Classic joke sharing

Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in story, often unexpected, giving people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. Most of them reveal absurd phenomena in life, which are ironic and entertaining. The following are 2022 classic cold jokes that I compiled for you to share, for reference only, hoping to help you.

Sharing the classic joke 1 1, I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night, turned on my mobile phone to watch the news, and my wife slept soundly. Suddenly, I was awakened by a thunder. I looked at it and said to me seriously, "Husband, don't play with my mobile phone when it thunders. The man in the pig farm was killed by thunder!" "

2. My wife bought a new mobile phone and didn't open the back cover. Me: "With my nails, in the small crack behind the phone, one stroke will open both sides!" " "

Wife: "but I don't have nails!" " "

Me: "Come on, can you use your brain without nails?"

Wife: "Do you think I'm stupid? My brain is so big, how can I get in? "

In the evening, I went shopping in the supermarket with my wife and bought a big car. During the official rush hour, the supermarket is crowded. ...

When I finally went to the cashier, there was no money in my pocket. She settled the account, and the idiot took out the money and shouted, "Look, it's great that you have a rich woman to eat and wear for you."

Suddenly there were strange eyes all around. ...

4. Teacher: "Xiao Ming, you use but to make sentences."

Xiao Ming: "Duck eggs are white."

When I was in primary school, one day the teacher asked the students: Do you want to be a teacher when you grow up?

Xiao Ming is the only person in the class who didn't raise his hand.

The teacher woke him up and asked, "Xiao Ming, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Xiao Ming said weakly, "teacher, I want to be the principal!" " "

The teacher was shocked and said, "What a beautiful idea! Get out! "

Share classic jokes 2 1. A vegetable vendor injured an old woman while delivering goods by car. The old woman appealed to the court and he paid a large sum of compensation.

A few weeks later, his van hit an old gentleman, who also got a lot of compensation in court, and the vegetable merchant almost went bankrupt.

On Sunday, the greengrocer sat idle at home, and his children ran in angrily.

"Dad!" The child shouted, "No, mom was run over by a station wagon ..."

Tears welled up in the eyes of the vegetable merchant. He said in a very excited tone, "Thank God, my luck has finally turned!" " "

2. One day, several good friends met in the street. They came to the restaurant together, ordered food, and suddenly didn't want to pay. One of them said that we all use our own surnames to say this dish. You can eat what you say right, and you can't eat what you can't say. You have to pay. Everyone else said yes.

The waiter brought the food up. Jiang said first that I was a fisherman, and then I brought the fish. The surname Huang said that I was a weasel stealing chicken, and then I brought the chicken. Qin said I was Qin Shihuang who annexed six countries, and then I took all the rest.

As a result, there was only one surnamed Sun. When he saw that he didn't have to eat and had to pay, he said I was messing with the Monkey King, and then he lifted the table.

The girl and the young man met in the park through the arrangement of the marriage agency. The two chatted for a while, and the girl got up to leave.

The young man is very interested in this girl. Seeing that she was leaving, he was very anxious and quickly asked why.

Girl: "Although you are good-looking, your stomach is empty."

Boy: "Who said my stomach was empty? I also ate a western meal and drank three glasses of wine before I came to the park. "

4. A drunken reporter went to the newspaper and asked him angrily why he didn't publish his own news and kept pestering him.

An editor who is good at dealing with difficult problems patiently asked him to open the newspaper of the day, and then asked, "Do you see any space in the newspaper where you can publish your news?"

"No." The reporter replied.

"That's why it wasn't published."

Classic joke sharing 3 1 There is a friend whose nickname is "my dad". When the courier delivers the goods to him, he is always embarrassed: "Are you ... my dad?" "You are my dad, go downstairs and get the courier." "This is ... my dad ... OK, this is your express."

Later, the courier changed his strategy: "Hello, you call me dad, right?" "Do you call me dad?" "I asked you to call me dad?" "You call me dad, and I'll send the courier to you."

2. The girlfriend is angry, and the boyfriend puts out his arm for her to bite, leaving deep teeth marks. ......

When his girlfriend was ready to leave after biting, the man said, "You can't just leave! You bit me a watch, and I have to bite you a pocket watch anyway! "

3. I was playing in the community park the other day, and I met Uncle Li sneaking around the community with his dog. I said hello to Uncle Li, and he made a sneering gesture: Don't be so loud and don't tell your aunt about it.

Soon after, the community posted a dog-finding notice, which could provide clues to help find it, and rewarded 500 yuan. At this time, Uncle Li found me with the dog: You give this dog to your aunt, and we will pay each other half.

4, a pair of men and women blind date.

W: Do you have a room?

M: I don't want to, but my son has more than a dozen villas.

Woman: Do you have a car?

M: I: No, but my son's car can park in half the parking lot.

W: What do you do all day and how much do you earn every month?

M: Just counting the money my son gave me.

What do you want from me?

Man: All you have to do is give me a son like this.

Woman: Oh, so you want to be a father, then we are just right!

A girl met her father at the school gate. She was surprised: "Dad, why are you here?"

Her father took her aside and said, "You are a disappointment. You paid to come to school to study hard, but you gave birth to all your children with others! " ! Say, are you good enough for your mother? "

Girl: "Dad, I didn't. Who did you listen to? "

Father: "Still trying to hide it from me! Your mother and I both saw that your baby in the circle of friends was miserable and had a fever. The doctor said that an injection was needed, which frightened the baby. I came all night! Tell me where the baby is. Show me! "

Sharing the classic joke 4 1, Sima Guang lit a fire under the jar and said with a smile: Boil the water dry and the child will not drown.

2, girlfriend's face is too long, and her legs are short every time she goes shopping together.

After a man borrowed money, he returned a pile of excrement to the creditor, claiming that he regarded money as dirt.

Seeing that the hostage was sleeping soundly, the kind kidnapper set the time bomb for 2 hours.

My brother got into a fight yesterday and got more than 20 stitches in his leg. I couldn't take it anymore, so I bought him a pair of autumn trousers.

6. "What is the most embarrassing thing that others say when they refuse you?" "The slap in the face is too loud to hear clearly."

7. "People always say that I am a fox. Do I really have that great charm? "

"Maybe it smells like body odor!"

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