Tell jokes and share.

Stories are shared, books can bring abundant positive energy to our spirit, and words can also express our emotions. I recommend you to read more books and read good books. The following is the relevant information about telling jokes that I have compiled for you for your reference and use.

I want to live in your heart, but I didn't expect it to be a neighborhood with many neighbors.

Second, my money is really wet, because I have been crying when I spend it.

Third, what is really terrible is not playing the lute to a cow, but the cow is playing the lute to you.

Fourth, I hope you will have wine, meat and girls in the future, and girls will be ugly.

5. How can bangs grow so fast?

I am very principled, and my principle is to follow your mood.

Seven, I am single because no one can easily deserve me as the successor of the proletariat.

I wanted to give life a kiss, but reality gave me two slaps.

Nine, Alipay wants to socialize simply, as long as it is a function of "rich people nearby".

Ten, I just want to turn gracefully, but I unexpectedly hit the wall.

Eleven, lazy, doing well is called enjoyment; Persistence in doing well is called persistence; Playing the fool, if you do it well, is it called playing the fool? Don't play tricks on me, or I'll play along.

If money is dirt, then I am dung beetles.

Thirteen, the old vines faint, air-conditioned WiFi watermelon, Ge You sofa with the same paragraph, the sun sets, I put it aside.

Fourteen, take the initiative to ask you to open a strange woman, not miss or fairy jump.

Fifteen, I'm dead, and the only thing I can't worry about is my mobile phone.

16. Don't envy that we have no homework during the holiday. Do you know how tired it is to play all day?

I know I have a bad temper. If you can't bear it, you must reflect on yourself and why others can.

Give you something you have to cherish, especially your face.

Nineteen, I want to kiss you when I am happy, and I want to be kissed when I am unhappy.

Twenty, we agreed to grow old together, so dye it as a putty.

Even if my love is cheap, I won't give you a discount.

Twenty-two, dreams still have to be there, otherwise you will tell people when you drink too much.

Twenty-three, after you get married, the marriage partner is not me, I will move to your house next door and be a quiet old king.

You always say that dreams are out of reach, but you never go to bed early and get up early.

Twenty-five, you are fat and ugly. We are friends.

Twenty-six, prettier than your girlfriend, and I'm sorry about that, too.

Twenty-seven, life will make you suffer for a while, and then let you suffer for a lifetime after you get used to it.

I don't know how others turn pressure into motivation. Anyway, I will only turn stress into appetite.

Twenty-nine, everyone is so young, why should I spoil you?

I advise you to like me early.

Beggars don't envy millionaires, but they envy beggars who mix better than themselves.

Thirty-two, if you don't come to sleep with me, you care what time I sleep.

Find a fortune teller, you and I are destined to be together.

Thirty-four, strange women who take the initiative to invite you to dinner, 100% are wine trays.

35. Blame me me for being so handsome and shocking that so many people in single dog have been displaced.

Never bow your head, the double chin is too obvious.

For going to work, a considerable number of people's main job is to "pretend to be busy".

Thirty-eight, "How do you feel about the avalanche of homework?" "You got my man, but you didn't get my heart."

Thirty-nine, on WeChat, 1. A strange woman who actively adds you as a friend is either your wife or WeChat business.

Forty, the same age as a flower, has grown into a fleshy one.

I want to see you, so I'm running.

42. Smart people don't tell lies. Come to me when you have time.

Forty-three, when others are holding hands, I will hold my dog to see who is not happy to bite.

I suggest that you like me. I will reply to the message in a few seconds.

Forty-five, your date is not me, you might as well be single.

Forty-six, the lovely me has long since disappeared, replaced by a more lovely me.

I'm telling you, it's foolish of you to refuse a lovely girl like me.

48. Every time someone attacks me, I feel that there is something wrong with this person. In the face of such a lovely me, he can still lose his temper and be speechless.

49. Everything must come to an end, but if you invite me, I can eat more with you.

Fifty, those nights that stay up late will eventually be repaid with a morning that can't get up.

Remember to burn me a handsome boyfriend if I die.

Fifty-two, everyone loves life, and flowers are beautiful, so happy.

Fifty-three, everyone is "I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm different." I'm "I don't know where the money went, and I'm broke." "

Fifty-four, take the initiative to tell you the above, not a liar or cheated.

