The most classic funny joke?

A. The seven lies of men: 1. I don’t have a girlfriend, 2. I love you, 3. I just came to my house to chat, 4. I just want to take off your shirt, 5. I just leave it outside. Will put it in, 6 You won’t get pregnant, 7 It’s my first time too, B. The seven lies of women: 1 I miss you, 2 I’m inconvenient these days, 3 I don’t care about you, 4 I'm pregnant, 5 This is my first time, 6 Be gentle, I'm afraid of the pain, 7 I can't stand it anymore, I can't do it anymore, husband! C. The leader gave a speech at the family planning publicity meeting: Children are the flowers of the motherland and the growing saplings. But if you continue to have more children, what will be the consequences in the future? Someone in the audience answered: greening the motherland. D. Someone yelled in the office: The director is asking for help! The director happened to come in: I'm just asking, what do you think? This person responded quickly: We are looking for help and are closely united around you. E. My wife is pregnant and she asks her husband if it’s a boy or a girl? The husband reluctantly put down the mop: "Girls are good. When you are a girl, you have no worries; when you are a girlfriend, you can be unreasonable; when you are a wife, you can be very tricky, but it is so good to be a woman! F. As the saying goes: Women chase men, there is a veil between them. Men. Chasing a girl takes a lot of effort. Therefore, I would like to change the idiom dictionary: It’s up to the man to make a career, and it’s up to the woman to succeed. G. The law stipulates that a man can only get married when he is 23 years old, but he can become a soldier at the age of 18. This explains three problems: First, it is easier to kill than to be a husband; second, it is more difficult to live a life than to fight; third, women are more difficult to deal with than enemies. H. Beauty is cute, her face is beautiful, her figure is slim, coquettishness is the first, and her character is kind. Her temper is terrible, her anger is terrifying, and violence is common. If you mess with her, you are seeking death! I. There is a notice for purchasing a house on a certain website. The full text is as follows: I am in urgent need of a house and hope to use the area. It's relatively spacious so that my wife won't always want to go back to her parents' house after moving in; but it's not too big that my mother-in-law won't have the idea of ??living with us. J. The happiest thing: sleeping naturally. The saddest thing is to wake up and count money until your hands cramp. K. Say you are kind, fickle and unscrupulous; say you are virtuous, but you can't do anything at home; say you are rich. Temperament, childish and neurotic; if you say you are the same as you are, alas, you are old. M. The era of exaggeration: a building with about three floors is called a building; an open space as big as a butt is called a square; a piece of grass as big as a palm is called a lawn; a tree A place called a garden; a pond with a few flowers is called a garden... L. The best in the world: the most beautiful song: Viagra; the sweetest breast: the mistress; the most mysterious person: the lover; the best-selling book: the female secretary; the most The expensive house: Breasts; The most common relationship: the relationship between men and women; The chain that you least want to break: Extramarital affairs. The white lady deliberately rained the umbrella to trick Xu Xian, Zhu Yingtai sent fashionable clothes to the eighteenth year and went crazy to tease Brother Liang, and the Seven Fairies blocked Dong. On the way to Yong, the Cowherd took away the Weaver Girl's clothes while she was taking a bath... These stories tell us: the beginning of a great love always has to be played by someone first~ In a certain forum, someone posted a question: What's so good about falling in love with a girl at the bank counter? Is there a way to pursue it? Reply: If you don’t take the passbook, she will stop you. . Your passbook!!! , Geji, Geji, Geji, Geji, Auntie washes the spittoon. . . There is a saying: "Play the drum, sound the gong." My dad always heard it as "big butt, raise your head." He is still wondering, why are you raising your butt? 3. When I first listened to Zhao Yonghua's "The Most Romantic Thing", I heard the line "The most romantic thing I can think of is to grow old together with you." : “The most romantic thing I can think of is to sell computers with you! "At that time, I thought it was Zhongguancun advertising.

