Soldiers tell jokes to coax their girlfriends.

Have you started working again? I have told you more than once not to work so hard and pay attention to your health. But you always say meaningfully, "If you don't roll more dung balls while the weather is warm, what will I eat in winter?" ! ! "

2。

There are some things you should know! Days are used for windy and rainy days; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I was used to prove the greatness of mankind. And you: "It is used to stew vermicelli. ! "

3。

Don't get drunk again. Yesterday, someone saw you chasing a pig with a glass and shouted, "Are you a brother?" Brother did it! ! "

4。

I am a lonely tree, standing on the roadside for thousands of years, waiting alone, just because one day you pass me, I will fall for you, and it is in vain not to smash you.

5。

If I leave in autumn, I will wait for you in the snow; If the world goes, I will love you in heaven; If I leave, I will let her take care of you. Really, her pig-raising skills are not bad!

6。

I know you pay attention to hygiene. Wash your hands carefully every time you go to the toilet. Suddenly you stopped washing your hands. I'm surprised: why don't you wash your hands? You replied: "I brought paper this time! ! "

7。

Miss you, is a very happy thing; Nice to meet you. Loving you is what I will always do; Keeping you in mind is what I have been doing; However, lying to you just happened.

8。

Every day, I pray to the Buddha for a long-lasting blooming rose. When it reaches 999, I will give it to you together and say emotionally, "Little son, I don't believe that the attracted bees won't sting you!" " ! "

9。

It is reported that a few days ago, Iraqi armed forces hung your jade photo on the wall of Baghdad, causing a large number of American soldiers to vomit and die. After investigation and evidence collection by the United Nations, it is confirmed that this is a weapon of mass destruction, so run quickly.

10。

Couples in western countries always divorce because their lover is a baby. Look at the old man under the moon in China. They are experienced, so China's marriage lasts longer. When carrot saw the customer, he respectfully handed in his business card. The customer looked at the business card and asked, why is it called Korean ginseng? Carrots have a thin waist. "People haha!"

1 1。

Today, when you wake up, there is a mosquito lying beside your pillow, and there is a suicide note beside you: I struggled all night, and your thick skin made me live in this world! Lord, forgive him! I killed myself.

12。

Someone saw you today, and you are still so charming, walking slowly in a plaid vest, looking detached and comfortable. It is really cute. I wonder how you beat rabbits in those years.

13。

One year, a man wrote more than 800 love letters to his girlfriend, and her girlfriend finally announced that she was getting married. The groom is the postman who delivered these letters to her.

14。

The barber chatted while shaving the guests, and talked so hard that he didn't pay attention to shaving the guests' eyebrows. The barber asked: Do you want to keep your eyebrows? Guest: Stay! Barber: Alas! Why didn't you say so earlier? Shaved off!

15。

Husband: Honey, I'm fired. Because of a little thing, it's so unfair! Wife: Why? Husband: I forgot to close the tiger cage after work last night. But they don't want to think, who dares to steal a tiger!

16。

"Do you know why men like to have long hair like women nowadays?" "Because, if your lover or wife finds long hair on their clothes, he will smile and say,' This is my hair!' "

17。

You were internship in a mental hospital, and suddenly a psycho came after you with a kitchen knife. You turned around and ran until you reached a dead end, thinking it was over. The patient said, "This is your knife. It's your turn to chase me!" " "

18。

A player can't catch the ball steadily. While practicing passing and catching the ball, another player gave him a good ball. He was afraid of losing his grip, so he shouted "Hold on". As a result, the ball hit him on the head and he only heard him say, "With whom?"

19。

When you are lonely and empty, a pencil may be your best plaything. You can cut it, you can cut it, you can cut it with a small knife, and you can vent yourself and shout loudly, "I killed the pen, I killed the pen, I killed the pen!" " ! "

20。

The sky is so clear, the sun is so brilliant, and the sea is so boundless. You were standing on the blue beach, and I stabbed you with a stick: "Hey, this little bastard, his shell is quite hard! ! "

2 1。

On the first day of the obstetrician's internship, his wife asked him, "How was today?" The doctor said, "It's not too bad. Although the mother and the baby were not saved, the baby's father was finally saved.

