Please tell me a joke and don’t be too cold.

The son was about to get married, but he didn’t know how to perform the courtesy of Zhou Gong, so he asked his father what to do?

The father said vaguely: "When the time comes, you can be on top and she can be on the bottom." On the wedding night, when the bride saw that the new bed had been changed into bunk beds, she angrily locked the door and refused to let the groom in.

The son shouted at the door: "Dad." !I can't get in!"

The father replied: "Hard!"

The son then pushed hard, and the skin on his knee was broken and bleeding. He couldn't help shouting: "Ah! It's bleeding. !"

I just heard my father say reassuringly in the room: "That's right!"

Characters:

One: Great nephew, Momo. Fourth grade elementary school. Lecherous.

Two: Nephew, Zhuzhu. Kindergarten class. Lecherous.

Three: Auntie, I am not very lustful!

There is a nephew in the family

"Auntie! Why is the water you drink ice cold and the urine you urinate hot?" Momo asked.

"Because people have body temperature!" !" I answered.

"Then what you eat is food and what you poop is feces?" He asked again!

"Because it is the residue of food after absorption. What a waste!" I said!

"Then why did dad ejaculate into mom and give birth to a younger brother?"

I really don't know how to break up this time. !!!

Auntie who couldn’t answer

"Auntie! I was made to stand by the principal today!" Momo said to me very frustrated.

"What shameful thing did you do again?!" I asked curiously.

"No!! It's just our school's anniversary. Our class performed like a whirlwind.

I just happened to get the chance to perform "Chun Li"! As soon as I finished the performance, I was forced to stand on the command podium!"

I said in confusion: "Chun Li?! Is she a girl!? Oh! A boy plays a girl. What's the big deal?!

Your principal is too conservative, right?! Have you done anything embarrassing?"

"No! I just want to perform To make it more realistic. So I stole my mother’s black bra and put it on

my head. I pretended to have two buns on Chunli’s head!! I thought it was quite beautiful!! Who knew she would appear.

I was called by the principal to stand on the podium!! The principal scolded me and touched my bun and said:

Hmm...it's quite big!! It's 36 at least... Ask your mother to come to school tomorrow!!"

There

A noble lady raised a female parrot,

but this parrot can only speak : "Come on! Do you want to have a good time..."

The lady felt that the behavior of the parrot was really insulting to her status

One day the lady saw The priest who went to the church opposite also had a male parrot, and he was praying in the cage very well. So he went to ask the priest: "Why is your parrot so good? How long have you had it?"

Can I train my parrot for you? ”

Priest: “I have had it for two years, and it has always been very good. What’s wrong with your parrot?”

So the lady took the low-tongued parrot at home. The situation was told to the priest in detail

The priest agreed: "Okay, you give me your parrot, and I guarantee that it will be like my parrot."

Pray obediently in the cage.

”

The next day, the noble lady gave the parrot to the priest, and the priest locked the female parrot in the same cage as the priest’s male parrot.

Hopefully, the parrot will be red when it is close to the red. The education of the female parrot

Unexpectedly, the female parrot cried out as soon as she saw the male parrot: "Come on! Do you want to feel good..."

I saw The praying male parrot's eyes lit up: "God, my wish that I have been praying for for two years has finally come true..."

The owner of a cram school can't stand toilet literature. The mess and indecent words in it

I spent a lot of money to hire a painter to paint it and put up uneven tiles

to prevent students from graffiti again. .....................

One day when the boss was going to the toilet, he suddenly found something on the tiles near the floor

Someone wrote a small line of words with a ball pen that was not very clear

So the boss raised his butt slightly, bent over and tightened his pants, and took a closer look

I saw it said:

『Sir, is your butt pooping at a 45-degree angle? Not so good! ! 』

Once upon a time there was a church

, and

there was a priest inside

If the locals were born The boy only needs to go to the church and pray and his wish will come true

After repeated attempts, someone asked someone to investigate

It turned out that everything was true, but I don’t know why

All the baby boys born looked like the priests in the church

Suddenly a strong wind blew

.

