Humorous stories about beauty

1. When you hold your hand, you will know that your son is ugly, and your face will burst into tears. If you don’t leave, I will leave. 2. Journey to the West tells us: All monsters with a backing were picked up, and all monsters without a backing were beaten to death with a stick. 3. What are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy. 4. I like you so much, you will die if you like me. 5. I am not RMB, how can I make everyone like me? ! 6. Apart from teeth, there is also love that makes people unable to extricate themselves. 7. When life viciously turned everything into black humor, I turned myself into a highly educated gangster. 8. Time is too thin and the gaps between fingers are too wide. 9. Little girls all want to find a white horse in their dreams. When they open their eyes, they find that the world is full of gray donkeys. After being heartbroken, they can only choose a strong donkey from among the donkeys. Such a donkey It was named: Affordable Man. 10. I want to cry, I want to make trouble, stay up all night, holding a bottle of sleeping pills and a small rope in my hand to hang myself. No matter how ugly you are, you still have to fall in love and the world is filled with love. 11. Our goal: focus on money and earn more. 12. I am a passerby that you turn around and forget, why should I accompany you to the end of the world in wasting your time? 13. If you don’t have medical insurance or life insurance, don’t act bravely after dark... 14. Bus riding is a comprehensive exercise that includes Sanda, yoga, judo, balance beam and other sports and fitness projects. 15. I will know that you are a monster as soon as I open my eyes. 16. No one loves anyone with his hands in his pockets. 17. Holding a kitchen knife in hand and cutting the wires, sparks and lightning will appear along the way. 18. Being single is not difficult. What is difficult is dealing with those people who try their best to get you to end being single. 19. What is happiness? Happiness is when you eat fish, I eat meat, and watch others chew bones. 20. After studying for more than ten years, I think it’s easier to get along in kindergarten! 21. I was also an infatuated person back then, but it rained... and I drowned. 22. Many people say that marriage is the tomb of love, but it is better for love to be buried in peace than to be buried in the streets. 23. Learn Feng Shui when you have time. Having a good tomb after your death can make up for the regret of not being able to afford a good house during your lifetime. 24. It is said that people have only two choices, busy dying or busy living. I think I have it. The third option: get busy and wait to die. 25. Spring is sleepy, summer is weak, autumn is weak, and winter is just the right time to sleep. 26. You can’t miss yourself, take care of your pain, get your results, and give yourself happiness. 27. When I was a kid, I thought I could save the whole world when I grew up. But when I grew up, I realized that the whole world couldn’t save me. 28. If you are destined not to give me the response I expect, then keep at a safe distance. 29. Please don’t regard my tolerance of you as your shameless capital. 30. It is virtue for a woman to have no talent. I must be too wicked. 31. Zhuge Liang had never led an army before he left the mountain. Why do you want me to have work experience? 32. Use the blues spirit of hip-hop to live a life like the erhu. 33. The happiness of an ostrich is just a pile of sand. 34. God, it’s too blue! The sea is too salty! Life is so difficult! Work is so boring! I am destined to be with you! Miss you, sleepless! It’s too far to see you! 35. When I woke up, it was dark. 36. Drink medicine and pass bottles, hang people with ropes, and jump off buildings waving small handkerchiefs to see them off. 37. An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, but a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. If the material is wrong, no matter how hard you try, it will be useless. 38. You have to figure out the script of your life - it is not a sequel to your parents, not a prequel to your children, and not a sequel to your friends. 39. The quieter the tree becomes but the wind doesn’t stop, the more I fall in love but he is not here. 40. I wish I could wake up and open my eyes one day and find myself sitting on a desk and chair in a primary school classroom. The chalk tip thrown by the teacher hit me right on my forehead. 41. Young people don’t act recklessly and boldly. I wonder where the themes come from in old age. 42. As a monster, my wish is to destroy at least one Ultraman. 43. In a few decades, we will meet and be sent to the crematorium. All of them will be burned into ashes. You will be in a pile and I will be in a pile, no one knows anyone. All of them will be sent to the countryside to be used as fertilizer~ 44. The beauty of knowledge lies in making people confused; poetry The beauty of a woman lies in inciting men and women to cheat; the beauty of a woman lies in being so stupid that she has no regrets; the beauty of a man lies in telling lies so that he can see ghosts in daylight.