22。

In the military training under the tree that year, the instructor said to the students: Count off in the first row. You looked at the instructor in surprise, and the instructor said loudly, "Count off! So, reluctantly, you turned and hugged the tree! ! "

23。

Your voice comes from the valley. I looked down and found you at the corner of the mountain. It is you! It is really you! You were with an old man, and I excitedly ran over and said, "Grandpa, borrow the donkey!" " ! "

24。

Seedless watermelons have been successfully developed, and they frequently participate in various celebrations and reports, with unlimited scenery. Other watermelons are envious. A watermelon is indignant: what is beautiful? There is no next generation.

25。

There was a fight between the camera and the mobile phone, and a camera came running excitedly: report to the chief, grab the mobile phone! When the camera saw it, it was angry: Why did you arrest us undercover? This is a mobile phone that can take pictures!

26。

Do you know that?/You know what? I really want to take you out to experience the charm of ktv! Do you know what ktv is? Then k stands for you, t stands for you, and finally I'll make a V gesture!

27。

The moment I left, you cried helplessly and tore your heart out behind me, which made me suddenly understand how much I love you. I suddenly turned around and cried and hugged you: "I'm not selling this pig!" " ! "

28。

It is said that arrows have golden arrows. Iron arrow. Copper arrow, you must learn from silver arrow! It is said that there are 18 kinds of 360 strokes of martial arts, but you must learn drunken arrows, so soon there appeared on the rivers and lakes: "drunken silver arrows!" " ! "

29。

When I first met you, I felt that I had known you for a long time. I have never said anything so certain. You may not believe it, but it's true. You really look like my ... lost pig!

30。

God said to grant me a wish, and I said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said to make this person more beautiful. He pondered and said, "I'll take a look at the globe again!" ! "

3 1。

I saw you the other day. You are very uncomfortable sitting in the sun. I asked you what you were doing, and you smiled mysteriously: keep your voice down, and no one will call me an idiot when I get tanned!

32。

The tortoise and the rabbit race, and the pig is the referee. Do you think the tortoise runs fast or the rabbit runs fast? When I came home one day, four children were making noise. My wife is glad to see me back. "You finally came back." I am also happy to think that the children are afraid of me. Who knows the wife went on to say, "Only you are obedient and good at home! Go and buy me a bag of salt. "

33。

If you want to travel abroad, sincere friends will see you off. The cold wind cannot stop our friendship. I hold your hand and say, "Make a good reform and try to reduce your sentence!" " ! "

34。

Listen! I want to chase you! I thought you were! I have been looking for you! I will seize this opportunity! I must catch up with you! Dead flies!

35。

Honey, I miss you again. My love for you is increasing sharply every day, because someone told me that pork has gone up in price, so you can get a good price!

36。

The defendant promised to his defense lawyer: "If you have the ability to let me go to prison for only half a year, then you will get an extra reward of $65,438 +0 ooo." As a result, he finally got his wish. While collecting money, the lawyer said, "This is really a chore. The judges had hoped to be acquitted. "

37。

In those days, we walked quietly on the path in our hometown, and you bowed your head shyly. When the villagers saw us, they all praised you: Oh, it's so beautiful and clean! Also praised me: good boy, come out to release pigs at such a young age! ! "

38。

Oh! It's snowing. I really want to turn into a snowflake and fly to your arms. I flew into your collar. Fly into your cuffs. Fly into your ... why don't you zip it up?

39。

A group of male hippos risked being eaten by crocodiles and crossed the river to woo the female hippos. After crossing the river, they found that all of them were castrated by crocodiles, and only one survived. The only one explained that you are so stupid. You are all breaststroke, and I am backstroke.

