Where are the jokes about homophonic Chinese characters? In the form of poetry.

The classic joke of Hemingway, a foreigner, learning Chinese and speaking Chinese.

Snacks ye food stall

In the evening 1 1: 30, I will be online. Hemingway suddenly called and asked me to have dinner. Afraid I won't go, drive to pick me up. Come on! I can't hide! Let's go

"You don't come to pick up, I drive myself. Where to go? "

"How about the supper stand?"

"ha! Are you tired of eating in the restaurant? "

"Hey hey!"

I have an appointment to meet at the beach snack stand in Hong Kong. Hemingway is the representative of large American multinational companies in China, and he treats people well. I worked in China for a year and studied Chinese with me for a year. He has a good sense of language and has a special ability in learning languages. He has been to many countries and learned many "foreign languages". Although he is not proficient in everything, he can at least use it. He thinks Chinese is the most difficult language to learn in the world. While learning Chinese, he also played many classic jokes. Although I stumbled, I learned very well.

We arrived almost at the same time, and I chose a cleaner and better food stall.

Who knows that just entering the door, Hemingway shouted in fluent Chinese:

"Boss! Is the urine fried rice delicious? "

You scared me! I quickly stopped him:

"What? ..... What do you mean? " (what? What do you mean? )

After waiting for a while, the shopkeeper looked at Hemingway intently. All the guests looked this way. Others said:

"A foreigner has come to make trouble!" "Hit him!"

Looking at everyone's puzzled eyes, Hemingway ran to the door in three steps and two steps, carried in a big brand and put it in the hall. Write:

Urine.

fried rice

Everyone froze for five seconds, then burst into laughter.

Chinese teaching materials

Hemingway's self-selected textbook for learning Chinese is a Chinese textbook published by BBC. The advertising words on the title page of the book are extremely inflammatory, claiming that it is especially suitable for tourists and businessmen to learn Chinese quickly, and people without Chinese foundation can "speak at first sight".

I can't find a Chinese character in the whole book. It's all in English and Chinese Pinyin, and it's an illiterate Chinese textbook. It is said that this book is specially prepared for those who give up learning Chinese characters as difficult as gobbledygook and only intend to learn some spoken Chinese. Because I don't read Chinese characters at all, I just read and spell.

Hemingway proudly showed off his knowledge of Chinese as soon as he met the translator: "You cry (good) Miss Liu, and I hate the singer (very happy) for throwing you to death (knowing you)."

Hemingway cherishes the opportunity to talk with China people, and jokes emerge one after another. For example, he told his secretary, "My wife (suit) is in her wallet." In order to discuss the agreement, we arranged to meet in my office at eight o'clock. "I was worried that the road was too busy this morning and I became a monk at seven o'clock." His good friend returned to China, so Hemingway often said, "A burning man (a good man) flew away (went back)." Every time he went to the stairs, Hemingway would bow slightly and act like a typical gentleman, saying, "Please be careful to be naked (stairs), dirty, dirty together (downstairs).

Wangwen business

Hemingway: "You China people are really hardworking people."

Secretary: "What?"

Hemingway: "Whenever I pass the street in the morning, I can often see a sign on the roadside saying' Morning' to remind people who pass by to work not to be late."

out-of-control

Hemingway took part in the "Mandarin Speech Contest", and his opening remarks were as follows: "Ladies and gentlemen, I have to apologize to you first. I can't speak Mandarin well. I have the same relationship with your language as I do with my wife. I love it very much, but I can't control it. "

Braised donkey

When Hemingway first set foot in a restaurant in China, he called steamed stuffed bun "newspaper". The waitress really patiently explained, "Newspapers are sold across the street, and daily newspapers and evening papers are readily available."

I want to eat jiaozi, but it's a pity that the "sedan chair" comes out of my mouth, and the waitress falls into the clouds.

To the waitress's bewilderment and even anger, he ordered "braised pork" and claimed that it was his favorite dish in China. Seeing the waitress look unhappy or even angry, Hemingway quickly showed her the menu. The waitress realized that he wanted to eat "braised ribs".

Very good, even better.

Shortly after Hemingway came to China, he could only speak two Chinese words: "very good" and "better".

One day, a clerk said, "I want to take two weeks off."

Hemingway said, "Very good."

The servant said, "Because my father is dead."

Hemingway said, "Better."

It's nothing.

Hemingway held a staff meeting: "People in China call things' things', such as desks and chairs, televisions and so on. But living animals are not called things, such as insects, birds, beasts, people, etc. , so you and they are not things, and I am naturally not things! "

simple meal

At a banquet held for Hemingway, the Chinese representative politely told him that when a light meal was prepared for him tonight, the foreign man looked at the table full of delicacies and said in surprise, "If this is a light meal, it is really a shit meal."

I lost my appetite all night.

