Who will write some jokes for me?

In a high school, a teacher is biased against our class. As soon as he comes to our class, he will give lectures to the whole class, so the whole class agrees that as long as it is the last class in the morning, the whole class will punish him. As soon as the bell rang, half the class went to buy food and the rest took turns asking questions. When the first half comes back from dinner, the whole class shifts to continue asking questions, and the other half goes to eat. Poor teacher, he will have to eat instant noodles soon. -Li Yu (loves a stone that will sprout)

Hehe, one of our older teachers is extremely nearsighted and strict, and is not allowed to be late. As a result, the last classmate was late and slipped in through the back door. Unfortunately, the teacher found out. When he sat down, the teacher strode towards him and everyone looked at him in fear. The teacher angrily asked another classmate sitting in front of him, why are you late? -PKMW (the moon goes upstream)

When I was in junior high school, a new political teacher, a woman, just graduated. She sat on the platform and invigilated a beautiful quiz. Several boys behind us are prone on the table and have no answer sheets. They looked straight at her teacher, soon blushed and began to look down at the newspaper, so we started copying at random. -Xijiang River (the symbol of fei cun)

The Chinese teacher in Grade Four and Grade Three told us about poetry and Liu Yong's Lin Yuling: holding hands, staring with tears, speechless and choking. The teacher asked: What do you think is the relationship between these two people? Everyone looked at each other and didn't know how to answer.

The teacher said indignantly, of course, these two people are lovers, but the teacher actually said they were friends. That's bullshit！ This is what friends should do. -Ah, you (Happy New Year)

I remember when I was in primary school, a buddy fought with others in class and was caught by the teacher. Please give a lecture in the office after class.

Out of sympathy, I waited on the windowsill. I saw the teacher (a 40-year-old female teacher) kindly helped him adjust his clothes and put on the red scarf again. Just when we lamented her kindness, she gave the buddy a slap in the face with a bang, and suddenly we all collapsed! ? It turns out that this is called "reasoning first, then soldiers"! ——ZH 077 (Turn over a new leaf ~ Continue irrigation)

Six schools in my junior high school are fighting, even the teachers are no exception. Once, the Chinese teacher of our class and the head teacher of another class punished a classmate. The students of the two classes helped each other on both sides and kept shouting "Come on". -degun (in the injection. . . Have you become stupid today? )

There is a history teacher in the seventh high school. He is a very strong old man and a maverick. In autumn, we went to physical education class to wear long pants, and the old man came out to play basketball with us in ultra-thin short-sleeved T-shirts. We boys are very impressed. The next day he had a history class, and other teachers took his place. I heard that the old man caught a cold.

The drunkest time I drank, I came out of a pub and wanted to buy some fruit. The boss looked at me and just smiled and ignored me. When I was in a hurry, I wanted to argue with my boss. I fell down and I don't remember anything. When I woke up the next morning, I found myself naked and lying in the quilt. It turned out that I threw up all over myself yesterday. I didn't even know my classmates pulled me out. He also said that I was too arrogant yesterday and took two oranges without giving money. Unfortunately, I don't remember anything! Great

When I was in junior high school, there was a teacher who leaned his elbow on the platform and swayed there. While everyone was not looking, I heard a plop, and the platform fell to the ground, and the teacher was very comfortable lying on it. After getting up, he murmured: What's wrong with this podium? I can't help shaking it!

When I saw this article, I thought of one of my math teachers. Once, one of my classmates asked him a math problem. When he saw it, it was quite simple, so he was furious and said, "You idiot, this problem is not done like this ..." On another occasion, his classmates asked him a difficult question. He looked at it, then seemed to be in a state of thinking, then began to pace and think, and then began to pace outside the classroom.

A classmate in our high school dormitory got 20 multiple-choice questions in an exam, but he was all wrong. I've never seen anything like it.

It's nothing. When I was in high school, I had a JJ, 15, all of which were wrong, which made people admire:///

There is a blank in the physics of the eleventh senior high school entrance examination, and the answer should be the same. I accidentally wrote a big change and was depressed for a long time. -xpcat (leave me alone, I'm bored to death)

In junior high school, a boy in our class fell in love with a girl in another class, so he wrote a love letter and asked a buddy in the same class to give it to him. It just so happens that this guy is the fucking head teacher. He happened to meet his mother when he came back to the teacher with a letter. His mother was so happy to see him that she asked him what was going on. This guy was so nervous at that time, I don't know if he watched too many revolutionary films. He rubbed the letter and stuffed it into his mouth. It's too early to say this. His mother grabbed his cheeks with the thumb and forefinger of one hand, opened his mouth wide, and then took the letter out of his mouth with the forefinger and middle finger of the other hand. It is conceivable that this classmate in our class was invited to the podium at the weekly meeting.