40。

"You know what? My husband was injured in the table tennis final. " "But no one has seen him play?" "yes. He broke his vocal cords while watching the game. "

4 1。

Someone passed by the cemetery, heard a knock at the door, fell down and saw someone, so he was relieved and asked, why? Answer: "they carved my tombstone wrong and are changing it!" " ! "

42。

Honey, you know what? You have lost a lot of weight recently! I see it in my eyes, but it hurts in my heart. It's almost the Spring Festival, but your health is worrying ... who doesn't want to let their pigs kill a few kilograms more!

43。

Some people say you are a pig! I seriously criticized him! How is that possible? How can people tell what they look like? Monitor: What is the purpose of your martial arts? A Qiang: To stay healthy! Brother Meng: Serve the country! Private: in order to crack the female self-defense. . .

44。

Many cocks are chasing hens, and their necks are ringing. One cock has red eyes and says nothing, and the hens are moved. Newly married, hen: You are so cool. Why didn't you scream? Rooster: I drank too much that day ... I was afraid of vomiting.

45。

A girl walked into a bar and said to the shopkeeper, "I will do anything for you if you pay 200 yuan." The shopkeeper said, "OK, you paint the wall here."

46。

Please don't look down, turn it off. There is really nothing to see. Come on, do you really want to see it? No regrets? You asked for it yourself You are a pig!

47。

Jade Emperor: Now, the Heaven will hear the case of Q B Chang 'e Jade Rabbit, the roaring dog of Er, and summon the defendant! Hey! Whistling dog! Call you! Still reading text messages! Still smirking!

48。

There will be a meteor shower tonight. It is said that a big pig will fall from the sky. Too bad I want to sleep. You're gonna be okay. So many people watch you fly! You make clothes out of white clouds, borrow the right wings of birds, fly to me like an arrow, and tell me-this is what a bird looks like!

49。

John signed up after seeing the advertisement for lifeguards in the swimming pool. The owner of the swimming pool asked John what he was good at, and John replied, "The swimming pool is 2 meters deep. 1 m, my height is 2. 17 meter. "

50。

A drop of water is very small in the ocean and very large in the desert; Red-crowned cranes are small in cranes and large in chickens; You are small in the crowd and great in the pigsty.

5 1。

You know, I met a mentally retarded person yesterday. I have never seen such a stupid person. As for how stupid? Let me tell you this, he may have a lower IQ than you!

52。

I don't care about long hair, dirty clothes, messy beard, and the image of men and women. I go to bed at noon and never want to win. Who is it? It is you!

53。

Please touch your little red face first, and then touch your little belly! All right! This lecture on pig raising knowledge is over. See you tomorrow!

54。

I vomit when I drink too much, cry when I am sad, climb trees when I drive, and I can't move when I see beautiful MM. I always feel that I am making money soon, and my feelings are always not improving!

55。

Today is your birthday. All women's toilets and bathrooms are open to you free of charge. Welcome to visit! You make clothes out of white clouds, borrow the right wings of birds, fly to me like an arrow, and tell me-this is what a bird looks like!

56。

Yesterday, I made a bet with my friend. I said: there is nothing more stupid than a pig in the world. I lost, so it's all your fault!

57。

Ah! Your skin is so shiny and your fragrance is so irresistible. Let me bite you hard, dear-braised pork.

58。

There is a tacit understanding called tacit understanding, a feeling called wonderful, a happiness called being accompanied by you, and a yearning called yearning, so that a fool will finish reading the short message.

59。

I wish you good health and all your teeth fall out! Bon voyage, missing halfway! Go all the way to the end and give up halfway! Happy every day, often abnormal! Laugh often, laugh anyway!

60。

An electrician walked into the operating room and said to a dying patient wearing an oxygen mask, hello! Listen, take a deep breath, I need a power outage for five minutes!

6 1。

Strange, strange, strange, seven turtles are dancing, six lions are playing chess, five monkeys are eating pears, four donkeys are chasing Shu Kei, three mice are patting level three, two crabs are playing Tai Chi, and a little pig is reading information!

