Give me some jokes

Haha, there are so many.

I have collected it for a long time, but it has not been chosen as the correct answer yet!

Wonderful questions and answers between men and women

Q: What is a girlfriend and a wife? difference?

Answer: The difference is 15 kilograms.

Q: What is the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

Answer: 45 minutes difference.

Question: What is it called when a man talks inappropriately to a woman?

Answer: It’s called sexual harassment.

Q: What do you call a woman who talks inappropriately to a man?

Answer: It’s called the 20-yuan-per-minute paid hotline.

Q: How did you know that your wife had passed away?

Answer: The sex life has not changed, but the dishes have not been washed for a long time.

Q: How did you know that your husband had passed away?

Answer: Your sex life has not changed, but the remote control has finally fallen into your hands.

Q: What is a woman called paralyzed from the waist down?

Answer: Married women.

Question: How many men does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: None. They just sit in the dark and complain.

Q: What is the fastest way to reach a man’s heart?

Answer: A sharp knife pierces the heart.

Q: What are the similarities between men and parking spaces?

Answer: All the good seats are occupied, and the rest are reserved for people with disabilities.

Question: Are there similarities between men’s and men’s toilets?

Answer: All the good seats are taken, and the rest are piles of shit.

Question: What are the similarities between men and floor tiles?

Answer: If the paving is very good when it is paved for the first time, you can step on it for a lifetime without any problem.

Question: What are the similarities and differences between men and rat fish (scavenger fish)?

Answer: They are also garbage eaters, but one of them is fish.

Question: Why do men like to marry virgins?

Answer: Because men can’t stand criticism.

Question: Why is it so difficult for women to find sensitive, considerate, and good-looking men?

Answer: Because such men already have girlfriends.

Q: What is “safe sex” for men?

Answer: The headboard is cushioned.

Question: How do men classify clothes when sorting them?

Answer: "Dirty" and "Dirty but still wearable"!

Question: Why are men’s brains bigger than dogs’ brains?

Answer: In this way, men will not have sex with women in public.

Question: Why do women fake orgasms?

Answer: Because men always pretend to be "foreplay".

Q: What is the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

Answer: The dog is still excited to see you after a year.

Question: What makes a man pursue a woman he doesn’t want to marry?

Answer: What makes a dog chase a car he doesn’t want to drive? It’s the same reason.

Q: What is the biggest problem for atheists?

Answer: No one can cry out during orgasm.

Q: What kind of men are the most popular in the naturist camp?

Answer: A man who can hold a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts at the same time.

Q: What kind of women are the most popular in the naturist camp?

Answer: The woman who can eat the last donut.

Q: Why does the bride wear a white wedding dress?

Answer: It is best to match the color of the dishwasher, stove and refrigerator.

Q: What is the difference between women and batteries?

Answer: The battery must have a positive (positive) side.

Question: Why do men prefer showering to bathing?

Answer: Because peeing in the bath is too disgusting.

Q: What is the difference between terrorists and women?

Answer: Terrorists can negotiate terms, but women cannot.

The zebra loved the fawn deeply, but was rejected when he expressed his love. The zebra yelled: Why? Why is all this happening?

Xiaolu said timidly: My mother said that those with tattoos are all bad boys.

The panda loved the deer deeply, but when he expressed his love, he was rejected. The panda yelled: Why? Why is all this happening?

Xiaolu said timidly: My mother said that those who wear sunglasses are bad boys and were rejected. Xiaoji yelled: Why? Why is all this happening?

The little duck said timidly: My mother said that those who are called "chicken" are not good women.

The spider loved the ant deeply, but was rejected when he expressed his love. The spider yelled: Why? Why is all this happening?

Ant said timidly: My mother said that those who stay online all day long are not good people.

Glasses loves Nose deeply, but when he expresses his love, he is rejected. Glasses yells: Why? Why is all this happening?

The nose said timidly: My mother said that women are not good if their legs don’t fit together.

The golf club loves table tennis deeply, and when he expresses his love But when he was rejected, the golf club yelled: Why? Why is all this happening?

Ping Pong timidly said: My mother said that men with hooked noses are not good guys

Nongfu Spring loved Wahaha deeply, but was rejected when he expressed his love. Nongfu Spring yelled: Why? Why is all this happening?

