Who can tell me 1 celebrity stories?

When Khrushchev exposed Stalin's atrocities at the 20th Congress of the Soviet Union, someone gave him a note. Khrushchev read the note on the spot: "What were you doing at that time?" . Then he asked, "Who wrote this? Please stand up! " . Asked for three times in a row, no one has come forward from the audience. So Khrushchev said, "Now let me answer you. I was sitting in your seat. "

German novelist and composer Hoffman (1776— 1822) visited a newly rich family in Berlin. After dinner, the host showed him around the luxurious house. Speaking of servants, the nouveau riche casually said that he needed three servants to serve him alone. Unexpectedly, the novelist said that he took a bath alone and four people served him. One is to put a bath towel on him, one is to test the water temperature, and the other is to check the faucet.

"What about the fourth one?" The nouveau riche asked incredulously.

"Oh, he's the key-he bathes me." The novelist said.

One day, Heine received a heavy letter from a friend who owed postage. He opened it and found a big bundle of wrapping paper with a small note on it: "I'm fine, don't worry!" " Your Mel. "

A few days later, Meyer also received a heavy package from Heine, and he had to pay a lot of cash when he received the package. There was a stone in it with a note: "Dear Meyer, when I knew you were okay, the stone in my heart fell to the ground."

When Mark Twain was running a newspaper in Missouri, a reader once found a spider in his newspaper and wrote to ask Mark Twain if it was a good omen or a bad omen. Mark Twain wrote back-"Dear!

Dear sir, you found a spider in the newspaper, which is neither a good sign nor a bad sign. This spider just wants to see which businessman didn't advertise in the newspaper, so that he can build a net at his home and live a quiet life. "

Taft is the heaviest of all American presidents, and his gestures are very powerful.

One day, he went to visit former President Theodore? When Roosevelt arrived at Roosevelt's seaside villa, he decided to take a bath in the sea. It happened that one of Roosevelt's children had had enough fun on the beach and ran home to find Roosevelt.

"Dad, let's go swimming." Children are lazy? br & gt

"No, son, not now." Roosevelt picked up the child and said, "Mr. President is using the ocean."

There was a man who didn't say a word in the communication. The philosopher Dior Vlasta said to him: "If you are a fool, your performance is the cleverest;" If you are a smart person, then your performance is the stupidest. "

Shortly before the outbreak of World War I, American-born feminist Nancy Astor visited Churchill at Brenne Palace (1874- 1965). Churchill received her warmly. During the conversation, Astor talked about the issue of women's rights and earnestly hoped Churchill could help her become the first female congressman.

Churchill laughed at her idea and disagreed with some of her views, which made the lady very angry. She said to Churchill, "Winston, if I were your wife, I would put poison in your coffee cup!" " "

Churchill went on gently: "if I were your husband, I would drink it without hesitation!" "

Aesop, an ancient Greek fable writer (who lived in the 6th century BC), met a pedestrian one day and asked him for directions.

Pedestrian: "How long will it take me to get to the city?"

Aesop: "Wow, you go."

Pedestrian: "I really have to go. I mean, how long will it take to walk to the city?"

Aesop: "Go! You go wow! "

Pedestrians feel that this person is really hateful and leave angrily.

After a while, Aesop shouted to him, "Two hours-"

The pedestrian asked, "Why didn't you tell me just now?"

Aesop, "I don't know how fast you walk, how do you know how long it will take!" " "

American general mark wayne clark (1896— 1984) is an interesting and rigid optimist in his daily life.

Once, Clark was asked such a question: Of all the advice given by others, which is the most beneficial?

Clark said, "I think the most useful advice is' marry this girl'".

"So, who gave you this advice?"

"It's the girl herself." Clark replied.

Voltaire, who was bohemian and always ridiculed the great men at that time, praised a fellow writer one day. One of his friends immediately pointed out, "I'm sorry to hear that you praised this gentleman so generously." You know, it is this gentleman who often says you are not behind his back. "

"It seems that we are both wrong." Voltaire said.

The famous Russian fable writer krylov (1769-1844) is very fat and likes to wear black clothes. Once, a nobleman saw him coming and shouted to him, "Look, a dark cloud is coming!" " "

"No wonder the toad started barking!" Krylov looked at Yong swollen noble replied.

