Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - The Romance of the Three Kingdoms, the seventieth time
The Romance of the Three Kingdoms, the seventieth time
A horse thief reported to Brazil early that Zhang He had led the troops to kill him. Zhang Fei hurriedly summoned Tong Lei to discuss with him. Tong Lei said, "I heard that Langzhong's terrain is dangerous, so we can set an ambush. The general personally led the troops to battle, and I helped him with his magic weapon, so Zhang He could capture it. " Zhang Fei sent five thousand chosen men to Tong Lei to prepare.
Zhang Fei personally led an army of 10,000, and met Zhang's soldiers in a narrow road 30 miles away from Langzhong. After the two armies spread out, Zhang Fei went out to meet Zhang He. Zhang He rushed out with a gun and fought for less than twenty rounds. Suddenly, Zhang He's rear army shouted, "Behind the mountain, flags are flying, and there is chaos." . Zhang He didn't dare to continue fighting, so he brought Mara back, and Zhang Fei then covered her up. In front, Tong Lei led the troops to fight again, attacked from both sides, and Zhang He was defeated. Zhang Fei and Tong Lei chased them all night until they reached the foot of Dangqu Mountain. Zhang He still divided his troops to defend Sanzhai, and put more wooden cannons and stones, so as to be stable without fighting.
Zhang Fei went to the village ten miles away from Dangqu Mountain and led the troops to fight the next day. Zhang He boasted that he was drinking in the mountains, not going down to fight. Zhang Fei ordered the sergeant to curse, and Zhang He refused to go out, so Zhang Fei had to return to camp. On the third day, I went to the foot of the mountain to scold the war, but Zhang He still couldn't get out. The sergeant of Thunder Copper Drive attacked the mountain, and the stone was knocked down on the mountain. Thunder copper hurried back. When Shi and Meng Tou's soldiers fought together, they defeated Tong Lei.
On the fourth day, Zhang Fei went to scold the war himself, but Zhang He still couldn't get out. Zhang Fei sent soldiers to abuse him in every way, and Zhang He also scolded him on the mountain. Zhang Fei thought about it, but there was nothing he could do. After more than 50 days of mutual rejection, Zhang Fei camped in front of the mountain, drinking only every day, getting drunk every time, and then sitting in front of the mountain to abuse.
Liu Bei sent people to reward the three armed forces. Seeing Zhang Fei drinking every day, he hurried back to report to Liu Bei. Liu Bei was frightened and asked Zhuge Liang. Zhuge Liang smiled and said, "So that's it! I'm afraid there was no good wine before joining the army. We have a lot of good wine in Chengdu. You can send someone to send fifty jars of wine to General Zhang before you leave. "
Liu Bei hurriedly asked, "My third brother has always been a good wine, why did the military adviser send him wine instead?" Zhuge Liang said with a smile, "Your master and Zhang Fei have been brothers for many years. Don't you know who your third brother is? Zhang Fei has always been strong, but he closed Sichuan and released Yan Yan. This is not the work of a brave man. Now he and Zhang He have refused for more than 50 days. After being drunk, they sat in front of the mountain and abused each other. This is not a greedy drink, but a plan to defeat Zhang He. " Liu Bei said, "Even so, we can't rely on it. Wei Yan can be sent to help. "
Zhuge Liang ordered Wei Yan to escort the wine to the front of the army, put a yellow flag on the car, and wrote a large book "Public Wine before the Army". Wei Yan was ordered to escort the wine to the village. I met Zhang Fei and said that the master gave me the wine. After Zhang Fei bowed down, he ordered Wei Yan and Wei Yan to take a military horse as their left and right wings. Seeing the red flag in the army, they joined the army separately, and at the same time put the wine under the account and ordered the sergeant to drink heavily.
After reporting to the mountain, Zhang He personally went to the top of the mountain to watch, saw Zhang Fei sitting in his tent drinking, and ordered two pawns to sumo before him for fun. Zhang He said, "Zhang Fei bullied me too much!" I was ordered to go down the mountain tonight to rob Zhang Fei's Dazhai, and ordered Mengtou and Dangshi to be left and right reinforcements.