Wahaha timidly said: My mother said that a woman who can release water when pressed is definitely not a good thing

Snake loved Turtle deeply, but was rejected when he expressed his love. Snake Yelling: Why? Why is all this happening?

Ougui timidly said: My mother said, even if you are poor, a man who can’t even afford a vest is not a good man.

Juzi loves Yuzi deeply and expresses his love. When he was rejected, Orange yelled: Why? Why is all this happening?

Yuzi timidly said: My mother said that women who take off their clothes too easily are not good things

Teapot loves tea deeply, but when he expresses his love, he is rejected. Teapot yelled: Why? Why is all this happening?

Cha Ye said timidly: My mother said that those who pour water all day long are not good people. ---Don't look around and say you! !

5 loves 1 deeply, but is rejected when he expresses his love. 5 yells: Why? Why is all this happening?

1 I am embarrassed to say: My mother said, we can’t find someone with a beer belly

Audi loves Mitsubishi deeply, but he was rejected when he expressed his love. Roar: Why? Why is all this happening?

Mitsubishi said embarrassedly: You have four holes, but I only have three tips. I'm afraid I won't be able to handle it.

Harmonium is deeply in love with the piano, but when she expresses her love, she is rejected. Harmonica yells: Why? Why is all this happening?

Qinqin said contemptuously: Men who like other people’s mouths are not good people.

Harmonica said sadly: Didn’t you rely on other people’s hands to hum so well!

The old sow who loved the old sow deeply and could not reply expressed her love. But he was rejected, and he yelled without replying, "Why? What is all this for?" The old sow said desperately: My mother said that close relatives cannot get married...

