Solicit humor and jokes

I am carrying a lot of things and gg are looking for a place to store my bags at the train station.

When a patrolman came face to face, gg immediately stepped forward and asked politely, "How can I get to the bag burying place?"

In the political class, we talked about political issues between China and Japan, and talked about Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section.

The teacher said, "Japanese samurai all had caesarean sections before they died ~ ~ ~"

Once I called a customer named Wang, and the switchboard was answered by a MM with a sweet voice. She told me his extension number. I didn't know if the Wang I was looking for was a man or a woman, so I asked by the way, "Is he a man or a woman?"

In college, one of my classmates just bought a mobile phone, got a mobile card, and dialed 186 manual desk to ask questions. At that time, I was excited: Excuse me, do you have a mobile phone service? . . From the hands-free, we actually heard the telephone operator say politely: We are moving to bring business. . . The whole dormitory burst into laughter

In the eleventh year of junior year, my classmate went to work in a shopping mall selling fish. The guest took the selected fish, and my classmate gently pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him,

"If you go there, someone will kill you. . 。”

Yesterday, someone said that he would introduce me to a girlfriend. I wanted to ask "Is it beautiful", but it turned out to be "cheap". Sweat yourself to death!

The teacher told us: "Be honest when you take the bus for a spring outing, and don't always throw your head and arms out. . 。”

My husband is very thin. Once I was in a hurry, I said, "Honey, look at you as thin as a pig!"

One day I went to the famous Daqiao Road food store in Tianjin to buy food. Almost every time, I want to buy old lady cakes to eat! As a result, I saw a slightly smaller cake coming out that day, which looked basically the same, but I was not sure, so I asked the aunt of the shop assistant, "Is this a little old woman's cake?"

As a result, my cousin's family opened a kindergarten, and once she was in a hurry, she asked me to help her take care of those children for an hour, play games and tell stories. The first time I faced more than a dozen children, I was so nervous that I was tongue-tied: "Children, today my aunt told you a story about" Aladdin and the magic lamp "..."

It was concave

it was convex ...

The original text of the broadcast: Two gangsters injured 11 policemen and fled

The announcer read: Two gangsters injured me. )

When I was in high school, my brother was in the same class, and he sat behind me.

One night our geography teacher asked us,

Which one of you is my sister? Who is the younger brother?

I stayed at that time.

After I bought cold rice noodles and went back to my dormitory, I went for a walk in another dormitory and found my roommate eating my cold rice noodles when I came back.

when they saw me coming back, one of them said to me, why did you come back? Cold rice noodles are getting cold!

I wanted to drink soda that day, and I hurried to the cold drink stand to talk about a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, when I saw the beer in front of me, I said in a hurry, "Boss, a bottle of fart water", boss .....................................

Just now, a colleague read the newspaper and asked, "Did the China team win by a score yesterday?"

China is the only one, and Singapore can't get a negative number.

In the past, there was a game on the red and white machine called fistful of dollars, which was generally called "The John in the Wilderness" by Europeans.

There was a commentator: Rush out of Asia, Rush out of the world!

once, my husband and I quarreled, and he called me "pig!" " I scolded him: "You are the husband of a pig. . 。” I really feel like a pig after scolding.

one of our colleagues, when he went to take the driver's license test, said a classic sentence to the examiner:

report the instrument, and the examiner was normal ~ ~ ~ ~

I remember once going to KFC with a sister, and I heard her mumbling something in the queue, a chicken leg hamburger and a pair of chicken wings ......................................................................... Have a hamburger with chicken legs ",but it turns out to be" a hamburger with calves "

College students get together in the forest park, and it's time for everyone to prepare for dinner. Two boys volunteered to go to the canteen to buy beer. The monitor wanted to remind them to buy beer and cans. Perhaps because they had been talking about international current affairs just now, the monitor stood up and shouted, "The beer should be Iraqi."

We all fell down, and the two boys were crazy. . .