....

A woman: It’s such a strong wind....

Otome: Yes! It’s so dangerous!! What if the skirt gets blown up?

A woman :Then I have to go home and change my pants!!

Otome: Do you want to change into long pants?

Ame: No...change into a pair of beautiful underwear!!*

As soon as Xiaomei entered the toilet

she saw a line of words written on the wall

"Please look to the left"

When she turned to the left After looking back....

"Please look back"

After she looked back....

"Please look right"< /p>

After she looked to the right....

"Please look up"

After she looked to the right....

"Please don't look around when you go to the toilet"

Son

The son was carrying a big bag and told his father that I couldn't bear this family anymore

Up. I want to leave, and I want to live a life where there is excitement every day, debauchery every day, and a beautiful sister every day. Dad, you can't stop me no matter what. "

When my father heard this, he hurriedly said: "Who will stop you? I will prepare my luggage and go with you right away."

One A lifeguard protested to tourists: I have been paying attention to you for three days, Mr. Wang, you cannot urinate in the swimming pool.

Mr. Wang: Everyone urinates in the swimming pool.

Lifeguard :Yes! Sir, but only if you stand on the springboard...

A man complained to his friend that my arm hurts. I think I should see a doctor. 』

His friend replied, "Don't go there! There is a computer in the pharmacy that can cure all diseases. It is faster and cheaper than a doctor

." You just put in your urine sample and the computer will diagnose and treat your disease

It will also tell you how to deal with it. It only costs you ten yuan. 』

The man thought there was no harm in giving it a try, so he took a bottle of urine sample to the western medicine room.

After finding the computer, he poured in the urine sample and put in ten dollars. The computer started making some noises

and the lights started flashing. After a pause, a small piece of paper fell out

The note read:

*Your elbow is inflamed

*Soak your hand in warm water

p>

*Avoid working too hard

*It will improve within two weeks

That evening he kept thinking about how this incredible new technology would rewrite medical science,

As I thought about it, I started to wonder if this machine could be fooled.

So he decided to give it a try. He mixed some faucet water, a sample of puppy poop, and the urine of his wife and daughter. In order to confuse the audience, he also added a little bit of his own semen. Then he returned to the pharmacy and put in 10 yuan. The machine made some noise as usual

and then printed out the following prescription:

*The water in your faucet is too hard

*Change it to a soft one Ordered water

*Your dog has worms

*Give it vitamins

*Your daughter is taking medicine

* Send her to a rehabilitation center

*Your wife is pregnant

*The child is not yours - find a lawyer

*If you don't stop messing around

*Elbow inflammation will never go away

There was a white doctor stationed in a black tribe in Africa.

One day, a woman in the tribe unexpectedly gave birth to She had a white child.

The chief was very angry when he found out and went to find a white doctor...

Chief: You are the only white person here. For this What's your explanation for this...

Doctor: This is the wonder of nature!!!

At this time, the doctor pointed to the chief's sheep pile and said. ...

Doctor: Look, isn’t there a black sheep among your white sheep?

This is the mystery of nature, and you and I know it well... .

Chief: Well...you don’t say...I won’t say...

Marriage is---- ------------Error

Having a child is a ------------- mistake

Divorce is- ------------------Enlightenment

Marrying after divorce is----------obsession

Being unmarried and being hated by women is a waste

Being married and having a boyfriend is a -------- stunner

Being married, having children, having a girlfriend and being divorced is a ------Damn it

A woman in her 20s is like a football with 20 people chasing her.

A woman in her 30s is like a basketball, chased by 10 people.

A woman in her 40s is like a table tennis ball. Two people hit each other back and forth.

A woman in her 50s is like a golf ball. The farther the ball, the better.

There was a primary school student who had a crush on his teacher for a long time, and one day he finally mustered up the courage

to confess his feelings to the teacher. The teacher kept telling him that he was wrong, etc.

p>

But the primary school students were very stubborn and refused to listen. They also said that love has no age distinction.