< p> One hundred reasons to propose

1. Because I have stolen your heart, and you want to marry me, you won’t. ． ．

2. Because I will never find a girl as easy to fool as you

3. Because the weather is nice and suitable for marriage

4. Because If you don’t marry me, who else can you marry?

5. Because you don’t know anything, who will marry you if I don’t marry you?

6. Because you are my life The bride

7. Because I don’t like to eat food cooked by others.... I only eat what you cook

8. Because I hope you wake me up every morning< /p>

9. Because I want to take the ring off the key ring

10. Because I think we are really not suitable to be lovers... Will you be my wife?

p>

11. Because the happiness of my life is entirely in your hands

12. Because my greatest happiness is to be able to be there every morning. Waking up with you

13. Because the bank boss doesn’t want me to return the ring

14. Because if you don’t marry me, you will regret it

15. Because you are already a part of my life, and no one can enter my life except you

16. Because you have no choice but me, because no one can compare to me. I love you even more

17. Because I will only hold your hand in this life

18. Because I don’t want you to regret it

19. Because I don’t want you to Lonely

20. Because I want to prove that I will still love you fifty years later

21. Because I want to prove that I love you

22. Because I want to prove that I love you I love you the most in the world

23. Because leaving you is very painful

24. Because leaving you will make it impossible for me to live anymore

25. Because I am not who I am after I leave you

26. Because I decided to marry you the day I started falling in love with you

27. Because I decided to marry you the day I started falling in love with you I want to make you happy for a lifetime

28. Because the day I decided to make you happy for a lifetime, I decided that I would propose to you one day

29. Because you made me forget all the past Pain

30. Because you give me hope for the future

31. Because you fill me with motivation and enable me to move forward wholeheartedly in every present< /p>

32. Because only you understand my world best

33. Because my sky wants to be connected with you

34. Because my wish is to be with you You fly to the distant horizon together

35. Because my parents want me to have a baby as soon as possible

36. Because I heard that the three most serious forms of unfilial piety are not having children

< p>37. Because I want to sing an old love song with you

38. Because you are my chocolate

39. Because your love makes me stronger

40. Because only you can make my heart beat

41. Because only you can make me give my feelings

42. Because only you can make me miss you day and night. Read

43. Because only you can make me forget about tea and food

44. Because only you can make me forget to go home on Mother’s Day and only think about You

45. Because only you can make me stay in this place where birds don’t lay eggs and dogs don’t poop

46. Because only you can make me believe that I still have someone. Want

47. Because only you want me

48. Because only you are willing to give me a chance

49. Because only with you can I feel the joy of the world Warmth

50. Because of you, I have the idea of ??starting a family

51. Because of you, May Day has its meaning

52. Because of you, I can collect hundreds of phone cards

53. Because of you, I am willing to take good care of my body

54. Because of you, whether the May Fourth Movement was successful or not is no longer important to me

55. Because I married you, I will be able to eat the rice dumplings made by you during the Dragon Boat Festival

56. Because you marry me, you can eat well and drink spicy food every day

57. Because you marry me, you can give gold coins to your relatives and friends

58. Because you marry me, you You can go to Hawaii with me

59. Because by marrying me you can forget how sad the national humiliation of 1959 was.

60. Because by marrying me you can no longer Worrying about not being able to pass sixty points

62. Because if you marry me, you won’t be 21, I can guarantee this.

62. Because if you marry me, you will be able to I don’t mind if you laugh at me, scold me or bully me every day

63. Because I can stop smoking for the rest of my life for you

64. Because I am willing to imitate the brave martyrs of Tiananmen Square Rushing to the chariot

65. Because if you were the morning dew, I would be that grass

66. Because I have thought of sixty-six reasons to propose to you

p>

67. Because I have already thought of sixty-six reasons, so there is no need to give up proposing to you

68. Because I want you to be my girlfriend forever

69. Because you are the best heroine in my mind

70. Because I want to have a cute little baby with you

71. Because my parents said that if I didn’t If I marry you, they will not recognize me as their son

72. Because my brothers and sisters said that if I dare to bully you, they will also fall out with me

73. Because I am with my friends and classmates Bet you will marry me, you won’t hurt me!

74. Because God knows that I love you

75. Because I swore last night that if I can’t marry you, I will I will be struck by thunder from the sky

76. Because I vowed again this morning that if you don’t marry me, I will be struck by thunder and give it to you

77. Because I want to be with you Eat seven thousand seven hundred and seventy-seven strips of Qiqi milk and chocolate

78. Because I believe that true love can withstand the test

79. Because I want you to believe that I love you My love can definitely withstand the test

80. Because as long as I want twenty spots, you have to agree to me, so I will fight

81. Because I want to hold you Your hands walked together on the red ground □

82. Because I like to see your name on the spouse column of my ID card

83. Because when you are old, I I also want to accompany you to travel everywhere

84. Because I want to always be by your side and watch you be happy

85. Because I want everyone who knows me to know you She is the best wife

86. Because God has destined you, I want to marry you

87. Because Jesus gave me a dream yesterday and asked me to marry you

88 .Because only you can make me celebrate Father’s Day early

89. Because I can’t wait to have sex with you!

90. Because I’m worried that other boys will Bullying you, so I must grab you first

91. Because I want to know if you really love me

92. Because I know I can give you the most complete love

93. Because I thought that getting married as a soldier can prevent mutiny

94. Because I want you to join me in running for a model couple

95. Because I want If I spend more time and energy thinking of a hundred reasons to pursue another one, I might as well settle on you as soon as possible

96. Because I am about to achieve my goal, I must persist to the end

97. Because I actually told you so many reasons just to let you know that I really love you

98. Because I also know that you can’t bear to really ask me to think of a hundred reasons to propose

p>

99. Because you and I both know that only each other is the most beautiful choice for each other

100. Because these one hundred reasons only represent one sentence: I love you

< p>My horny girlfriend who gives me a headache

(1)

Last night my girlfriend went to study at night, so I waited for her to pick her up after class.

After class, I saw her beaming with joy and asked her what she was happy about.

She said: "During class, girl A and boy B were reminiscing about the H joke.

"

I asked: "What does it have to do with you? "

She smiled mysteriously and said, "I heard ￣￣￣"

She pinched me, "Can I tell you?" "

Then she started: "Name the people from different countries,

The Chinese name is: Yang Wei

The Japanese name is: Steel Rikawa< /p>

The Russian’s name is: Don’t Make It Uncomfortable

The American’s name is: Richard. Tyson")

I felt dizzy at that time￣￣￣￣When I was not my girlfriend before

She was so dignified, and she was still an official of the student union, and now...

Then he told me a lot of H jokes, all of which were told on the main street of the school. Our laughter attracted a lot of attention.