4. Cheng Lin’s "Xintianyou" "The wild geese have listened to my songs, and the river has kissed my face" sounded like: "The uncle has listened to my songs, and the young man has kissed my face." I thought what kind of woman is this! 5. Ren Xianqi's version of the theme song of "The Legend of the Condor Heroes" "Whether it makes me sad or makes me drunk..." I always hear it as "It makes me sad or drunk..." Hey~ Why are you always at odds with the leading actor? ! ! 6. When there was a weight loss advertisement on TV, I walked out with my hands on my waist, swaying, and said, "If you want to lose weight, why don't you use Soft?" I heard it as "If you want to lose weight, why don't you hold it with your hands?" "I thought, how can I lose weight just by holding it with my hands? 7. When I was a kid, Donald Duck's "Oh, the show has started" was heard as: "Oh, the wild boar pooped!" 8. My colleagues listened to Jeff Chang's "Love Like Tide" and asked me in confusion: "Why is he singing?" 'Promise me you'll never queue up late at night' (wandering)? " 9. The first time I listened to Tong Ange's "Yelia Girl", I was surprised. I heard: "Wild donkey, mysterious wild donkey~~~~~~" 10. "Listen to Mom Talk about the Past 》: We are sitting next to a tall pile of grain~~~ Listen as: We are sitting next to a tall pile of bones~~The scene of piles of bones comes to mind, sweat! 11. Listen to "Unforgettable Love Tonight": Goodbye, goodbye, we meet in the morgue... Actually, we meet in front of the color screen. 12. I used to listen to Elva Hsiao's "The Title Song of Love" for a long time. "I felt like everything I was singing, it turned out that you are mine." Title song. ", I always mistook this "title song" for "Brother Zhu" or "Brother Pig", and I was still wondering what the lyrics were about? 13. Eason Chan gt; One of the lines is like this "Thousands of At every door, there is always someone who has to go first." I always hear it as "From the street to the door, there is always someone who has to go first." 14. There is a line in Jay Chou's "Qili Xiang" "It rains all night long" that I always think of. It sounds like "You're blind."

15. There is a line in the song "Magic" by Stefanie Sun, "We are both wearing gauze..." No matter what I hear, it is always "We are both wearing underpants..." 16. There is a line in Meiqi Jiang's song, "It's not easy to laugh." Suddenly I heard "it's not easy to urinate". I thought to myself what's wrong with this girl! 17. Jay Chou's "Love in B.C." and "That scene of staring at me". No matter how I heard it, I always heard: You are my one Bowl of noodles! 18. In Gao Shengmei's "A Thousand Years of Waiting Once", some people hear "the water of the West Lake, my tears" as "the water of my wife, my tears", but I hear it as: "the water of washing clothes, my tears", alas. ! 19. "Then wait for the fall" in Tao Jingying's "Sister, Sister Stand Up" is really easy to hear as "Then wait for the turn" ~~~~~~~ I'm so sweaty! ! 20. The first sentence of "Song of Macao" that was popular when Macao returned to China: "Did you know that Macao is not my real surname?" I always thought it was: "A piece of sesame cake, I can do it without eating it!" 21. Recently I listened to Super Girl Zhang Hanyun's "Sour and Sweet is Me" sounds like "...it's the real me, and my desires are very fresh every day"... I was shocked. This little girl is so bold! ! ! Later, I heard it several times, and it turned out to be "Every day is very new to me." 22. Listen to Liang Jingru's "gt;", there is a sentence in it: "I fell asleep even if I knew the cicada, and slept quietly", which sounds like "I also slept after eating" ", I even exclaimed at the time: How come there are such vivid lyrics! 23. Sun Nan's "See You or Be Apart". I don't know what was wrong with my ears during that period. Every time I heard the climax of the song played in the video store "Oh, see you there, see you there," I always thought it was singing - "Oh, Cambodia"... 24. There is also a song that is played every day outside the university dormitory: "Big Red Sail, welcome to the "Wind", I always hear it as "Big red sail, sheep is so horny" 25. Listen to Zhang Mingmin's "Country Road": Walking on the country road, the old cow returning at dusk is my companion. I used to think it was: Walking in the country On the small road, the turtle and the old cow are my companions. 26. Meng Tingwei's "Coming to Taipei to See the Rain in Winter", no matter how you listen to it, it sounds like: "Everyone crowds to Taipei to see you." I wonder, is it that good? Everyone still has to squeeze in there to see you? 27. Adu: I should be under the car, not in the car; I should be in the car, but not in the car. What the hell is going on? ' 28. Adu's "He Must Love You Very Much" contains the sentence "Holding champagne in my hand, I want to give you a birthday surprise." I heard it as "I am holding an eraser in my hand." I can't figure out what the relationship between eraser and breakup is. ? 29. My colleague, Sister Kang, speaks a standard Shaanxi accent. Every time she goes to the Love Song Room, she likes to sing the song "Heart Rain" by Mao Ning and Yang Yuying. Every time she sings the lyrics "My yearning is no longer the breaking sea." Singing "My thoughts are no longer the sweat on the soles of my feet" makes me want to vomit every time. In the 1930s and 1980s, the advertisement for the domestically produced "Yanwu" cassette recorder (Yancheng Di) said: "Yanwu, Yanwu, a song brings love." I heard it as: "Disgusted, disgusted, let's do it together and kiss at the same time."