62。

A pig and a penguin were kept in a cold storage at MINUS 20 degrees. The penguin died the next day, and the pig was fine. Why? You don't know? By the way, pigs don't know either!

63。

Are you Lian? ! Let me see: three inches of golden lotus, four inches of silver lotus, five inches of copper lotus, six inches of iron lotus-wow, one foot and two inches is lotus! ! "

64。

Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? I dreamed of you last night. We walked by the river and snuggled up to each other. You looked down at my eyes and said three words affectionately: woof-woof.

65。

A flock of swallows pecked mud under the eaves to build their nests. After the bird's nest was built, swallows called on the roof. The children in the yard were curious and asked their father. Father replied: alas, the contractor hid and didn't pay others.

66。

Crickets toot, spiders ask you why your voice changed? Cricket: I have a cold. The dial tone is wrong. I can't get on. Then the spider suddenly fell down. Cricket: Huh? The broadband is broken, too?

67。

Mother: "In my opinion, my child is really a child prodigy. He has many unique ideas, doesn't he? " "Yes, madam, especially when remembering new words."

68。

Please go to the nearest telephone pole and say loudly to the wild advertisement above: "My illness is saved!" " "A lady went to take pictures. After the photo shoot, I'll get the auto-developed photos. After reading it, I exclaimed: Why do I look like a monkey? The woman in the back said coldly, that's mine. Yours has to wait.

69。

Last night, I dreamed that you fell into a stinking cesspit. After climbing up, you said, "What a good time! Even the cesspit smells good! " "

70。

A jet fighter roared past in the air. The bird was surprised to see it. The bird said, "Mom, why does that bird fly so fast?" Mother bird: "Try setting a fire on your ass."

7 1。

I'll give you the heaviest gift since I took a shit. Eat a catty and you will be full. If you think it's not enough, please help yourself.

72。

Killing time with short messages, communication when sending and receiving letters, climax when receiving letters crazily, indifference when only receiving letters but not sending them, letter harassment when finding the wrong person, and letter dysfunction when sending and receiving are unsuccessful, this is called faith fate!

73。

Toilet couplets: First, step on both sides of the Yellow River, holding confidential documents; Below: The front machine gun strafed, and the rear artillery fired into the sky. Horizontal batch: cool!

74。

A psychopath was lying in bed singing, singing, turning over and continuing to sing. The doctor asked him: just sing, why do you want to turn? Psycho said: fool, of course, after singing side A, sing side B!

75。

The first lover is a brand-new version; The revival of old love is a refurbished version; Cohabitation before marriage is a trial version; The wedding night is sincere; The Golden House is a collector's edition; Falling in love with widows is a revised edition; Seducing a wife is piracy.

76。

A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: "I don't know, I just arrived!" " "

77。

On the bus, a standing pregnant woman said to the man sitting next to her, don't you know I'm pregnant? See that person says nervously only: "the child is not mine!" ! "

78。

You heartless man, to be honest, who was the woman who answered the phone in your room last night? She told me that the number you dialed is busy, please redial later.

79。

Go home: fill your stomach. Hand in the tickets. Kiss your wife. Children in Doby; Go out: Look in the mirror. Dating a woman. Use your head! Pretend to be a grandson.

80。

One day, a drunk took a taxi home, reached out and stopped a 1 10 patrol car, shouting, "Even if it's a kilometer, it's not necessary to write that big!" ! ! ! "

8 1。

( ! ) ordinary ass (_ _! _ _) Fat ass (! ) Tight ass (_). _) Flat ass (_ * _) Inflammatory ass

82。

The sun is pregnant, play a song. Hee hee ... (the disaster caused by the moon)! The tiger held the tortoise down and said, sample! I didn't know you were wearing a vest? Seeing the turtle the next day, the tiger smiled: hey hey! How's it going? Did I break your shell?