Because we were young and superficial at that time, we always felt ashamed of him. Now I think he is a hero who dares to act for love. But this guy is really weak. Later, he didn't want to send it himself, so the girl handed him over to the teacher without even looking. . .

The Chinese teacher in No.13 Middle School is a black and shriveled old man. When I talked about The Story Of Diu Sim in that class, the old man's eyes lit up and the foaming star flew straight over and said, "The Story Of Diu Sim, beauty!" " Beautiful! "everyone is ft.

Fourteen, when we were in high school, there was a classmate who was excellent and had poor grades, but he dared to do it. At that time, English exams were basically multiple-choice questions. The teacher's method of marking papers is to find a piece of paper, burn a hole in the correct answer with a fragrant head, and then cover it on the classmate's answer sheet. If the hole is ticked or circled, the question is considered correct. As a result, this classmate ticked all the options. Later, the teacher marked the paper, and he got 100. The teacher also praised him, saying that his grades had improved.

When I was a freshman in the 15th National Congress, I went to the lotus pond to have a snowball fight. Some people are responsible for throwing snowballs, others are responsible for making snowballs. A buddy saw a particularly large ready-made snowball and was excited to move it, but he couldn't move it. He looked carefully, and it turned out to be Zhu Ziqing's head. . .

Our physics teacher is similar. Once he did a balance experiment. While holding a weight with tweezers and preparing to put it on the balance, he told us affectionately that "science should be rigorous, just like this weight can't be held by hand." But our teacher may not use chopsticks that big, BIA! ! ! The heavy object fell to the ground with a bang and we burst into laughter. Our teacher picked up the weight by hand and put it in the tray, and continued to tell us about the experiment. ...

A geography class in no.17 middle school, because there are girls around, I just want to chat with girls in class. While chatting happily, the teacher suddenly asked me a question and I couldn't make a phone call. The teacher proudly said, "Make you happy."

18, the Chinese teacher discussed with us how to describe the cold weather. He means: it's too cold to reach out, but when the words come out, it becomes: it's too cold to reach out ... everyone goes on to say: ... I can't see my fingers!

Once I went to see my high school teacher with some classmates. It was an old man. Before leaving, we left some fruit for the teacher, but the teacher held the monitor's computer bag tightly and said, "Look, come and see what else I brought ... just leave it at the door."

It is said that one year in the college entrance examination, the next sentence of "leaves fall like the waves of a waterfall" in Tang poetry. A candidate is right: no, there is no way.

In junior high school, after the first section of the New Year in physical education class, the teacher asked me to count off, and the eleventh classmate called Tick-tock (J). This is a true story.

Let me tell one, too.

When I was in high school, especially in the third year of high school, I often took the model exam. There was a Chinese model test, and a fill-in-the-blank question was to write a poem in the next sentence. That sentence is like this: peaches and plums don't say anything, _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. At that time, I really didn't know that the next sentence was "self-discovery" Based on my sense of language, I thought it must be "silence", so I handed in my paper. Later, the teacher deliberately took out my answer in class and made everyone laugh a ton. -Huanyue (very warm)

Reply: Hehe, we also took this sentence at that time, and almost no one got it right. Another topic is: appreciation of strange writing, _ _ _ _ _ _. As a result, many people replied: Good wine tastes the same.

There used to be a Chinese exam "When will the moon shine on me?" Forgetting the last sentence, I thought hard for a long time and added two words to Su Lao's sentence-"Ask for wine." Not to mention, it is quite imposing and smooth.

Reply: There are quite a few such things. There was an exam "_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _". The whole class is basically, "Inside. . . . "The teacher is happy to say that everyone is doing well and they are not available.

Reply: Even in high school, I once did this kind of question, "Clear water gives off hibiscus, _ _ _ _ _", but I couldn't remember it at the moment, so I filled in the title of Gu Long's novel "Bi Xue Wash Silver Gun". The funniest thing in our class is that some students filled in "heroes in troubled times"

Reply: 1995, China National College Entrance Examination. There's an old saying in China, when you talk, you will do what you say. _ _ _ _ _ _ I don't know if "actions will have consequences", but I don't want to leave a blank space, so I replied, "Otherwise, it won't be my husband!"

