There are usually no little jokes to cheat.

Do you want to die? I'm not looking for this kind of thing

Teacher: School (local dialect means "dead open") A: The teacher told us all to die open.

Teacher: Dizzy (+_+)

Teacher: Football Mach Student A: The hammer didn't go. Student B: Nothing.

Student A: I didn't go to the toilet. . . . . Weak (+_+)

What the hell are you doing, rookie! ! !

Ugly women are called "dinosaurs"

This is called sauce purple.

What is shrimp?

Don't call the watch.

SARS is called SARS

AIDS is called AIDS.

Behavior is abnormal, and abnormality is generally called madness.

I like some porridge.

The master summoned an old bird.

Khan: Nothing can be done.

Martians: refers to people who have never seen the world and have limited knowledge.

What kind of prostitute are you?

/kloc-children under 0/8 are called little p children.

Qianshan is always in love and invites me to dinner. Since there is truth in the world, you weren't there when I invited you.

◆ The network is deceptive! Netizen netizen, there is nothing on the net! Online dating online dating is always lovelorn! Internet cafes Internet cafes, the Internet is full of scars! Network, network is heartbreaking and depraved!

◆ There are many ugly women on the Internet, and there are groups of broken flowers and broken willows. Occasionally, there are several pairs of wild mandarin ducks, which are also pheasants with perverts!

◆ Four basic principles of network: Insist on asking about gender, age, marriage history and region.

◆ As soon as the online beauty opens her mouth, Bush holds bin Laden's hand; As soon as the online beauty opened her mouth, bandits around the world turned themselves in; As soon as the online beauty opens her mouth, the moon and the earth walk sideways!

Online years are like flying knives, and knives are ruthless. Revolutionary health is the most important. Don't stay up late surfing the Internet. To stay healthy, go to bed before two o'clock.

◆ In order to celebrate the 10th anniversary of the establishment of the mobile company, the number of short messages exceeded 5 billion, and this activity of giving back to users was specially launched. As long as this message is forwarded to 10 users, 50 yuan will be automatically added to your card! Check after sending! It's true. I just tried. Send it quickly! !

Break up when you are engaged as a minor, get married when you first fall in love, and remarry when you get married.

◆ In the Cultural Revolution series, the train was extremely crowded, and a gentleman took advantage of parking to put his ass out of the window to defecate. When the train was about to start, the conductor shouted at the final inspection: passengers with big faces in front should pay attention not to eat fried dough sticks outside the window!

◆ During the Cultural Revolution, trains were connected in series, and the carriages were extremely crowded. A gentleman stopped and put his ass out of the window to shit. When the train was about to start, the conductor shouted during the inspection: Passengers with big faces in front should pay attention not to eat fried dough sticks outside the window.

◆ Q: Who is the most pitiful person in the world? A: Artillery company cookhouse squad soldiers! Q: Why? A: Take the blame for wearing a green hat and watch others have sex.

Let me give you a riddle: there are two drops of water on the pig's ass. Type the song title ..................................................................................................................................................

Coward male article: poor, white, incompetent, five senses of limbs, six gods and seven ignorance, eight characters unlucky, very timid.

I am like a dragon in the sky! You, like a phoenix on the ground! I fly in the sky and you chase after me on the ground. I love you, and I won't lie to you, just as farmers love corn.

◆ The person I love has been taken away, and the person who loves me is terrible, either degenerating in debauchery or perverting in silence.

◆ The person I love has been taken away, and the person who loves me is terrible, either degenerating in debauchery or perverting in silence. -For Valentine's Day!

I am not a scholar, but my parents forced me to come. The examination questions are as deep as the sea, and the eggs and ducks are rolling in.

I thought only men were narcissistic, but women were more narcissistic than men.

I have told you more than once not to work so hard and pay attention to your health, but you always say with a deep taste: If the weather is warm, don't roll a few dung balls, what to eat in winter?

I have known you since junior high school. I have liked you since high school. I fell in love with you when I went to repeat. I lost you when I was in college. I want to get you again this year. I love you-Tsingtao beer.

I never eat duck tongue. What I took out of the duck's mouth was too dirty. I want to eat scrambled eggs.