45. I thought I was decadent, but today I realized that I had already been scrapped. 46. ??The sign of an immature man is that he can make heroic sacrifices for his ideals, and the sign of a mature man is that he can live a humble life for his ideals. 47. Life is like Song Zude’s mouth, you never know who will be unlucky next. 48. The sun is warm and the years are quiet. How dare I grow old before you come? 49. People are not smart, so they imitate others’ baldness. 50. I shine in this beautiful moment as a god. Don’t disturb me, mortals... 51. When we are young, we often make faces in the mirror; when we are old, the mirror is even. 52. Work hard! ! For your Audi, my Dior. 53. I am a white-collar worker: I received my salary today, paid the rent, water and electricity, bought oil, rice and instant noodles. I touched my pockets and sighed, this month’s salary is white-collar again... 54. Hold the hand of the son and drag the son away. If the son says not to leave, fine, close the door and let the dogs out! 55. Life is like this. It always occupies the position of absolute leadership. When countless fools shout that they control life and master their destiny, they fail to see that living in the higher sky shows a sneer and mocking face. . 56. He is like a basin of water, poured into your pile of rice. After a few years, the clear water turns into mellow wine, and you become a pile of discarded rotten rice. It is not useless, but it can also be used to feed. Pig's. 57. People who do not want to be slaves are willing to be slaves of RMB. 58. I’m not a fortune teller on the bridge, and I can’t tell you as many things as you want to hear. 59. The aftertaste of the word "twenty" in life for decades has made my brain twitch and my spinal cord spasm. Still missing the point. 60. A true warrior dares to face his face without makeup. 61. The Tianshan Child Elder - she looks great on the outside, but there are 365 cracks in her heart. Each crack has the four characters of spring, summer, autumn and winter written on it, and the vicissitudes of life are astonishing. 62. Things tend to be like this, and it’s too late to turn back. Even if you are willing to become a bad horse, there may not be a way to turn around waiting for you. 63. We all thought we could die for love. In fact, love can't kill people. It will only stick a needle in the most painful place, and then we will cry without tears. We toss and turn, we will become a doctor after being sick for a long time, and we will become steel after a hundred times. You are not the wind, and I am not the sand. No matter how lingering we are, we will never reach the end of the world. I wiped away my tears. We all have to go to work tomorrow morning. 64. I once looked up at the stars with my friends, and then we burst into tears. He was because of a broken love, and I was because of a sprained neck. 65. In fact, you and I are the same. Everyone is pretending. The key is to pretend to be the same and round. There is a threshold. If you are pretending well, you will step forward and become the legendary person with temperament. If you are not pretending well, you will get stuck. There it is. It's Carmen. Zhu looked at his own face in the mirror and said in surprise: "Which young man is such a pervert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 1. Why don’t you die? One day in computer class, a row of classmates’ computers crashed. So a classmate stood up and said, “Teacher, the computer crashed, and our row is dead. At this time, many classmates said: "We are also dead." At this time the teacher asked: "Who else is not dead?" Only one classmate stood up: "I'm not dead yet!" The teacher said strangely: "The whole class is dead, why don't you die?" 2. A couple held a wedding ceremony in a church, and when it came time to exchange rings, the overly nervous groom forgot about it. The pastor raised his finger anxiously, making a ring gesture, and blinked. Hint to the groom. The groom blushed and stammered: "Pastor, didn't that just happen on the bridal night?" ” 3. It’s better not to ask Xiaofang was discussing the topic of death with her husband in the living room.

