Collect jokes!

1. One day, mosquitoes and mantis went to peek at a woman taking a bath. Mosquito proudly said: you see, I stabbed her chest twice ten years ago, and now it is so swollen; Mantis said unconvinced, what happened to the sample? I cut a knife between her legs ten years ago, and now I'm still bleeding every month. ...

In the hospital, a family is very happy to have a baby. When the baby was born, he spoke. The child said, "Grandpa." Grandpa sighed when he died. The child said, "Grandma." Grandma sighed when she died. The child said, "Dad." His father died and saw that he was not dead. At this time, the child's uncle died.

3. Kangaroos and frogs fuck chickens. The kangaroo finished it with three strokes and two strokes, and only listened to the frog next door all night. One, two, three. Hey! I envy the package sd mouse. The next day, the kangaroo said, "Wow! ~ ~ Brother Frog, you are great! . "The frog said," Fuck, I didn't jump on the bed all night! " ~~"

4. An elephant asked the camel, "Why do your breasts grow on your back?" The camel said, "stay away, I don't talk to things with dicks on my face!" " "The snake laughed wildly after listening to the conversation between the elephant and the camel. The elephant turned to the snake and said, "Laugh! You have a face on your penis, you are not qualified! "

A poor scholar studied hard and wrote a couplet in front of the door to encourage himself. The first couplet reads:' Sleeping in the Cottage Closing Speech', the second couplet reads:' Lying on the foot and playing the flute', and the second couplet reads:' Willing to listen to destiny'. One day, a Henan man passed by and was curious to see this couplet. He read aloud in his hometown dialect: "Who did my ass?" ,' I told him to make it hurt' ... Yo, and comments! But this time he read backwards: "Do it again tomorrow!" " "

6. The kindergarten female teacher led the students to swim and accidentally showed an X hair. A student asked the teacher, what is that? The female teacher pulled it out and said it was a thread!

7. The little girl always shows off her new toys to the little boy. The little boy had no choice but to take off his pants and say, you will never have this! The girl also took off her pants and said, my mother said that as long as you have this, you can have as many things as you want!

8. A row of prostitutes are waiting for guests in the street. An 80-year-old lady saw them and asked curiously, What are you waiting for? The prostitute said angrily, wait for the lollipop! The old woman lined up to join the team, waiting for sugar. As a result, she was caught by pol.ice, who asked the old woman, Can you do without teeth? The old woman smiled and said, I can lick it! ! !

9. The driver sent the leader to the literary evening, and the leader entered the venue. The driver was stopped by the security guard. The driver said that I am a system with the leader. The security guard said: Chicken X and eggs are also a system. Chicken X has gone in. Can eggs go in?

10, a person went to a Spanish restaurant for dinner and saw someone eating a bullwhip, which was big and thick. He wants to eat it, too, but the waiter said it was just cut from the shelf. If he wants to make an appointment, he made an appointment for tomorrow. The next day, the man went to the restaurant and found that the bullwhip today was very small. He was angry and asked the waiter why. The waiter said, "Today, the cow killed the matador!" " "

1 1, the dialogue between the fortune teller and the lady: "Your life is not good." "Why?" "Because you have a bad omen."

"Then can I take off my bra?" "No, as soon as you take off the bad omen, there are two big waves in life.

12. When my father was at work, my three-year-old son suddenly complained to his mother, saying, "Mom, when you were away yesterday, my father took the maid upstairs ..." The mother stopped her son from talking. At dinner in the evening, the mother gently said to her son, "Honey, don't you have a story to tell your father?" You can talk now. "

So the son slowly narrated, "Yesterday, Dad took the maid upstairs and did the same thing that you and Uncle Wang did when they were on a business trip with Dad ..."

13, one day, a husband's wife gave birth to a baby. He rushed to the hospital and waited for n hours. The doctor came out and told him it was twins! He was ecstatic: I am a father! At this time, the doctor said with a sad face: boys' penises grow on their faces, but girls' boobs grow on their backs! There was a gentleman who stayed there and didn't understand why. The doctor asked: Do you always refuse to reply?