How to raise a mother-in-law as a biological mother

How to raise a mother-in-law to be a biological mother

How to raise a mother-in-law to be a biological mother. After a woman gets married, she will face the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. If you don't get along well with your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, there will be many conflicts in your life and your happiness will decrease. If you want to get along well with your mother-in-law, let’s take a look at how to raise your mother-in-law to be a biological mother! How to raise a mother-in-law to be a real mother 1

There is a very subtle competitive relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

I think the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is really a difficult subject. Especially like me in the past, I would really like to be a good wife and a good woman, so I put a shackles on myself. They will try their best to please their mother-in-law. I believe many women are like this.

But usually there is a very subtle competitive relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. If your momentum is weak and you cannot return to your center, the mother-in-law may come up and control you.

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is here to teach you to return to your own center

Therefore, if there is a problem in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is usually to teach the daughter-in-law how to return to her own center and start Be confident.

Because I have some friends who are very modern and independent women. They often tell me, "I never care about my mother-in-law. She comes when she wants to come and leaves when she wants. Then I don't care about her at all."

This kind of woman, She is very confident and independent, and does not rely on her husband financially. She does not have to go out of her way to please her mother-in-law. Her mother-in-law is a relative of hers. She comes and goes as she pleases. She does not deliberately have anything to do with her mother-in-law, nor does she. I will listen to my mother-in-law.

Women who have problems with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are women who need to build up their self-confidence, so I think women who have problems with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are usually women who need to build up their self-confidence.

She felt that maybe her mother-in-law was too strong and she couldn't face it, and she would be depressed, but she was unhappy in her heart.

In fact, I think that in this world, no one can suppress you, no one can put you in a low position, and no one can insult you, unless you allow yourself to be insulted. Therefore, you must really build up your own strong inner strength.

Be aware of your own ignorant fears

We have many ignorant fears. For example, I care too much about this marriage, or I care too much about my own image. I care too much. If I don't get along well with my mother-in-law, my husband will not love me.

If I have these fears and I am driven by these fears every day, I will lose myself and I will try my best to please others.

But if you stand firm, just tell your husband, "This is a family of two of us, a family established by two of us. Your mother is our closest relative, but there are many things about us that we You must make your own decision, and you cannot let her interfere.”

Respect is earned by women themselves.

If you can have such confidence and ability, I think you will. Your husband will also respect you more. This respect in marriage is earned by women themselves. That depends on what kind of woman you are?

If you are a woman who does not have the conditions to be financially independent, and then you marry a man, you may hope to rely on him to provide financial assistance, then usually in this situation, your momentum will be relatively weak. Now, it's hard for you to strike a balance.

So, then you can be willing to say that since their family is rich and powerful and you are married like this, then you may have to be a very well-behaved and agreeable wife.

Then in front of your mother-in-law, you just talk less and don’t argue with her. Then you try to find ways to reduce the chances of getting along with your mother-in-law in the best way. Of course, sometimes it's even more difficult if we live together at all.

Keep looking back at yourself to see what is happening inside

I think, whether it is a problem between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, or some difficulties we encounter in life, the method I use Just keep looking back at yourself, and see what is happening inside you right now?

Everything is a mirror for me, reflecting what is happening inside me.

When I don’t want others to control me, maybe I have a fear and don’t want to obey others, or it may be my inferiority complex.

Or when I don’t feel good about myself, if I just say a word to others, I will feel that they are criticizing me.

At this time, maybe I need to return to my center first, then take a deep breath, and bring my attention to my body. You can laugh off what others say and don’t need to be entangled with their energy. together.

Is marriage really that important to you?

Then you consider the worst possible outcome. I'm not saying you have to get divorced, but is this marriage really that important to you?

If we humans do not have a clear vision, we are usually a machine controlled unconsciously. We will think that once I get married, I must do whatever I want;

Then there is no way to accept any other possibilities. Then I followed this man, and he is the man of my life. I cannot accept other possibilities. possibility.

The only constant is change

I have lived so long and traveled so many roads, especially in the past ten years or so, I have been constantly observing my life and observing There are many, many possibilities in other people's lives, but because of our habit of wanting to stay the same, which is a habit of pursuing a sense of security, we want to stay the same.

But I’m sorry, the only constant in this world is change, which is constantly changing. We call it impermanence.

You have to accept that no matter what happens, it will be for the best. Then I don’t have to compromise and lose myself in order to strengthen my marriage. Or if I leave this man, I will die.

Find the paradise within yourself

No matter who you associate with, you must find a paradise within yourself where you can enjoy yourself. When others cannot interact with you in a friendly manner, you will return to your own paradise;

Therefore, their attitude and the way they treat you will not affect your own happiness. , when you radiate this energy, they will not treat you in that unkind way, so you can change the relationship between the people around you and you. How to raise a mother-in-law to be a biological mother 2

Do you know the difference between how a mother-in-law treats her daughter and her daughter-in-law?

Let me tell you a joke first.

There was an old lady with a son and a daughter.

Once, the old lady went to live at her daughter’s house for a month. When she came back, her neighbor asked:

How is your son-in-law?

The old lady said with a smile:

My son-in-law is doing well. He does laundry and cooking at home, so my daughter doesn’t need to do anything. My daughter watched TV and washed the fruits and brought them over. To drink water, my daughter doesn’t even have to get up, she just says hello and gets it.

