Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Kneeling for hilarious jokes should be super classic.
Kneeling for hilarious jokes should be super classic.
2. My little niece just entered the first grade and got 74 points in a Chinese exam. When she came back with the report card, her parents were very angry and asked why you only got 74 points in the exam. My niece buried herself in thought for a long time and suddenly lifted it up. Her parents thought that she realized her mistake and pricked up her ears in expectation. The niece said firmly, "Because the teacher deducted 26 points from me!" "
3. My mother sent me a message: "Your father is busy fishing." I asked, "How many did you catch?" Mom: "Just three." I praised, "I'll go fishing wherever I catch it." Mom: "I caught it in your fish tank."
I bought a bottle of water in the supermarket. She gave the cashier 20 yuan, looked at it before and after, wiped it with the light, and then told another person that someone had bought something with 20 yuan. When I received her change, I read it all according to her routine. While looking at me, I said that some supermarkets now specialize in finding fake money for others. ...
My cousin has a high-end mobile phone with fingerprint and facial recognition, which works well. Yesterday, she said that her mobile phone was broken and asked me to accompany her to repair it. The mobile phone was tested several times. The little brother who repaired the mobile phone looked at my cousin's round face and tight coat and hesitated to say, "Sister, have you gained weight recently, so face recognition is not working!" Later, my brother erased the original face recognition and re-recorded my cousin's fat face. Needless to say, the real mobile phone will be ready soon! This is really a sad story!
6. My wife had a whim and wanted to surprise her husband. So I put on a wig, a brand-new suit and a different makeup in peacetime. Then he went to Mr. Wang's office and said coquetry, "Hey, handsome boy, do you want to date me?" Her husband looked at her and immediately interrupted her and said, "No! I want nothing. I think of my wife as soon as I see you. "
7. When I first got engaged to my wife, I saw that she was wearing a pair of glasses, and I thought she was very educated and knowledgeable. After marriage, many facts prove that the reason for her myopia is only related to watching TV for a long time!
8, don't look at me fat, when it comes to losing weight, I have a set; Although I am single, when it comes to love, I have a set; Although I am ugly, when it comes to beauty, I am a set; Although I am poor, when it comes to making money, I am a set of things.
9. The office is a magical place. No matter how messy your desk is, you won't even touch your mobile phone, wallet, car keys, real estate license and household registration book for a month. But as long as your pen is out of sight 10 minutes, it will disappear strangely!
10, brother: "Xiaojin plays in the street after school, goes fishing by the river, or plays video games in the Internet cafe. How interesting it is that he can do whatever he wants! " Sister: "Because his parents are divorced, no one cares about him all day." Brother: "Why don't our parents divorce?" If they get divorced, I can be as happy as Xiaojin. Nobody forced me to do my homework. I can do anything. How comfortable I am! God, I dreamed that my parents were getting divorced! "
1 1, go to dinner at noon and say to the chef, please order more, add more meat and noodles! The master looked at me for a long time and said, "Do you want to make up a ticket for a small bowl?"
12 I touched my chin proudly and asked, "Really?"
13, in class, there was a female classmate in front who burped for the whole class. Looking at her painful appearance, we were all giving her advice ... as a result, a sleeping classmate next to her suddenly got up and said, "Why is the whole class barking?"
14, when I was on the road after the college entrance examination, the coach was sitting next to the co-pilot, driving, and a motorcycle passed by illegally, almost scraping our car, (because I was a novice, I didn't dare to say anything) ~ ~ The coach glared at me: What are you looking at? Step on the gas pedal, we all have procedures. I am a bitch, so I rushed to give it to him!
15, accidentally put 50 yuan in. The driver said that I had no right to drive, so I had to accept the pocket money of the people who came behind. When I received 48 yuan, I just entered the station and someone wanted to get on the bus. I immediately reached out and said, "Nobody sells tickets." I said hurry, and the driver and the people in the car said hurry (they know what's wrong with me). The eldest brother in the back directly threw me his wallet and said, "There are many of you." Then he ran away ... ran away ...
16, I once bought clothes in a specialty store, and a girl next to me was also choosing clothes. To be honest, she is really beautiful. At this time, the store came over and said, beauty, try it if you like. My sister suddenly got angry: "Beauty? Who is the beauty? People call me goddess! How is your service attitude? "
17, the first time I went to my wife's house that year, my mother-in-law arranged a table of good dishes and specially took out two bottles of good wine from behind the sofa. Then my father-in-law came home and the first thing he said when he saw me was. "Boy, you want to marry my daughter, right?" "Yes, uncle." "Then show some sincerity." "Uncle, the bride price is easy to discuss." "I'm not selling prostitutes. If you are sincere, dry those two bottles of wine on the table. " I was shocked and my brain was hot. I didn't listen to the discouragement of my future mother-in-law and wife. I opened the bottle and knocked it dry. After drinking, I burped, opened the second bottle and drank it all at once, without changing color or breathing. My future mother-in-law was afraid, and my wife was moved by my heroic behavior. Actually, what I want to say is that I tasted it when I took the first sip. The bottle is full of water. Someone must have secretly drunk the wine hidden at home and poured water. Here, just ...
18, the eldest nephew was admitted to the university, and we all went to congratulate him. At dinner, we found our eldest brother looking unhappy and asked why. Big brother said that he heard that he went to college for one year, went abroad for two years, and denied his parents for three years. What if the child doesn't recognize me then? At this time, the aunt who hasn't spoken all the time said that this is not easy to do. All you have to do is make him a sophomore!
19, I went shopping with my mother and saw a big bear doll handing out leaflets. I liked it so much that I ran over and took a photo. My mother watched me take endless photos and urged me impatiently: "If you like it, marry him. You can take pictures at home every day! " "Before I could say anything, the bear turned and ran away. ...
20. In the residential area, an old van met a car that lost its paint when touched. Both of them stopped, and neither of them dared to go forward. At this time, the van driver rolled down the glass, leaned out and shouted, big brother, just go forward. Don't pay for these two broken cars! As soon as the car drove forward, it really hit. Finally, under the coordination of the traffic police, I lost 200 yuan for the van. I hope my answer can help you ~
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