That night, Zhang He rode his horse in the dim moonlight and rushed down from the hillside with a great army until he reached the front of the village. Looking at Zhang Fei's tent, it is brightly lit, and he is still drinking in the tent. Zhang He let out a cry, and the drums on the mountain reached, but Zhang Fei still sat there motionless. Zhang He suddenly rode to the front and stabbed him with a gun, only to find that he was a right-hand man.
When Zhang He knew that he had been cheated, he quickly controlled himself and returned. After the account, there was a barrage. A general wants to block the way, keep his eyes open and sound like a giant thunder. It was Zhang Fei who held the spear and threw himself at Zhang He. They fought for thirty or fifty rounds in the firelight. Zhang He only hoped for the rescue of two villages, which had been broken by Wei Yan and Tong Lei, so he took them. Zhang He couldn't wait for reinforcements to arrive, but when he was helpless, he saw the flames on the mountain and knew that Zhang Fei's rear army had captured the stockade. Zhanghe Sanzhai all fell, so we had to retreat in the direction of Wakouguan. Zhang Fei won a great victory, and good news spread to Chengdu. Liu Bei was overjoyed to learn that Zhang Fei's drinking was a trick to lure Zhang He down the mountain.
When Zhang He retreated to Wakouguan, thirty thousand soldiers had already lost twenty thousand, and sent someone to Cao Hong for help. Cao Hong was furious: "You didn't listen to me and insisted on invading the army. You lost the pass, come for help! " Cao Hong refused to send reinforcements, but sent someone to persuade him to fight. Zhang He panicked, so he had to set up two ambushes in a remote place in front of Guankou Mountain. He ordered, "I only pretend to cheat and lose, and Zhang Fei will certainly catch up with him, so you will cut him off." On this day, Zhang He led the way and met Tong Lei. The war is not counted, Zhang He cheats out, Tong Lei arrives, the ambush comes out, and the retreat is broken. When Zhang He returned, he stabbed the thunder and copper under the horse.
The defeated army went back to report to Zhang Fei, who went out to fight with Zhang He. Zhang He cheated and lost, but Zhang Fei didn't catch up. Zhang he had to turn around and fight again, but he was cheated and lost before he reached the number. Knowing that it was a trick, Zhang Fei withdrew his troops and returned to the village. Zhang Fei and Wei Yan discussed, "Zhang He ambushed Tong Lei and tried to make money from me. Why don't we play along? " Wei Yan asked, "What's the general's plan?" Zhang Fei said, "Tomorrow I will lead an army first, and you will lead a good soldier later. When they ambush, you attack separately. " Use more than ten cars to hide firewood, block roads and set fires. I took advantage of the situation to capture Zhang He and avenge Tong Lei. "Wei led the plan.
The next day, Zhang Fei led the troops forward, and Zhang He confronted Zhang Fei again. If the war is not close, Zhang wants to take medicine, which is another fraud. Zhang Fei led the "ma bu" or horse stance just look troops to chase after him. Zhang He fought and retreated, lured Zhang Fei to cross the valley mouth, turned the rear army into the former army, and then fought with Zhang Fei, hoping that the ambush on both sides would break out and encircle Zhang Fei. Unexpectedly, those ambushes were killed by Wei Yan's elite soldiers and rushed into Taniguchi early. Wei Yan ordered soldiers to stop vehicles on mountain roads and set them on fire. The grass and trees in the valley burned and the smoke started, so the soldiers were afraid to rush out. At this time, Zhang Fei only focused on the conflict of leading troops forward, and Zhang He's army was defeated. He savagely opened a way out and retreated to Wakouguan, where the defeated army could not hold on.
