I couldn't shake him off at first sight and began to shout, "indecent assault!" " "He fell to the ground with fear! Once, my husband drove me to the downstairs of the company. It occurred to me that I pressed my face against the window. My facial features were twisted and I shouted, "Help! Help! " My husband put his hand on my head and pushed it out desperately. Just then, the security uncle in the building opened the car door in a dream and said, "I saved you." Kneel for adoption ~ ~ ~ (plagiarism is forbidden)