We had a Chinese exam in high school: "Don't be afraid of floating clouds covering your eyes, _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _" A buddy filled in: the sun is shining on Feilai Peak. Everyone thinks it makes sense. It seems that someone copied this paper. Of course, the result is tragic.

My brother was teased by the teacher because he was too creative. The correct answer seems to be: only at the top. * This senior is now studying in the architecture department of our school, hehe.

I think the most classic thing is-"Raise your hand if you don't come."

I studied chemistry in middle school and learned about hydrogen sulfide. You may remember what it smells like. Some people don't study well and like to sleep in class. The teacher woke him up and asked, what is the smell of xxx hydrogen sulfide? xxx:……

Teacher: Say, what's the smell of hydrogen sulfide? xxx:……

Xxx: column apple flavor? ..... (the voice is getting smaller and smaller) The whole class laughs.

Teacher: Huh? Rotten apples? Why not say rotten eggs have a taste? Xxx: Teacher, stop joking. ...

Later, this course almost didn't go on.

A middle school Chinese teacher told Zhao Jun that Xiongnu Zuo was reading a book. When Zhao Jun entered the tent, the prince looked up. Drink loudly: beauty, everyone in the class is awake.

I remember when I was just studying chemistry in grade three, the chemistry teacher asked everyone with a bottle of alcohol, what is this smell? Opinions vary: "the smell of wine"

"spicy" . .

The chemistry teachers shook their heads one by one, and everyone was at a loss. He smiled and said "fragrant Asia", took a deep breath and felt intoxicated. .

In my sophomore year at the age of 27, a grade football match was going on ... The referee suddenly lost his mind? There are two footballs on the court ... not counting, there are two guys running in the same direction with the ball ... it is estimated that the goalkeeper will be stupid. ...

Boys are not allowed to go to the girls' building. If they want to enter the building, they must register and leave before 8 pm, otherwise. . . At 8 o'clock, Aunt Lou Chang shouted: Girls, Fujian. The faces of boys and girls are red.

Hehe, I remember when we were in math class, a classmate came to see him. After that classmate went out, our math teacher said angrily, we can't receive guests during school hours in the future! Hmm. How interesting

Twenty-nine reminds me of two.

Someone copied the answer during the exam, and it turned out to be |x|. Results The first person copied it as 1× 1, and the second person waited one more step and finally got 1! Another answer is b/q, the first one is copied as 6/q, the second one is 6/9, and the last one is simplified to 2/3!

Our high school organized a women's basketball match. A girl grabbed cricket in her backyard and got up and threw it into her post. She failed, grabbed the cricket, threw it again, still failed, grabbed the cricket, threw it again and won. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! At this time, the other nine players+two referees+all the spectators outside the stadium all laughed to the ground. The final score is 4:2.

Some famous sayings of our head teacher:

At that time, our class was going to choose a few girls to take part in the dance competition, because the girls in our class were really not so good. When we were in class, the boys suggested to GBP to borrow some girls from other classes. At that time, all the girls in our class were embarrassed and buried their heads. The head teacher said, "I have been in other classes for a long time, and the girls in other classes are ugly!" " Up to now, the girls in our class still hate pounds.

Answer: The classroom was quiet during the self-study class, and all the pounds were spent on correcting homework. The following students farted, and Sterling looked up: "If anyone is talking, get out."

Our senior three English teacher likes to play tricks on people. When asking questions in class, she always looks for people who are unprepared or may have wonderful answers. After a lesson in physical education class, my deskmate has been sleeping on her stomach. The teacher began to explain an English test paper, and after half a day began to ask maliciously, "xx, how to answer this question?" I poked my deskmate and he stood up at once. This guy responded quickly and calmly replied, "Teacher, you should choose C for this question." The whole class began to burst into laughter, especially the teacher, who seemed very proud of himself. In fact, he is explaining the fill-in-the-blank problem.

