Who knows the original text of Zhao Benshan's sketch (stock market edition)? I need it badly. Thank you in advance!

Zhao Benshan's Prose Collection (Stock Market Edition)

Cui Yongyuan: Hello ... Hello, uncle ... Please sit down ~ ~ ~ Uncle, please sit down.

Zhao Benshan: Yes.

Song Dandan: Hmm ~ ~ Cough ~ ~ ~

Cui Yongyuan: Uncle and aunt,

(a little nervous)

Cui Yongyuan: A little nervous. Uncle and aunt, this is your first time in the studio of TV station!

Zhao Benshan: First time.

Song Dandan: Well, it is ~ ~ ~

Cui Yongyuan: It's my first time in this studio, and I feel a little nervous. You see, with so many cameras and so many viewers, you can relax after chatting. Introduce yourself first.

Zhao Benshan: How?

Cui Yongyuan: According to your custom.

Song Dandan: Then I'll say ~ ~ ~

Cui Yongyuan: OK.

Song Dandan: My name is Baiyun.

Zhao Benshan: My name is Heitu.

Song Dandan: I am seventy-one.

Zhao Benshan: I am seventy-five.

Song Dandan: I'm a chicken.

Zhao Benshan: I'm a tiger.

Song Dandan: This is my husband.

Zhao Benshan: This is my mother-

(The band plays music)

Zhao Benshan: My wife,

Song Dandan: It's almost a generation ~ ~ ~

Cui Yongyuan: Please sit down. Please sit down. Aunt and uncle, I'm so nervous. Take it easy. Let me tell you about this talk show. It has a topic, and it won't be nervous when we talk about it.

Zhao Benshan: Yes.

Cui Yongyuan: Today's topic is "Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow". I think we should change the rules. Uncle, you go first this time.

Zhao Benshan: Yesterday, I prepared at home all night; Today, I came here; Tomorrow, go back, thank you!

(The band plays music)

Zhao Benshan: It's simple.

Cui Yongyuan: No, uncle, I didn't ask you to say this yesterday, I asked you to go on.

Song Dandan: The day before yesterday, the day before yesterday, we received a notice from our hometown. Thank you.

Cui Yongyuan: Aunt and uncle, I said yesterday, today and tomorrow, not yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Zhao Benshan: The day after tomorrow?

Cui Yongyuan: Not the day after tomorrow.

Song Dandan: When was that?

Cui Yongyuan: Not one day. I'm talking about za, this-recalling the past, commenting on the present and looking forward to the future. You got it?

Zhao Benshan: Ah ~ ~ ~ That's the past, present and future!

Song Dandan: Not yesterday, not today, not tomorrow.

Zhao Benshan: Yes, there is something wrong with your question.

Song Dandan: No, that's not true.

Cui Yongyuan: I made a mistake, too. I'd better ~ ~ ~ Who goes first?

Zhao Benshan: I told you, I'm prepared.

Cui Yongyuan: Ah, are you ready?

Zhao Benshan: The spring breeze of reform is blowing everywhere, and the people of China really live up to expectations; Qi Xin joined hands to cross the century, and a flood was not smooth. thank you

(The band plays music)

Cui Yongyuan: This is a poem.

Song Dandan: It's my turn.

Cui Yongyuan: Is your aunt ready?

Song Dandan: Yes ~~ ~ I'll stand and talk. The spring breeze of reform blew into the door, and the people of China were full of energy; The bay is very annoying, and the United States and Britain partner to bully people. thank you

Zhao Benshan: Why thank a bully?

Song Dandan: It's rude.

Cui Yongyuan: What is this? This is a poetry competition. Uncle and aunt, today is the Spring Festival, so don't say those annoying things during the Spring Festival. Say something happy.

Zhao Benshan: Did you see it? I will tell her when I leave home. I said you can't write this paragraph. UN Annan can't control what you do with the Gulf ~ ~ ~

Song Dandan: Then tell me ~ ~ ~

Cui Yongyuan: The uncle said, tell me about the general situation.

Zhao Benshan: Dear leaders and comrades,

Cui Yongyuan: Do you want to give a report?

Zhao Benshan: Isn't that okay?

