I’m in a bad mood. Do you have any funny jokes?

(!)

A patient came to a psychiatrist.

Patient: I always feel like I am a bird.

Doctor: Oh, that’s serious. When did it start?

Patient: Ever since I was a little bird...

(2)

A doctor at a mental hospital asked the patient: If I put What would you do if one of your ears was cut off?

The patient replied: Then I won’t be able to hear it.

The doctor heard: Yes, it’s normal.

The doctor asked again: What would happen to you if I cut off your other ear?

The patient replied: Then I won’t be able to see it.

The doctor started to get nervous. How could he not see it?

The patient answered: Because the glasses will fall off.

(3)

Two mental patients escaped from the hospital.

The two ran and ran and climbed into a tree.

One of the people jumped down from the tree and rolled.

Then he raised his head and said to the person above: Hey, why don’t you come down?

The man above answered him: No--ok--ah--I'm not familiar with it yet...

(4)

There is a doctor in the mental hospital The old lady, wearing black clothes and holding a black umbrella, squats at the door of the mental hospital every day.

The doctor thought: To cure her, we must start by understanding her.

So the doctor also wore black clothes, held a black umbrella, and squatted there with her.

The two squatted in silence for a month, and the old lady finally spoke to the doctor: Excuse me, are you also a mushroom?

Are you a mushroom?

(5)

A certain mental hospital heard that the leader was coming to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the director convened a meeting with the patients. At the meeting, the dean said:

"This afternoon, there are very important leaders coming to visit, and everyone must go to the door to welcome them. During the welcome, everyone

There are patients standing on both sides of the hospital entrance. When I cough, everyone should applaud together, the more enthusiastically the better; when I stamp my feet, they must all stop, and no one can make a mistake. Everyone is ready. We can have meat buns for everyone tonight. If one person messes up, everyone will have no buns to eat. Remember? "

The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember!"

That afternoon, the leader arrived on time.

When he stepped into the door, the welcoming patients were already standing at the door.

At this time, as the director coughed, all the patients clapped and welcomed him, and the atmosphere was very warm.

The visiting leaders were infected by the warm atmosphere and walked into the hospital with smiles on their faces and applause with everyone.

Seeing that the leader had entered the hospital, the director stamped his foot and all the applause stopped, very neatly.

Only this leader was still clapping and walking forward with a smile on his face. The dean was very satisfied.

Suddenly, a patient as strong as Schwarzenegger sprang out from the welcoming crowd, strode up to the leader, swung it round and gave him a big slap in the face

He shouted angrily: "You don't want to eat steamed buns anymore?"

Beijingers, Frenchmen, and Americans were walking in the desert together and were about to die of thirst. Suddenly, the three of them discovered a god. When he touched the lamp, he pulled out a magic lamp. He said, "I can grant three wishes for each of you." The American said first, "I want a box of U.S. dollars." "There are two more." "Well, one more." "Box of dollars" "The last one" "Well, the last one is to send me back to the United States" Phew, the Americans are gone, the French are also anxious, "I want a beautiful woman" comes "Well, I want another beautiful woman" " There is another one." "Well, send me back to France." Phew, the Frenchman is gone too, and only the Beijinger is left. He said calmly, "Give me a bottle of Erguotou." "I have two more wishes." "Another bottle of Erguotou. "There is one more." The Beijinger saw that it was not interesting to drink two bottles of wine alone and said, "Bring them back again and drink with me." Phew, the Americans and the French were back again.

So the three people continued walking, but with luck, they found another magic lamp and took out a magic lamp. "Haha, I am the younger brother of the magic lamp just now. My spells are not good." So high, I can only grant two wishes for each of you." This time the French and Americans thought that it was useless to say anything and they would die if they let him come back again. They asked him to speak first, so they pushed Beijing away. When we got to the front, the Beijinger said, "Give me a bottle of Erguotou first." Boom, a bottle of Red Star Erguotou, "Where's the other one?" Beijing took the wine and touched his head and thought about it, but didn't say anything for a long time. The French and Americans were both anxious. , urging him, "Speak quickly." So the Beijinger suddenly said, "Well, I don't have anything else to do, you can go back." After a few seconds, the god and demon went back

