Funny quotes that are more classic than absolute classics

1: A hunter was hunting and saw two birds on the tree. He raised his gun and shot down one. He found that it was a hairless one. The hunter was wondering when another bird flew down and cursed the hunter: You Damn it! I just stripped her naked and you knocked her down!

2: The husband and wife have sex, and the husband asks to turn off the lights every time. One time in the middle of the journey, my wife suddenly turned on the light and said angrily that you had been lying to me with cucumbers! , the husband also said angrily: Damn, I haven’t asked you what’s going on with the child yet

3: A shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl: What kind of boy do you like? The girl said: I am in love with you. When the boy asked again, it was still the same, so he had to say sadly: Can't the head be flatter?

4: A mother, grandma and two daughters were on a plane that unfortunately crashed. The four of them drifted to a small island in a large suitcase. The island was full of people of different ages. A soldier. At this time, a middle-aged soldier came over and took his mother away by force. The little daughter hugged his leg and said, "Don't take my mother away!" A Bing kicked her away and said: What do children know? At this time, another young soldier came and took his sister away. The little girl hugged his leg and said: Don't take my sister away! The young soldier also kicked her away and said: What do children know? At this time, an old soldier came over. When the little girl was about to rush over, the grandma kicked the little girl away and said: What do children know?

5: It is said that Guan Yu was shot in the arm by a poisonous arrow. Hua Tuo scraped his bones to treat the poison. Guan Yu asked Hua Tuo: Doctor, will this injury affect my sex life? Hua Tuo thought for a while and said: Well, it depends on which hand you are used to using.

6: It is said that there was a woman in Dian Wei who loved him very much. After he died in the battle, the woman took his little brother home, then made a hole in the wall and stuffed the little brother. Go and stroke it every night. After Xia Houchun, Xia Houyuan, Cao Ren, and Cao Hong learned about this, they secretly ran to the next door to the wall, took off Dian Wei's penis, stuffed their own penis in, and then the woman would caress it at night. For the sake of fairness, Xia Houchun, Xia Houyuan, Cao Ren, and Cao Hong are replaced once a day. On this day, it was Xia Houyuan's turn. After he stuffed his little brother in, the woman came over. She took out a knife, cut off the little brother with one blow, and said: Wei, we are moving.

7: The professor asked: What are the similarities between a rotten radish and a pregnant woman? One student’s clever answer: It’s all the bugs’ fault. Only scored 60 points. Another student actually got full marks, and his answer was: It was all because he took the exam late.

8: Dong Zhuo hosted a banquet for Lü Bu, Li Ru and other confidants, accompanied by Diao Chan. To test their loyalty, Zhuo Mingchan painted his breasts black. During the dinner, the candles suddenly went out. After regaining sight, everyone's hands were black and only his hands were clothed clean. Zhuo then rewarded Bu, who smiled, showing his black teeth.

9: The farmer complained to the doctor that his feet often felt cold after going to bed at night. "Yes," the doctor said, "I often have this phenomenon. At that time, I would hug my wife so that my feet would be warm!" ” The farmer took great courage and said, “This is a good idea, but when will it be convenient for your wife? ’

10: The emperor saw that his concubine was looking sad, so he urgently summoned the imperial doctor. The medical prescription was: eight strong men. A few days later, the emperor came out of the palace for a tour. He was overjoyed to see his concubine’s face glowing. Suddenly he saw eight people standing in front of the palace. The thin man asked in surprise: Who is it? The imperial doctor replied: Medicine dregs

11: Two beggars wanted to eat a piece of shit in order to survive. B: You can eat it, I'm not hungry. A vomited while eating. B immediately ate it and said: I just want to eat something hot.

12: There is a new beautiful female secretary in the company. On the third day, the manager proudly said to the deputy manager: Last night I found that the new secretary is better in bed than my wife. The deputy manager echoed: I I also feel better than your wife

13: A man went to the hospital for a SARS examination. The nurse pricked his finger with a needle to test his blood. Because there was no cotton at the moment, the nurse dared to put his finger into his mouth in a hurry. The man was obsessed for a long time and then said calmly: Is it possible for me to do another urine test?