83。

Cucumber was lovelorn and cried, and eggplant comforted her: love is not just sweet. Just drunk and heartbroken. And tears. Alas! Who made you fall in love with onions?

84。

The teacher said: I want class flowers for two people. So I took a class flower, took a class and chose two most beautiful girls. The teacher said, "Go to the Academic Affairs Office to move flowers! ! "

85。

Mosquitoes fly to the sleeping baby's ass, and dad drives them away and paints them with toilet water. The baby woke up and shouted, "Mom, the mosquito just peed on my ass!" " ! "

86。

The boss pointed to the beautiful yellow bird in the cage and said, this bird is honest and doesn't fly around. The guest bought it at a high price and opened the cage door: fly, home. Yellow bird laughs: fooled! I'm ... a chicken!

87。

A man wanted to jump off a building, and his wife shouted, honey, take it easy, we still have a long way to go! Hearing this, the man swooped down. Pol.ice said, "You really shouldn't threaten him like this! ! "

88。

I lost the battle between glutinous rice and steamed stuffed bun. I was not convinced when I met Shao Shao on the road. I saw Shao Shao immediately take off his coat and said angrily, "In fact, I am undercover! ! "

89。

You are the rose in my heart, but thank you; You are the moon in the sky, but you are covered by clouds; You are Chang 'e, but your face landed first.

90。

Grandma and granddaughter are in the consulting room. The doctor said to the beautiful girl, untie your clothes. No, doctor, the old lady said, I am a patient. Is it? Then stick out your tongue.

9 1。

People get married because they lack judgment; People also divorce because of lack of endurance; People remarry because of lack of memory.

92。

Your face is more beautiful than Chen Shimei, and your eyes are brighter than Zhuge Liang; My love is deeper than Lu's, my affection is longer, but my promise is more empty than the Monkey King's.

93。

An old lady loved playing mahjong before her death. After her death, her children offered to send mahjong to be buried with her, but a woman was very worried: "What should we do if she is short of hands?" ! "

94。

When the street beauty beckons, the street lamp should also look; The beautiful woman in the street waved and all the tall buildings wanted to kiss. The street beauty waved her hand three times, and the earth braked back.

95。

A couple gave birth to eight children, followed by osmanthus. Camellia, plum blossom, chrysanthemum and yellow flower. Grass flower. Wild flowers, the last one is called no money to spend.

96。

Flower world, flower heart, flower people deceive others, swear not to give up until you reach your goal, give up men completely, and want to be sad no more!

97。

You rushed into a unit and shouted, is this the Animal Protection Association? Staff: "Yes, who bullied you? ! "

98。

There is a boy in the class who is a famous sissy. Once the art teacher asked him to be a clay figurine, and he shouted: I want to be a man! The deskmate picked up a sentence: "Alas, you finally figured it out!"

99。

I'm not worried if you ignore me outside the castle peak building outside the mountain. There are beautiful women everywhere in the world, and they will take me in at any time.

100。

Freshman, the rabbit doesn't eat grass and lies on the edge; Sophomore, good horses don't eat grass back; Junior year, there are plenty of fragrant grass in the end of the world; In senior three, the wind knows the grass.

10 1。

Two mountain friends go climbing together. One of them accidentally fell into the valley ... the other shouted, "Are you hurt?" I only heard the echo from the abyss: "I don't know, I'm still falling ..."

102。

Pig saw the old man and asked, Shit! Yue Lao! Why did you separate me from Gao? Yue: She is a person, and you are a demon. I'm afraid your child will be a shemale.

103。

Those who come home from work are poor ghosts, drunkards at 9 o'clock, lechers at 1 1, gamblers at 2-3 o'clock, and wild ghosts who don't go home!

104。

Romantic and chic is a handsome guy, it should be a big brother, a taxi driver is a big brother, and the message reader is a pig.

