Are there any funny stories?

There was a teenager who ventured alone in the forest.

Suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals.

So he shouted to the sky:

"I'm dead, God help me!"

I see a light in the sky.

There is a voice:

"Not necessarily,

You pick up another big stone on the ground,

Kill the leader. "

So the boy picked up the biggest stone on the ground,

Hit the chief hard,

Shoot the director directly.

All the people stayed for a while,

And glared at each other,

Then a voice came from the sky:

"Now you are really dead."

One child doesn't like studying very much. No matter how good the teacher is, he just won't listen. Finally, his mother's friend told his mother, "There is a church school over there where nuns give lectures. Nuns are very caring and patient. Please send him there to try. " His mother sent him to church and went home. When my son came back from school, he immediately ran upstairs to do his homework and studied hard until 1 1 p.m. His mother was surprised. Why did he study so hard this time? He went to ask him, "Why do you study so hard?" Is it because nuns are patient? No, is it because nuns have love? No. What was that? Mom, you are so stupid. When you took me into the church, I saw a cross on the wall outside the door and this man was tied to it. I thought to myself: other schools are pretending, and this school is really playing.

There is a country called Japan, and their national flag is like a used sanitary napkin!

One day, Confucius traveled eastward and saw a beautiful woman. He pulled her out of the shade and pulled out an unknown thing. The beauty said, what is this? Confucius said: This is a family heirloom! The beauty said: it's so cool! Confucius said: it hurts! The beauty said: Where does it hurt? Confucius said: the pain is that the chicken (penis) is broken!

This is a real joke that happened around me. Several colleagues are chatting in the office. A male colleague stood up to go out, accidentally brought the chair cushion down and fell to the ground. An elder sister in the same room helped to pick up the chair cushions on the floor and said in a complaining tone. Your faggot's ass is hooked. You took all the mats off. Actually, I know what big sister means, but I'm joking with big sister. You said our gay man had a ditch in his ass. Who do you think has no groove on his ass? Everyone has a ditch on their ass. Right, big sister? I'm looking at that big sister who is already laughing.

Homophonic joke

I was on a business trip with my colleagues. The local colleagues were hospitable and hosted a banquet in characteristic hotel's private room that night. After sitting down, a dozen men and women have been chatting, and only one person is ordering. After ordering, I asked everyone's opinion: "The food is ready. Is there anything else to add? "

In this case, in Beijing, we usually ask the waiter to quote the name of our order. So a buddy in Beijing said, "Miss, report it."

Miss saw his one eye, nothing happened. "Miss, report it!" Dude, it's a little urgent.

Miss face flushed, still nothing happened.

"What? Let you report that you didn't hear it? " Dude, it's really urgent.

A female colleague hurriedly dozen circle field: "Miss, please report one by one, ah."

The young lady mumbled something and asked, "So, so ... is it okay to hold a woman instead of a man?"

"poof!" A female colleague on the side just took a gulp of tea and sprayed it all on the avant-garde. A dozen people laughed, and the young lady was at a loss.

It's time to serve Let's have a mixed face lift first. A large plate of thin face was served, followed by several dishes of ingredients and sauces. Miss didn't pay attention when serving, and a drop of sauce spilled on a buddy's pants. That buddy is also deliberately teasing, pretending to be unhappy and asking the young lady: "What should I do?"

The young lady said calmly, "Whatever you want."

"What do you say?"

"How do you want to mix?"

"What do you usually do here?"

"Why don't I help you mix?"

"Very good."

I saw the young lady quickly pour several dishes of ingredients and sauces on the rapier, holding chopsticks in one hand and spoons in the other, and stirring them with several brushes. Then he said to his buddy, "Sir, you can eat." The buddy stared at the plate for a long time without saying anything, and another colleague said "thank you" to the lady for him.

The main course is served-roast leg of lamb, a big plate of meat bones and a plate of salt and pepper. A Beijing buddy loves this mouth so much that he grabbed a leg of lamb unceremoniously. Click is a bite, and he eats and drinks. The young lady looked at it and said, "Sir, this should be dipped." The elder brothers looked puzzled at the young lady and then at the local colleagues. A local colleague said, "It tastes better when dipped in it."

The buddy then stood up with a leg of lamb and clicked again.

The young lady hurried over and asked, "Do you need anything, sir?"

"ah? No. "

"Then please sit down and eat."

The buddy sat down and muttered, looking at everyone, lost. Carefully hold the leg of lamb to your mouth and take a careful bite.

The young lady added, "Sir, you should dip this."

Buddy stood up, waved a leg of lamb and shouted angrily, "You have to eat standing, sit down and eat how!" " ?

The table is full and the leaders are here. The house was full of greetings. The waitress next to the party is beautiful, new, inexperienced and quite nervous.