Finally the teacher couldn't bear it anymore and said, "I don't want children!"

The primary school student showed a satisfied smile and said: "Teacher, I will definitely be very careful!"

A man

had a heavy heart in the bar Drinking....

Waiter: Sir?! Are you in a bad mood? Tell us what you are worried about!

Man: I am gay

Waiter: So what?

Man: My brother is gay too

Waiter: .......

Man: What’s worse , so does my brother

Waiter: ....... Doesn’t anyone in your family like women?

Man: Yes! My sister

< p>There was an elderly doctor flying, and the seat next to him was a Presbyterian minister.

Due to some technical problems, the flight's departure time was delayed.

After takeoff, the captain apologized to the passengers and announced that free drinks would be served to all passengers soon.

When the charming flight attendant came over with a trolley, the doctor asked her for a glass of gin. The flight attendant then asked the priest sitting next to him if he wanted a glass of wine too

, the pastor replied: "No, thank you, I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol!" Upon hearing this, the old doctor immediately returned his wine to the flight attendant and said

: "Miss, I just didn't know there was another option!"

An old woman keeps a pair of parrots as companions, but she can't figure out which one is the male? Which one is female?

So I called the veterinarian for advice.

The veterinarian suggested:

"As long as you observe their mating behavior, the male bird is riding on it. Then,

you mark the male bird so there will be no confusion. 』

In the early morning of the next day, according to the veterinarian's instructions, when the parrots were mating, she put a white tape on the neck of the male parrot to distinguish them.

That afternoon, the pastor of the church came to visit. When the parrot saw the white clothes on the pastor's robe, it

shouted: "Oh!" I know what good things you have done. Look, you are also marked. 』

It will be wrong

A couple held a wedding ceremony in a church. When it came time to exchange rings, the overly nervous groom actually forgot about it

thing. The pastor anxiously raised his finger to make a ring gesture, and blinked as a hint to the groom.

The groom's face turned red and he stammered: "Pastor, didn't that just happen on the bridal night?" 』

God created man

The son who had just entered elementary school asked his father a question.

‘Dad, why did God create men first and then women? 』

"Maybe he didn't want a woman to nag in his ear when he was creating a man

Stop it! 』

Not Afraid of Your Wife

In the PTT (Tranny Afraid) conference, a group of henpecked husbands gathered together to discuss how to revive the great man

.

Suddenly, someone came and said:

"Your wives have heard the news and have made an appointment to come and settle accounts with you!" 』

When everyone heard this, they were so scared that they ran away in all directions, except for one person who sat there calmly. Everyone

praised this man for being very brave and not afraid of his wife. After a long time, he looked closer and found that this man

had been "scared to death". 』

Leather Jacket

While taking the elevator, the man was surprised to find a naked woman in the elevator.

The woman rolled her eyes at him and cursed:

‘What are you looking at? What’s there to see! 』

『Oh! I just wanted to say that my wife also has a leather jacket like this. 』

Wedding Anniversary

One day, Xiao Li decided to give his wife a surprise because of his ninth wedding anniversary.

So he dressed up as a strange man and brought He gave a flower to his wife.

After he rang the doorbell, his wife opened the door and said:

"Come in quickly, my husband hasn't come back yet."

"

One

After the passion between the couple, the man asked:

"Which man am I?"

The woman looked at the ceiling without answering.

After a while, the man asked again and said apologetically:

‘I know it’s not polite to ask this. , but I really want to know.』

The woman looked obviously impatient:

"Don't interrupt, I'll do it again."

There are three A man met an angel at the entrance to heaven and asked how the three of you died....

The first man cried and said...I got up too late that day...

I hurried downstairs... I took a taxi with disheveled clothes... But I was so stubborn...

A refrigerator fell from the sky... So I became wary... Wu...

The second one...I was on a business trip that day...and I came back early to give my wife a surprise...< /p>

I didn’t expect to hear a man’s voice in the room... I walked in very angry.. Unexpectedly

I didn’t see anyone.. I went to take a look outside the window. ...Haha.. There was a man with disheveled clothes who was in a hurry

He wanted to call a taxi and ran away...