Chinese is great.

Hemingway said to the translator, "Your China is wonderful, especially in writing. For example:

"China defeated the United States" means that China won;

China defeated the United States, which means that China won.

In a word, victory will always belong to you. "

Beautiful everywhere.

Hemingway didn't know the China people's "where! Where! " This is a self-deprecating word. Once when he attended a wedding, he politely praised the bride as beautiful, and the groom on the side said on behalf of the bride, "Where! Where! " Unexpectedly, this foreign man was shocked! Unexpectedly, general praise is not enough for China people, and examples are needed, so I used blunt Chinese: "Hair, eyebrows, eyes, ears, nose and mouth are all beautiful!" As a result, the audience burst into laughter

Mathematical Chinese

Hemingway came to China and named himself Zhang, a China. For a foreigner, it is really not easy to write a complicated word "Zhang"-and it is cursive.

Surprised, I couldn't help asking him. He said, "Nothing. I just wrote the number three and thirteen quarters in one stroke. "

Dizzy!

The new meaning of the word "kiss"

Hemingway studied Chinese. While studying the word "kiss", Hemingway asked a question: "Kiss means" don't "and" mouth ". How to kiss without moving your mouth? "

Someone thought for a moment and smiled and replied, "China people are more reserved, and' not talking' means' not talking'.

Can you talk when you kiss? "

Wei what

Hemingway's wife came to China and took a China name Wei. One day, the couple met a friend for a walk. After a while, they exchanged greetings.

Friend: "What's your wife's name?"

Hemingway: "The surname is Wei."

Friend: "Wei what?"

Hemingway: "Why? Why is the surname Wei? "

English-Chinese dictionary

For a time, Hemingway held a thick English-Chinese dictionary all day, took Chinese words from the dictionary, and then learned and used them.

I met him on the tree-lined road in the industrial park at dusk, and I went forward to say hello: "Hello! Hemingway, take a walk. "

He smiled and said, "Yes, I am wandering here."

I held back my laughter and asked with interest, "Do you know the meaning of wandering?"

He replied solemnly, "Of course, wandering is walking back and forth in one place."

Hemingway likes to introduce himself to everyone: "I am a rustic person." Every time I make everyone laugh their heads off. Hemingway himself was surprised, because he saw in the dictionary that "countryman" translated into Chinese means "rustic person". He just wanted to tell China people that they are farmers themselves, and he didn't understand why it would lead to such a comedy effect.

Hemingway's habit of mechanically copying dictionary terms once really embarrassed him. I don't know which dictionary he found out that the English translation of the word "nonsense" has double meanings, one is useless nonsense, and the other is polite, so Hemingway boldly used his new term. A representative of China participated in the negotiation project. After the negotiation, he praised Hemingway's high level of Chinese. Hemingway quickly learned the modesty of China people and replied, "You flatter me too much. It's all nonsense. " The representative of China walked away pale at once.

Chinese zodiac

The folk Chinese zodiac in China is also a topic of great interest to westerners. Everyone wants to know what animal he belongs to. Unfortunately, "genus" and "belonging to" Hemingway are often confused.

One day he excitedly said to the secretary girl, "You are a pig."

For Hemingway, it is too difficult to describe the sex of animals with Chinese word "female" or "male", because in English, both male and female can be used to describe people or animals.

One night, Hemingway took her dog for a walk in the street. After seeing me, he proudly introduced to me, "This is my bitch."

helmet

Besides driving, Hemingway usually likes riding a motorcycle, which is convenient. I said there are too many cars on the road, so be careful. He replied: Never mind, I will wear a condom. He means "helmet".

Metric words

Quantifiers in Chinese also make Hemingway nervous. Once he flaunted himself as a "hero" and asked him what he meant. He said, "A hero is a thin, tall and good-looking person." He explained that "one" naturally means long and straight, and "hero" should naturally be a good-looking man.

Another time he told me that he saw "a puppy" on the road. I immediately corrected that it should be a puppy, but he seriously refuted that it was really a puppy, because the puppy had been run over by a car, and the squashed puppy naturally became a puppy, just like a piece of paper and a photo.

In addition, for example, what "a pair of pants", Hemingway plausibly defended, because pants have two legs, and the two are a pair, so that's right. Even arguing with China people, insisting that it should be "a set of ass", which sounds funny.

All kinds of "juice"

Once, I tested Hemingway's idiom ability: "Rack one's brains".

The result is:

Rack one's brains, milk, juice and soup.

Ha! "You really racked your brains and didn't come up with' racking your brains'."

difficult position

Although there are many jokes that make me laugh, it is gratifying to see foreigners trying to learn the culture and language of China. So I encouraged, "Your Chinese level has improved rapidly." He loudly responded to my China courtesy: "jam, jam (flatter me, flatter me)".