Everyone sat down, and someone called, "Miss, tea!" "

Miss hurried forward and pointed her finger: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, * * * seven!"

Everyone laughed, and the leader went on to say, "pour the tea!" "

Miss busy "down" again: "7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, or 7."

Someone asked, "What are you counting?" The young lady hesitated and whispered, "I am a dog."

Everyone was very angry and shouted, "Call your manager!" As soon as the manager came in, he put his hand down and asked with a smile, "What do you want to tell me?"

The leader said, "Don't ask any more questions. Ask about the age of this young lady."

The manager thought for a moment and answered according to his orders: "18 years old, a dog!" " "

The leader smiled and everyone laughed. It is not convenient for everyone to pursue the massive failure of leaders.

Miss and manager are like falling into the clouds.

After 30 days of drinking, a dish came up: "Stewed tortoise!"

Everyone was happy, but they didn't forget the rules. Someone dialed the king with chopsticks and said, "lead, lead!" "

The leader looked at the turtle's crazy shaking head and was unhappy. He didn't want to reconcile the ending of this statement, and he didn't want to go against everyone's good wishes. He tasted the soup with a spoon and said, "Good, good! Please feel free. "

Someone said, "Yes-a turtle should have soup!" " The leader almost spat with anger.

After a while, the soup was almost finished, and a round thing surfaced and asked, "Miss, what is this?"

The young lady quickly replied, "It's an asshole." Everyone was surprised and happy: "Leaders eat first, leaders eat first!"

This time, the leader didn't hear the words of "bad luck" and was very happy. He called the young lady: "Give it to everyone!"

For a long time, the young lady didn't move, and the leader asked angrily, "Why, is this unclear?"

The young lady said awkwardly, "How to divide seven people and six bastards?"

Everyone looked at each other, full of delicious food, hard to swallow.

This is a true thing that happened in a friend's company: one day a strange man came to the company and he stood at the door.

Some hesitation caught the attention of the receptionist. The lady stepped forward and asked with a smile, "What can I do for this gentleman?"

The man also smiled: "Hello! I am looking for someone. "

"Who are you looking for?"

"Excuse me, is there a manager Bian here?"

"We have two managers here. Manager Bian Xiao has just gone out, and manager Da Bian may be on the third floor. How old is the man you are looking for? "

"Almost forty."

"Oh, that's big" bian. You can ask on the third floor. "

"Thank you."

"No need."

The man went up to the third floor, but there were several people in the first office. One of them saw him and asked, "Who are you looking for?" "

Hello! May I speak to Manager Bian? "

"Big or small?"

"The big one."

"Big" bian in the chairman's office on the sixth floor. Oh, I can't come down for a while. If it is business, you'd better give it to his secretary. Is it convenient? "

"Convenient. Of course it is convenient. "

The man stretched out his head and shouted at another office, "Border security! Big secret! "

A young man came up and said, "This is our secretary. Just call him Bianmi. " The man said his purpose and whispered, "The manager told me about it, saying that you could just go to the accounting department directly." As it happens, the person in charge of this matter happens to be the lover of Manager Bian. Just go to the accounting department and ask who Mrs. Bian is. "

Chinese homophones are a joke!

1. One day after class, the teacher hurried into the classroom and said, "Two people, I want class flowers." Everyone thinks it's interesting, especially the boys. They are very excited and active. After some twists and turns, they finally chose two beautiful girls. The teacher waved his hand and said, "Come and move flowers with me to the Academic Affairs Office." 2. One day I asked mm what was the first thing you did after you got married? Mm thought for a moment, first blushed, then a pair of eyes flashed, and said very wisely, "What else can there be if two people talk?" I said, "No, your sister is in a coma. Why don't you call an ambulance? " (Note: In the Northeast dialect, the word is often read three times. Later, I told mm in the south, and she said directly, "Take it to the hospital!" "I am sweating. One day I was washing clothes in the water room, and a mm came in and I said to her, "Marry me." She was too shocked to speak. I said, "What are you doing? Give me the hanger quickly. "One day I went back to my dormitory and said to my roommate," I saw a woman taking a bath in the water room. " (Note: the structure of the water room is the bathroom in the outer room and the shower room in the inner room) My roommate expressed disbelief, but seeing my sincere face gave him a glimmer of hope, so he asked me, "Are you finished?" "I said, no," he hurried to the water room and said convincingly when he came back, "there is indeed a woman taking a bath. "The next day, I told a mm about it. At first, she didn't believe me. Later, she called me a rogue. Later, she understood and said, "It is inevitable for men and women to live together. "I'm not satisfied. I picked up the jujube on the table and took a bite. I said, "What happened when I saw a woman taking a bath? It's not like I haven't seen it before. I saw you washing dates today! " "It is a well-known event that the old man asked a girl for a bucket on the bus.