I smashed the refrigerator...and was sentenced. The gun was damaged... ugh...

The third one said it...I was wronged...I was having sex with my new sister...< /p>

Her husband is back... In a moment of desperation... I hid in the refrigerator...

But there was a sound... I couldn't do anything I didn’t know...I came here....

A house

is rented out to several men and women, and the bathroom has to be used exclusively, so I have to wait in line to take a shower< /p>

A long time. One night, Xiao Wu came back from outside and wanted to take a bath, but there happened to be a woman taking a bath in the bathroom. So Xiao Wu asked: "Miss, there is someone taking a bath below you." After hearing this, the young lady replied angrily: "I can wash it myself! Boring~"

There was a sister-in-law in the bus. I saw a man who was about to get off the bus drop a pack of cigarettes on the pedal.

So I quickly said to the man: Comrade, you dropped your cigarette!

The man was stunned for a while...

Then he turned back and glared at his sister-in-law and said: You were just castrated!

See you later Jiang Qing Foreign guests, find a translator. She asked him to strictly follow her wishes and not to deviate from her style.

As soon as the foreign guests saw Jiang Qing, they immediately flattered her: "Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful".

When translated, Jiang Qing was elated and even said modestly: "Where, where".

The translator did not dare to be negligent and translated Jiang Qing's words into English: "where? where?"

The foreign guests were stunned. There are still people like this who simply flatter themselves when asking where the beauty is. Shoot to the end:

"everywhere, everywhere".

Translation: "You are beautiful everywhere."

Jiang Qing was even happier, but always had to be polite For a moment: "Not necessarily, not necessarily".

The translation was quickly translated into English: "you are not allowed to

see, you are not allowed to see."

Mr. Lin is a famous playboy. few.

One day, it was his wife’s birthday and he asked Lin Sheng to take her to a striptease club to broaden her horizons. Lin Sheng was so entangled that he had no choice but to do so.

When they arrived at the gate of the strip club, the uniformed waiter immediately stepped forward and said politely: "Mr. Lin, welcome!"

Mr. Lin stopped nervously, But Mrs. Lin glared at her.

Walking into the striptease hall, the foreman came over and asked: "Welcome, Mr. Lin, are you still sitting in your old seat?" Mrs. Lin's face started to turn blue with anger.

At this time, the performance just started. The stripper twisted her waist and took off her clothes one by one to the rhythm of the music.

She shouted softly: "Whose does this belong to?" "Of course it's Mr. Lin!" All the guests said in unison.

At this time, Mrs. Lin had fainted from anger. Mr. Lin quickly picked her up and got into Ji Cheng's car.

Mrs. Lin suddenly woke up and cursed angrily: "You liar, bastard, beast!" After hearing this, Ji Cheng's driver turned around and said: "Mr. Lin, you are looking for this girl tonight.

You are very spirited! ”

When I was working during the summer vacation, I played a game with my colleagues. I passed the cup around while singing, and when the song stopped, I saw who had the cup. ,

It was a game of who would be punished. Only a female colleague and I drank from disposable cups, so we passed around

our cups until the event was over. I just wanted to say: That’s not right! Both of them use the same cup, how do I know which one is mine?

How do I know which one is mine? I saw the girl who just graduated from high school said without blushing or out of breath: It doesn't matter, my lower body is different from yours! !

When everyone was laughing, she said innocently: That’s right! I flattened it to make a mark!