105。

Someone said, "A woman is like a book, so what book is a fat woman like?" ? Bound books! "

106。

Xiaoming always sleeps in class, and the teacher criticizes him: Can you stop sleeping? ? Xiao Ming replied, "No, because I am a poor student!" " "

107。

Modern people's living conditions: attend today's class, sleep yesterday's sleep and spend tomorrow's money.

108。

Women like themselves, men like themselves and they are poor. If both sides like themselves, it must be a frog with a dinosaur.

109。

A cool poem about falling in love in college: loneliness, loneliness, not falling in love in loneliness, but perverting in loneliness.

1 10。

Beauty is beautiful, and beauty is like a cloud. If you treat beautiful women, you can't get a wife.

1 1 1。

A fat lady often boasts of her good figure and insists on complimenting her. Old Zhai said, "How can you put wind and Yun Dan on your waist when you are so plump?" ! ! "

1 12。

I don't know what makes me miss you so much, but a thousand words can be summed up in four words: "give me my money back quickly!" ! "

1 13。

If one day I become a rogue, please tell others that I am innocent!

1 14。

Since ancient times, a mathematical equation is correct (A = B, B = C), so A = C, you = animal, animal = pig, so you = pig!

1 15。

God knows you are thirsty and created water. God knows you are hungry and created rice. God knows you have no lovely friends, so he created me. However, God knows that there is no idiot in this world, and he created you by the way.

1 16。

Someone said to me, "You are as smart as a pig." I was furious after hearing this! ! I know you! ! What an insult! I'm sorry about that pig! ! ! !

1 17。

Instructions for jumping off a building: leave a note to the sixth floor; Want to be disabled to the fifth floor; To be hospitalized to the fourth floor; Only scary to the third floor; Fight martial arts to the second floor; Please go to the first floor to watch the excitement.

1 18。

I have always had a soft spot for you, and your face has always appeared in front of me! But I am too poor to expect, and now I have money! You can say loudly, "Boss, cut that pig head in half for me!" " ! "

1 19。

A riverside and a Jiang Tao, one mountain is higher than the other. Send a message to the straw bag, the straw bag must take out his mobile phone, take out his mobile phone and look down, and find himself an idiot!

120。

It is not unusual for people to fall in love; It is not unusual for cattle to eat grass; It's amazing that pigs can press their mobile phones. A pig is a pig. Press it again! What a stupid pig!

12 1。

Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was an idiot. He is so stupid that when people ask him questions, he only answers "No". Have you heard this story?

122。

Part one: Look at the back, there are thousands of troops. Part two: turn around and scare everyone away. Horizontal batch: my god!

123。 Wooden furniture, scholars know poetry, people think about money, talents practice, women want figure, geniuses send messages, fools read text messages.

124。

When horses and pigs meet tigers, they turn around and run. Pigs run very slowly. The horse shouted, "Stupid pig! How can a mobile phone run fast in your hand! Throw it here.

125。

The patient escaped from the operating room and went to the dean: "The nurse said don't be afraid, calm down, the operation is very simple." Dean: "Is this wrong?" Patient: "But she said this to the doctor."

126。

Brainstorm: A pig was killed by a car while crossing the road. Why? I'm telling you, pigs don't turn sharply.

127。

Marriage: poor family, 1 m 49, primary school education, rural hukou, three broken houses, a sick pig, all year round, medicine never leaves my mouth, today I want a girlfriend by text message, are you willing?

128。

After only five months of marriage, my wife gave birth to a chubby boy for nothing. The husband asked suspiciously, isn't this child a little early? The wife replied: We got married a little late.

129。

This problem has been bothering me for many years. Today I finally got up the courage to ask you. Is that when you pee, do you stretch your left leg or your right leg?

130。

The May Day holiday is coming. For the sake of the city's appearance, please stay at home during the holidays and don't go out to scare others.

13 1。

A woman got on the bus in a one-step skirt, but the skirt was too tight to lift her legs, and she still couldn't untie the two buttons of the skirt. Later, when I saw a man staring at her, I called the hooligan! Man: You are a rogue. You untied us all so quickly!