Clinical joke

A girl who thought she was gorgeous had a car accident, lying in the hospital and sighing in front of the mirror, "Beauty is unlucky since ancient times."

Clinical response: "Don't worry, you will live a long life."

Timid Ayue visited the German castle with the delegation. The castle is full of evil wind. Ah Yue asked the deacon of the castle standing by in fear, "Are you haunted here?"

"Nonsense!" The deacon was furious: "I have served here for 300 years and have never seen a ghost!" " "

After washing your hair in the morning, put your mobile phone on the shelf next to you. After washing, I looked up and found that the phone was a little foamed, so I naturally took it under the tap and washed it for 20 seconds. After washing, I was very clean and satisfied. I wiped the surface of my mobile phone with a towel. Looking at the brand-new mobile phone, I feel really beautiful today. Two minutes later, I was stupid. I turned off the phone, opened the back cover, removed the battery and watched the water dripping from the inside of the phone. ...

On Teacher's Day, I gave my math teacher a smiling tiger cigar and put firecrackers in the tobacco leaves, which startled the teacher.

In the second year, cigars were sent, and the teacher cut them with scissors instead of firecrackers; The teacher is very heartbroken. I gave the teacher another cigar. It exploded again. . .

When the mayor came to the school to inspect the meeting, he secretly put laxatives in the principal's water to keep the principal in the toilet, and I also took toilet paper.

A year ago, freshman had a course called appreciation of ancient literature. One day I looked down at a poem on the table.

Yue:

Why do you need a long sleep in your life?

Will sleep after death.

Open your drunken eyes

Look at that poor professor.

So I felt guilty and looked up at the professor who gave a passionate speech.

He asked emotionally, "What is hibiscus?" ! ! ! ! ! "

Everyone at the bottom looked up and replied with one voice, "Sister ..."

"Yes, hibiscus is a kind of flower ..."

Tang Priest: Donor, I am from the Eastern Tang Dynasty. Please stay here for one night ... huh? Donors? Donor, would you please open the door? Fuck!

Tang Priest: Wukong bastard! Don't do this! Those benefactors are not monsters. How can you persist in teaching and kill people at will? ! ..... oh? Are they businessmen who buy land in Gai Lou? Amitabha ... Wujing, help me hold the five Buddha crowns for my teacher; Wukong, lend the golden hoop to the teacher! No, Bajie, give me your rake! blackguard; bastard; son of a bitch; chat good for nothing; wretch; skunk ...

5. Tang Priest: Wukong, Bajie and Wukong, come to the teacher. Alas ..... I don't blame your teacher, but have you forgotten all my teaching? You and I are both Buddhists, so we should avoid many commandments. You should always remember that you don't steal, talk nonsense, hate your mouth, be greedy, jealous or stupid! Since you believe in Buddhism wholeheartedly, how can you practice without practice? Ok, I'll ask your teacher, who the fuck is it! Last night, when I was sleeping for my teacher, I sneaked in and stole my food? !

You Po Hou, you are so disrespectful. Why do you look sexy in front of spider elves in a leopard apron? Why steal the limelight for the teacher? Shut up! I don't care if you are leopard print or tiger skin! Do you still know who you are? You were released. What are you pretending to be in front of me? Look, you dyed your yellow hair and held a steel pipe. Are you pretending to be a gangster? I fucking ... Hehe, Ami camel Buddha, kind and kind, a little rude as a teacher.

Wukong, let Bajie go into the water to catch carp essence. You are not good at swimming. If you drown, how can you afford this salvage fee for your teacher? Oh, no, no, it doesn't matter to Bajie. He will float on his own.

Tang Priest: Hehe, the market here is really lively. I haven't been through such a prosperous area for a long time. Hey, Wukong, look, those little dolls in the western regions who have been following us since just now, with curly hair and big eyes, are so cute! It's really simple and cute, hahaha ... huh? Bajie, where is your rake? Hey, Jason Wu, where are our luggage? Ah! Where is my white? !

Tang Priest: Wukong, look at you, not drinking horses, but taking selfies with your mobile phone. As the teacher said, you have a big face, a wide mouth and a bushy beard, and no matter how pouting you are, you can't be Kawaii. Come on, take some pictures for me and teach you some scissors hands for the teacher.

Wukong! Don't be rude Oh, old man, I'm a native of Datang Dongtu, and I passed by here today. I don't know if the old man can open the door conveniently ... Old man, please don't insult me again ... Old man, please don't pestle the poor monk with a cane ... Old man, please calm down ... Old man, can you touch me again? ..... Oh, my Cao? Wukong! Cut him! When Bajie realizes that you are going too, knock out your teeth and punch a hole in your leg, and it will be discounted! How kind!