Two ants traveled hand in hand and came to the edge of the forest. Ant A had sharp eyes and found a cave behind the weeds, so he proposed to explore inside. Ant B was timid by nature and said: Just go in by yourself, I Helping you look out for the wind outside... Ant A had to go deep into the cave to find out what was going on. Unexpectedly, not long after entering the cave, the earth began to shake. Ant A was stumbling around inside, only missing. He lost his life and finally passed out. After regaining consciousness, he hurriedly crawled out of the cave and looked for Ant B. He saw Ant B lying unconscious with a broken arm and a limp. He quickly gave him first aid, only to see Ant B faintly wake up. Person B asked Person A: What happened? Why are you covered in bruises and shampoo? Person A said: It's so unlucky. I just entered when a big earthquake happened. I was knocked unconscious, so I I fainted, and I don’t know the rest! A asked B: Why were you injured more seriously than me when you were outside? B said weakly: As soon as you entered, an off-road vehicle came outside, and I couldn’t dodge it for a moment. , was crushed by its two big tires, and ended up like this. What's annoying is that after the car hit me, it didn't stop to check, but instead used its tires to crush me repeatedly, deliberately I died!! The driver of that car died at a young age!!

A policeman interrogated a robber: "Why did you rob and rape a decent woman?" The robber argued: "I didn't Ah!!!" the policeman shouted: "How dare you explain what happened to this gun?" The robber said anxiously, "I'm just going to sell this gun. But as soon as the gun was taken out, the lady threw the money into I got it on and started to take off my clothes." The policeman said: "!@#$%%....."

Speaking of Xiao Mao’s first vacation after joining the army, He wandered into the park alone and was worried about how to spend this long and boring day. A beautiful girl with a coquettish figure came over and struck up a conversation. The two had a very interesting chat, and finally decided to "break up a room to have a secret conversation." Afterwards, the pretty girl gave Xiao Mao a red envelope of 5,000 yuan. After taking leave and returning to the camp, news of Xiao Mao’s affair spread throughout the company headquarters, and everyone was envious!! After a late roll call, Xiao Mao was called to the company commander. The company commander showed up in the park the next morning and walked over to chat with the company commander. The result was the same as the previous day. The two of them went to another room in the hotel to have a long talk. Afterwards, the pretty girl gave the company commander a red envelope worth one thousand and fifty dollars. Give him 5,000. Today, I am a company commander personally conducting the expedition. You only give him 1,500.

Is it me..." The beautiful girl sealed his words with a charming smile and said softly: "Yesterday's photo was in color, today you took it in black and white... ..........."

Homophone

One day I went to a restaurant to eat dumplings with a foreign friend

The beautiful waitress came to inquire .

Friends always miss any opportunity to practice Chinese.

They rushed to ask, "How much does it cost to "sleep"?

The lady was very embarrassed and became very angry. Angry,

I quickly explained that he was asking how much the dumplings cost.

.....

When the dumplings were served, I asked him if he wanted mustard. .

He called the lady again and asked if there are any "programs"?

The lady said cheerfully, "Yes, what kind of program do you want to order?"

"It's the yellow one..."

#@$#@$#%^&*^!

A cute girl, at lunch It was time to go to the doctor, and a handsome young man in white clothes was born in the clinic. The girl said: "My shoulder has been hurting for a week, can you take a look at it for me?" The young man in white clothes said: "You lie down. On the bed, I will massage you." A few minutes later, the girl shouted: "Ah~~~! Doctor! This is not the shoulder!" The young man smiled and said: "I know, but I am not a doctor either!"

The young man got into the taxi and found that the taxi driver was a woman. He immediately decided to make a little joke. He said: "Send me

to the cheapest brothel in the city. "Sir," the female taxi driver replied: "You are already inside!"

Xiao Zhu and his girlfriend went out for a ride in his new car, which was a streamlined car with a narrow cabin. sports car. His car stopped on the quiet roadside. After a while of caressing, the girl shyly jumped out of the car and ran to a nearby lawn. But when

she found that Xiao Zhu had not followed, she couldn't help but said: "Get off the bus before my enthusiasm disappears!"

Xiao Zhu struggled for a while. Finally, he said frustratedly: "I can't get out of the car until my enthusiasm disappears."

The judge looked at the girl in the audience and said, "You claim that the defendant stole money from your stockings?" he asked. "Yes, my lord," she answered. "Okay, then why didn't you resist?" the judge asked. The female core blushed and lowered her head, "I didn't

know that he wanted to steal my money." She replied.