55. What should I do if I don't like the slow reply of the object message? I'll be back soon.

56. Now I only need three steps to do a math problem: look at the problem, write the solution, and start crying.

Fifty-seven, this summer, not going out feels like a waste of life, and going out feels like life is worse than death.

58. Silence is golden. Don't talk to me. I want to save money.

Fifty-nine, when I don't want to talk to you, it's no use trying to coax me. At this time, you should give me a red envelope.

Tell jokes and share 2 1. At the mobile phone party, a mobile phone said, "I'm from Nokia." The other said, "I'm from Samsung." Another well-dressed man said, "I'm from Apple." Then a cell phone in the corner said, "Don't argue, I'm fake, and whoever I love is mine!" " "

Second, I work in a hospital. One day, an earthquake happened. At this time, everyone went out. Only the old director of internal medicine calmly held the wall and took out two antihypertensive drugs ... he thought his blood pressure was very high.

Third, it snows. Ordinary youth: "Ah, it's snowing, so white!" " "Literary youth:" Snow is as clean as jade, purifying the soul and spirit! Young man: Cao, God's poop is white!

The frog took a bottle of Erguotou to the tortoise's house to pray for the secret of longevity. The tortoise blew on the spout. He said slowly, "It's actually quite simple. No matter what happens, stick your head in first. "

Sima Guang patted Wang Anshi on the shoulder: "Fu Jie, fight with me? You are still too young. " Wang Anshi calmly replied, "What's the big deal? Isn't it just smashing a water tank? I'm sure I will do the same. I just have one less chance than you. " There are two cold lights in Sima Guang's eyes: "Opportunities are created by ourselves. You only know that the old man smashed the jar, but you don't know how the child fell in? "

6. It is above 40 degrees Celsius every day, and I have to go out to run business. It is true that the barbecue business has developed rapidly, and now it has developed to every household.

A black man was bitten by lice. He blew out the candle and said, let you never see me again.

Eight, Zhang made a report, and the audience was buzzing, which quickly drowned out the director's voice. The director was very unhappy and was about to get angry when a young man stood up and shouted, "Everybody stop arguing!" " "The whole room suddenly quiet down. The director was very moved: after all, there is a bosom friend! The young man went on to say, "You made me wake up! "

I happened to chat with a MM today. I asked her what she looked like, and she said 168, long hair. I asked if I could be more specific. She said it was not specific? I said, sure, find a mop of 168 and turn it upside down. Isn't it just like you? ! Then she knocked me out. ...

X. When the American diplomatic delegation visited the Soviet Union, Soviet reception officials accompanied them to visit the great achievements of construction, and proudly said: By the next five-year plan, every Soviet family can have a private jet! The American asked in surprise: What do they need a plane for? Su Xiu officials said: Of course it works! For example, if you hear in Moscow that Leningrad has started to supply bread, you can fly to the queue immediately.

Eleven, mother snail said to the snail: You are not young, tomorrow I will take you to the village next door for a blind date. The snail said, I'm only 12 years old, and I haven't reached the legal age. Mom: When we get there, you will be enough.

Twelve, surfing the Internet at home One night, Wangwang suddenly jumped out of the window and said to me, "Dear, I am pregnant." Elder brother suddenly a surprised, the heart says he didn't rush what trouble? Just as he was stunned, the man said, "Go to the hospital for examination tomorrow." I want to know who you are. Do you want me to accompany you to check? Do you want to correct me? Just thinking, the man said, "I can only deliver the goods to you the day after tomorrow." Shit, I bought something at your house this afternoon.

Thirteen, on the way to learn the scriptures, the Tang Priest deeply felt sorry for his three disciples. One jumps up and down, the other is lazy, and the other always falls behind. They are all people of status and don't pay attention to quality. It is simply unorganized and undisciplined! So the Tang Priest gave special training to the three disciples. A month later, the Tang Priest said, "March quickly!"

Wandering in the street with friends, meeting foreign friends, say hello to him: "hello!" " "The friend also said," Ha Lao, cool dog! " "Sorry ... go to hell!

15. A few years ago, it was rumored that Wang, the minister of examination department, would take over as invigilator. Mr. Wang joked that only the year of the monkey is possible (when the monkey is emperor, there will be a year of the monkey, but it is impossible for the monkey. So he won't have a chance. However, in recent days, the concern of the upper class shows great signs of appointing Mr. Wang as a supervisor. Is there really no Year of the Monkey? I'm going to check Mr. Li's zodiac ... or did the newspaper do it on purpose? ...