Cui Yongyuan: Ah, ok, you go ~ ~ ~

Zhao Benshan: Hello, everyone! In 9898, there was a bumper harvest of grain and the flood was driven away. The people live and work in peace and contentment and praise the leadership of the party. Especially the people's army, is hard to find in the world. Foreign countries are in a mess and intrigue all day. The cabinet will step down today and the prime minister will be fired tomorrow. After the financial crisis, we must impeach the leaders. Throughout the world, the scenery here is better! Thank you very much

(band playing) (sitting on the ground)

Cui Yongyuan: Uncle! You fell! Oh, get up ~ ~ ~

Zhao Benshan: Take two steps forward and forget-

Song Dandan: Nothing ~ ~ ~ It worked.

Zhao Benshan: Did it work? ..... shame?

Song Dandan: No ~ ~ ~

Cui Yongyuan: Uncle and aunt, how about this talk show? In fact, it means chatting and chatting, that is, you are sitting on the kang in the northeast, what your home is like, and what you are like here. Take it easy, okay?

Zhao Benshan: Then you should say something relaxing ~ ~ ~ You should have said it earlier, and you would have understood it ~ ~ ~

(Take off your shoes and cross your legs) (The band plays music)

Song Dandan: You put on those shoes,

Zhao Benshan: Tell me to relax!

Song Dandan: Relax. What are you doing? Relax your feet. It stinks ~ ~ ~ Farewell, sweaty feet ~ ~ ~

Zhao Benshan: Can't you take off your shoes?

Cui Yongyuan: Ah ~ ~ ~ Okay ~ ~

Song Dandan: impolite ~ ~ ~

Cui Yongyuan: Uncle and aunt, let me ask, oh, you haven't seen our program, have you?

Zhao Benshan: Yes, your last name is Cui. Tell the truth.

Cui Yongyuan: Right, um,

Song Dandan: Isn't your name Cui Yongyuan?

Cui Yongyuan: Yes,

Song Dandan: People in our village really like you.

Cui Yongyuan: Really?

Song Dandan: I praised you for hosting that program very well.

Cui Yongyuan: Yes!

Song Dandan: It's just that people have grown ~ ~ ~

(The band plays music)

Zhao Benshan: Don't you dare!

Song Dandan: To be honest,

Zhao Benshan: What are you talking about ~ ~ ~ Sorry, she didn't mean that. My wife said, it means that everyone likes you to host that program. Alas, the whole village loves to watch it. That guy said that your host had a lot of characteristics and laughed like crying.

(The band plays music)

Zhao Benshan: Not crying is like laughing ~ ~ ~

Cui Yongyuan: Their village is boastful. Their village,

Song Dandan: And you-

Cui Yongyuan: Come on, come on ~ ~ Stop it. Let's talk about your parents. Now let me ask the question in detail. When did you get married?

Zhao Benshan: See you on May 8th.

Song Dandan: About winter.

Cui Yongyuan: I finally stopped reading poetry and started singing again. Who was chasing who when we were in love?

Zhao Benshan: Hehe ~ ~ ~

Song Dandan: Don't talk about it ~ ~ ~

Cui Yongyuan: This is personal privacy.

Zhao Benshan: Actually, Cui, you should have such an eye. At that time, in my current words, the young man was more handsome and chased me.

Song Dandan: Why don't you tell the truth? You make everyone look at your old face like a shoehorn. Can I catch up with you?

Zhao Benshan: Not aesthetic.

Song Dandan: Why?

Zhao Benshan: Is this called a shoehorn face? This is authentic pork kidney noodles!

(The band plays music)

Cui Yongyuan: It's worse than a shoehorn.

Song Dandan: I definitely didn't brag when I was young. I want to see the cherry mouth with curved eyebrows and willow leaves. Wu Laoer, who lives next door to us, shudders at the sight of me.

Zhao Benshan: Hum ~ ~ Forget it! Wu Laoer cerebral thrombosis, look who's shivering!

Cui Yongyuan: Uncle, that's not true. Actually, my aunt looks very energetic now.