Suddenly the issue of child placement was mentioned, and Xiaofang asked her little daughter: "If something happens to your parents one day, where would you most like to go alone?" Her little daughter thought for a moment and answered. Said: "Disneyland, USA!" Do you like reading? I hate reading very much, but I was still fascinated by a story. One day when I was surfing the Internet, I accidentally found an article called "I *** Her." When I looked at it on my mobile phone, I thought it was just a few pages! After I read that, I went to download the entire article early the next morning, and it took me several hours! But it’s worth it! ! ! It’s so beautiful! This is an article written in 2005. The content of the article is the author's real college experience... But the author is also quite lustful, man-like, and very filial. His family is very poor, and he always wants to pick up girls... Sure enough! ! ! ! The following is the website address. I suggest you check it out: //tianya.cn/publicforum/content/feeling/1/880075.s All joke books are the same now, so it’s better to collect them. I have some cold jokes _____ a penguin and A polar bear was chatting. Suddenly, the penguin plucked all his fur!~ The polar bear asked: "Man, how do you feel?" The penguin replied that it was a bit cold~~~ The polar bear also plucked all his hair and said: "It's really cold~~~~" Let's talk about Cao Cao and Liu Bei having a drink and discussing heroes. There were dark clouds outside, thunder and lightning, and wind and rain. The two had a few drinks, and Liu Bei suddenly farted loudly, which was very embarrassing. Liu Bei was in embarrassment when he heard Guan Yu say calmly behind him: "Don't be surprised, everyone, the farts come from the rain (rain)!" As soon as Guan Yu finished speaking, Zhao Yun on the side took a step forward and said, "Don't be surprised, everyone, the farts came from the clouds. !" Just as Zhao Yun finished speaking, Zhang Fei, who had a loud voice, shouted: "The fart is coming from the air!" Everyone laughed. Liu Bei has also returned to normal. Cao Cao did not laugh, he felt deeply about this matter. After sending Liu Bei and others away, Cao Cao said to his subordinates: "When Liu Bei's subordinates saw that their master had made a mistake, they all rushed to take responsibility and make up for their mistakes. They are really loyal. If it is your turn, we can handle this matter." Are you here?" Everyone was angry and said in unison: "Prime Minister, isn't it just a bullshit? Just look at it next time." A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again. I want to fart and see how my subordinates react. After holding it in for a long time, I finally managed to force it out. Everyone had been waiting for a long time. When they heard the sound of "goo", General Xu Chu was impatient and quickly shouted: "The fart was made by Chu (pig)!" Wang Lang, the servant, followed up and said: "The fart was made by Lang (wolf). Gou An said: This is a dog's fart. Cai Mao said: This is a cat's fart. Cao Cao's eyes widened when he heard this. Others thought that Cao Cao thought he was slow and rushed to grab him. Niu Jin said: "This is a gold fart!" Xun Yu said: "This is a Yu (jade) fart!" Cao Hong said: "The fart is Hong (red)!" Gao Lan said: "The fart is Lan (blue) !” Jiang Gan said: “The fart is dry!” Master Sima said: “The fart is wet!” Xia Houyuan said: “The fart is round!” Cao Cao's face turned pale, and when he was about to have a fit, counselor Guo Jia shouted: "It's all wrong, it's all wrong! What everyone said is wrong!" He is indeed my number one strategist. Cao Cao thought secretly. Listen to him first. Just listen to Guo Jiadao: "This is a fake fart!" Cao Zhen said again: "This is a real fart!" Cao Cao was so angry that he almost fainted and was completely disappointed. He didn't want there to be more people behind him. Guo Huai said: " This is Huai (bad) fart!" Zhang He said: "The fart is from He (drinking)!" Sima Yan said: "The fart is from Yan (swallowing)!" Said: "The fart came out of Dun!" Guo Tu said: "The fart came out of Tu (vomited)!" Xiahou Ba said: "The fart came out of Ba (picked up)" ) is coming! Man Chong said: "The fart came from Chong!" "Jiang Ji said: "The fart came from Ji (squeeze)! Zhong Yao said: "The fart is from Yao (shake)!" Finally, Cao Cao couldn't bear it any longer and said angrily: "Nonsense, farts are made by fucking."