MM told me about KFC's new "flesh-and-blood joint" (kebabs have brittle bones) and asked me to take her to eat. In those days, Beijing was extremely hot, and I felt groggy. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling Miss KFC: Please give me two "flesh-and-blood joints", thank you! .............

shame-_-!

I have been very busy at work at ordinary times. On Valentine's Day, I got off work late and hurried to buy flowers. My wife cooked at home and waited for me. She called and asked me when I would go home. I lied to my wife and said that it would be a long time. When I heard that she was not happy to hang up the phone, I said, it was a surprise for you ... I bought flowers, hurried to buy chocolates, and hurried to take a taxi. I couldn't get a taxi for a long time, and finally found a car. ! ! ! ! !

alas, I sprayed the keyboard into the water again. . .

second.

the third brand XP, the shutdown is blue screen!

Climb the wall and wait for the red apricot

Tang Bohu lights mosquito-repellent incense

You can't have your cake and eat it

Take a breath inside and fart outside

The mortuary princess (cold! )

I only admire Yuanyang and don't donate blood

If I had known today, why should I be a chicken

The children of the poor become monks early

What I eat is grass, and what I squeeze out is acne

Racking my breast (-_-! )

heatstroke mountain villa

Dragon-lowering Robin Hood

Driving to the front of the mountain is a dead end

When a Saiweng loses his virginity, how can he know whether it is a blessing or not

What can I do to kill you, my love

Power Hot Pot

Understanding clothes

Being a thief with kidney deficiency

Mickey Mouse and Liu Laogen (what follows what! )

kidney deficiency Taoist priest

legend of whale shooting hero

whale warrior

roadside wildflowers don't, step on them!

If you often walk by the river, how can you not stumble?

A powerful cat

A small white cat

A big gray cat

Auntie Wu

There are plenty of fish in the sea, so it's better to breastfeed a young frog

Aisingiorro Sakyamuni

Grandma's Causeway Bay

A needle splashes blood

. )

eldest brother, I'm your uncle (what's the relationship? )

Meteors, butterflies, knots

Nowadays, Nanniwan is full of barren hills

cctv jelly is cool

Qianlv brothel

Yellow women soldiers

Those who have money hold a money field, and those who have no money hold a crematorium

It's fatal. There is one for money (I almost got a nosebleed when I saw this)

. Come and have a bottle of this year's

how happy boys are when they go to the ladies' room

Teenagers are not hooligans, and their development is abnormal

I'm standing in the crematorium in Prague at dusk

There will be a spring flower show (wow, haha, it will make Richie Jen dizzy)

I'm going to study abroad

I'm a one-man show

Cute blue psychopath (speechless ...) <

adding more to a snake

Lu Zhishen, Monkey King Thrice Defeats the Skeleton Demon

Farmer's Three Fists

Remember the mammoth when I was young

9,999 gas tanks

I have a little bird

The sound of wind and rain is yellow and autumn. State affairs, family affairs, Shaolin temple, temple temple care.

III.

Bullying foreigners who don't understand Chinese

Two girls have just arrived in Paris to study in France. On the street, they saw a black man coming from the opposite side. One said to the other, "It's really dark." The black man immediately went up to them and said, "You are white!"

My friend has repeatedly warned me not to speak Chinese in foreign countries. I asked why? He said: "He has met foreigners who know Chinese several times." He was eating and chatting with his friends at McDonald's, and he was talking about Hunan people. Because his friends were from Hunan, a German mm put in a sentence and said, "I know Hunan people. It's very good. I have read a book." My friend was stunned for several seconds and never recovered. He never speaks Chinese outside from now on, haha!

What's more, an Indian classmate of mine was once asked, "I heard that you can speak Chinese, right?" The Indian immediately said in China, "What's wrong with you? Can't you see I'm Indian? I can't speak Chinese. " Smoke ya immediately!