Song Dandan: I can't do it now. Now my hair has turned white and there are many wrinkles. Two white front teeth were gloriously laid off last year ~ ~ ~

Zhao Benshan: Hahahaha ~ ~ This word is complete ~ ~ ~

Cui Yongyuan: I know this laid-off worker is still here. Uncle and aunt, I can ask one by one. Ask auntie first.

Song Dandan: Ask me?

Cui Yongyuan: Auntie, how did your uncle chase you?

Song Dandan: He just ~ ~ approached me on his own initiative, and he chatted with me well. He either mows the grass for me or recites poems to me, and always looks for opportunities to make eyes at me!

Cui Yongyuan: What about making eyes at him?

Zhao Benshan: Don't talk nonsense. I remember I gave you a pen, a table and a big blame for your family. When did I make eyes at you? What is leer?

Cui Yongyuan: The eyes are young men and women-

Song Dandan: Why don't you understand what eyes are? You are so ill-bred.

Zhao Benshan: What?

Song Dandan: The eyes are spinach in autumn.

Zhao Benshan: Oh!

(The band plays music)

Zhao Benshan: Yes, every year.

Cui Yongyuan: I heard that eyes are like this for the first time today. Uncle, you can't just send spinach. When people fall in love, they must give each other a decent token. Have you thought about it?

Zhao Benshan: Hehehe, it's a little historical. Say it ~ ~ ~

Song Dandan: I'm telling you,

Cui Yongyuan: My aunt said,

Song Dandan: Let's have sex with money. I just want to give him a sweater. Less money, no money to buy. I happened to be herding sheep for the production team, and when I found that the sheep had lost their hair, I shed oyster hair. Going home at night, spinning into wool, knitting sweaters during the day, herding sheep and oyster hair. As a result, the production team found me knitting two sleeves, not only confiscated the sweater, but also held an interrogation meeting to interrogate me. That money is not a kind of money called-

Cui Yongyuan: Dig the corner of socialism!

Song Dandan: Yes, I was accused of socialist wool.

(The band plays music)

Cui Yongyuan: That's a big crime.

Zhao Benshan: She is so sincere. You said fifty sheep were released at that time, but your oyster hair may be oysters. Who can't see a guy like Ge You?

Cui Yongyuan: I heard that this engagement object is actually not given away, so you have to get a decent bride price when you get married, right?

Song Dandan: I'm not afraid of jokes when I say it. His poor family should not care whether it is finished or not.

Zhao Benshan: Don't be blind, there is a household appliance!

Cui Yongyuan: And household appliances?

Zhao Benshan: A flashlight!

Cui Yongyuan: Eh, there is no decent bride price, but you see that my uncles and aunts have had a good life after so many years of ups and downs. I think this is the strength as always, which is worth learning for our young people and an example for us to learn!

Zhao Benshan: Hey, hey, don't be like us. Our relationship is in crisis.

Cui Yongyuan: Before?

Zhao Benshan: Now.

Cui Yongyuan: What's the matter?

Zhao Benshan: After the reform and opening up, the two of us built two-story buildings. When the building was finished and there were more houses, she suddenly asked me to separate, saying that she would put aside a house, who would keep her from learning a foreign language? After that, she said that this feeling is that distance produces beauty. As a result, when I went upstairs, the distance widened and the beauty disappeared! You don't call me for dinner every day. You called me and said in a foreign language, "Hello, the meal is ok, come down, miss!" " "

(The band plays music)

Song Dandan: Why don't you tell the truth? Why should I live with you?

Zhao Benshan: You are small-minded.

Song Dandan: You don't even look at me all day. You wait in front of the TV every day to see Ni Ping. I won't tell you to forget it!

Zhao Benshan: What's the use of saying that? Didn't your eyes go straight when Zhao Zhongxiang came out?

Song Dandan: What about Zhao Zhongxiang? Zhao Zhongxiang is my idol.

Zhao Benshan: Then Ni Ping is the girl of my dreams. Do whatever you want!

Cui Yongyuan: Uncle, this is not right ~ ~ ~

Song Dandan: Stop filming! What about these people? What do you think we should do after this?

Cui Yongyuan: Not a word.

Zhao Benshan: Wrong, OK? It's all videos!

Song Dandan: Trav, this snoring is off. Oh, stop it.