I remember when we were in high school, one of our classmates often went to the video studio to watch pornographic videos. Once in the video studio, he suddenly found the physics teacher sitting next to him. Both of them knew it well, but they were also a little embarrassed. Not long after, this buddy cheated in the mid-term exam and was caught by this teacher. The teacher told him, "Come to my office after the exam." At that time, our brother told us that "it should be all right, he has something in his hand" and then told us about watching the yellow video. After half an hour, my buddy came back with a sad face: "Damn it, as soon as he got to the office, he said to me,' Last time I watched a yellow video, I let you go; This kind of cheating will be dealt with anyway. "

When I was in high school, my geography teacher was a fierce woman. One day, a classmate didn't bring a geography homework set to class. When the old woman found out, she asked him to leave the classroom. My classmate thinks that although he didn't bring it, he should have the right to stay in the classroom and listen to lectures. He argued with the teacher about this for more than ten minutes. Both sides refused to give in. Later, the geography teacher said, I won't give a lecture unless you leave. This will delay the time of the whole class. You should realize that you are in a group now ... the students immediately retorted: so I want to stay in the group. The whole class applauded his words. ..

When I was in No.35 Middle School, I studied by myself at night. There were classmates going to school in this city, so I went back very late. One morning, a mm came to tell us about her experience last night. "Last night, I was scared to death. Someone has been chasing me. I was too scared to look back. I pedaled like hell. I didn't get rid of it when I got home. I was scared to death. . . "After a while, a gg came and told us about his experience last night. "xxx (the girl above) in our class rides a bike really fast. I went back to see her in front last night and wanted to go with her. I pedaled twice to catch up with her, and I didn't catch up with her until she got home. . . "

Our 36 high school teachers have a famous saying-disabled people are really physically disabled.

In high school, we got through the men's room and the women's room. Hey, hey, a buddy looks through the small hole, and someone is watching across the street. For a long time, he recognized it as the dean. Later, we blocked the hole ourselves: PP

In the eighth grade, the English teacher asked us to read the text, which happened to be a conversation, so she called two students, a man and a woman, to read it. Man: What time is it? Woman: It's nine o'clock.

Man: Let's go to bed. W: We go to bed at nine o'clock. The whole class is awesome.

When I was in No.39 middle school, a class teacher (an old man in his forties) saw a girl spinning a pen in class and said, stop spinning, which kept me worried that the pen would fall off. How can I concentrate on the class?

One more thing: I have a buddy who came across a question "If the sky is affectionate, the sky will get old _ _ _ _" in the Chinese exam of Senior Two. He didn't know, so he wrote "People don't waste their youth".

I have a classmate who had a problem during the exam: the organization is too smart, _ _ _ _ _?

He filled in "too clever to be clever"

Our high school chemistry teacher asked the male students, "Will ammonia explode in case of fire?" He dared to answer "yes" and the teacher shouted, "Then don't you dare to smoke in the toilet!"

When I was in junior high school, a new political teacher, a woman, just graduated. She sat on the platform and did a beautiful quiz. A few boys behind us didn't answer the paper correctly, so they were prone on the table. They looked straight at her teacher, blushed for a while, and began to look down at the newspaper, so we started copying at random.

I remember when I was in primary school, a buddy fought with others in class and was caught by the teacher. Please come to the office to give a lecture after class. Out of sympathy, I waited on the windowsill. I saw the teacher (a female teacher in her forties) kindly helped him adjust his clothes and put on the red scarf again. Just when we lamented her kindness, she gave the buddy a slap in the face with a bang, and suddenly we all collapsed! ? It turns out that this is called "reasoning first, then soldiers"!

The drunkest time I drank, I came out of a pub and wanted to buy some fruit. The boss looked at me and just smiled and ignored me. When I was in a hurry, I wanted to argue with my boss. I fell down and I don't remember anything. When I woke up the next morning, I found myself naked and lying in the quilt. It turned out that I threw up all over myself yesterday. I know my classmates dragged me out. He also said that I was too arrogant yesterday and took two oranges without giving money. Unfortunately, I don't remember anything! Great

The Chinese teacher in high school is a black and shriveled old man. When I talked about The Story Of Diu Sim in that class, the old man's eyes lit up and the foaming star flew straight over and said, "The Story Of Diu Sim, beauty!" " Beautiful! "Everyone has fallen.

When we were in high school, there was a classmate who was excellent and had poor grades, but he dared to do it. At that time, English exams were basically multiple-choice questions. The teacher's method of marking papers is to find a piece of paper, burn a hole in the correct answer with a fragrant head, and then cover it on the classmate's answer sheet. If the hole is ticked or circled, the question is considered correct. As a result, this classmate ticked all the options. Later, the teacher marked the paper, and he got 100. The teacher also praised him, saying that his grades had improved.