"One day the devil caught the princess. The devil said: "You can just call me Broken Throat... No one will come to save you..." Princess: "Broken Throat... Broken Throat..." No one: "Princess... I'm here to save you..." Demon King: "Say Cao*Cao* and I'll be here..." Cao*: "Devil... your name is ***..." Demon King: "Wow... I saw a ghost." Ghost: "Damn! I've been found..." Damn: "Ghost, you can see me..." Demon King: "Oh, My God!" God: "Who called me?" Who: "No one called me You..." No one: "How can I? I'm pretending!" Garlic: "Who is pretending to be me?" Who: "Are you talking about me again? Are you looking for trouble?" Trouble: "Which one is looking for me?" Where One: "Looking for you? I'm not... Hey, there are a lot of people here." Many people: "I just arrived... who are you?" Which one: "I'm not that person." Who: "He is." Not me." Princess: "Are you all here to save me?" Everyone: "I'm not here to save you, I'm here to watch the fun." Fun: "What's so good about me?" God: "It doesn't matter. I have to leave my business first." Demon King: "You answer one question before you leave. Why are so many people saving the princess? How can I continue to act as the Demon King?" Go on: "If you don't do it as a good Demon King, why do you play me? "Princess: "If no one plays the role of the devil, I can leave." No one: "If I play the role of the devil, how can I let you go..." How could it be: "I won't let the princess leave, I want to watch the fun. ." Lively: "What are you looking at?" What: "You actually want to "fuck" me? You gangster!" You actually said: "Where am I?" Me: "What does it have to do with me?" Demon King: "Damn! I'm going crazy..." Damn: "What are you shouting!..." Crazy: "What do you want to do?" You want me: "I don't know anything!" I didn't know anything: "I didn't know!" I didn't know: "I'm here! Is someone calling me?" Someone said: "I didn't call you!" I didn't: "Who called him?" Who: "I'm wronged...I didn't..." I didn't: "I didn't accuse you wrongly..." You: "I'm sorry, you don't dare either." I'm sorry: "Who said I didn't dare!?" Who: "Please...I didn't say anything." I said nothing: "What do you want me to say?" I said nothing: "...You...you are my long-lost brother. "?" My long-lost brother: "Hao... even if my name is so long... I will be called..." Who: "... I want to leave this place of right and wrong as soon as possible" Right and Wrong : "So this is my territory..." I don't mean anything. No: "Don't make any noise, Allah is talking..." Don't make any noise, Allah: "I'm not talking..." I don't : "I didn't say anything!..." I said nothing: "-_-"...Let's go...go outside and chat..." Go: "I'm sorry...(Niggle )" I have nothing: "It's none of your business... Flash..." (The two brothers walked out angrily) It's none of your business: "Ugh... Why did you drive me away..." Why: "I'm not driving you away...be good...don't cry" I didn't: "Oh...it's none of my business again" What's none of my business: "What? Did someone call me?" Someone said: " Who wants to call you..." Who: "I really have to leave...T.T" Go: "I'm really embarrassed...*V.V*" ("Who "fell to the ground") It's none of your business Thing: "...Aren't you my cousin?" What's none of my business: "...Cousin...Long time no see..." Long time: "I'm not here..." Demon King: "You guys Is it over?" It's not over: "He doesn't have me." You: "I don't have him." I: "Who said that?" Who: "Did you call me ***?" "You actually want to fuck me?" "You: "I can't fuck him" I: "Who said I can't?" Who: "That's unfair! I didn't say..." Said: "Call ***?" You: "You two really don't want it Face!" You

Both of them: "I want it! I want it!" Face: "Who wants me?" Who: "I don't want it." Demon King: "Hurry up, I'm going to kick you out." Human: "Kick me out? Find K "K: "Who is looking for me?" Who: "aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name, I will kill him if you mention it again!" Him: "Don't kill me" Me: "Who wants to kill me?" Who: "Finally let me catch you Find one, kill me..." One said: "Don't arrest me." Me: "I've had enough. If anyone mentions my name again, I will never let you go!" Who: "Look at my subduing dragon." Eighteen palms!" Me: "Look at my Nine Yin White Bone Claws!" Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palms: "What's good about me?" Nine Yin White Bone Claws: "What's good about me?" What's good about me: "Brother. , I finally found you!" What's cool: "Brother, let's go out and chat." Demon King: "Damn...this is a marriage recognition meeting..."