There is no topic for chatting? Try these twelve techniques.

Lead: Sometimes, we feel that there is nothing to talk about. Is there really no topic? No, you just can't talk. Here are 12 kinds of chat skills to keep you from catching a cold.

1. The point is not what to say, but how to say it.

Different people, different situations, different tone and intonation, say the same sentence, but have different feelings. The point is not what to say, but how to say it. This is not a method, nor a move, but an internal skill.

2. Cold reading

Cold reading literally translates it? Cold reading? . Girls hate the question of auditing. How old are you? Where are you from? What's your name? Unfortunately, most people still only know this superficial chat mode. If you can study cold, you won't have this problem. Cold means being unprepared, while reading means being absorbed. Cold reading refers to reading others' minds when they are unprepared, even when they meet for the first time, so as to communicate with others better. Psychologists often use it in psychotherapy.

For example:? Have you ever studied abroad? This is a common question.

Converted into cold reading is:? You must have studied abroad. ?

Another example is:? What do you think of your personality?

Converted into cold reading is:? If I am not mistaken, your popularity must be good. ?

This is obvious. In the first example, if it is an ordinary conversation, the other party will definitely answer: yes/no.

But with cold reading, the other person may have many answers, such as: how do you know? /No, why do you say that? /Do you know which country I am in?

In the second example, if it is an ordinary conversation, the other party is likely to answer: eh? I don't know what to say. /I think my personality is ok.

But the way of cold reading is different: ah! How do you know! /No, actually, I don't have many friends.

Perhaps you have found that declarative sentences must be used in cold reading. Moreover, cold reading is speculation. Since it is a guess, it is not accurate. But this does not mean that cold reading failed. Cold reading doesn't let you completely guess each other's information, but let them open their hearts and give you more information on their own initiative. Of course, you can't make a wild guess. Instead, make your guess more accurate through all the information such as the other person's clothes, conversation and topic content.

Some people say that as a girl, I feel sick when I hear others talking to myself during cold reading. I admit, this has already happened. But this technology has a scientific basis. Psychological counseling, psychological counseling, inquiry and other fields are widely used, and may not be used by many people in daily life. Many movie characters use the technique of ultra-cold reading, because another profession that knows this very well is screenwriter.

3. Keyword association method (upper pile parallel lower section)

Through the limited content given by the other party. Start a new topic.

You can choose an object, anything, in the scene around you. Face what you see and make memories. It is best to imagine the same or similar items and search in memory. For example, when I see a bench now, I immediately think of the granite bench in my childhood. Then think about why this similar item will appear in your memory. It must appear in your memory for a specific reason. Recall again, what impressed you deeply and reconstructed the picture and world view at that time! For example, I thought the granite bench was very big and heavy, and then I could make up a story that I was going to move it and hit my foot. You have to make this reaction within 3 seconds. )

For example:? I usually stay at home and watch movies or something. ? (movie)

? What movies do you usually watch? /? People who like watching movies are usually very emotional. So do you. ?

Another example: A girl said: I don't like that bar. I drank too much in it with a group of friends on my last birthday.

Ok, think about it, where can we contact and develop the topic? Too many! (1) don't like bars, why; The craziest birthday party I have ever experienced; 3 I drank too much for the last time; (4) the story that happened afterwards.

Tell a story

80% of the conversation between two people is completed by telling stories. Here I briefly talk about how to tell a good story.

1 details. For a story to sound true, there must be details. For example:? I'm lying in bed with the quilt uncovered (details). Then I took out my mobile phone and took a look. I still remember clearly that it was 3 am 15 (details). Then I turned over.

② Display value (optional). Stories are the best way to get to know you. For example, you want the other person to know that you are rich. You can just say:? I am a local tyrant. ?

Of course, you can also tell a story: I died miserably recently. Two days ago, my car was hit by someone. He called me today to sign the agreement. I thought to myself, why sign a broken agreement to repair the car? As a result, when I looked at it, it said that if the parts were damaged during transportation, I would bear it myself. Only then did I know that the parts of this broken car could only be imported from Italy. You can't buy it in China. Alas, I haven't driven for months. ?

So people will naturally know that you are driving a good car. And rich.

3 ups and downs. No one likes plain stories. This requires you to have certain screenwriter ability. If not, you might as well sort it out first.

For example:? Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? Yesterday, a sister paper consulted me. She said that her boyfriend's place is too small, only the size of toothpaste. I get angry when I hear it. Tell her not to be naive, okay? As big as toothpaste. It's already big! As a result, she said weakly, have you seen the toothpaste in the hotel?

④ Create world pictures and backgrounds. Just like on the set, your story had better have a sense of picture. Otherwise, people will be boring. Many novels can do this.

For example:? There is not much space on the second floor, and there are a few tables scattered. Yu Guang told me that there are some hot beauties sitting here for dinner. I dare not look up and scan around, and silently follow my buddy to an empty table and sit down. I looked up after sitting down. Opposite me, there is a small group of three girls at two o'clock. One of the girls faced me. As a mentally healthy dead bitch, I glanced at her. The yellow center is very smooth. A cool strapless dress. Show round and greasy pearl shoulders. Two long legs, white reflection. Wearing a pair of transparent ribbon glass sandals on the soles of your feet. The ankles are round and graceful, and the ten toes are red with bright nail polish. ?

I believe you can already imagine the picture that the novel wants to describe.

⑤ Add feelings. Without a good way of telling, a good story won't work. Imagine that if the robot Kawara Tsutomu had no feelings, it might not have so many fans.