Zhang Fei and Wei Yan attacked Wakou for days, but they could not close it. Seeing that the storm failed, Zhang Fei retreated for more than twenty miles, but Wei Yan led dozens of cavalry and went to explore the two sides himself. Suddenly, I saw several people carrying small bags, climbing vines along the mountain road, attached to pueraria lobata. Zhang Fei immediately pointed a whip at Wei Yan and said, "The key to seizing Wakouguan lies in these people." Then he called the sergeant and said, "Don't scare them, please invite those people over politely."
The soldiers quickly summoned Zhang. Zhang Fei used polite words not to scare them and asked them where they came from. The people said, "We are all residents of Hanzhong, and now we all want to go home. I heard that the army was fighting here and blocked the Langzhong official road, so we had to cross Cangxi and return to Hanzhong from Zitong Mountain. " Zhang Fei asked, "Is this road far or near Wakouguan?" The people said, "Cross Zitong Mountain Road, behind Wakouguan."
Zhang Fei was overjoyed. He brought the people into the village, gave them food and wine, and told Wei Yan, "You lead the troops and take Guan to attack, and I will personally lead the light cavalry out of Zitong Mountain to attack the Queen Guan." Then let the people lead the way, choose 500 Qingqi, and advance from the path.
Zhang Hezheng was very depressed because reinforcements didn't arrive. It was reported that Wei Yan was calling for war in Guan. Zhang He got on his horse and was about to go down the mountain when someone reported, "After passing the customs, the 4th and 5th roads are on fire, and I don't know where the soldiers are coming." After Zhang He led the troops out of the pass, Zhang Fei opened the banner. Zhang He was frightened and hurried back to the path, but the horse could not move. Zhang Fei was in a hurry to catch up, so Zhang He had to abandon the mountain to find a way to escape, and only a dozen people accompanied him.
Zhang He went to Nanzheng to see Cao Hong. When Cao Hong saw that there were only a dozen people left in Zhang He, he was furious and said, "I didn't want you to go, but you wrote a military order to go. Now I've lost all my military forces and I haven't committed suicide on the road. What are you going to do when I get back? " Give the order to push Donnie out.
Guo Huai, the marching Sima, dissuaded him and said, "The three armies are easy to get, but one general is hard to find. Although Zhang He is guilty, Wang Wei loves his talent deeply and can't just kill him. We can add another 5,000 soldiers and take the gate of Meng Jia to influence the soldiers everywhere to protect Hanzhong. If it is unsuccessful, both crimes will be punished. " Cao Hong obeyed, divided his troops into five thousand, ordered Zhang He to take Meng Jiaguan, and ordered Zhang He to leave.
It is said that Meng Da and Huo Jun, commanders of Mengjiaguan, learned that Zhang He's army had arrived, and Huo Jun said that he would stick to it, but Meng Da intended to meet them. The vanguard went to Shimonoseki, Zhang He, and suffered a crushing defeat. Huo Jun quickly wrote an urgent letter and reported to Chengdu. When Liu Bei heard about it, he asked the military adviser to discuss it. Zhuge Liang summoned his generals and asked, "Now the situation in Jiamengguan is urgent. I think Zhang Fei must be transferred back from Langzhong to repel Zhang He. " Fa Zhengdao: "Now the three generals are guarding Langzhong in Wakouguan, which is also a critical place and cannot be returned. You can choose one of the accounts to attack Zhang He in the future. " Zhuge Liang said with a smile, "Zhang He is a famous man in Wei State, and no one can compare with him. No one can resist him except Zhang Fei. "
Suddenly, a person in the class suddenly came out and said, "Why does the strategist look down on everyone so much?" ! Although I am not very talented, I am willing to behead Zhang He and dedicate my head to my subordinates. "You see, it's veteran huang zhong who is talking.
