Joke daquan txt

A fly and its child are walking on a bald head. After a while, it said thoughtfully, "son, time flies." When I was your age, it was just a path. " One day, a sparrow said to a pigeon, "Do you dare to shoot an eagle?" "Of course, I dare." After that, the pigeon flew away. After a while, the pigeon flew back without feathers. The sparrow asked, "What's the matter?" The dove said, "That boy is not convinced, so I will hit him with my bare hands." Adhere to a family planning service team and publicize family planning knowledge in the countryside. When introducing condoms to an old farmer, the propagandist said, "You must stick to them when using them, or you will fall short." A month later, the family planning team came again. The old farmer found the propagandist and said, "I fried it as you said, not only did it not chew badly, but later my wife was pregnant ..." Aunt Wang kept running a red light. So I was stopped by the police. The police will give Aunt Wang a ticket. The policeman asked Aunt Wang, "How to write a red light?" Aunt Wang thought she was going to be late, but she stopped people from coming down. She said impatiently, "I can't write!" " "After a while, the police gave the ticket to Aunt Wang, and she stuffed it into her purse without reading it. A few days later, Aunt Wang went to pay the fine and showed it to the young lady at the counter. The lady looked at it for a long time and said to Aunt Wang, "You can go back!" " Aunt Wang Mo said wonderfully, "Isn't there a fine?" The young lady said, "No need! There is no such traffic rule as "the red light keeps on"! Naked woman A naked woman ran into a taxi and the driver looked at her all over. The girl scolded, "What are you looking at? Have you never seen a naked woman? " ! ! " The driver said, "I just want to see where your money comes from!" " "Just don't touch the new bathhouse in the factory. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, gay men wash, lesbians wash on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, gay men wash on Sunday morning and lesbians wash the next afternoon. Just this Sunday, there was an exhibition of revolutionary martyrs' relics. The factory director announced at the staff meeting: "This Sunday morning, gay men took a bath and lesbians visited; In the afternoon, lesbians take a bath and gays visit. Again, just look and don't touch. " The number 9 sees the number 6 and says: There is nothing to do with handstands. 0 sees 8 and says: Fat is fat. What belt are you wearing? 7 See 2 and say: Don't think that I will marry you if you kneel. 2 See 5 and say: Hey, I haven't seen you for a few days, and I have breast augmentation. A: how can I live longer? B: Give up drinking. A: I don't drink. B: No color. A: I don't like women. B: Vegetarian. A: I don't eat meat! B: Then why do you want to live a long life? Professor of Philosophy: A fool's question 10 can't be answered by a wise man. Student: No wonder I failed the exam. It was several years ago that I swiped the bus IC card. When the bus arrived at the station, a tall woman came over. Her IC card may have been put in the back pocket of jeans, so as soon as she got on the bus, she leaned her ass against the credit card machine and got into the trunk with a drip. This woman is followed by a short old lady. She felt strange that she could get on the bus as long as her ass was against that thing, so as soon as she got on the bus. Aunt said: Isn't that girl riding on her ass here? Haha, I see. The driver was very upset and could only explain to him that the girl used an IC card, but the aunt didn't know what an IC card was and pestered the driver. "You are so unreasonable. When a beautiful girl pouted with you, you let others in. My wife has pushed your ass so many times, and you won't let me in. What do you mean? " Everyone in the trunk laughed, and the driver waved her in because he couldn't get off the stage. The traffic police shouted to him: good palm. The man replied happily: comrades have worked hard! The hot girl called a taxi. Miss, what will you wear in the future? Spice Girl: Red miniskirt! Recipient: Then where to go? Spice Girl: It's thighs! You are very lucky (laughs). When I was shopping, I suddenly felt a stomachache, so I walked into the hot pot restaurant on the corner and wanted to borrow a toilet. I just couldn't find it on the first floor, so I ran to the second floor, which was still under renovation. Nothing, but I found a sticker on the toilet door. It says "The fault needs to be repaired, please don't use it", but I can't help it. Whatever. Anyway, there was nobody around, so I took off my pants and squatted in the toilet. That's so cool! ! After that, I went downstairs and found no one there. Strangely, the wedding is downstairs laughing while eating. Why did people go to that building at once? Even the waiter and receptionist were gone ... so I approached the bar and asked, "Is anyone there?" Why is there no one? "At this