Don't be crazy with me, my eldest brother Qin Shihuang! Don't pretend with me, the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China is behind me. If you don't believe me, bin Laden is my uncle. Bomb first, then poison. If you refuse to obey again, the registered policeman is my aunt. Change your account to a pig!

Life is like a super girl, and all the men who can go to the end are pure men.

There is a lot of rain in singles season, and singles on the road want to break their souls. Excuse me, where is my wife? Zeng Ge pointed to Chris Lee.

Zi Qiao: Huh? This cup has no mouth!

Meijia: You said it backwards.

Zi Qiao (turning over a cup): Not only does it have no mouth, but it also has no bottom.

When I saw Xiao Gang playing tricks, I woke Xiao Gang up and asked, Xiao Gang, what did you say I just said?

Xiao Gang said: How can I remember what you just said so clearly?

The teacher said: Then get to the point.

Xiaogang thought for a moment and said, you said we are in class now! ! ! ! .

The students all laughed. The teacher said: what I just said was burning the Yuanmingyuan. Who do you think burned the Yuanmingyuan?

Xiaogang said nervously, I didn't burn it. The whole class burst into laughter. The teacher left Xiaogang behind after school.

Xiaogang's mother came to school. When Xiaogang saw his mother, he cried and said, Mom, the teacher asked me who burned the Yuanmingyuan. He wouldn't let me go home if I said it wasn't me.

Xiao gang's mother said angrily, really? Come on, let's go find him.

Xiaogang's mother took Xiaogang and said to the teacher, how could you do this?

It is said that our Xiaogang burned the Yuanmingyuan. The teacher said, I didn't say he burned it.

I asked him who burned the Yuanmingyuan in class.

Xiao gang's mother said fiercely, is it arson to make small moves in class?

We Xiaogang are the most honest. He said he didn't burn it.

The father of the rogue Xiaogang teacher is also here. He seems to be a reasonable man. The teacher greeted him warmly.

Xiaogang's mother said: He said that Xiaogang burned the Yuanmingyuan.

Xiao Gang's father said, Oh, really? The teacher said, I didn't say he burned it.

Xiaogang's father said, if you burn it, you can tell me how much it costs. The teacher is dizzy ~ ~ ~ ~;

Can you afford it? Xiao Gang's father said excitedly: Although I am a fruit buyer, I can afford what your school accompanies me.

The teacher fainted: no need, you'd better save money to buy some books for the three of you to read ~ ~ ~ ~!

I was very thirsty when I went to work at noon, so I went to the grocery store and bought a bottle of Master Kong green tea. I found it was "Kangshuibo" green tea when I drank it. I didn't say anything. When I looked at the bottle cap, I found that I had won the lottery. Here comes another bottle. I told my boss to have another bottle after winning the lottery. The boss said quietly, look carefully. Let me see the bottle cap, Kao, and buy another bottle.

After military training in senior high school, the first day of class is Chinese class.

I didn't rest at the same table, so I slept in class.

The teacher saw, "Students who are sleeping,

Please answer this question. "

My deskmate woke up with a tingle. "I won't ..."

Teacher: "concentrate on the class and stop sleeping."

Sit down! Then student 53 comes to answer this question. "

The deskmate stood up again: "Teacher, I won't ..."

The teacher fainted. "Sit down, and then the students will answer!"

The deskmate stood up and said, "Teacher, I really can't!" "

"Sit down! The representative of the Chinese class answered me! "

The deskmate stood up again: "Teacher, I am the representative of Chinese class ..."

Last night, I stepped on a beautiful snake. It turned around and bit me. After a while, the snake trembled all over, foaming at the mouth, and hung up in the blink of an eye. I spat at him and disdainfully said to him: I have been drinking melamine milk, eating white flour, fried dough sticks with gutter oil, red-heart duck eggs marinated in Sudan, eel fed with birth control pills, hormone-treated chicken, water-injected meat and fake vaccines since childhood. How dare you bite me! It's killing me!

Watch China stock market during the day and China football at night. In less than half a year, you are not far from entering a mental hospital!

Say a game:

The first part: one card every three seconds, the chic of the card, five steps and one stop, posing. In a word: wait wholeheartedly, fail to correct, stop Kaka, the boss is really good! Cross-approval: I can't accept it.