14: A man was chatting, and the first one said that I had sex with my lp 5 times last night, and the lp was very good on the second day. He called me honey very sweetly, and the second person said so what, I did it 10 times last night, and the lp almost didn’t let me go to work today, and then asked the third person, what about you? The third one thought about it and said it once, and the other two laughed at him, haha, what did your lp say today, my dear, can we take a break? Super funny classic quotes that are more classic than classics

When the emperor saw his concubine with a sad face, he urgently summoned the imperial doctor. Medical prescription: eight things for a strong man. A few days later, the emperor left the palace for a tour. I was overjoyed to see my concubine's face glowing. Suddenly I saw eight thin men standing in front of the hall. I was surprised and asked: "Who are they?" The imperial doctor replied: Drug dregs!

Two beggars want to eat a piece of shit in order to survive. B: You can eat it, I’m not hungry. A vomited while eating. B immediately ate it and said: I just want to eat something hot.

The company has a new beautiful female secretary. On the third day, the manager proudly said to the deputy manager: Last night I discovered that the new secretary is better in bed than my wife. The deputy manager echoed: I also think she is better than your wife.

A man went to the hospital for a SARS examination. The nurse pricked his finger with a needle to test his blood. Because there was no cotton for the moment, the nurse dared to put his finger into his mouth in a hurry. The man was obsessed for a while and then said calmly: Is it possible for me to do another urine test?

Three men chatted, and the first one said that I had sex with my lp 5 times last night, and the lp was very, very bad on the second day. He sweetly called me honey, and the second person said so what, I did it 10 times last night, and the lp almost didn’t let me go to work today, and then asked the third person, what about you? The third one thought about it and said it once, and the other two laughed at him, haha. What did your lp say today? "Dear, let's take a break, shall we?"

A hunter was hunting and looking at the trees. There were two birds on the mountain. He raised his gun and shot down one. He found that it was a hairless one. The hunter was wondering when another bird flew down and cursed the hunter: "Damn you! I just stripped her naked and you killed her." It’s down!”

When a couple has sex, the husband asks to turn off the lights every time. One time, my wife suddenly turned on the light and said angrily, "So you have been lying to me with cucumbers!", and her husband also said angrily, "Damn, I haven't asked you what happened to the child yet."

There is a The shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl: What kind of boy do you like? The girl said: I am in love with you. When the boy asked again, it was still the same, so he had to say sadly: Can't the head be flatter?

There was a mother, grandma and two daughters whose plane crashed. The four of them drifted to a small island relying on a large suitcase. The island was filled with a group of soldiers of different ages. . At this time, a middle-aged soldier came over and took his mother away by force. The little daughter hugged his leg and said, "Don't take my mother away!" The soldier kicked her away and said, "What do children know?" At this time, another young soldier came and took his sister away. The little girl hugged his leg and said, "Don't take my sister away!" The young soldier also kicked her away and said, "Child "What do you know!" At this time, an old soldier came over. When the little girl was about to rush over, grandma kicked the little girl away and said, "What do you know, kid?"

By the way, Guan Yu His arm was shot with a poisonous arrow. Hua Tuo scraped his bones to treat the poison. Guan Yu asked Hua Tuo: "Doctor, will this injury affect my sex life?" Hua Tuo thought for a while and said, "Well, it depends on which hand you are used to using."

It is said that there was a woman in Dian Wei who loved him very much. After he died in the battle, the woman took his little brother home, made a hole in the wall, stuffed the little brother in, and stroked him every night. . After Xia Houchun, Xia Houyuan, Cao Ren, and Cao Hong learned about this, they secretly ran to the next door to the wall, took off Dian Wei's penis, stuffed their own penis in, and then the woman would caress it at night. For the sake of fairness, Xia Houchun, Xia Houyuan, Cao Ren, and Cao Hong are replaced once a day.

On this day, it was Xia Houyuan's turn. After he stuffed his little brother in, the woman came over. She took out a knife, cut off the little brother with one blow, and said, "Wei, we are moving."

The professor asked: What do rotten radishes and pregnant women have in common? One student’s clever answer: It’s all the bugs’ fault. Scored only 60 points. Another student actually got full marks, and his answer was: It was all because he took the exam late.

Dong Zhuo hosted a banquet for Lü Bu, Li Ru and other confidants, accompanied by Diao Chan. To test their loyalty, Zhuo Mingzen painted his breasts black. During the banquet, the candles suddenly went out. After regaining their sight, everyone's hands were black and only his hands were clothed clean. Zhuo then rewarded Bu, who smiled, showing his black teeth.