Lyndon baines johnson, the 36th president of the United States (1908- 1973),

At the age of 26, he was appointed as the director of the Texas branch of the National Youth Administration. During his tenure, he was very strict with his subordinates and liked to talk about their shortcomings.

Once, he passed a colleague's seat and saw his desk full of papers. He deliberately raised his voice and said, "I hope your mind is not as messy as this table." In this way, everyone in the same office can hear clearly. Before Johnson visited the office for the second time, it was difficult for his colleague to sort out the papers and clear the table. When Johnson came to the office again, he saw that the original messy desktop became empty, so he said, "I hope your mind is not as empty as this desk."

On a sea trip, the Duke of Wellington's ship was caught in a storm and was in danger of sinking. The captain hurried to Wellington's cabin and said, "We are going to die."

Wellington was about to go to bed when he said, "Well, I don't need to take off my shoes."

The third French President armand Farrier (1841-1913) visited the great sculptor Rodin (1840- 19 17).

When Fulton first publicly demonstrated the steamboat he invented, no one believed that it could move. People on both sides of the strait kept beating drums and said, "Don't move, don't move, don't move!" Unexpectedly, the ship started at once, with steam and singing. After watching it for a long time, the crowd was tongue-tied and said, "Can't stop, can't stop, can't stop!"

1944 10 In October, the situation of World War II was not completely clear. Japan is rumored that most of the warships of the US Third Fleet have sunk and the rest are retreating.

William F. halsey Jr., commander of the US Pacific Fleet (1882-1959) immediately called back to refute: "Our warship has been rescued and has now retreated to the Japanese fleet at a high speed."

Indian writer Tagore (1861-1941) received a letter from a girl: "You are a writer I admire. To show my admiration for you, I intend to name my beloved pug after you."

Tagore wrote a reply to the girl: "I agree with your plan, but before naming it, you'd better discuss it with Pug to see if you agree."

Khrushchev likes to pretend to be an agricultural expert. I visited a collective farm and found a sick pig. The chairman of the farm explained that the pig had been malnourished since childhood and had been raised stiffly. Khrushchev immediately said, take this pig to my house and promise to fatten it back to you two months later.

It won't be long before I get better and go home to play with pigs. I decided to get rid of the pig quickly He put the pig in the stroller at night, ready to push it to moscow river and throw it away. Who knows, I happened to meet mikoyan on the road.

"Comrade Khrushchev, take a walk."

"Ah ... come out for a walk ..."

"Who is this?"

"Oh, it's my ... little grandson."

"I have a look. Oh, what a good boy! He looks just like his grandfather! "

Theodore Vondano is a famous German writer in the19th century. When she was an editor in Berlin, she received several poems without punctuation from a young learner. The attached letter said: "I never care about punctuation. If necessary, please fill it out yourself. "

Vondano quickly returned the manuscript with a letter, which said, "I never cared about poetry. Please only send punctuation marks next time, and I will fill in the poem. "

Krylov lives in poverty. Once, his landlord signed a lease with him, and the landlord stated in the lease. If krylov accidentally causes a fire, he must pay 15000 rubles for burning the house. Krylov didn't raise any objection after reading it, but added two zeros after 15000. When the landlord saw it,

Shouted in surprise: "How about 1.5 million rubles!"

Krylov calmly replied, "I can't afford it anyway."

American five-star general Kate Wright Marshall (1880-1959) asked a young lady to allow him to take her home after a reception in her residence.

The young lady's home is not far away, but it took Marshall more than an hour to drive her to the door.

"You haven't been here long, have you?" She asked, "You don't seem to know the way."

"I dare not say so. If I am not familiar with this place, how can I drive for more than an hour without passing your door once? " Marshall said with a smile.

The young lady later married Marshall.

Once, the master sent Aesop into the city. On the way, he met a judge.

The judge asked him sternly, "Where are you going?"

I don't know. Aesop replied. The judge became suspicious and sent someone to put Aesop in prison first.

When the judge finished, he went to the prison to interrogate Aesop.

"Judge, you know, I'm telling the truth." Aesop said, "I really didn't know I was going to jail."