I treat you like a pearl and you treat me like a salted fish. I'm crazy about you, and I'm crazy about you. Deep in the ocean, you hurt me on purpose.

My love is like the stars in the sky, countless; My feelings are like cabbage gangs, which can't be cooked badly; You treated me like a beggar, left some affection behind and ran away. Please love more.

◆ My four ideals: I don't want more money, I can hold different beautiful women, I can run all over the world, I don't need to work or sleep!

I admire you like a raging river. The Yellow River overflows out of control (I have diarrhea).

I drown my sorrows in wine, but this damn pain learned to swim.

I saw her with a shy face and a lovely expression. I couldn't help shivering and asked in a low voice, "What about you ... do you really like me?" She buried her head and said, "Guess!" "Yes ~" Her face is redder and her head is lower. "Guess again!"

I am 18 years old this year. I have known each other for two years, been in contact for four years, been in love for eight years, and just married a girl.

◆ I will get an electric shock when I see you; I can't see you, I need to recharge; Without you, I think I will cut off the electricity!

◆ I live like this every day: playing ball with Jordan, boxing with Tai Sen, playing chess with Wei Ping, chatting with Clinton, bombing buildings with bin Laden and sending messages to pigs.

On the journey of our friendship, sometimes you can't see me by your side. It's not that I forgot you, let alone you. But I choose to walk behind you. When you accidentally fall down, I will run up and step on it.

I'm crazy, you're stupid, and you're home in a daze. Come back from work and say you love me.

I am your mobile phone, face to face with you every day; I am your keyboard, and I feel your fingertips beating every day.

I am your ice cream in summer, cotton-padded jacket in winter, light bulb in the dark, and bread when you are hungry! I really want to say "I love you"!

I am a naughty boy, and occasionally I will make you angry, but don't be angry. Give me a reason not to be angry, and I will get rid of my bad temper and make you happy. From then on, the world is blessed!

I am an onion, standing in the wind and rain, who will dip me in soy sauce * * his ancestors! I traveled all over the country, drank water behind the toilet, ran over my leg on the train track and kissed a fool. Fuck! Refuse nothing, just miss you!

I really love you. How can I lie to you? I have never loved anyone. They never said I lied to them.

◆ I said, "You are a pig." You said, "I am a pig!" " From now on, I will call you a pig. Finally one day, you can't help yelling at me in front of everyone: "I'm not a pig!" "

◆ I like Teresa Teng, dead; I like Barbara Yung and committed suicide; I like Anita Mui, dead; I like Ka Kui Wong, I fell dead; I like Leslie Cheung, jumping off a building; I like you, do it yourself!

I like crawling around on you, touching every inch of your skin and lying in your arms. I can't live without you for a moment. I love you.-Sofa!

◆ I want to be an emperor, but I am afraid of verbosity; Want to be an official, afraid of many things; Want to eat, afraid to brush the pot; I really want to beat you up, but I'm afraid of getting into trouble.

I think I am a dog, guarding your door every day. I think I am a pig, reading with you every day. I think I am a sheep and accompany you to the canteen every day.

I have been by your side, and I have been worried about you again and again. Are you full today? Did you sleep well? Will it be cold late at night? I always knew you couldn't take care of yourself. Every time I walk away, you will jump out of the pigsty.

◆ I have always had a crush on you! I have a crush on your lips, your face and your ears, but I have no money, so I dare not tell you. Today I finally have money. I want to say loudly, boss, cut that pig's head half for me!

◆ I used to look at the world with the naked eye and thought that money was dirt. Now I look at the world with my heart and know how beautiful it is to have money in my pocket!

I thought I was decadent, and I didn't know that my morning paper was scrapped until today.

I saw a penny on the side of the road and was about to bend down to pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. Damn it, who threw up so round?

I wrote your name in the sky, but it was taken away by the wind; I wrote your name on the beach, but it was swept away by the waves; So I wrote your name on every corner of the street. . . . I was handcuffed and taken away by the city management.

I used to have everything: status, money, beauty ... but my wife found out ...