Zhuge Liang said: "Although Han Sheng is brave, he is old and I am afraid he is no match for Zhang He." Hearing this, Huang Zhong's hair stood on end and said, "Although I am old, I can still use three stone bows in my arms, and I still have a thousand pounds of strength all over. Why does the strategist say that I can't beat Zhang! " Zhuge Liang said, "The general is nearly seventy years old. How can he say that he is not old? " Huang Zhong hurried down the hall, took off the broadsword on the shelf, swung it like a fly, and dragged the hard bow on the wall and broke it in two. Zhuge Liang asked, "Where is the general going? Who should the general's assistant be? " Huang Zhong said, "Veteran Yan Yan can come with me. If there is negligence, I will be bald first. "
Liu Bei was overjoyed and immediately ordered Yan Yan and Huang Zhong to go to war with Zhang He. Zhao Yun dissuaded him: "Since Zhang He has committed a crime, the strategist should not play games. If Meng Jia loses, Yizhou will be in danger. Why did the military division send these two veterans to this great position? " Zhuge Liang said, "You all think they are too old to do anything. I assume that Hanzhong will be in the hands of these two people. " Zhaoyun and others all covered their mouths and snickered, so they quit.
When Huang Zhonghe came to Guan, Meng Da and Huo Jun also secretly laughed at Zhuge Liang and his party: "We are in a critical situation here, and there are many soldiers in Chengdu. Why only send two old people! " Huang Zhong said to Yan Yan, "Did you see other people's actions? They all laugh at us for being old, but only by making great achievements now can we win everyone's hearts. " Yan Yan said, "I am willing to obey the general's orders." Two people agreed.
Huang Zhongling led the troops to Xiaguan, Zhang He. Zhang He immediately met Huang Zhong and said with a smile, "You are so old, you are shameless. Do you want to die? " Huang Zhong was furious and said, "You little bastard dare to bully me in my old age! You have to look at my treasure knife first! " Say that finish flattery to Zhang He war. The two horses fought fiercely for more than twenty rounds, and suddenly Zhang He shouted ShaSheng behind him. It turned out that after taking the road, the two armies attacked Zhang He and returned with a crushing defeat. Huang Zhong chased after him overnight, and Zhang retreated eight or nine miles. Huang Zhong and Yan Yan retreated into the village and could not hold on.
Cao Hong heard that Zhang He lost again for a while and wanted to be punished. Guo Huai said, "Zhang He is forced to go to the west of Shu. Now it's time to send a brave general to assist and supervise, so that he won't give birth to ulterior motives. " Hearing this, Cao Hong immediately sent Xia Houdun's nephew Xia Houshang to lead Han Xuan's younger brother Han Hao and five thousand soldiers to help.
The two generals set out at once and went to Zhanghezhai to inquire about the military situation. Zhang He said: "Veteran Huang Zhong is very brave and assisted by Yan Yan. Don't underestimate your enemy." Han Hao said: "I knew the danger of this old thief in Changsha. He and Wei Yan offered Changsha City and killed my brother. If we meet today, I will avenge myself! " Say that finish with Xia Houshang lead away.
It turns out that Huang Zhong has sent people to spy for several days and already knows the way ahead. Yan Yan said: "In front is Tiandang Mountain, where Cao Cao has accumulated grain and grass. If you get this place, cut off its grain and grass, and Hanzhong can get it. " Huang Zhong said, "What the general said is just what I want. We can do this. " Yan Yan leads a charger as planned.
When Huang Zhong heard that Han Hao was coming, he led the army out of the camp to fight. Han Hao cursed Huang Zhong before the battle: "Unjust old thief!" Flattery while shooting at Huang Zhong, Xia Houshang also attacked. Huang Zhong fought with two commanders. After more than ten rounds, Huang Zhong cheated and lost. The two generals chased for more than twenty miles and seized Huang Zhong's stronghold. Huang Zhong rushed into another stronghold.
The next day, Xia Houshang and Han Hao came again, and Huang Zhong led the troops to battle. Within a few rounds, he failed again. After chasing for more than 20 miles, the two generals captured Huang Zhong's new camp and called Zhang He to guard the rear camp. Zhang He came to Qianzhai to remonstrate and said, "Huang Zhong must have a clever plan after two days' retreat." Xia Houshang blamed Zhang He and said, "You are too timid, so you have been defeated many times! Don't say more now, just look at us! " Zhang He withdrew in shame.