Newton visited the Zen master because of mechanical problems. The Zen master spread a blanket under the inclined plane, put the ball on the inclined plane and let it fly. The ball rolled for a short distance and then stopped. The Zen master replaced the blanket with a smooth wooden surface, and the ball rolled for a long distance before stopping. Newton suddenly realized: you mean that force is the reason to change the state of motion of an object, and as long as it is not stressed, it can keep moving? The Zen master said, I mean, as far away from here as possible!

Seventeen, "when I was in college, my classmates went to Sichuan restaurant together and asked for a pig's head when ordering. After talking for a long time, the waitress couldn't understand. A classmate smiled and pointed to his head and said to the waitress, "Here! Pig head meat! " "Miss": "Oh … I see!" "From then on, this gentleman had the nickname" pig's head meat ". "

In the morning, a buddy went to the front of the stairs and stopped on the first step. After a long time, he suddenly woke up and shouted, "Isn't this an escalator?" ! "

Nineteen, a TV program said that a white radish was planted and turned into a carrot in autumn. Experts from all over the country discussed collectively. Water, fertilizer, land type, air, weather and even planting methods were investigated. Episodes 1, 2 and 3. The final conclusion is that my buddy planted the wrong seeds.

Twenty, a man was walking on a dusty road, and a coachman caught up with him with a four-wheeled car. He said to the driver, "Boss, can you be kind?" Take my coat to town. The driver said, "OK, but how can you get your coat again?" "He said," it's easy. I'll stay in my coat. "

Wei Xiaobao, Yang Guo, Guo Jing and Ling Huchong compare their wives together. Yang Guo said: My wife is willing to jump off a cliff for me. Guo Jing said: My wife is willing to break up with my father for me. Ling Huchong said: My wife is willing to be imprisoned in Shaolin Temple for me. Wei Xiaobao smiled and said nothing. They looked back. Shuang'er once asked Huang Rong, Xiaolong Girl and Ren Yingying for their phone numbers and QQ numbers.

Twenty-two. After reading the news that a man in Xiamen was paralyzed after eating twelve moon cakes all night, my girlfriend asked me flatly, "Why does this man keep eating cakes?" I also ate 12 months! ! ! "

Twenty-three, ordinary youth: "The girl we chased together in those years" Style literary youth: "The girl we went together in those years" Other youth: "The girl we downloaded together in those years" ~

Twenty-four, some petite girls, I beg you to stop saying that you are fat! Less than 100 kg, each with thin arms and thin legs, mini kept saying: ah! How fat! Want to lose weight! As a result, my calf stretched out and Nima was as thin as an arm! I dare ask, do you want to be as thin as a cushion? There is a line in front and a line on the side, which is too thin to see! ! You're not afraid of moving, are you?

25. A small snail had just climbed over a bridge when it suddenly collapsed with a bang. The little snail sweated and sighed, "Mom, I can't run fast, and my life is gone."

Excuse me, miss, can you take your chest away from my hand?

Only those lazy people will complain and suffer for not getting up every morning. Really motivated people will call for leave immediately.

28. In the restaurant, a man pointed to a tofu more than two meters long in the dish and shouted, "What ears are you! I ordered home-cooked tofu! " When the chef heard this, he wondered, "Isn't it long enough?"

Twenty-nine, moths go out to travel, and they are going to find a place to rest at night. However, I found an Internet cafe in front of me, so I decided to stay. Who knows that I was tied up by a spider as soon as I entered the door. Facing the spider's butcher knife, moths not only sigh; Damn it, black shop!

Thirty, really good men don't play games, DOTA or WOW. But when he is playing a game, as long as you send a text message, a phone call and a QQ, he will directly quit the game for you. A netizen spoke out: this kind of person is commonly known as "a teammate like a pig." Never cooperate with him!

A friend said to the moon: You are my other half. Yue said to Peng: I didn't promise to marry you. You should remember that we are just friends at present.

Thirty-two, the apple is sick, and the orange goes to see it. When I arrived at Apple's house, I saw Apple lying on the bed with thick gauze wrapped around her shoulders. The orange asked, how could it hurt so badly? Apple's mother said angrily, it's not her fault. I miss the iphone so much that I think it's really an apple. This is a dream!

33. Mu said to Zhu: Who is standing beside you? I don't know.