A man goes to see God after committing suicide. God asked: "My child, why did you commit suicide?" The man said: "I pursued a woman, but she said that I did not have a tall and handsome figure and appearance, so I was rejected." God nodded thoughtfully The head said: "It's true, visual effects are very important in love. Let's do this, I will give you a beautiful shell that is unparalleled in the world, and you can go back and pursue your happiness now." After saying this, God recited a spell, Just hearing a "swish" sound, the man left. A week later the man committed suicide for the second time and came back and saw God again. God asked: "My child, why did you commit suicide again?" The man said painfully: "After I went back, the woman said that although I was very handsome, I didn't understand her at all. I was rejected again. " God nodded understandingly: "Of course, if you don't know a person, how can you know how to give her happiness? Well, I will give you superhuman insight and intuition, and you can go back and pursue your happiness. " As God recited the incantation, there was a "swish" sound, and the man left again. The man came back a week later and committed suicide for the third time. God was very surprised and asked: "My child, why did you commit suicide again?" The man said in extreme pain: After I went back, although she was very handsome and knew her very well, she said that she had already taken away her body. Dedicated to another man. "God looked at the unfortunate man with sympathy, and finally said: "Well, since you like that woman so much, I will let the man die, so that the woman will be yours, you go back! ”

As God recited the incantation, just halfway through the incantation, all he heard was “Bang! "With a sound, God fell to the ground and died hard.

The man said happily: "Now I can finally go back and pursue that beautiful nun! "

A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. I pooped whatever I ate, cucumbers and watermelons. How can I get back to normal? The doctor was silent for a moment. What about you? I can only eat shit.

The blind man was riding a bicycle with a stutter, and he stuttered to look at the road. Suddenly he saw a deep ditch, and the stutter exclaimed: Ditch, ditch, ditch!!! The blind man sang back: "Oh, oh, oh, oh! "So the two fell into the ditch.

A swimming coach was shopping in the mall. A beautiful lady greeted him. He looked closely and saw that it was one of his students. He then said loudly: " I really can’t recognize you when you put on your clothes! ”

A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over and asked: What happened? Drunk man: I don’t know, I just arrived!

It is said that one dark and windy night, on the longest and scariest road, the taxi driver drove by, and a woman waved on the roadside and got into the car. The whole journey was quite quiet until the woman. The person spoke. She said to the driver, "I'll give you an apple. It's delicious..." The driver thought it was great and took a bite. The woman asked, "Is it delicious?" The driver said: "It's delicious!" "The woman replied again: "I remember I also liked eating apples when I was alive..." Wow...&*$#@... When the driver heard this, he was so frightened that he rushed the car and turned pale... I saw that The woman slowly tilted her head forward and said to the driver: "But I didn't like eating it after giving birth! ..."

Teacher: Honestly, do you smoke?

Boy A: No.

Teacher: No? Well, eat root fries.

Boy A naturally stretched out his fingers and took it...

Teacher: Don't want to suck it! Call the parents...

[Scene 2]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy B: No.

Teacher: Don’t smoke? Well, let's eat some root fries.

b Because he heard about a, he carefully took the fries with his palm.

Teacher: Why don’t you dip it in ketchup?

b I accidentally dipped it in too much, so I immediately flicked it with my fingers...

Teacher: You are very skilled in flicking the ash. Call parents...

[Scene 3]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy c: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: If you don’t want to smoke, okay, let’s eat some French fries.

c Because of the previous two examples, I finished eating the French fries very carefully and sweating.

Teacher: Why don’t you take the roots back to your classmates?

c After taking the fries, he easily clamped it on his ears...

Teacher: Don’t want to suck it? Call parents...

[Scene 4]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy d: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: Very good, let’s eat some French fries.

d finished the fries with fear.

Teacher: Why don’t you take the roots back to your classmates?

d carefully put the chips into his coat pocket.

The teacher suddenly shouted: The principal is here!

d hurriedly took out the chips from his pocket and threw them on the ground, stamping them hard with his feet...

Teacher: Don’t suck? ! Call parents...

[Scene 5]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy e: No,

Teacher: Very good, let’s eat French fries.

e Just took the fries, and the teacher said: Won’t you treat me to some?

e quickly handed over the fries with both hands, and then took out the lighter...

Teacher: Don’t smoke? ! Call parents...

[Scene 6]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy f: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: Very good, let’s eat some French fries.

f Finished eating with fear.

Teacher: Suddenly shouted: The principal is here!

f His palms were sweating, but he still lowered his head calmly and said: Hello, principal!

Teacher: The principal will smell your mouth.

f took out French fries: No, it’s still here, the fire hasn’t even started yet...

[Scene 7]

Teacher: What the hell are you doing? Do you smoke or not?

Boy g: Promise to God, I will never smoke.

Teacher: You really don’t smoke? OK, let's eat some root fries.

g He took the fries very naturally and ate them all.

Teacher: What a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like?

g(getting carried away): Greater China...

[Scene 8]

Teacher: Let’s eat French fries.

Boy n: Thank you, no.

Teacher:......