The farmer complained to the doctor that his feet often felt cold after going to bed at night. "Yes," the doctor said, "I often have this phenomenon. At that time, I would hug my wife so that my feet would be warm!" ” The farmer took great courage and said, “This is a good idea, but when will it be convenient for your wife? 』 49 Classic Funny Quotations in 2021_Absolutely Hilarious

Even if I am not given a big responsibility, it is still hard on my mind and my muscles.

2 How can you have the energy to lose weight if you don’t eat enough?

3 A newspaper published a photo: a photo of a couple taking a photo with their dog. And with the picture title - dog, man, woman.

4 My lover calls me the third party!

5 I am sober when everyone is drunk, I am not serious!

6 When men and women flirt, the most distinctive Chinese character is born: concave and convex.

7 After studying for more than ten years, kindergarten is still easier to get along with.

8 If it weren’t for too many scammers, I would have sold my kidney long ago!

9 Menstruation is not only a pain for women, but also a pain for men.

10 He was only twenty-five years old and suffered from premature ejaculation at a young age.

11 There are two types of men, one is lustful and the other is very lustful; women are also divided into two types, one is pretending to be pure and the other is pretending to be impure.

12 To explain is to cover up, and to cover up is to tell a story.

13 I wanted to change my life, but life changed me.

49 selected classic funny quotes in 20xx_absolutely hilarious

14 I came from hell to lead you, please tell Satan when you see him Say that I am the one who adds animals to his hell

15 Don’t count the stars based on your IQ, count the moon!

16 I didn’t guess the beginning of our story, nor the end of it

17 Save water and try to take a shower with your girlfriend.

18 Even if I am a piece of shit, I am still a thinking piece of shit!

19. When a man gives a woman a bra, it means that he wants to establish a lover relationship; when a woman gives a man underwear, it means that she already has a lover relationship.

20 I have eight honors on the left and eight shames on the right. They are represented on the waist and harmony is on the chest. People who stand in the way kill people, and Buddhas who stand in the way kill Buddha!

21 Let the storm come more violently, after all, I sell umbrellas!

22 When will the bright moon appear? Look up.

23 I feel most tired when I have nothing to do.

24 During an episode of intermittent depression, do not disturb strangers and do not seek out acquaintances.

25 Roses are so cheap, you can even give them to your wife.

26 It may seem that it is, but it is not necessarily impossible.

27 If the water is clear, there will be no fish, and if the people are mean, they will be invincible!

28 Beat the earth into a square shape!

29 There is a four-year-old girl in the family. She was just playing with a neighbor girl (of the same age). The girl said: Let’s play house. You will be the mother and I will be the daughter. At that time, the poster thought: Stupid, it won’t be advantageous for others to stand. At this time, the daughter said: Mom, I want to eat crushed ice. So the neighbor kid went home and took it.

I want to say, my dear daughter, how much you hide!

30 If there is only one mouthful of porridge left in the future, you drink it first. After you finish drinking, I will lick the bowl clean.

31 The farthest distance in the world is neither life and death nor love. I don’t know, it’s the distance between the inside of the bed and the outside of the bed in winter.

32 If all were old gingers, what a bitter society it would be.

33 I feel like you are like two pigs, because one pig cannot describe your stupidity.

34 After marriage, a man is like a tablecloth, appearing only when eating.

35 Dinosaur said: When you meet a pervert, don’t panic; when you meet a beast, take your time and enjoy it

36 Journey to the West tells us: All monsters with backstage are picked up , anyone without a background was beaten to death with a stick.

37 During abstinence, don’t disturb! Otherwise, I will break the precept.

38 Pay more attention to Sanxia Online to share more classic reviews.

39 When I woke up, it was dark.

40 Baituoshan bone-strengthening powder, apply one pack of it after one stab, and you will be stabbed a second time

41 I don’t know whose wife is on my bed, I don’t know whose wife is on my bed on the bed!

42 You must look carefully when looking for a partner now, because there are too many people who are neither men nor women!

