Do you have any funny sketch scripts? Be hilarious.

Act 1

Location: Zhu Yingtai’s home. There are three chairs and a table.

Characters: Yingtai mother (hereinafter referred to as Yingmu), Yingtai father (hereinafter referred to as Yingfu), Mr. Ma, housekeeper and several followers.

(Yingtai’s father rushed onto the stage angrily, and Yingtai’s mother caught up)

Yingtai’s mother: Husband, husband~ (Holds Yingtai’s father)

Yingtai’s mother Father (turns around angrily): It’s useless to say anything else. Yingtai’s marriage must not be so hasty!

Ying’s mother: But husband, Mr. Ma is serious about his affairs, and he is marrying the matchmaker... (interrupted by Ying’s father)

Ying’s father: How many times have I told you Yes, now is the new era of reform and opening up. Children’s marriages can no longer be arranged by parents... (interrupted by voiceover)

Offsite voice: Mr. Ma’s betrothal gift has arrived~

(A man who looks like a butler walks up quickly, holding a gift list)

Butler: My young master sent a villain to bring these gifts to the two elders. (Open the gift list and read it out, and the entourage comes on the stage with gifts in both hands) A bottle of Maotai ~ a piece of Yunyan ~ a set of diamond jewelry ~ a KFC takeaway bucket ~ a home theater set ~ in transit ~ a Cadillac ~ being repaired in the factory ~ The Eiffel Tower in Paris, France...

British father and British mother: Huh?

Housekeeper: Oh, that’s right, it’s a set of tickets to visit the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France~ There are also West Lake Longjing, Beijing Roast Duck, 18th Street Twist, Shaanxi Steamed Bun, Northeastern Big Pot Dish Wang Zhi and Stinky Tofu. Send it to the kitchen~~~~

(Ying’s mother knelt down and took the gift list with both hands respectfully, the housekeeper exited)

Ying’s mother: Husband, take a look. Mr. Ma sent people to bring so many gifts. He is the one who belongs to our Yingtai family...

Yingfu: What do you know about a woman? Look at Mr. Ma’s virtue. How does it look like? Toilet... (At this time Mr. Ma has already entered the stage, standing behind Ying's father)

Mr. Ma (takes out a handkerchief to wipe sweat): Thank you uncle for not saying that I look like Feng Gong.

Yingfu (turning back after hearing the sound): You~

Mr. Ma (opening the folding fan with a snap): Yes, this is the moon that shames the flowers, the fish sinks, and the wild geese are tall. It looks like a fairy jade tree. Ling Fengsai, Pan An, a pear blossom crushing the begonia, was given the nickname Ma Decai, who is omnipotent in the world, the embodiment of beauty and wisdom, hero and chivalry. (Take out a handful of one-cent banknotes and throw them into the air, like a goddess scattering flowers)

Mother of Ying (hurrying up to greet her): Oh, Mr. Ma, please sit down quickly~ (to the outside of the venue) ) Ruhua, go and make tea for Master Ma~ (bend down to pick up the money)

(A male voice outside the venue: Yes, madam.

)

Mr. Ma (sit down slowly): Uncle and aunt, I don’t know about my marriage to Yingtai...

Ying’s mother: Ouch~ Needless to say, of course~ (Interrupted by Ying’s father)

Ying’s father: No need to talk! (Stands up angrily and points at Mr. Ma) Do you know what Marxism-Leninism is?

Mr. Ma: I don’t know...

Ying’s father: Do you know what reform and opening up is?

Master Ma: I don’t know...

My father: Do you know what the Nasdaq Index is?

Master Ma: I don’t know...

Father Ying: Do you know what “Who are you” is?

Master Ma:...

My father: Do you know who Leslie Cheung is, who is Maggie Cheung, who is Ronaldo, who is Yao Ming, who is Tom Cruise, who is Britney Spears? (Turns to Ying’s mother) Look, look, such an idiot who knows nothing asks me to marry Yingtai to him. How can I rest assured!

Mr. Ma: Uncle, I...

Father Ying (turning to Mr. Ma): What are you, what else do you have besides money!

Mr. Ma: As expected, my uncle knows everything about my son-in-law. He brought a gift of 3 million yuan this time...

Ying’s father: Bah! Do you think money can buy everything? I tell you, true love is priceless! Do you think 3 million will be enough... (Gradually the realization comes to mind) 3 million... (walks over and whispers to Mr. Ma) The 3 million is for me alone or for both of us...

Mr. Ma : Of course it’s half for the uncle and the aunt...

Ying’s father: Absolutely not!

Mr. Ma: Then let’s go for 40 or 60...

Ying’s father: 30 or 70 for her, she will be 3 for me and I will be 7, otherwise there is no need to talk!

