Are there any very funny jokes?

1. Change my girlfriend's phone number to mine while my classmate is taking a shower. Send him a short message in bed at night "Husband, I'm pregnant". I saw that the buddy suddenly turned over and got out of bed. Bada Bada smoked a box of cigarettes and asked the dormitory person to borrow money ... < P > 2. Today, on Valentine's Day, a girl who had a crush on me for a long time called me: "Come to my house, no one!" I ran away with excitement! ! ! ! ! ! ! I knocked on the door for more than an hour and found that there was really no one ... < P > 3. In class, jane doe sent a note. When I saw the content, I really wanted to beat him. It said: Are you there?

4. Today, when the whole family was watching the costume film shown by Hunan Satellite TV, they suddenly asked my dad stupidly: Dad, why do you think I should call you dad? -My dad's weak answer: You can also call me Amar.

5. A friend recently bought a car and took us out for a walk. Another friend took his sister with him to have the following conversation:

MM: Brother, your friend drives steadily.

GG: well, yes. Look, another bike has passed

6. One day, my sister went to my brother's room.

Sister: "Brother, will you take off my pajamas?" Brother did it.

Sister said, "Take off my bra again!" My brother did the same.

Sister said, "Take off my underwear at last!" After my brother finished, my sister picked up the clothes and said, "Don't wear my clothes again! Pervert! ! !

7. One day, a friend who was stuck in traffic jam in Beijing for several hours finally couldn't stand it. He stormed to open the car door, opened the trunk and took out a long wooden stick from it. All the people in the traffic jam looked at him in surprise, only to see that he cursed and smashed a snail on the ground, while knocking and cursing: "Don't you dare to follow me! "

8. It's a waste for the handsome boy across the street to eat noodles. Take two bites of noodles and leave. So I just poured the bowl of noodles to the hungry wild cats on the roadside. After a while, the handsome boy came back with a bottle of water in his hand. I looked at the empty bowl with a suspicious face ... At that moment, I just wanted to be a passerby who was immersed in noodles ... < P > 11. When I got up in the morning, my husband turned over and the quilt wrapped him up for several layers.

I looked at him who continued to sleep, and felt very cute, like a sushi to be cut.

Then he tied the big roll around the middle with his belt and went to work.

when I came back at 4 o'clock in the afternoon, I saw my husband still lying in bed in the shape of sushi to be cut in the morning, but from a different angle, and looked at me with bitterness.

He said: It's not the key that I was hungry for a day, that I turned off the air conditioner when I left, and that it's not the key that I went to work the next day to explain that I didn't go to work and didn't answer the phone.

The key is that I was wearing a wardrobe right opposite the bed, and he felt embarrassed and funny when he looked at himself in the mirror. I didn't hold back when I laughed. . . .

12. Someone posted a question: Is there any good way to pursue my liking for a bank counter MM? Reply: if you save money and don't take the passbook, she will stop you ... bank sister: hey ... your passbook! ! ! The landlord smiled back: it's your passbook! ! !

In junior high school, the school was close to home, and I walked home every time I had a small holiday.

13. One winter holiday, I was walking alone on my way home when I accidentally saw an eagle flying in the sky.

The coat I wore that day had a big white collar imitating rabbit hair. At the moment I caught a glimpse of the eagle, I thought it wouldn't fly down to catch me as a big rabbit, would it?

So I resolutely found a hidden corner to hide, and stood in the cold wind for nearly half an hour ... During this half an hour, I leaned out an eye from time to time to secretly see if the eagle was still there, and it was still there ... In ... In ...

After a long time, I finally found something strange, so I bravely observed the eagle carefully for a moment, and then ... cursed in a low voice.

14. It is said that one day I had a stomachache and hurried to the toilet. After taking off my pants, I spent a long time, and I farted loudly all my life.

Then I heard the buddy in the pit next door: "Holy shit ..."

When I finished, the buddy said: Brother, do you have any paper? You scared me just now, and the paper fell into the pit!

15. Take the subway to work in the morning. It's crowded! There was a girl next to her who was very cute. Kawaii was texting. I accidentally took a look and found that she wrote, "There are many people in the car today, which is very crowded." After a while, I remembered something and laughed to myself. I didn't mean to look back for a while, but I saw this girl continue to write "There is still an SB standing next to me"

16. When I was a senior, I went downstairs after self-study, thinking that the person who walked in front of me was a roommate, secretly ran forward and kicked his ass hard, and shouted: You actually came to study for yourself? ! The man rubbed his ass and looked back at me piteously, trembling and saying, hmm. After a few seconds of staring at each other, I was hesitating about how to apologize. The man replied: Big Brother, I am a freshman, so I won't dare to do it in the future ... < P > 17. Once in class, a classmate was very hungry, so he soaked instant noodles. In order not to let the teacher find out, he put the book up and buried his head, but the heat still came out. The teacher said calmly, "Who is this classmate who is obsessed with reading?"

18. My girlfriend said that I agreed without much pursuit at that time. It was too much for her to let me break up and I pursued again. I agreed. Then, there will be no more. It's not fun to break up by cheating

19. Go shopping in the school supermarket today.

I don't have to brush the bar code when I check out ~ There will be a "beep" ~

I can't brush a marinated egg I bought ...

I didn't know what was going on in my head at that time ...

Just like this, a sentence: "beep! ~ ~ ~ "

The whole scene is petrified ~ ~

2. When I was young, my teacher told me that there is a diligent villain and a lazy villain in everyone. When you hesitate, they will fight. Diligent villains often beat lazy villains out of the water in primary school, tied in junior high school, and lazy villains often won in high school. But when I arrived at the university, I suddenly found that they stopped fighting, and the hard-working little man was killed.

21. When crossing the road, I met a red light, and my friend wanted to move forward. I stopped him: "Wait for the light, wait for the light!" My friend turned to me with disdain and said, "Only you have Intel!

22. I asked a friend what the password was for the photo album. He gave me a string of 17-digit English words "cptbtptpbcptdtptp". I was surprised and asked, "How can you remember it so long?" He replied weakly: "If you eat grapes, you don't spit grape skins, but if you don't eat grapes, you spit grape skins!"