The next day, the two generals went out to fight again, and Huang Zhong retreated more than twenty miles, followed by the two generals. On the fourth day, Huang Zhong ran away and lost several times in a row until he was blocked. The two sides will camp in front of the pass, and Huang Zhong can't hold on. Meng Da secretly sent a letter, claiming that Liu Bei said, "Huang Zhonglian has lost several battles, and now he has retired." Liu Bei hurriedly asked Zhuge Liang, and Zhuge Liang said, "This is all an old general's plan." Zhao Yun and others don't believe it.
Liu Bei sent Liu Feng to Guan to meet Huang Zhong. After meeting Liu Feng, Huang Zhong asked Liu Feng, "What do you mean by the little general coming to help?" Liu Feng said, "My father learned that the general had been defeated many times, so he sent me." Huang Zhong smiled and said, "This is my arrogant plan. Let's watch tonight, but the camp can be taken back, and their food and horses can also be captured. I borrowed the camp to temporarily store trenches for them. Leave Huo Jun to guard the pass tonight. General Mengda and I can carry grain and rob horses. The little general just needs to watch me break the enemy! "
At the second watch of the night, Huang Zhong led five thousand soldiers out. It turns out that Xia Houshang and Han Hao will see that they can't close for a few days, and they are all slack. In a blink of an eye, Huang Zhong broke into the village. People were not as good as armour, and horses were not as good as saddles. The two generals only wanted to run for their lives, and the army and horses trampled on each other, causing countless casualties. Wait until dawn for Huang Zhonglian to capture Sanzhai. There are countless pommel horses left in the village, all of which were brought into the customs by Meng Da. Huang Zhong urged the army to advance later. Liu Feng said, "The sergeant is very tired. He'd better have a rest." Huang Zhong said, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained?" Riding forward, the foot soldiers also tried to move forward after this great victory. Zhang's soldiers were carried away by their defeated troops, and they couldn't stay in the camp. They turned around and withdrew, giving up many stockades and heading straight for Hanshui.
Zhang He found Xia Houshang and Han Hao and said, "On this day, Dangshan is the place where we hoard food and grass, and Micang Mountain is in front of it, which is also the place where we hoard food. These are the sources of livelihood of Hanzhong sergeant. If there is a mistake, Hanzhong will definitely not be able to keep it. We must find a way to keep it. " Said: "Micang Mountain is guarded by my uncle Xia, which is connected with Dingjun Mountain. You don't have to worry. Tiandang Mountain is also guarded by my brother Xiahou De, so we will go to the enemy and help guard this mountain. "
Zhang He and two generals fled to Tiandang Mountain overnight, and reported the situation ahead when they met Xiahou De. Xiahou De said, "I have 100,000 soldiers here. You can take part and take back the original village. " Zhang He said: "We can only insist, but we can't move." Suddenly I heard the golden drums ringing in front of the mountain, and suddenly I reported to Huang Bing. Xiahou De laughed: "The old thief doesn't know the art of war, only by courage!" Zhang He said: "Huang Zhong is resourceful, not just brave." Xiahou De said, "The Sichuan army has come a long way and has been exhausted for days. Besides, it has gone deep into the war and doesn't know how to rest and fight. This is not a plan! " Zhang He said: "We'd better not underestimate the enemy, but stick to it." Han Hao said: "I am willing to lead 3,000 elite troops to attack and ensure invincible." Xiahou De then divided Han Hao down the mountain.
Huang Zhong's whole army wanted to fight, but Liu Feng dissuaded him, saying, "The sun has set in the west, and our soldiers are very tired from far away. It's best to have a rest first. " Huang Zhong said with a smile, "My nephew is wrong. This is a godsend. If you don't take it, you will go against the sky. " After that, the noise made great progress, and Han Hao led the troops to engage. Huang Zhong took Han Hao with a knife and killed Han Hao in just one round. The Han army shouted and killed them up the hill. Zhang He and Xia Houshang quickly led the battle. Suddenly, I heard the shout of ShaSheng from the back of the mountain, and the flames were blazing, flashing red up and down. Xiahou De led his troops to put out the fire when he met veteran Yan Yan, who drew his sword and beheaded Xiahou De.