I am really desperate: Guo Hua has been developed into a tourist area by the state, and Master married Bai a few days ago. I had no money to eat yesterday, so I sold my golden hoop. I really miss the days when we studied classics together! Second brother, how are you?

I dreamed of you last night: we walked by the river and snuggled together. You looked up at my eyes and spit out three words affectionately ... woof woof woof.

◆ Turn left and turn right. You got it. It turns out that the selection of numbers is also quite annoying. I chose and chose, guessed and guessed. In fact, winning the prize is not easy, alas, it is not easy!

Holding the hand of a female classmate, I regret that I didn't start earlier; Holding your wife's hand is like holding your right hand with your left hand. You don't feel anything.

Holding your wife's hand is like holding your right hand with your left hand; Holding the young lady's hand seems to have returned to 1899; Holding the hand of a female classmate, I regret not doing it.

◆ Hold your lover's hand and follow me gently; Holding the hand of the little secret, delicious as spirits; Holding the pheasant's hand, excited and trembling; Hold your wife's hand, and your left hand holds your right hand.

◆ Hold the boss's hand and bow not to let go; Holding the hand of the discipline inspection, the whole body trembled; Take the financial hand and pull it up to go to the restaurant.

A man without a girlfriend goes to a bar to find a girlfriend! Men with girlfriends go to bars to avoid their girlfriends!

◆ Five One Projects: Follow a leader as a backer; Being a boss is easy to spend money; Unite a reporter and pay attention to publicity; It is not difficult to see a doctor; Contact a member of the opposite sex and secretly satisfy your desire!

◆ Wukong is sucking on the ground with a magnet. Friar Sand asked, Brother, what are you looking for? Wukong: Hey! I dropped my golden hoop, and it didn't take long to grow!

◆ Wukong asked: Bajie, let's go. What are you doing? "Pig said," I'm looking at the text message from the master. What is the explanation? "

◆ Zhuge Liang played a song in the west, and the sound lingered, listening to 150,000 Wei Jun outside the city. Zhuge Liang: "Thank you. Please pay one or two tickets. " In an instant,150,000 people escaped. ...

Smoking hurts the lungs, drinking hurts the stomach, the sauna is too expensive, traveling is too tired, going to karaoke bars is expensive, and playing mahjong and gambling interferes with society. Buying lottery tickets is not as economical as it is!

I hope you are happy. I happily covered myself with a quilt, dripping my nose, looking in the mirror, laughing and drinking water. I am happy when I think about it, and happy when I am unhappy. See you happy? I must be happy at this time!

◆ Do you like it? For example, "Do you want it? "Let's give it a try ... can we go in a little more? Will it hurt? It doesn't hurt, but it's a little tight. "So comfortable? It feels good. " Then buy this pair of shoes! "

◆ The magpie is coming, and my mother says it is a bird or a guest; The swallow came, and my mother said it was a good bird or a guest. The crow came, and the child asked, are you a guest? The crow cried, Yes, I am a hacker!

The blind and the lame ride bicycles together, and the lame watch the road. Suddenly, he saw a deep ditch and shouted: Gougougou! The blind man turned around and sang: Ole Ole Ole! So they fell into the ditch!

◆ The off-duty part belongs to the wife, the work part belongs to the company, and the middle part belongs to the lover; Wake up is the company's, sleep is the wife's, half dream and half wake up is the lover's!

◆ Those who go home from work are poor ghosts, those who go home at 9 o'clock are drunkards, 1 1 those who go home are lechers, those who go home at 2-3 o'clock are gamblers, and those who don't go home are wild ghosts!

Next Tuesday, Liangshan will start a martial arts division. My brother applied for a senior martial arts teacher, and the number of places was limited. Please help me with the jury work. My brother will thank you in the future. Song Wu brothers.

Summer comes, birds fall in love, ants live together, flies get pregnant, mosquitoes miscarry, butterflies divorce, caterpillars remarry, and frogs have children. What are you waiting for?

◆ Mr. Wang is absent, and his wife confessed: drink less spirits and don't gamble; Don't pick wild flowers on the roadside; Cherish feelings and care for your wife; Such a husband is so cute!