Master Ma: Then do what your uncle wants! (Take out a contract) Please sign it, uncle, and you will be deemed to have agreed to my marriage to Yingtai... (The contract was snatched away by Ying’s father)

Ying’s father: That’s not necessary. , I wholeheartedly agree (taking out a pen to sign), Mr. Ma, should the 3 million be given in cash or by check...

Mr. Ma: Just 300 yuan. What a check.

Ying’s father: Yes, what kind of check do you need for only 300 yuan? (The pen stops and looks at Mr. Ma in surprise) 300... yuan? Isn’t it 3 million?

Mr. Ma: 3 million yuan is the total cost of this wedding. The gift I will give you today is 300 yuan...

(Ying’s father threw the contract underground)

Master Ma (bends to pick up the contract): Uncle, if you think the money is too little, we can discuss it again...

Ying’s father: It’s not about the money! (Sobbing) He can't afford to lose that person...

Master Ma: What my uncle taught me is that such an important issue as marriage should not be measured by money. However, my son-in-law heard that his uncle likes to travel, so he bought a holiday villa in Hawaii a few days ago...

Ying's father: Are you serious?

/p>

Ying’s father: Why don’t you delay my vacation time... (As soon as he took out the pen to sign, he was interrupted by the voiceover)

The voiceover: The master and his wife are not good. Got it! The lady is missing!

Ying’s father: Yingtai! (While running off the stage, he snatched the key from Mr. Ma)

Ying’s mother: My Yingtai! (Running off the stage)

Master Ma (stunned for a moment): My key! (Chasing off the stage)

(The lights dim, the first act ends)

The second act

Location: The private school where Liang Shanbo studied.

Characters: Private school teachers, Liang Shanbo, Zhu Yingtai, and several other students accompanying them.

Voiceover: Zhu Yingtai wandered around after escaping from marriage. This day she came to the private school where Liang Shanbo was studying.

Sir: Guan Guan Jujiu, on the boat on the river~ (shaking his head clockwise, as if narcissistic)

Liang Shanbo (with all the book boys): Guan Guan Jujiu, on the river Zhizhou~ (Shaking his head counterclockwise, as if he was narcissistic)

Sir: Shan Bo, how many times have I told you to shake your head clockwise!

Liang Shanbo: Yes, sir.

Sir: A graceful lady, a gentleman is fond of courtship~

Liang Shanbo (with all the book boys): A graceful lady, a gentleman is fond of courtship~

Sir: Shanbo~ Shake your head clockwise!

(Zhu Yingtai came on stage and sang "I am a little little bird...")

Sir: Shan Bo, go and see who is making the noise.

Liang Shanbo: Yes, sir.

(Zhu Yingtai sang "Super Star" and changed to singing children's songs after meeting Liang Shanbo)

Zhu Yingtai (pointing to Liang Shanbo): A toad has one mouth and two One eye and four legs...

Liang Shanbo: Hey! What kind of monster dares to cause trouble here!

Zhu Yingtai: This is my business card. (Hands business card)

Liang Shanbo (takes business card and reads): Zhu Yingtai, also known as Serena, is 18 years old. Her place of residence is unknown because she escaped from marriage. Libra, lively personality, worship idol Jolin Tsai...

Zhu Yingtai: And what is your name?

Liang Shanbo: My name is

Liang Shanbo . Although Brother Zhu's singing voice is beautiful, I don't want to disturb my husband's lecture. I also ask Brother Zhu to come with me to apologize to my husband. (Pulls Zhu Yingtai towards the end of the field)

Zhu Yingtai: Brother Liang, it seems that the direction is wrong...

Liang Shanbo: Hasn’t Brother Zhu heard that the earth is round? Of? It's just a long detour to go this way, so I'd like to ask Brother Zhu to teach me some music theory knowledge. (Continues to pull Zhu Yingtai towards the end of the venue) Brother Zhu doesn’t know, I am also a fan of Jolin Tsai. I wonder what new album she has released recently... (Exit)

(The lights dim. , end of Act II)

Act III

Location: Wilderness. Characters: Liang Shanbo, Zhu Yingtai

Voiceover: Zhu Yingtai followed Liang Shanbo into a private school, chatting together, drinking and punching... Oh, I got the wrong narration, they chatted together, Sing loudly. However, the so-called sky net is full of details, but not omitted. After all the hardships, Zhu Yingtai's parents and Mr. Ma finally captured Zhu Yingtai... On this day, Zhu Yingtai and Liang Shanbo said goodbye in the wild. (The sound of a group fight outside the venue was "how do you pronounce the narration" and "it's all a mess"...)

Liang Shanbo: Brother Zhu, I have sent you thousands of miles away, and we will say goodbye eventually. Let's say goodbye here. Let's get through it... (lower head)

Zhu Yingtai: Brother Liang, don't you have anything to say to me at this moment?

Liang Shanbo: I... (stopped talking) No...