It turned out that Huang Zhong had already sent Yan Yan to lead the troops to ambush in a hidden place in advance, and only when Huang's soldiers arrived, they set a fire. The woodpile was lit together, and the flames soared into the sky, staining the valley red. Yan Yan rushed from behind the mountain and beheaded Xiahou De. Zhang Hehe couldn't care for each other before and after, so he had to give up Tiandang Mountain and go to Dingjun Mountain in summer.
After Huang Zhong and Yan Yan defended Tiandang Mountain, the good news spread to Chengdu. When Liu Bei heard about it, he gathered people to celebrate. Fa Zheng said, "Cao Cao sent Zhang Lu to Hanzhong, instead of taking advantage of the situation to plot against Bashu, he left Xia and Zhang He as a garrison. It was a mistake for him to lead a great army north. Now Zhang Hegang has just lost, and the sky swings and the mountain falls. If the master takes the opportunity to raise troops and go on an expedition, Hanzhong can be decided. After pacifying Hanzhong, we should train troops to accumulate millet, look for opportunities, advance to beg thieves, and retreat to defend ourselves. This is a good opportunity given by God and cannot be missed. " Both Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang thought that Fa Zheng was very reasonable, so they appointed Zhao Yun and Zhang Fei as pioneers. Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang personally led 100,000 troops to capture Hanzhong on a certain day, spread all over the country, and took strict precautions. It is an auspicious day in autumn and July in the 23rd year of Jian 'an (AD 2 18).
Liu Bei went out of Meng Jia and sent for Huang Zhong and Yan Yan to meet him. Liu Bei said: "People say that the two generals are old, and only the military adviser knows their skills, and now they have made great contributions. Now Dingjun Mountain in Hanzhong is the last barrier of Nanzheng, where the enemy's grain and grass are piled up. If you reach Dingjun Mountain, you don't have to worry about going all the way to Yangpingguan. Does the general dare to attack Dingjun Mountain? " Huang Zhong readily agreed, so he led the troops forward.
Zhuge Liang quickly stopped him and said, "Although the old general is brave, he is not as good as that in summer. He knows a lot about military tactics, and Cao Cao relies on him as a shield for the West. He used to be stationed in Chang 'an to repel the enemy Ma Mengqi, and now he is stationed in Hanzhong. Cao Cao didn't choose others, but entrusted this important task to Xia, because Xia did have the talent of a general. Although the general defeated Zhang He, he may not be able to defeat Xia Na Hou Yuan. I have thought about it. The safest way is to send someone to Jingzhou instead of General Guan Hui, so as to repel the enemy. "
Huang Zhong replied angrily, "Lian Po is eighty years old, and he can still eat rice and ten catties of meat. Governors are afraid of their courage and dare not enter the territory of Zhao. Besides, Huang Zhong was only in his 70s. The strategist said, I am old, and I don't need the help of the assistant general this time. I only take 3,000 soldiers from our headquarters and promise to behead Xia's head and present it to my subordinates. " Zhuge Liang insisted on prohibition, while Huang Zhong insisted on going. Zhuge Liang said, "Since the general really wants to go, how about I send one of my colleagues as the supervisor?"
yellow
Written on September 20 18 18 (the ninth day of August in the ancient calendar)
Vernacular Romance of the Three Kingdoms: Chapter 69
Vernacular Romance of the Three Kingdoms: Chapter 68
Vernacular Romance of the Three Kingdoms: Chapter 67
Vernacular Romance of the Three Kingdoms: Chapter 66
Vernacular Romance of the Three Kingdoms: The Sixty-fifth Chapter
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