Centipede joke

The first one is only long.

The second one is just spherical.

The third one is actually triangular.

Asked, it replied: I pinched it with my hand.

2. The child asked his mother, "How to make sentences with ABCDEFG?" Mom: "A! Is this child B from the C family? Standing barefoot on D, EF is not wearing, and little GG is still exposed!

I used to have schizophrenia, but now we have recovered.

Boss, our company has it.

Male employee: Boss, our company has GA Y.

Boss: Ah! who is it?

Man: Give me a hug and I'll tell you.

5. The Da Vinci code has the Da Vinci account number on it.

Do you know what's under the da Vinci code?

This is Leonardo da Vinci's verification code

You got it?

Can you stand on your head?

7. A: I never say it twice.

B: What?

A: I never say it twice.

8. The white rabbit met the wolf.

The white rabbit said, the wolf, the wolf, you asked me if I was a white rabbit.

Ask! Ask! ! ! !

The wolf said, are you a white rabbit?

The little white rabbit is very happy. Yes, yes, I am! ! !

then

The white rabbit said to the wolf, Wolf, you asked me if I was a giraffe.

Ask! Ask! ! ! !

The wolf is helpless. All right. . . that . . Are you a giraffe?

The rabbit slapped him on the back of the head, you idiot!

I told you I was a white rabbit! ! !

Once upon a time, Apple and Pear were good friends. Later, Apple moved, so they met each other for ten years and returned to this place to get together.

As a result, ten years later, apples returned to this place, but after a long time, pears still did not appear, apples and so on.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

It turned into plasma.

10, playing cs, I saw a glasses thief walking straight ahead with "5 1", and there was a line below-

"History when yuan, come with me! ! ! "

1 1. One day, when a toothpick was walking, he found his shoelaces open, so he bent down to tie them, and then his waist broke.

12. Once upon a time, a man fished and caught a squid.

Squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat.

The man said, well, let me ask you a few questions.

Squid is very happy to say: you take the exam!

Then the man roasted the squid. ..

13, one day Xiao Qiang came home crying and said, "mom, mom, my classmates at school say my head is a kite."

Then my mother said, "How come? Won't it? Come and run with me. "

14. In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune.

Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiaohua: "Piano."

15, one day there was a mother-in-law in the car …

Sitting halfway, my mother-in-law doesn't know the way.

My mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this?

Driver: This is my ass … ..

16, a blind beggar was begging in the street wearing sunglasses.

A drunk came up and felt sorry for him, so he threw him a hundred dollars.

After walking for a while, the drunk turned around and happened to see the blind man with his back to the sun to distinguish the authenticity of a hundred-dollar bill.

The drunk came over and took the money back and said, "You fucking don't want to live, how dare you lie to me!" " "

The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said, "Brother, I'm really sorry. I'm looking for a friend. He was blind and went to the toilet. In fact, I am dumb. "

"Oh, I see," so the drunk dropped his money and staggered away again. ...

17, I just saw something like a news scroll bar on the top of my senior computer screen, and the words on it passed quickly.

I am curious to ask: Is this the lyrics?

Senior: Yes!

Senior: How did it pass so quickly? I didn't even see it clearly!

Senior: From Jay Chou! !

18, wife: I really stepped on shit before I married you.

Husband: I was really blind enough to step on shit before I married you.

Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you both stepped on it. ......

19, college entrance examination chemistry questions: A and B can be transformed into each other, B can generate C in boiling water, C can be oxidized into D in air, and D smells like rotten eggs. What are a, b, c and d?

I replied: A is a chicken, B is a raw egg, C is a cooked egg, and D is of course a rotten egg!

20. Q: What has three heads and one foot?

Answer: Three monsters with one head and one foot! ! ! ! ! !

2 1, ants went to the desert, why didn't they leave footprints in the sand, but only one line?

Answer: Because it rides a bike!

The ant came home from the desert. He didn't inform anyone, but his family knew he was back! Why ah!

Answer: I saw his bike parked downstairs.

22. One day, a female drug addict was arrested in the police station. When the police saw the tattoo on her hand, she asked her why you tattooed your boyfriend's name on her hand. Is his name Xiao Liang ... Ah ... Really? Come on, say ... Is he taking drugs? Let's go

I saw the female drug addict raise her head with angry eyes.

Say to the police

This is hatred. ...

23. One day, Xiaomei and her boyfriend went out for a ride.

The car is running out of gas, and there is a gas station next to it. When driving by, a sudden gust of wind blew my boyfriend's hat away.

Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her:

"I'll get my hat, you help me to refuel. 」

Not far from her boyfriend, she heard Xiaomei shout behind her:

"come on Come on! 」

24. There is a fat man. ..........

Jump off a tall building ...

It turned out to be .......

Fat bastard ..

25. There is a penguin whose home is far from the polar bear's home. It will take 20 years to get there on foot. One day, the penguin stayed at home and was bored. He was going to play with polar bears, so he went out, but on the way, he found that he forgot to lock the door. It's been 10 years, but the door still has to be locked, so the penguin went home to lock it. After locking the door, the penguin set out again to look for the polar bear, which means it took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's home ... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said, "Polar bear, polar bear, penguin wants to play with you!" " "Guess what the polar bear said when he opened the door?" Let's go to your house to play ~ "

26. One person has a bad stomach. One day, he went to the Stomach Hospital to see a doctor and said to the doctor, "I pull everything I eat, eat watermelon and pull cucumber!" " The doctor thought about it and said to him, "I think you have to eat shit!" "

27. There are two sausages in the refrigerator. After a long time,

I shook my sausage. Wow! It's cold ~

Another sausage said in surprise, huh? You are a sausage. How can you talk?

