Joker Xue jokes selection _ Joker Xue jokes.

Joker Xue has always been famous for his wit, but it was only later that people discovered that he sang so beautifully. But it is true that Joker Xue is also the king of jokes in the entertainment circle. Here, I will share Joker Xue's classic jokes with you.

Selected jokes (quotations) of Joker Xue.

1 Being young is to let you absorb the pain, so that you will become more and more mature and powerful, and then be invincible.

In fact, my songs are also very nice, and the inexplicable jokes are more popular than songs, which is really sad. In the near future, I will prove that my songs are also very nice. My song is super popular, but people are not popular and used to it.

One drawback of my song is that it is difficult to sing. To tell the truth, even if you don't sing for three days, you will be a little out of tune, so you must ensure that you practice every day.

I would rather stay in your Fiona Fang, or I will give you my heart, because I love you, which has nothing to do with you.

Follow the changes of the times and watch those poor performances, but why do you love me so much? What should I become to delay boredom? It turns out that when love puts down its guard, these are all tests.

Every song is done by heart, so in fact, I have been doing it from beginning to end, but no one knows it. I found that my insistence was right. Although I have persisted for ten years, it seems embarrassing, but I think it is right.

Human beings always have an unspeakable helplessness. It seems that there are many options about life before us, but only one can be grasped in the end. If we hadn't seen so many choices, we wouldn't be so greedy. We must always choose and choose in order to mature in separation.

At least when I am apart, I am natural and graceful. Later, I always chose to bypass that street, hoping to meet in another street.

I don't care how scarred I am, but I care who you will be with in the future.

10 When I was a child, I felt that the world was unfair, and later I found out that the world was unfair, but unfairness is a good thing and will make you work harder.

1 1 Do you want me to sing? You want me to faint and vomit blood! The whole person fell in a pool of blood. .....

12 The prince just wants a white horse, and can't run a red light.

13 please let me sing until I burst, jump to death, get tired in my blood and then my body explodes, and then please let me give you an explanation?

14 I didn't know how big the world was when I was young, so I can love you carefree and love you with everything I have. The funny thing is that I actually have nothing. I thought my shoulders could cover your ambitions, desires, and so on? Then it took you away.

15 I quite like this casual way of singing, just like wearing shorts and a belt at home and spitting in front of the mirror with my right hand. A smooth sailing person is not a strong one, but the strong one will definitely defeat the lucky guy in the end.

Selected jokes of Joker Xue (funny) 1. I mentioned it. Later, the leader thought I was leaving too. I think I'm not happy anyway, so I mentioned it. Then mine was approved. She said she wouldn't leave, and she would return her resignation.

I saw on the news today that he is too handsome to beat. Is single dog mentally abnormal and depraved? I have to buy a mask quickly anyway. It's terrible.

I bought a box of laundry detergent, took out a bottle and put it under the dormitory bed. I also used laundry detergent to wash socks and underwear, which is more expensive. I only used it two or three times, and there is still half a bottle left. I asked for leave to go home and work for a week. How do you feel more when washing socks at night? I didn't know that others had used up the water poured for me until I used it. You're fucking done. Give me back the fucking water.

4. Play League of Legends ranking with roommates. I thought it was with the assistant, so I chose the assistant first. Soon my message popped up and said, third brother, you are sensible. I feel so wronged.

When I came back from dinner yesterday, my husband/kloc-went to bed after 0: 00. I can't sleep. /kloc-I couldn't sleep until 0/2, so I woke him up. Chatting and chatting, and then fell asleep. At 2 o'clock, he didn't sleep. He said that mosquitoes buzzed in your face and I woke up. How can you sleep like a pig?

6. Yesterday, a boy proposed to me. I said I don't like boys who smoke. He said he could quit smoking as long as I promised. I just want to ask this person if he can quit smoking after more than ten years.

7. Freshmen begin military training and stand in the military posture in summer. A boy in the class fainted and his classmates surrounded him. Some knowledgeable students shouted at the periphery: pinch people, pinch people. A female classmate closest to the boy thought for a long time, made great determination and pinched the man's penis accurately.