Modern beauty vows: confuse the mind of a 60-year-old man, seize the property of a 50-year-old man, separate the wife and children of a 40-year-old man, break the waist of a 30-year-old man, and revolve around me of a 20-year-old man!

Modern beauty vows: confuse men's minds at 60/seize their property at 50/break their wives at 40/break their waist at 30/let them die completely at 20.

◆ Four modern fools: Go home from work and earn money for your wife to spend. Leave your phone number with the lady and order lobster at the hotel.

There are four kinds of soil today: mobile phones wear condoms, pagers wear handcuffs, men wear vests, and women wear bras.

Meet in the network and fall in love in the network. Sweet words are entangled! How confusing it is to say! By the way, my friend, find out the gender first!

The biggest advantage of blind date is that if there are problems in marriage in the future, you can put the blame on the matchmaker.

I want to see the sea with you, but I can't grasp the unpredictable future; I want to climb the mountain with you, but I am full of confusion about my ideal; I want to wander with you, but I can't go to a happy paradise; I want to go shopping with you, but when I met the police, I said no dogs.

Miss you, is a very happy thing; Nice to meet you. Loving you is what I will always do; Keeping you in mind is what I have been doing; However, lying to you just happened.

Miss you, miss you so much, find an artist to draw you, stick you in a cup, drink water every day and kiss you.

I want to send you roses, but the price is too expensive; I want to comfort you, but I haven't learned it yet; I want to kneel to you, but the ring is still in the safe.

I am intoxicated by the thought of your gentleness; I admire your kindness; Thinking about your income, I am infatuated; I recoiled when I remembered your appearance.

◆ White and white, ears pricked up, heard the phone beep, put down the radish and vegetables, and quickly sent a message.

◆ The child stole the parrot raised in the hospital. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot called, Move! Seeing his mother, he shouted: The boss has changed, too! Seeing his sister, he shouted, Miss has changed! Seeing his father, he shouted, I'm still an old customer!

Miss, don't be angry. I'll take you to the theatre tonight. You take the bus and I'll walk. You sit on the bench and I sit on the ground. You eat bread, I eat fart.

Miss, I love you. I can't help coming to you. I accidentally scared you. I dreamed of you at night and vowed to catch up with you.

◆ Little Carp asked his mother: What did Dad do? Mother Fish said angrily: Hum! I went to court, and the chef who got 1000 yuan asked your father to take a sauna. Fortunately, your father had a good eye and found it was oil.

Xiao Lv asked the old donkey: Why do we eat hay every day, while cows eat concentrated feed? The old donkey sighed, we can't compete with men. We eat by running errands, and others eat by breasts!

Xiaoming and his classmates went to the seaside. Xiaoming saw the sea and shouted: the sea! Mom! As soon as the voice fell, a huge wave hit his face. He changed his mouth angrily: damn it! It's TM's stepmother

Xiao Ming went to the seaside, and when he saw the sea, he couldn't help shouting: the sea! Mom! As soon as his voice fell, a huge wave hit his face. He was furious and scolded: Shit! It's a fucking stepmother!

The little mosquito came home crying, and her mother asked, what's the matter? Mozzie: Dad is dead! Mother Mosquito: He didn't take you to the show? Mosquito: Yes, but when the audience applauded, Dad didn't dodge.

◆ sample! Drink Langjiu, walk the dog, sing folk songs and take the water; Comb the head shape of the lovelorn and walk with affectionate steps; Open your broken eyes and look for the rain and dew of love everywhere. You are so cool!

◆ The pig cried sadly. Mother asked: Why are you crying? The pig said, I feel stupid. Mother comforted him: son, don't cry, the person reading this message is even more stupid than you!

◆ The shoe store owner measured A's feet ... A was nearsighted, and when he saw the boss's bald head, he thought his knees were exposed, so he covered it with a long skirt-the boss shouted, "Oh dear! The fuse is blown again! "

◆ Psychological test: If you race with a bear, you hope: 1 You run faster than the bear; Run as fast; 3 you run slower than a bear ... answer: 1 you are an animal worse than an animal; You are an animal; You are worse than an animal.

◆ The new four lectures: healthy atmosphere in the morning, loyalty at noon, luck in the afternoon and strength in the evening.