The judge had no choice but to let him go.

While Lincoln was shining his shoes, a foreign diplomat came up to him.

"Why, Mr. President, you should shine your shoes?"

"yes." Lincoln replied, "Then whose shoes do you clean?"

At the end of Coolidge's presidency, he made a famous statement: "I won't do this kind of business again."

Journalists think they have something to say, and they are always pestering him. Please explain why you don't want to be president any more.

There is no way out. Coolidge took a reporter aside and said to him, "Because the president has no chance of promotion."

Heine (1797— 1856), a great German poet, was a Jew and was often attacked for no reason. At a party, a traveler said to him, "I found an island without Jews and donkeys!" " "

Heine said calmly, "It seems that only if you go to that island with me can you make up for this defect!" " "

Composer Puccini Giacomao and Italian musician and conductor Artur toscanini (1867- 1957) are old partners. Giacomo sends a cake to his friends every Christmas. On Christmas Eve, giacomo and Artur had a quarrel. He wanted to cancel the cake he gave him, but it was too late, and the cake had been delivered.

The next day, Artur received a telegram from giacomo: "The cake was sent by mistake." He immediately replied to a telegram: "I ate the wrong cake."

President theodore roosevelt loves face very much, and he will be the focus of people's attention on any occasion.

"My father doesn't like to attend weddings and funerals," his son once said, "because he can't be the bride and the dead at weddings and funerals."

At the tea party of British Prime Minister Churchill's 80th birthday, a young reporter said to Churchill, "Mr. Prime Minister, I really hope to come again next year to congratulate you on your birthday."

Churchill patted the reporter on the shoulder and said, "Mr. reporter, you are so young and strong, there should be no problem."

A lady invited Paganini to her house for tea the next day. Paganini accepted the invitation. This lady is very happy. When saying goodbye, she smiled and added to Paganini: "Dear artist, please don't forget to bring your violin when you come tomorrow!"

"Why is this?" Paganini pretended to be surprised and said, "Madam, you know my violin never drinks tea."

Wonderful suggestion 1848 A newspaper in Naples published an open letter from Italian opera composer Rossini (1792- 1868) to answer a gentleman's question.

The gentleman's letter is: "I have a nephew who is a musician." He doesn't know how to write an overture for his opera. You wrote so many overtures to the opera. Can you give me some advice? "

Rossini made seven suggestions in his letter, one of which was: "... when I wrote the overture to Othello, I was locked in a hotel cabin in Naples by the theater owner." There is a big bowl of boiled noodles in the room, not even a green vegetable.

The bald and heartless boss threatened:' If you don't finish the last note of the overture, you won't get out alive. Let your nephew try this method, and don't let him taste the charming fragrance of foie gras pie ...' "

A young Italian composer once invited Rossini to listen to his new works. Rossini took off his hat, put it on several times in a row, put it on and took it off.

After the young composer finished playing, he asked him why he took off his hat and put it on like this. Rossini replied, "I have a habit of taking off my hat whenever I meet an old acquaintance."

A very confident young man came to Rossini with two big music books. "The conductor promised to play one of my two symphonies. I want you to hear which one is good. " The young man sat at the piano and played for Rossini. After listening to a few bars, Rossini couldn't stand it anymore, so he went over and closed the music, patted the young man on the shoulder and said, "Young man, stop playing. I think it would be better to have another one! "

The German poet Goethe (1749-1832) walked in a park where only one person could walk.

I met two critics on a small road.

"I never give way to fools," said the critic.

"I am just the opposite!" Goethe said, smiled and retreated to the side of the road.

One day, Coolidge was burying his head in his office when suddenly a lady who worshipped Coolidge burst in.

He congratulated the speech the day before and said, "There were so many people in the hall that day that I couldn't find a seat at all. I have been standing and listening to all your speeches. "

The lady said this in an aggrieved tone, apparently in exchange for a few words of comfort.

Unexpectedly, Coolidge said indifferently, "You are not the only one affected. I have been standing that day. "

Italian musician Paganini (1782- 1840) rented a carriage to perform in the theater. He is going to be late. He told the driver to hurry up. "How much do I owe you?" Pug asked.

"10 franc." "Are you kidding?"