43 From heaven to hell, I passed through the world!

44 It is easy to hide when you are exposed, but it is difficult to guard against being undercover.

45 If you are polite to some people, they will treat you like garbage.

46 If you want to choose a mature woman, her skirt will be tight.

47 My advantage is: I am very handsome; but my disadvantage is: I am not obviously handsome.

48 When we are young, we often make faces in the mirror; when we are old, the mirror is even.

49 Family affairs and national affairs concern the world. Having no money to eat is a big deal! Classic funny quotes that will never let you down

Classic funny quotes that will never let you down

1. The alarm clock only wakes up my body, but cannot wake me from my deep sleep. heart.

2. You look very sunny, but you look very dazzling.

3. Summer is here and the weather is hot. Every time I take a bath, I feel like washing vegetables for mosquitoes.

4. I used time to prove my single-mindedness, but you let time prove my stupidity!

5. Weibo has become the mistress, QQ is already the old love, but MSN is still the main wife.

6. I only wanted to lose weight, but I ended up being a foodie.

7. When a bastard stops committing errant behavior, it means he is unhappy.

8. Little Sunflower’s mother’s class has started. The child’s cough is not good, and he is probably disabled.

9. Did you know... When your mother calls out your full name loudly, your trouble will come...

10. When you have nothing more to do When you lose, that's when you start to gain.

11. My mother told me: If your husband bullies you, ask your grandfather to take him away.

12. Holding the rapeseed flowers, driving Jialingzai, I turned a corner and a tire fell off.

13. Welcome to your moon, my heart, a good man is me, I am Zeng Xiaoxian.

14. Love school, where couples go to school, homework is halved, and exams are free of charge.

15. Never hang yourself from a tree. Try hanging from several surrounding trees several times.

16. Oh, I see. To save face. You are entering the coffin with frost on your face.

17. If one day I become a gangster, please tell the world that I was innocent.

18. The most romantic thing I can think of is to sell computers with you (slowly growing older).

19. Finally found a question that Baidu didn’t know: Do you know when I will come to visit my aunt?

20. Living in this fucked-up era, you have to have a fuck-you attitude towards everything.

21. It’s not that you didn’t catch the happy bus, you didn’t get on it at all

22. People who are too fussy are suitable for shopping for groceries, but not suitable for falling in love

23. If you are well, it will be a sunny day. It's not good for you, Nuoan, I haven't posted anything in the summer -.

24. You said. do you like me? Actually, actually, I also like me very much.

25. What are you doing! What are you doing! Didn't you see me bathing the watermelon with a brush?

26. The most famous woman in history is not Pan Jinlian or Wu Zetian, but Grandma Rong.

27. I miss you so much that I can’t sleep during the day, but I sleep soundly at night.

28. 10086 is still kind to me. I sent him one text message and he replied 3 messages to me.

29. Don’t smile at your phone at home. Your parents will think you are in love.

30. Read more, read more newspapers, eat less snacks, and sleep more!

31. There are many changes in a person's day, sometimes small changes, sometimes big changes.

32. If you don’t explode in silence, you will become perverted in silence.

33. Don’t cheat in exams. As a junior student next year, you would rather have no personality than fail.

34. Mosquitoes! You sucked so much blood from me, why don't you hold on until you die?

35. If happiness is clouds and pain is stars, then my life is really cloudless and the sky is full of stars.

36. If you are not afraid of hooligans, you must be educated, but if you are afraid of perverts, you must be patient.

37. Today’s men have no masculinity and act cute all day long.

38. How many students, even in summer, the quilt on the bed is still very thick. Because we don’t cover them, we just sleep in them.

39. You can’t rely on anything these days, you can only rely on yourself, abbreviated as: I...fuck!

40. I am a very principled person, and my principle is (depending on my mood)

41. After entering my signature and looking at your face, I finally know how to write 腚

42. In fact, I worked so hard to gain weight just to occupy more space in your heart

43. Life is always about finding the second spring. I discovered that there is also a second winter.

44. Grandma said: "There is a power outage. Light the candles and watch TV.

45. The beginning of human life. Put eggs. I am eating. You are watching. Good nature. Hamburger.

46. Rabbits don’t eat grass beside their nests. This sentence tells us: Rabbits eat grass beside their nests.

47. Parents quarrel. My dad was so angry that he said, "I'm going to get out of here!" ”

48. This is my temper. As long as others ignore me, I will not have the nerve to bother them.

49. Sometimes I can see very clearly. Sometimes I am a bit stubborn.

50. Walking on the street, looking at the couples, I think of us at that time, and it was the same.

51. I don’t want to be seen clearly by you, so I’m sorry. When you left, I didn’t say a word

52. Don’t wait until you lose it before you know how to cherish it, but you don’t say you will definitely cherish it once you leave.

53. Your wife is like a big tree, you must hold it. Your lover is a little bird, you must not feed it.

54. Ideals are like underwear, you must have them. But you can’t prove that you have it when you meet someone!

55. The heart is cold, but the tears are hot; the heart solidifies the world, and the tears soften the world.