Another time, the old lady went to her son’s house to stay for a month. After returning, the neighbor asked again:

How is your daughter-in-law?

The old lady said with a look of disgust:

The wife here is really shameless. She doesn’t wash or cook at home. She doesn’t do anything but eat. While watching TV, I asked my son to wash the fruits and bring them over. Even if I want to drink water, I can’t stand up and pour it by myself. I have to ask my son to pour the water and bring it over!

Did you see it? The emotional balance always tends towards blood being thicker than water.

For the same thing, if the daughter does it, she will be blessed, but if the daughter-in-law does it, it will be treason.

But logically speaking, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law care about the same man, so why do they have to fight?

Because mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not compatible by nature.

In the theoretical system of the Ten Gods of Zhouyi, each role in the family has a corresponding analogy.

For men, "seal" represents mother, and "wealth" represents wife.

Unfortunately, "Yin" and "Wealth" are naturally in conflict with each other.

"Yin", that is, mother, gives unconditional dedication and support to her son.

However, "money", that is, the relationship between the wife and her husband needs to be managed by each other.

For the mother, she has become accustomed to this kind of unconditional love, so she subconsciously reflects this kind of love on her daughter-in-law: she hopes that the daughter-in-law's love for her husband will also be unconditional.

However, the love between husband and wife requires mutual sacrifice, and the process of love is a process that requires both parties to manage it at the same time.

Except for the love of parents for their children, no kind of love in this world is unconditional.

So you said, how could a mother-in-law really like her daughter-in-law?

But the bad thing is that the daughter-in-law calls her mother-in-law "Mom".

If you really think about it, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are just strangers who were forced to live together, and they are not related by blood at all. But the word "Mom" made both women embarrassed, and they had to pretend to be affectionate like a biological mother and daughter.

If you say this is a traditional custom, just call it.

What’s even worse is that in order to have a good relationship with her mother-in-law, the daughter-in-law really treats her mother-in-law as her own mother.

In fact, no matter how close you two are, it is impossible for your mother-in-law to treat your daughter-in-law as her own daughter.

The ideal is plump, but the reality is skinny.

Many problems in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are caused by excessive initial expectations, which leads to emotional breakdown and explosion when there is a huge gap between expectations and reality.

One of my cousins ??is a very gentle and simple woman. When they were in love, she and her boyfriend fell in love with each other, and she was full of longing for their future married life.

I still remember that not even a month after my wedding, my cousin called me:

Seeing how serious you said before, my mother-in-law is very nice and treats me like her own daughter. .

At that time, my cousin felt that she was lucky. She often boasted about her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship in the circle of friends, and even used the word "mother and daughter".

The good times did not last long. After the honeymoon period, the word mother-in-law never appeared in my cousin’s circle of friends.

One time, my cousin mentioned it at the dinner table because my mother-in-law’s cooking was too spicy and the taste was getting heavier and heavier. As a result, my mother-in-law replied in a nonchalant manner:

Why does a person who doesn’t do housework have so many demands?

The cousin was stunned for a moment and opened her mouth, but the words were stuck in her throat and did not come out.

After the meal, my cousin heard her mother-in-law say on the phone:

Want to eat steamed sea bass? Okay, mom is going to buy groceries now.

On the other end of the phone is my cousin’s sister-in-law, who comes to the house for dinner every weekend.

My cousin felt more and more uncomfortable, and told me on the phone:

I usually treat her just like my own mother. I think about her when I buy anything, and I even pull her. Why doesn't she appreciate it when we go shopping and play together?

I actually feel sorry for my cousin, after all, she didn’t do anything wrong. But in this world, it doesn’t mean that you have done nothing wrong.

The most important thing is that there is a problem with the way she gets along with her mother-in-law.

There are many ways to get along between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. I recommend one:

Daughter-in-law and mother-in-law should maintain clear psychological boundaries so that both parties can be comfortable. status.

From the perspective of the Ten Gods of Zhouyi, it is necessary to use the method of "official killing" to fill the gap between "seal" and "wealth".

The so-called "official killing" method is: as a daughter-in-law, you need to be polite and courteous on the surface, but you must remain rational on the inside, do not be overly affectionate, do not pretend to be mother and daughter, and maintain Appropriate sense of proportion and distance.

You may say, if a daughter-in-law treats her mother-in-law like this, will she still be a family? How can there be any warmth?

If you think so, you are wrong. What really makes you happy is not the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but the relationship between you and your husband.

Mother and daughter are a blood relationship, but mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are a social relationship. The former only needs natural emotional expression to get along with each other, while the latter tests the ever-changing emotional intelligence competition and game.

Only by understanding the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can we treat it with a normal attitude.

In fact, the English translation of mother-in-law is mother-in-law, which means mother in the legal sense. I think this word is very appropriate. Why do we have to call her "mother"?

Therefore, I suggest that the country should legislate to abolish the custom of "changing one's mouth". Daughters-in-law should be called "father-in-law and mother-in-law", and sons-in-law should be called "father-in-law and mother-in-law". Everyone should return to their respective positions and perform their duties. , and contribute to building a harmonious society.

Well, that’s it.