"I don't think so. Today people go to listen to you play the piano with strings (referring to Paganini playing some difficult music with G strings), but you charge 10 francs per song! "

"All right," Pug said, "I'll pay you 10 francs, but you have to take me to the theater on wheels."

President Reagan visited Canada and gave a speech in a city.

During the speech, a group of people holding anti-American demonstrations interrupted his speech from time to time, which clearly showed anti-American sentiment. Reagan visited Canada as a guest as the Prime Minister of Canada.

Pierre? Trudeau felt very embarrassed about this unreasonable move. In the face of this dilemma, Reagan smiled and said to him:

"This kind of situation often happens in the United States. I think these people must have come to your country from America. Maybe they want me to feel at home. " Hearing this, the embarrassed Trudeau couldn't help laughing.

Lord Mancroft served in the British War Department during World War II. Whenever Churchill went out on patrol, Mancroft would go to the Prime Minister's office and mark it on Churchill's special geodetic map.

The recent combat situation, so that when Churchill came back, be clear at a glance on the map.

One day, as usual, Mancroft put the map on the floor of the cabinet meeting room and marked it with colored chalk. He put his hat beside him. At this time, Churchill unexpectedly came back.

He saw someone lying on the ground, attentively marking the map, with an upside-down hat next to him. He quietly took out two pence and threw it into Mancroft's hat.

In Italy, composer m? Luigi? When Cherubini (1760- 1842) was an inspector at the Paris Conservatory of Music, a student wrote an opera to be staged.

When he auditioned for the play, he invited Cherubini to watch it, hoping to see the authoritative evaluation.

Cherubini patiently watched the first and second scenes, but made no comment.

The young composer watched him so absorbed in the drama that he was silent. He was so nervous that he went in and out of Cherubini's box. Finally, unable to hide his anxiety, he asked the cherub, "Sir, do you have anything to say to me?"

Cherubini grabbed his hand and said to him kindly, "My poor child, what can I say?"? I have spent two hours listening, but you didn't say anything to me. "

Socrates' wife is synonymous with shrew and bad wife. She is a narrow-minded, stubborn, nagging and abusive woman, which often embarrassed the famous philosopher Socrates (469-399 BC).

Once, Socrates was asked "why do you want to marry such a wife", and he replied: "People who are good at equestrian always choose to ride fierce horses, and they are used to riding fierce horses, so it is not a problem to ride other horses. If I can stand such a woman. I am afraid there is no more difficult person in the world. " It is said that Socrates married his wife in order to purify his spirit from her annoying nagging and complaining.

Once, Socrates was discussing academic issues with his students and arguing with each other. His wife stormed in, scolded Socrates, and then went out and poured a bucket of water on Socrates. The students present thought Socrates would reprimand his wife, but Socrates touched his soaked clothes and said with interest, "I know that after thunder, it will definitely rain heavily."

The "Southern China" Literature Society founded by some progressive youths in Guangzhou hopes that Lu Xun (1881-1936) will contribute to their inaugural issue. Lu Xun said: "Write the article yourself first, and I will write it later, lest people say that Lu Xun came to Wenzhou to invite young people to join us." The young man said, "We are all poor students. If the first issue of the publication doesn't sell well, it won't. "

The second phase must have strength. Lu Xun said humorously and seriously: "It is easy to make publications sell well. You can write articles and scold me, and my publications sell well. " In 1930s, some writers had serious subjectivism problems. On one occasion, Lu Xun was asked to talk about this problem. Lu Xun just smiled at first. After a while, he told two stories:

Gold pole

There is a farmer who carries water every day. One day, he suddenly remembered Ping.

What does the emperor use to carry water to eat? I continued to answer: I must use the golden apartment.

Bear.

Eat persimmon

There was a peasant woman who woke up early in the morning and felt hungry. She thought, the queen mother.

How's mom? I must have woken up and called out, "Sister, take it!"

Eat a persimmon. "

1934 Chen Liang, mayor of Beiping, Kuomintang, banned male and female students from swimming together.

Hearing this, Mr. Lu Xun said to several young friends, "Men and women should not be classmates."

Swimming, where men and women breathe air together and confuse Gan Kun, is not more serious than swimming with classmates!