On the Frankfurt subway, there was a tall man sitting opposite me. I casually said to my companion, "That guy's legs are really long ..." Unexpectedly, the foreigner asked me, "How tall are you?" Scared me, and then we chatted in Chinese for a while. He said, "You China people are fearless, and they are afraid that foreign devils will speak Chinese, hahaha ..." At last, that guy said "goodbye" in Shanghainese, and I almost fainted at that time ...

A true story of my friend: My friend was on a business trip to Tokyo, and she saw a blonde girl coming in in an elevator of an upscale building. My friend asked my colleague in a low voice, "Is this a chicken?" Unexpectedly, the girl suddenly turned around and said with a standard Beijing film: Who are you talking about? Small sample! Looking for a smoke?

One of my colleagues (MM) was at an airport in the United States. She and another (MM) saw a white old woman walking in front of her, who was very fat. Two MM behind in Shanghai words: "I don't know what to eat to eat so fat?" The white granny turned around and said "Eat!" in Shanghainese.

One of our classmates, in new york, asked for directions. A blonde with huge pp was very enthusiastic and knew Chinese, so she took him for a walk and chatted. The classmate praised that you spoke Chinese very well. That mm's answer is very strong, saying that new york is a colony of China people, so you can't speak Chinese! Haha

Last time my mother went to the front door by subway and fell asleep. When she arrived at the station, she suddenly woke up and casually said: Is it the front door? Lima, a foreign boy next to him, nodded and said, it's the front door! So my mom got off the bus ...

It was funny once when I was in France with my dad. We were in the elevator with four people, and then I said to my dad, "Foreigners are so tall." Those people told me that I was a foreigner in France, and now it's really embarrassing to think about it. Still in France, I was looking for bread in the supermarket and kept talking about bread, bread. As a result, a person next to me told me "the bread is over there" and I also said "thank you". While eating in Geneva, a foreigner spoke Cantonese to me in a standard way. Oh, my gosh ~

My friend met a foreigner in the elevator. The foreigner's shirt had three buttons unbuttoned. My friend said to her friend, "That foreigner's chest hair is very sexy." The foreigner immediately replied in Chinese, "Thank you."

I had dinner with my friend in a Korean restaurant, and the waiter had hair like a watermelon taro. The scariest thing is that when the man served us food, he said unscrupulously, after N times, it is estimated that the man was fed up. Our stove went out and asked him to light it. The man said "Be careful with the fire and eat slowly" in standard Chinese. At that time, the three of us were crazy, but we didn't understand! He said it once in English, and then we recovered. What a shock! Completely speechless! I didn't say much in the second half of this meal, so I was scared! You know, we ate vip at that restaurant, and we didn't know how much we said in the process! Faint!

There was another time in a statistics class, when the teacher taught limit. The next classmate probably didn't hear you clearly, so he asked "What?" The teacher said, "the limit!" My classmates were shocked and I didn't understand. He asked the person next to him, "What do you mean by limit? I haven't heard of this word, how do you spell it? " I'm crazy at the same place, yelling, "You can't understand Chinese, limit!" It dawned on me. Turn over a new leaf from now on, and never dare to talk nonsense in this blond and bearded class again.

A friend of mine was in a foreign country, and when he was on the subway, it was too cold to stand at the tuyere, so he carefully walked beside a foreign boy to keep him out of the wind. Then, he heard the buddy say, "Quite clever!" She was stupid then.

There's another foreigner, Leng, who told me in standard Chinese that he appreciates a habit of China people in winter, which is very comfortable.

My friend saw an African foreigner in Nantah: "hello, your mother is a monkey." Foreigners use pure Tianjin words: "Your mother is a gorilla!"

I was watering here that day, and I found that many people didn't reply to the posts when they read them. I was very uncomfortable in my heart, so I said, "TMD, it must be foreign devils who don't reply! (Because I don't know Chinese) ",as it happens, there is a Yankee sitting next to me. He turned to me and said," My friend, you are wrong. We foreign devils always reply to the posts, because we foreign devils and you are all human beings, and people will reply to them. This is called human nature! Only those who have no humanity will not reply!