I want to use a story or a joke to stop my girlfriend from posting haha, but what kind of joke should I use?

1. I came back drunk in the middle of the night, and while my wife was sleeping, I used all my strength to kick her under the bed. . .

Then he yelled angrily: "Fuck you! I have a wife and children!!"

Then he fell back and continued to pretend to sleep. The next morning, my wife endured the pain and not only did not blame her for being drunk last night, she also brought steaming milk, half of which was filled with tears. . .

2. Me: I feel so at a loss because all the money I earned was spent on you.

Husband:? (Confused)

Me: Look, every penny I earn will be used to dress up your wife, play with your wife, and buy snacks for your wife. Alas, I don’t even have any savings now. It’s such a huge loss.

Husband: Yes, you have worked hard.

3. Two married men were chatting, and one suggested talking about their respective motives for proposing.

"I saw her wearing a thin dress in the summer, and her beautiful legs were looming, so I proposed to her."

"I am just the opposite," another continued Said: "My wife always wears long skirts. I wanted to know how her legs looked like, so I proposed to her!"

4. One day, the husband asked his wife gloomily: Too bad my beard is getting grayer and my hair is still black. How ugly this is. You say, what is the reason for this?

The wife thought for a while and said: That’s not easy. You use your mouth the most in your life and your brain the least.

5. Lao Li was addicted to alcohol. Lao Cao, a qigong practitioner, suggested that he use qigong therapy to stop drinking. A few days later, Lao Cao met Lao Li's wife and asked her whether her husband's Qigong practice was effective. ——Oh, Lao Cao, it’s too bad, he can drink while standing on his head now.