Mayor lyna might as well give another order, so that when men and women go out, everyone should wear a gas mask.

Mask. It doesn't circulate air and won't appear. In this way; Everyone is here! Here!

……"

After that, Mr. Lu Xun leaned his head back slightly and simulated the pipe of the gas mask with his hand. ...

Everyone was laughed at by Lu Xun's words and deeds.

1934, commonwealth magazine opened a column of "Interview with Writers" and cooperated with it.

Publish the portrait of the interviewed writer. The editor of the magazine wrote to Lu Xun, demanding

Allow interviews, and take a photo with the study as the background, and then take a photo of Lu Xun and Guangxu.

Ping and take a group photo. Lu Xun wrote a humorous letter to refuse:

The name "writer" is very nice, and I didn't respect myself in the past. I think I might as well abuse it. recently

I am ashamed to wake up quietly. There is no thought in the brain, and there is no study in the apartment.

Lady and son have nothing to do with the literary world, and dare not accept three elegant lives. if

When Mr. Wang writes a biography of a fake writer another day, he should make a list of books and put on airs.

Sweeping the floor is welcome. "

Note: An iron-toothed, copper-toothed man, centering on the conflict between Emperor Qianlong, Quan Gan, Wang and romantic genius, deducts a series of hilarious stories, which is actually just a joke.

Regarded by the emperor as advocating Excellence

During the Qianlong and Jiaqing periods, Ji Xiaolan's real contribution was still in culture, although he was an official of the Ministry of Rites and served as a co-organizer of university students. As the editor-in-chief of Sikuquanshu, with the compilation of Sikuquanshu, his academic contribution reached its peak. As for participating in national decision-making, it may not be so useful. Qianlong once reprimanded Ji Xiaolan, which undoubtedly revealed the truth. Gan Long said to Ji Xiaolan, "I put you in charge of compiling Sikuquanshu because you have outstanding literary talent. Actually, I just keep you around as a player. How dare you talk about state affairs? " In fact, a large number of Ji Xiaolan's poems and songs are just timely works to praise peace, whitewash peace and cater to the supreme ruler of feudal dynasty in ceremonies such as celebrations. A large number of his note novels are widely circulated, such as Notes of Yuewei Caotang, Summer Story of Luanyang and My Smell.

Ji Xiaolan is remembered for his wit and humor. Here are two outstanding examples-

On one occasion, King He asked Ji Xiaolan to write an inscription for his pavilion. Ji Ji collected the word "Bamboo Bud". James Wang made a plaque carefully and hung it on the pavilion. One day, Emperor Qianlong came to the palace, saw this plaque and told the king.

Tell the true meaning of the plaque. He said it was a curse to all the idiots in your family. The king held a grudge and sought revenge. It's really Joan and Wang.

Seize this opportunity, Ji Xiaolan was demoted and sent to Urumqi. It turns out that our children's in-laws, the salt transporters from Huaihe River to Huaihe River, lost money in the state treasury. When Bachelor Ji Xiaolan was on duty in the palace, he knew about it and sent a man with an envelope sealed with paste and salt. There was a little tea in the envelope, but he didn't write a word. After receiving this letter, Lu understood the metaphor of "checking (copying) the salt deficit case" and quickly transferred the property. When you raid, you won't find much wealth. Wang He

Send someone to inquire about this matter and report to the emperor. Ji Xiaolan was sent to Urumqi because he tipped them off.

On one occasion, an official's mother celebrated her birthday, and Ji Xiaolan, who came to congratulate her, was invited to write a congratulatory poem at the banquet. Ji Xiaolan opened his mouth and recited, "This woman is not human", and everyone present was very scared. Ji Xiaolan's face did not change color. He read, "The Goddess of Nine Heaven descended to earth.". As soon as this language came out, everyone not only put down their hanging hearts, but also laughed happily. Unexpectedly, Ji Xiaolan shouted, "Give birth to a son to be a thief". Suddenly, the hearts that everyone just put down hung up again, but Ji Xiaolan calmly sang the last sentence, "I stole a flat peach to serve my mother." After many twists and turns, this poem became a much-told story for a while. Ji Xiaolan's wisdom, agility and humor are amazing.