moment, I saw a waiter come out from under the bar and said," ... weren't you there when shit fell from the ceiling and hit the electric fan just now? You are very lucky. A farmer in a county feeds pigs with swill every day, and as a result, he is fined 10,000 yuan by the Animal Protection Association-cruelty to animals. Later, the farmer changed to feed the pigs with Saussurea involucrata, and was fined 1 10,000 yuan by the Environmental Protection Association for wasting food. One day, the leader visited again and asked the farmers what to feed the pigs. The farmer said, "I don't know what to feed." Now I give it 100 yuan every day and let it go out to eat by itself. " One day, Xiaoming put a plaster on his hand. The teacher asked, "What happened to your hand?" Xiaoming said, "It's broken." The teacher said, "Why? Xiaoming said, "Because I am too lazy." The teacher said, "will I break my hand if I am too lazy?" Xiao Ming said: "One day I was walking on the road and my shoes touched a stone, but I was too lazy to do it with my hands, so I shook my feet with a telephone pole and let the stone fall out." Passers-by thought I was electrocuted and hit my hand with a wooden stick, so teacher ..............: .......... -3 2 once thought of going swimming and bought a pair of cheap swimming trunks in the supermarket, because there was no other color, only red. As a result, I didn't expect the swimming trunks to fade. When I was soaking in the pool, a wisp of red came out of my lower body and swayed in the water ... An uncle swam past me, looked at the red blood under me and looked at my bare upper body. For an instant, his expression was very contradictory ... let's talk about a childhood! Everyone knows the big 28 bicycles with beams! When I was four or five years old, I used to sit directly on the beam of my father's bike and sit sideways. After a long time, my feet would be numb and uncomfortable! Last time I went to grandma's house, I suggested sitting in the back seat, because my feet wouldn't get numb! Agreed! Haha, let's go! ! It was a tragedy when I arrived at my destination … Dad forgot me, stepped on his leg directly from behind, and then kicked me down directly … 4 I heard from a friend that a boy with low emotional intelligence finally met a girl he liked in college, and the two just started having sex. Once a girl was ill, and a boy accompanied her to the infirmary for intravenous drip. Ten minutes passed, twenty minutes passed, and nothing happened. Thinking of breaking the silence, the boy asked, "Is it cold? " ? : "cold". "Cold, I'll cover it for you? The girl blushed and whispered "Yes". Then the boy stood up. . . Cover the drip bottle with your hand. It is said that when I was a child, I often bullied my sister because of my age. One night, my father came to tuck us in and suddenly found my three-year-old sister sitting in the dark watching me sleep! -Why don't you sleep? Dad asked. Sister quickly said: shh! Keep your voice down and hit her when she falls asleep! I have a classmate who is a Christian and feels a little possessed. School should do morning exercises in the morning, and he thinks that teachers must also get up early to do exercises, otherwise it is unfair. So I went straight to the headmaster to negotiate. The headmaster paused and said, where are you from? My classmate said affectionately that I was sent by God to save you. Principal: ×※% () ×※% 7 This person is hard of hearing when he is old. I remember when I was a child at my grandmother's house, one morning my grandfather was going fishing and met the old man next door as soon as he went out. The old man said to my grandfather, "Go fishing!" My grandfather said, "No! I'm going fishing. "Then the old man said," Oh, I thought you went fishing? "I was stunned ... 8 I didn't pay attention to washing dishes and fell to the ground, but fortunately, except for a corner on the side, it became a small gap. Then continue to wash the dishes. My right hand didn't pay attention, I crossed the gap ... I broke it and thought: Is it really so fast? I can break my hand. Then I tried it with my left hand and it broke my heart. Really soon, I think. If this bowl is used for eating, it will soon be miserable. Then nc, I tried it with my mouth ... my lips were broken ... 9 A couple on the bus, the woman was touched by a pervert, and her boyfriend was expressionless. After arriving at the station, her boyfriend pulled the pervert out of the car, beat him skillfully and took his girlfriend away. Analysis of the reasons for a website's voting. 75% people voted "This kid is waiting for his skills to get cold ..." There is a steamed stuffed bun shop near the 4 10 subway station, and the business is very good. Next to the queue every day is the train ticket sales point. Queue up there to buy steamed buns today. When I was about to arrive, I heard two men behind me say, Oh, this is the steamed stuffed bun shop, the train ticket conductor … Ah, it's over there!