< p>(2)

It was almost 10 o'clock last night and we were on Lover's Road behind the school (actually it's just an ordinary road, it got this name after lovers walked too much)

) for a walk.

We passed by a couple in a dimly lit area.

We didn’t notice each other, but we didn’t notice each other. When we passed by others, she deliberately pretended to tell me secretly, but in fact her voice was loud and said: "Their KISS sound is so loud." It turned out that someone else was kissing a couple. We left immediately...

I wanted to find a place to stay

(3)

She usually gave me an expression: The one from the lower right to the upper left looked at me, and with the dimples on her cheeks and her smile, I was dizzy and so mesmerized.

She said that the girls in the dormitory next to them were all crazy that day. While watching "Erotic Man and Woman", I watched it all around the computer screen.

I asked her how she felt after watching it, and she actually said: "I've been deceived before, but I didn't expect it to be pornographic and pornographic." It's fake.

”

I feel dizzy again

(4)

Once we were reading in the classroom and got tired. So we sat across from each other

After talking for a while, I was distracted by other things, and then she lifted my chin with her right index finger. I didn’t recover, so I cooperated. , when my eyes looked into hers, she said very charmingly: "Little brother, you are so handsome

" Everyone else in the classroom looked at us:) **, she I thought I was a heroine￣

(5)

One day when I was walking in front of Building No. 7 of the school, I saw the school beauty, and then my eyes followed her unexpectedly, oops, It hurts, M

M pinched me and rolled my eyes. MY GOD! After coaxing me for a long time, MM was no longer angry.

Then he said to me excitedly: "I'll tell you." A secret, that school beauty always brings a toothbrush when taking a bath in the bathhouse, and brushes her teeth while taking a bath. ":) This is not over yet, "Do you want to watch her take a shower? Actually, there is a gap behind the women's bathhouse, let me look at it for you."

I was drooling during sex, but...

A heavy blow from behind, my god, I can't see it Damn, is he a martial arts practitioner?

(6)

My sister likes to study mobile phones and often talks to me about mobile phones in mobile phone forums. When we started falling in love, she taught me about video phones one morning. In the afternoon, I really wanted to hear her voice, so I went to the balcony to call her. The phone was just connected when I suddenly saw a girl on the second floor of the girl's building across from me rushing from the house to the balcony with a phone in hand.

It looked so familiar. If you look carefully, she was the one who said: "Why don't you wear more clothes in the dormitory?"

She was very confused and asked: "How do you know?"

After a second pause, mm screamed on the phone: "You pervert, you are spying on us." I said: "Look, I'm right opposite you

The balcony on the third floor, I’m not peeping.” Then I said: “Do you think it’s a video phone?” mm nodded and said yes, but from then on, mm often asked me: “What’s your dormitory room?” Do you have a telescope? Do you often stand on the balcony and look at mm

? . . .

But fortunately, we will often have video calls and video text messages like this in the future. . . . . Cool

(7)

My sister is very dignified, and sometimes even makes me feel awe-inspiring and inviolable. The first time I held her hand, I drank 2 bottles of beer (

I never drink, drinking two bottles was a super performance) to strengthen my courage. So in order to kiss her, I have been thinking about it for a long time. I first went to some places, looking for places that were dark and remote, where my sister would not be discovered by others.

I walked slowly with my sister in the evening, and I consciously guided her to the location. Then I was ready to kiss her in my heart, and decided to kiss her in a surprise way. My sister seemed to Not realizing the danger was coming, they were still talking and laughing. Occasionally, while he was talking happily, he suddenly kissed her, and she was stunned. I just touched her lips with my lips, and then separated. My face felt so hot.

I knew that my face must have turned red. Everyone was relatively speechless.