Zhu Yingtai (singing sadly): Later, I finally learned how to love, but it’s a pity that you They had long gone away and disappeared into the sea of ??people; later, I finally understood through tears that some people are no longer there once they are missed... (turns away and does not want to look again)

(Liang Shanbo went to persuade Zhu Yingtai , was thrown away by Yingtai)

Liang Shanbo: Yingtai, don’t be sad. Look, there are words written on the wings of this butterfly.

Zhu Yingtai: You lied to me. (Still not looking back)

Liang Shanbo: Let me read it to you: I am a little bird, and I will risk my life to love you. I am not afraid of English and Japanese, and I am applauded both on and off stage.

Zhu Yingtai: I...love...Yingtai...(slowly turns his head and looks at Liang Shanbo)

Liang Shanbo: Ask me if I love you How deep... The moon represents my heart (the author forgot the middle word *#￥...)

Zhu Yingtai (surprised): Brother Liang, are you serious about what you said?

Liang Shanbo (knelt down and said): There was once a true love in front of me, but I did not cherish it. I only regretted it when I lost it. The most painful thing in the world is this.

If God can give me another chance, I will say to you: I love you! If I were to add a time limit to these three words, I hope it would be --------- ten thousand years! (It must be said in dialect here. This line has almost been said to death. If dialect is not used, the final effect will be...)

Zhu Yingtai: Brother Liang, please stop saying it ( The music of Jolin Tsai's "Say I Love You" plays)

(The two dance and sing to the music, only singing it once. The last line, "At this moment, I finally have the courage to say I love you" must be mutual. Point and sing)

(The music suddenly stopped)

Zhu Yingtai: Bye~

Liang Shanbo: Sai and Nala~ (Can’t find it Japanese input method, just understand the meaning *^_^*)

(The two exit from both sides, the lights dim, and the third act ends)

The fourth act

Location: In the church. Characters: Zhu Yingtai, Mr. Ma, priest, 4 waiters

(The wedding march sounded, Zhu Yingtai was reluctantly pulled into the church by Mr. Ma. 4 waiters threw confetti to celebrate, 2 people When they walked in front of the priest, the four waiters turned around at the same time, took out their cleaning tools and began to clean up the confetti they had just scattered, and then lined up to exit)

Priest: Mr. Ma Decai, are you willing to marry Zhu Yingtai? Is the lady a wife?

Master Ma: I do! (Holds Yingtai who wants to run)

Priest: Miss Zhu Yingtai...

Zhu Yingtai: No!

Priest (Toshima): What kind of bird language is she talking about? (Master Ma shook his head, and the priest turned to Zhu Yingtai) Miss, please answer in Mandarin: Are you willing... (Interrupted by Yingtai)

Zhu Yingtai: I am not willing! (Trying to break free from Mr. Ma’s hand and run off the field)

Mr. Ma: Yingtai! etc! (Chasing)

Priest: I have never seen such a couple. May God bless you, Amen~ (Make the sign of the cross)

(The lights dim, the fourth act ends)

Act 5

Location: In front of Liang Shanbo’s grave

Characters: Zhu Yingtai, Liang Shanbo (ghost), British mother, British father, Mr. Ma, Priest and several waiters.

Voiceover: Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai have been bedridden since they broke up, and finally traveled westward. On this day, Zhu Yingtai came to Liang Shanbo's grave...)

Zhu Yingtai: Brother Liang! You died so miserably~ (crying on the grave)

(The waiter heard the sound and caught up, pulling Yingtai away)

Waiter: Miss, this grave is Our priest presided over the wedding a few days ago, but the bride said something in a bird's language that he didn't understand. He felt so humiliated that he hanged himself with noodles. Where is the grave of your brother Liang...

Zhu Yingtai: amp;*#... (He rushed to another grave and cried on it, singing the tune of "Little Baicai") Liang Shanbo Ah, life is so bitter, how can you bear to leave me~Brother Liang~

Voiceover: At this time, there was a sudden thunder in the sky, and a bolt of lightning split open Liang Shanbo's grave.

(Liang Shanbo stood up)

Zhu Yingtai: Ah~Brother Liang~

Liang Shanbo: Yingtai~ (the two hugged)

(At this time, the British mother, the British father, Mr. Ma, the waiter came on stage, the priest crawled out of the grave, and everyone gave their blessings)

Everyone: Congratulations, the lovers finally die. Get married~

Liang Shanbo & Zhu Yingtai: We are all happy together, come, come, let’s have some wedding candy...

Priest: I don’t know what your plans are in the future?

Liang Shanbo: Well... (interrupted by Zhu Yingtai)

Zhu Yingtai: We have already thought about it!

(Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai started guessing - "Two little bees, flying among the flowers, flying"... When they said "flying", the two of them showed up as Titans Nick's POSE, while Titanic's music plays)

Voiceover: Liang Shanbo originally wanted to become a butterfly, but Zhu Yingtai insisted on becoming a bee. Alas, it's all feminism's fault...

(With the sound of music, everyone takes a call, and the play ends)