Requesting documentation: A complete collection of Sichuan dialect jokes

Classic Sichuan dialect joke!

1. The sparrow said: What kind of bird are you? The crow said: I am Phoenix! Sparrow: How can there be such a black phoenix as your turtle son? Crow: You know what a shovel, I am a phoenix who burns boilers.

2. One day, when we were discussing how tall Yao Ming was, the Sichuan PLMM who usually likes to argue next to me started arguing again: "Yao Ming is not tall. There is someone in our hometown who is much taller than him." "Who?" we asked in unison. "Leshan Giant Buddha" she said proudly. ?

Everyone was stunned, and two people wearing glasses even dropped their glasses... GG was unconvinced: "It's only more than seventy meters..." But was interrupted by this Sichuan girl: "Is it only more than 70 meters?" Another person said confidently: "It's 71 meters." "So, you people don't even understand some basic common sense." This girl said plausibly, "It's 71 meters when people sit down. What about standing up?"

Everyone fell to the ground...

"You asked him to stand up!" This GG was still not convinced. "Well, I have been sitting by the river for more than a thousand years. I have been exposed to wind and rain, and I have already developed arthritis. If you have the ability, go and try sitting for a few years!" Everyone was completely speechless...?

< p>3. A teacher assigned students an assignment to make sentences using "please" and "request". ? After the homework book was handed in, one of them answered: Yesterday, my mother stewed a pot of pig's feet. Before it was cooked, my father ate a piece and said, "I beg you not to move." Mom said: "I ask you to chew it!"?

4. There was a lot of people on the plane. Some people were carrying snakeskin bags, and some were carrying live chickens and ducks. The security inspector was sweating profusely: "Back? "Zhen, I need to pay for it, I'm overweight." "Why? I was asked to cut two sacks of potatoes last time." Another passenger came over and said, "Come on, brother, let's have a smoke." I can use these bags of live chickens. If there is no space in the cabin, they can be tied to the wings of the aircraft. Anyway, they can fly on their own without consuming the fuel of the aircraft...

5. Zai Zai After being repaired by his father, he ran to his mother to complain: "Mom, what will you do if someone hits your son? "Mom:" I will beat his son to take revenge! "Zai Zai: "..."

6. An old lady is illiterate, but likes to listen to the radio. She must listen to the weather forecast every day. One day when eating, she asked her family: "I have a question to ask, you guys?" Do you know where the local area is? It rains almost every day there. ”

7. A little mouse on the cliff waved its short front paws and jumped down again and again, trying to learn to fly. The female bat next to it looked at it with a broken head and blood, worried. Said: Dad, if you don’t tell it, it is not our biological child!

8. I went to the top of Mount Tai to watch the sunrise with my friends. A friend pointed to the sky and said, "I saw it!" "I saw it too!" "At this time, someone in the distance came out with his pants and cursed: "If you see it, you will see it! What are you shouting about? ”