Cui Yongyuan: This Gollum is off. Stop playing ~ ~ ~

Song Dandan: You are so old ~ ~ ~

Zhao Benshan: No, you put it forward!

Song Dandan: No culture!

Cui Yongyuan: After so many years of ups and downs, I don't think it's worth watching TV.

Zhao Benshan: It's not that bad. And then it got worse. This guy called all the members of the House of Representatives, including men, women and our children, to hold a meeting to impeach me.

Cui Yongyuan: Things are getting worse!

Zhao Benshan: Well, after a show of hands, everyone agreed that I-

Cui Yongyuan: You're right!

Zhao Benshan: Apologize to others.

Cui Yongyuan: You must ask your aunt to tell you about the apology. You must remember what happened that day,

Song Dandan: Go, I'll talk to Xiao Cui.

Zhao Benshan: Just say it!

(Pushing Zhao Benshan)

Song Dandan: One night, Mao Mao hacked into my door. Staring at me like a stake when I opened the door, insisting on reciting a poem to me.

Zhao Benshan: Stop it ~ ~ ~

Song Dandan: "Ah, Baiyun and Heitu apologize to you. I came to your door. Please open your eyes and see how pathetic I am. Today, how can you and I repeat yesterday's story, and whether my old boat ticket can still board your wrecked ship! "

(The band plays music)

Cui Yongyuan: Uncle, what's the matter?

Zhao Benshan: The sound of the waves is still ~ ~ ~

(The band plays music)

Cui Yongyuan: Look, let's talk about suffering and fighting today. I think this topic is too heavy. Let's change the subject and think about a better tomorrow!

Song Dandan: Well, let me think about it first.

Cui Yongyuan: Think about it first.

Song Dandan: I've got it all figured out. I was born in the old society, grew up under the red flag, walked in the spring breeze, and prepared to cross the century. Think about the past, look at the present, I am one after another. So I had an idea.

Cui Yongyuan: What do you think?

Song Dandan: I want to write a book.

Zhao Benshan: Oh, stop. Come on, I can't even read. What book can I write?

Cui Yongyuan: Uncle, downloading books is hot. You can write one.

Song Dandan: Yes, everyone in Ni Ping has published a book called Tian, and my book is called Yue!

Zhao Benshan: How dare you brag? If you want to write Confucius, I will also write a book and wait on the moon. Blow it.

Cui Yongyuan: The more you say it, the more wrong it is. Aunt, slowly conceive and write this book. Uncle, why don't you tell me what you want to do most now?

Zhao Benshan: I think our life is very good now. We are getting older and have less and less time left. I used to talk about the sky, but now I talk about seconds. Next, I'm going to take her out for a trip, take a walk in a bigger city and go to Tieling for our honeymoon.

Song Dandan: I just want to have a facial before my honeymoon, and put on these front teeth and porcelain.

Cui Yongyuan: Advanced,

Song Dandan: Well, let's go for plastic surgery.

Zhao Benshan: I'll shoot a cucumber.

Cui Yongyuan: You get a face lift and a cucumber, and I'll have to make a pot of wine. As he spoke, he brought out all the snacks. In fact, I can hear that uncles and aunts want to be young forever, so I wish them happiness forever!

(The band plays music)

Cui Yongyuan: At the end of this program, as usual, we will invite every guest to sum up their inner feelings in one sentence. Auntie first?

Song Dandan: Just one sentence?

Cui Yongyuan: In a word.

Song Dandan: From the heart?

Cui Yongyuan: Yes, from the heart.

Song Dandan: I really want to see Zhao Zhongxiang.

Zhao Benshan: Forget it! What are you doing?

Cui Yongyuan: I was told to speak my mind!

Zhao Benshan: What a shame! No business! Let you say a word, you say it is right, and it is not shameful to lose it! Don't say anything vital!

Cui Yongyuan: Uncle, either you say something.

Zhao Benshan: I have one more thing?

Cui Yongyuan: Ah, in a word, yes.

Zhao Benshan: Who reported the train ticket to Qianer?

(The band plays music)

Cui Yongyuan: Thanks to the audience in front of the TV. Tell the truth next week. Goodbye.