◆ Five new intimate relationships: going to school together, going to the countryside together, carrying guns together, sharing stolen goods collectively, and whoring together.

◆ Criminal police team, get drunk before solving the case. Security team, drive away customers and sleep by yourself. Traffic police team, stand by the road, etc. The riot squad itself is a triad society. Guard, have dinner with the chief.

◆ The sum of Liangshan Treasury explained by my brother last time has been safely deposited in Swiss National Bank. Please rest assured that this is very secret. The account number is Song Taigong, and the password remains unchanged. Brother Dai Zong.

May, whose chest is not very good, came back from work and said bitterly: Just after passing through the dark alley, a man suddenly hugged me from behind and wanted to tease me. Even more irritating, the man said, what a bummer!

References:

Some of them were transferred from, others were written by themselves.

1. Find a friend and let him say "mouse" three times first, and then "mouse is old" three times. After he said, "mouse, mouse, mouse is old, mouse is old, mouse is old", he immediately asked him, "What do cats fear most?" It is almost guaranteed that he will answer "mouse". I have tried many times, and it works every time.

2. Find three things at random, such as three cups. Let a friend say "forget" when you knock the first one, "love" when you knock the second one, and "water" when you knock the third one, which is euphemistically called testing a friend's reaction speed. After several times, continue to knock for the first time. 3. If your friend says, "Forget it, forget it, forget it, forget it, Wang!

Find a MM to test her English ability. You say a word, and MM says the second letter of the word. Say a few words first, and then the fun will begin.

Say husband first, MM, mm can say u (you);

Besides my wife, MM can say I (I (I); ;

Over and over again

Do you understand?

4. You ask him, "What is three waters plus one?"

He thought for a moment and said, "Not sure, Lai?"

You asked again, "How about adding three drops of water?"

He might say, "... what word? Is there such a word? Going? "

In fact, it should be "law" ......

5. Hold out 1 finger and ask others "What is this?"

Put out two more fingers and ask someone, "What is this?"

Hold out three fingers again and ask others, "What is 1+ 1?"

10 people, the most 1 people answered correctly.

6. Read Wang Shuo's novels. The game in Half Flame, Half Seawater is very interesting. The one with the coin in his hand and answering the question.

Is there a number greater than 1? The other party said yes.

Again, is there anything larger than 10? The other party said yes.

Until 100000-

Finally, do you ask a fool more stupid than you? The other party is very alert to say "no"!

7. By the way, you can say that I want to test your English reaction ability, hold out your left hand and say to her, "My thumb is A, my forefinger is C, my middle finger is M, my ring finger is S, and my little finger is X", and then say, in order to increase the difficulty, I will interfere with you in Chinese. Then, if you point to the middle finger and say fish, she will say M, you point to the ring finger and say donkey, she will say S, then point to the thumb and say pig, she will say A, then keep pointing to the thumb and say pig, and she will keep saying: A, A, A, A, A, A. If she is smart, she can try other fingers before giving her thumb.

9. Put your hands on your thighs, then rub your left hand forward and beat your right hand up and down several times, then change your hands and rub your right hand forward and beat your left hand up and down. ......

By the way, speed up, it won't work if it's slow. Hehe, try it, most people won't say it.

10.a: Besides people, what animal likes to ask "why" best?

I don't know.

A: It's a pig!

B: Why?

Ha! ! !

1 1. Tell an old story, the more people, the better the occasion:

Adventure stories. Grandpa and grandson go out to sea to experience risks!

Grandpa is a fisherman who is very familiar with water. On this day, the weather is fine. He asked his little grandson to go fishing with him.

Who knows that just after going out to sea, the weather suddenly changed and there was a storm at sea. The little grandson was afraid, and grandpa comforted him: Don't be afraid, my dear grandson. Grandpa has been skilled for so many years. What are you afraid of this storm?

Suddenly, a big wave came and split the paddle in half.

Grandpa said helplessly to his grandson, dear grandson, the pulp is finished!

12. Is the English spelling of pig PUG?

-No, it's a pig

No, how do I remember it was you?

-You're mistaken. It's me.

-Pig, it's you

-Pig, it's me