28. A sausage in the refrigerator feels very cold. Then I looked at the other one next to me and felt a little comforted. I said, "Look, you are frozen like this, and you are covered with ice!" " As a result, Root said, "Sorry, I'm a popsicle."

29. One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit.

She announced: "children, we can wash the fruit together after picking it, and we can eat it together after washing."

All the children went to pick fruit.

As soon as the assembly time came, all the children got together.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "

A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."

30. How to make drinks bigger?

Read the great compassion mantra

3 1, a little boy came home from school, leaned out of the window and looked at a woman lying in bed rubbing her chest and shouted, I want a man, I want a man!

The next day, the little boy went out of the window and found a man lying on the woman.

So the little boy went home and lay in bed, rubbing his chest and shouting, I want a bike, I want a bike!

(This I collapsed! ! Where's mopper? )

32. Two people go to the mountain to play. A man accidentally slipped and fell off a cliff. His companion shouted anxiously, "how are you, brother?" Is there anything wrong? " I only heard the person who fell answer "I don't know, I'm still falling ~ ~ ~".

33, watching CCTV's "Jianbao" program, the hostess said: This gentleman sitting in the first row, please show your baby to everyone!

34. Since the last time I responded to the call to report the discordant artist Felix Wong Yat Wa, I found that Jiang Kun was also very discordant, especially when his name was written vertically. Please be sensitive to the organization department!

35. When Jiao Lizhong, the new director of CCTV, was reviewing the program of 20 10 Spring Festival Evening, he heard Little Tiger sing "Love" after the reorganization and praised the staff around him: I think this song is good, and it will definitely become popular after our Spring Festival Evening!

A lumberjack went to apply for a job

Foreman: Try the forest ahead ... and see how many trees you can saw in a minute. After a minute, foreman: Wow, 20 trees a minute. It's amazing. Where did you work before? Worker: Sahara forest.

One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by wolves. Wolves easily destroyed straw houses, wooden houses and brick houses. Three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but the wolf caught up with them. The three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. We gave up, whatever you wanted. At this point, the wolf grinned and drooled and said, then tell me where the little white rabbit is.

38. Why do boys have a lot of GF to envy and girls have a lot of BF to despise? Because just like a key can open many locks, it is called a master key, and a lock can be opened by many keys, which shows that there is something wrong with this lock.

39. I thought that 1 65438+1October1on both sides did not conform to the bleak atmosphere of Singles Day, but165438+1October1.

40, five children share a cake, only three knives are allowed, how to divide it equally? Answer: Cut a child to death with one knife, and then cut the cake into four parts with two knives. . .

4 1, effective anti-corruption measures in China: 1, husband and wife turned against each other; 2. The house was stolen; 3. accidents; 4, lover report; 5. Political struggle; 6, the language is amazing; 7. Rich photos; 8, netizens curse!

42. English words with China characteristics: Smilence (smiling without saying a word), Democrazy (wishful thinking), To**ther (all's well that ends well), Freedamn (Internet freedom in China) and Shitizen(p).

43. In biology class, the teacher asked: How can we correctly distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus? Answer: Give it a fart to smell. Is the hand will cover your nose, and the rest is your feet. The whole class fell down.

44. It is said that there are three obvious signs before the earthquake:

1. Well water is abnormal;

2. Abnormal reaction of livestock;

3. Experts come out to refute rumors.

But careful netizens pointed out that the second and third articles are repetitive.

45. A man's head is big and square, which makes him depressed.

One day, a man was driving home and there was a traffic jam on the road. He waited a long time!

The man impatiently opened the skylight on the roof and stuck his head out to see what had happened.

At this time, the child on the roadside pointed at him and shouted, "Look, the autobots are going to be deformed!" " "

Xiaoming lost a leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost his other leg in another car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

In fact, Xiaoming is a dog.

47. Xiaoming and Xiaohong are deskmates. One day, Xiaoming borrowed a pen from Xiaohong.

Xiaohong said "don't borrow"

"Lend it to me and you're dead!"

Then Xiaohong said, "Oh, I'll lend it to you."

When Xiaoming returned the pen to Xiaohong, Xiaohong really died. (It's so cold ...)

48. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak met in the street. Why don't they say hello (assuming they can talk)?

Because ... they don't know each other very well ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

49. A parrot was hung in front of a hotel. When a guest arrives, he says, "Hello, welcome!" A regular customer thought, I'll go in quickly and see how you react. One day, he ran in and the parrot said, "CNMD! You scared me! ! ! "

50. In 2046, Korean space science and technology advanced by leaps and bounds, and launched a satellite around Mars.

As a gift, a Korean satellite airdropped a Korean myth on Mars, which caused a sensation among Martians.

Martian A: Gee, the book says that we are descendants of Koreans.

Martian B: This at least explains the origin of our species.

Martians A (crying bitterly): No wonder we are so ugly. ...

Dong "... Korean satellite airdropped another" Korean cosmetic guide " ...

5 1, Avatar, the Vatican box office was a fiasco, with a box office of only 2,400 euros. But each of them went to see it. ...

52. Once upon a time, there was a cucumber. She felt that there were too many pimples on her face, so she sliced it herself and applied it to her face.

Brushing your teeth is a bittersweet thing, because you have a cup in one hand and a washing utensil in the other.

54. I used to pass a stinky tofu stall every day when I went home ... One day, when I passed this place again, I found that the stall was gone, but the smell was dependent. -_ ||||||| Sorry ....................................................................................................................................................................