Note: Don't make a long speech when you are unfamiliar. The story at this time should be short and interesting. When you get to know each other, you can start telling some long and profound stories.

5.EV (induced value)

This belongs to the category of deep chat. You want to know some privacy or secrets of each other. You can refer to this method. For example, you want to know her childhood experience.

Of course, you can just ask:? Did you encounter anything unforgettable when you were a child? . At this time, the other party may not remember.

EV:？ I still remember being tricked into the ladies' room by a classmate when I was a child. He told me that the teacher was waiting for me in the toilet. I really believe it. I walked in timidly and found only one aunt sweeping the floor. I asked her foolishly, have you seen Miss Wang? As a result, she took me to the guidance office for questioning Hey. I don't even want to talk about it. Did something similar happen to you when you were a child?

This is Eve. By telling your own story, you can induce the other person to tell your own story. Of course, you need the ability to tell stories. Reference 4)

6 playing hard to get

Use the process of fishing as a metaphor for the process of dialogue. Direct example:

Example 1: You: Where are you from? (temptation)

Opposite party: Shandong people. (take the bait)

You: Really! I like drinking Shandong people best to make friends! (Answering the phone) But why is it difficult for me to communicate with you now! (release)

Exodus 2: You: If I guess correctly, you must have studied abroad. (temptation)

The other side. Yes. How do you know?

You: Haha, because I have been in France for two years before. Everyone who has studied in school is full of aura, and I can see it at a glance. (Answering the phone) But you're the only one I'm not sure about. (release)

The function of this method is to make you have to talk to each other. Without losing your identity. And it can arouse each other's curiosity.

7. Open trap

If a person is interested in something, and then you take it away, when you give it to him again, it will arouse his greater interest. The open trap comes from this. The simple explanation is that the conversation contains unexplained thoughts, stories, emotions or feelings. For example, you have seen a movie, but there is a suspense at the end of the movie (aliens left a cub on the earth). You'll start looking forward to its sequel.

In conversation, it is like this. Join a woman and ask you: How was your day? What would you say? what's up Okay？ Really? Obviously that's weak.

The open trap is played like this:

Example 1: She:? How was your day?

You:? Is it really a long story? .

She:? What happened?

You:? That's disgusting! You don't wanna know. ?

In this way, she will be very interested in this story.

Example 2: You:? You know, you are really great! You made me spend three more minutes on you. ?

She:? Is it? What am I good at?

You:? I'll tell you when I have a chance. By the way, last time

So, will she be right? Is she great? The reason is extremely fascinating. So, this is a way to make the other person chase you.

8. Role-playing

Role-playing is effective because it is not the real situation. In role-playing, people don't play real roles. Therefore, embarrassment is avoided. People can also let go in the role.

For example, you will say: you go to rest. I am sleeping, too. ?

Role-playing: Ai Qing, please step down. I went to bed. Turn the card again tomorrow. ?

For example, you would say: You look great when you cut your hair short! Let's go for a walk. ?

Role-playing: Let's go, Ling Boli, the Apostle is coming! ?

Role-playing is effective because the emotions it causes are real. In other words, in role-playing, any feeling you give the other person is as strong as what they feel in real life.

9. sense of humor

This thing is difficult to learn in a pattern. A sense of humor is a way of thinking. I want to make it clear here that either you can tell jokes or you are humorous. Humor is not because of your topic, but because of you.

Saying ridiculous things in a very serious tone. It doesn't look like a joke at all. This is actually an unexpected way of thinking. If you don't have this way of thinking, then what you said must be reasonable. There is no humor.

10. Sense of connection

(1) The connection is shallow (* * * the same topic). For example, you and I graduated from the same high school/so you also like mustard.

In the early days of getting along, we met by this sense of connection. The closer you are, the better your chances of becoming good friends/lovers.

② Deep connection. For example, you have all been abused/your parents divorced/you want to commit suicide, etc.

Deep connections are usually associated with feelings and emotions. That is, heart to heart A relationship from shallow to deep can't escape a deep sense of connection.

It should be noted that the time and place to generate a deep sense of connection is very important. You can't talk to others at noon. You fell in love with the wrong person. You can't tell her in the video game that you tried to kill yourself.

You can refer to the above methods to create a sense of connection.

1 1. Body language

Some experts say that 80% communication between two people is done through body language.

I think it's strange to explain body language in words. I still recommend you to watch more movies. Pay attention to tone, intonation, eyes, facial expressions, gestures, postures and so on.

12. Silence

Silence here doesn't mean it's over without talking. It is a sudden silence in a normal chat environment.

For example, you are chatting, and suddenly your message rings. Then you read the message. From now on, you don't talk. He hung his head as if thinking about something difficult. How will the other party react?

Yes, the other person will definitely ask you: What's the matter? /What do you mean unhappy?

Then you said: nothing.

Recipient: Nothing. Can you tell me something? Maybe I can help you share some?

You: balabala?

The power of this skill is that it allows the other person to chase you emotionally. Put yourself in others' shoes. You're dating a girl. When she answered a phone, she suddenly stopped talking. What's your mood? Do you want to comfort her and coax her? If you make good use of it. This will be a killing act, which will make you feel deeply connected in an instant.

No topic is really not a problem. Now the media is so developed. You can easily get any topic you need. Watching news every day can give people endless topics to talk about. The key is how you speak. When you tell her how Chanel became a slut or the love story between Chiang Kai-shek and Song Meiling. I'm sure she will be very interested.