Suddenly, mm held my head with her hands, and her lips immediately touched mine. In her confusion, a tongue stuck out,

I was confused I couldn't breathe at once, so I struggled, but I couldn't. Later, I became emotional and my sister comforted me: "It's nothing, it's just kissing. There will be opportunities in the future. This time It’s shameless, I’ll earn it back next time.” Now

Every day when I go back to the dormitory, I practice holding my breath with water and practice lip and tongue exercises with apples￣￣￣The lesson from this incident is: there are some things

It’s not what you imagine, and some people are not what they appear on the outside

(8)

When I first met mm, because she was very nice (at least I thought so), So I specially invited many friends to have dinner together

and introduced her to my brothers. At that time, we had just started officially for three days. When we were eating, I was so happy that I sprinkled some wine on the corner of my mouth. She immediately wiped it off with paper for me. I was stunned for a moment. What a good woman. Ah, so the other brothers were also stunned. Everyone stared at her. She smiled and said, "It's nothing." Hey, I was so moved that I wanted to cry. .

So when she went to get the food, all the brothers said: "A Jiang, this is a good woman, you should cherish it." Seeing her

being praised by so many brothers, I said very happily.

Later, when I was having dinner, many people came to persuade me to drink. I was not good at eloquence and had a bad drinking capacity. I looked like I was going to be bullied.

So she helped me speak up. , eloquent, but many people ended up defeated in despair, --- digressing from the topic, but I often said to her: "Meeting you is my greatest blessing"

(9)

I went to K Hall to sing in the evening. My sister sang Wang Fei’s songs very well. I happened to like Wang Fei very much, so my sister sang Wang Fei’s Hongdou

< p>When I was in the movie, I was so moved by the sentence: "I haven't fully felt it yet, the tenderness of a kiss when I'm awake." We were in the same K hall as us

There was also a girl named A who was not in the same group. (Around 29 years old), O female (around 38 years old) and C male (around 40 years old) A

The female sang "Invincible" by Chen Xiaochun, dancing while singing, probably a common dance in disco bars That kind of dance looks very funny

.

At this time, my sister came over, winked a few times, and said to me with an ambiguous smile: "Actually, my cousin also sings like this."

I said: "It's normal. , she’s a girl￣" mm said hehe, "But she danced erotically, and my cousin is very beautiful."

I started having sex at that time, and later Otome and Bingnan sang "The Silent Ending" in duet , we laughed wildly when we listened to them singing. The Otome wears an apron

It looks like she is the noodle seller next door, who speaks like Trump; the man sings like an opera singer, and his expressions are so funny

We laughed so hard at the time . And my expression is so intoxicating￣￣The song I sang was "God, Save Me" by Jordan Chan. I sang well

my voice was very emotional, but mm was listening to me singing while He pinched my neck, pinched my thighs, and kept asking me: "Sing this kind of song, what do you think?" I had no choice but to stop talking, I felt dizzy

( 10)

One evening, we took a walk on the school path.

MM said: "I often see girls coming in and out of your building."

I: "What's wrong."

MM looked fascinated. : "I'm so envious."

I: "Actually, you can do it too. A pair of juniors slept on my bed for a month."

mm pointed. Me, delighted: "Oh, I know"

I was confused: "What do you know?"

MM loudly: "I know you must often have erotic dreams

"----I FAINT

"You must still have Leung Wing-chi on your left hand, and Cecilia Cheung on your right hand"-----I vomit blood

(11)

< p> That’s right!

There is a question: What will you do in the next life?

MM: "I want to be a man in my next life" - reason: being a man makes it easier to find a job, and you don't have to worry about a few days a month

Chuan Ou: "I want to be a man in my next life." "Be a woman" - Reason: As a woman, you can be softer, you don't have to pretend to be strong, you can buy a lot of cosmetics, you can dress yourself up ￣MM doesn't believe me, you have to ask me to tell the truth.

So I said: "In my next life, I want to be an ambulance, so that others can get on me from behind, and I can also call."

MM evaluation: cheap—————— People, and then beat them up

(Twelve)

Damn it, I told mm that I would write these things on the mop. Then mm started watching mop, and just now she said to me: "

I am reading what you wrote about MOP, haha, funny!!" - I vomited blood and said: "Don't read it, girl. Watching mop will turn bad

"mm" Who told you to write it? I just watch it. It's your fault that it turns bad and it has nothing to do with me"---I vomit blood again and threaten "I'm dizzy,"

I also write about women having sex with men. Why don’t you have sex with men?”

mm “Just show me what you have written. I am studying and you don’t show it to me.” , how do I know what's going on? -

-I vomited three liters of blood. Damn, the girls now are all graduates of Xiamen University￣￣