A geography class in high school, because there are girls around, I want to chat with girls in class. While chatting happily, the teacher suddenly asked me a question and I couldn't make a phone call. The teacher proudly said, "Make you happy."

Once the Chinese teacher discussed with us how to describe the cold weather. He means: it's too cold to reach out, but when the words come out, it becomes: it's too cold to reach out ... everyone goes on to say: ... I can't see my fingers!

I once went to a high school teacher's house with some classmates to see him. It was an old man. Before leaving, we left some fruit for the teacher, but the teacher held the monitor's computer bag tightly and said, "Look, look what else I brought ... just leave it at the door."

Sophomore, a grade football match was going on ... The referee suddenly lost his mind? There are two footballs on the court ... not counting, there are two guys running in the same direction with the ball ... it is estimated that the goalkeeper will be stupid. ...

Boys are not allowed to go to the girls' building. If they want to enter the building, they must register and leave before 8 pm, otherwise. . . At 8 o'clock, the landlord's aunt shouted: Girls, boys and girls are blushing.

Hehe, I remember when we were in math class, a classmate came to see him. After that classmate went out, our math teacher said angrily, "we can't receive guests during school hours!" " Hmm. How interesting

I remember two more. Someone copied the answer when trying, and it turned out to be |x|. Results The first person copied it as 1× 1, and the second person waited one more step and finally got 1! Another answer is b/q, the first one is copied as 6/q, the second one is 6 /9, and the last one is simplified to 2/3!

Some famous sayings of our head teacher:

At that time, our class was going to choose a few girls to take part in the dance competition, because the girls in our class were really not so good. When we were in class, the boys suggested to GBP to borrow some girls from other classes. At that time, all the girls in our class were embarrassed and buried their heads. The head teacher said, "I have been in other classes for a long time, and the girls in other classes are ugly!" " Up to now, the girls in our class still hate pounds.

Answer: The classroom was quiet during the self-study class, and all the pounds were spent on correcting homework. The next classmate released one, and the pound looked up and said, "If anyone is talking, get out."

I remember when we were in high school, one of our classmates often went to the video studio to watch pornographic videos.

Once in the video studio, he suddenly found the physics teacher sitting next to him. Both of them knew it well, but they were also a little embarrassed. Not long after, this buddy cheated in the mid-term exam and was caught by this teacher. The teacher told him, "Come to my office after the exam." At that time, our brother told us that "it should be all right, he has something in his hand" and then told us about watching the yellow video. After half an hour, my buddy came back with a sad face: "As soon as he got to the office, he told me,' Last time I watched the yellow video, I already let you go; This kind of cheating will be dealt with anyway. "

I went to study at night in high school, and some students in this city went to school, so it was very late when I got back. One day, a mm came to tell us about her experience last night. "Last night, I was scared to death. Someone has been chasing me. I was too scared to look back. I tried my best to pedal. I didn't get rid of it when I got home. I was scared to death. . . "

After a while, a gg came and told us about his experience last night. "xxx (the girl above) in our class rides a bike really fast. I went back to see her in front last night and wanted to go with her. I pedaled twice to catch up with her, and I didn't catch up with her until she got home. . . "

The famous saying of a teacher in our high school-that disabled person is really physically disabled and weak (quite smooth)

In high school, a class teacher (an old man in his forties) saw a girl spinning a pen in class and said, I was worried that my pen would drop. How can I concentrate on the class?

In middle school, everyone had a pet phrase, which sounded indecent, but it was actually quite popular, and it was Japanese, called-bitch! Can be used in any occasion between peers, can express intimacy, but also can express hatred, depending on your tone. It is said that one day at the end of school, a girl jumped on the table for some reason (maybe someone outside the door was impatient for a long time), passed a desk and naturally stepped on the desk of the boss of our class. Is this still? The boss is the boss, with a muffled roar: bitch! You bitch! The whole class was silent and saluted. What a heroine! I saw that girl blushing and turned to say, what about you! You You This John! ! (This may be the most appropriate word that came to her mind at that time.) There was a daze around, and then there was a heartbreaking laugh. Since then, this disgraced eldest brother has gained another nickname: you. . You !