8. Some friends went hiking, just halfway up the mountain, tired and sunny. So I drafted this conversation. It's very hot. ? Stick out your tongue when it is hot, and it will dissipate heat quickly. ? As a result, everyone believed!

9. Apologizing doesn't always mean that I admit that I was wrong. I can only say that I care more about our relationship than about myself.

10. Male colleagues quarrel, but male colleagues can't talk to female colleagues. Male colleague: Women can't say anything except you. Female colleague: three legs and one mouth can't catch up. Then the team leader smiled, and then everyone laughed.

165438+ The garlic bought by this boss is really good. He only buys spicy garlic, not expensive garlic.

Selected jokes of Joker Xue (Weibo) 1. One day, when I was shopping with my daughter-in-law, I saw a stretch pig car passing by. My daughter-in-law said she wanted to see your relatives, and I got bored at once. Then I said silently, if I hadn't married you, I wouldn't have so many relatives, and then I was silent.

Today, my girlfriend said to me: I am alone at home, lying in bed, so lonely. ? I said, you should watch horror movies, so you will feel that you are not the only one in your family.

3. What's it like to have a teasing deskmate? Class is over. She's playing rhythm master. Hi. I talked to her and she ignored me, so I just shook her hard. She said, stop it, stop it, I'm dying! I dropped one! Ah! Shit, dead dead! Then she yelled at me, grass, mud, coal. Labor and capital are dead. Are you happy? Are you satisfied? Then she changed her position and started over, leaving me an idiot!

My son is four years old! Today, I teach two-year-old children to know people's five senses. He pointed to his eyes and taught the children to talk about eyes, and the children followed suit. Finally, he pointed to his nose and said what it was. Before his son taught the nose, the child said it was the nose! As a result, my son pulled out a little booger from his nose and said, Wrong! This is booger, haha! ?

The grass flowers planted on the construction site love to get sick, so every time you pass by, you should kneel down to see if you are sick. If they are sick, just spray them. A mother-in-law selling leaflets nearby saw me looking at these grass flowers and said, you can pick some back if you like. I said: I planted these flowers to make them look like yours.

6. In the Chinese review class, the teacher popularized Li Bai, Du Fu, Shi Fo and Wang Wei. Then the teacher asked, who is the king of poetry? A classmate in the back row just woke up and answered, Isn't the Lion King Xie Xun?

7. Transfer from a circle of friends: I finally want to understand how the pork belly is formed: it must be caused by repeated hesitation, hesitation and struggle between fat and thin, which is complicated and difficult to understand!

8. On the road, I saw three or four girls about 14, about five years old, skipping and playing. I envy their pure happiness and freedom like the wind, and I can't help sighing. I 14, I couldn't feel this happiness when I was 5 years old. I have no choice. My chest is very big, and it hurts to run!

9. Why don't I have a girlfriend? I was invited to Happy Valley by my favorite sister paper that day, and I agreed happily. I arrived at 8 o'clock the next day and waited until 4 o'clock in the afternoon. I still want to know why you stood me up. The next day, I heard from a friend that her employer went to an Internet cafe and she went to an amusement park.

10. I once went to a fortune teller. After sitting there, the old man looked at my palm and said, although you are over thirty this year, you are still single. I was overjoyed: you are a great man. You're right. How do you know that? The old man said: I am too familiar with the smell on your hand.

1 1. My niece is a freshman, and her study is OK. Just ask her what she wants to be when she grows up. She said that being a doctor can save people and cure diseases. I said, then you can get into a good school and go to a big hospital in a big city. She said, everywhere is the same. I said, then you go to the ravine and go to the ravine to see a doctor. She said very solemnly that ravines are ok. The purpose is to see a doctor. It's okay to be there. What a simple child.

12. I wonder if my friends, like the landlord, give home all the money they earn from working every year. In the eyes of parents, there is nothing wrong with brothers and sisters who want money. Is the feeling of kindness biological?

13. I just went shopping, but my aunt gave me the wrong change. I had a seizure in my head and said, Don't lie to me, my math teacher died young. ? See an uncle kicking me next to you? I really didn't recognize him as my math teacher in junior high school! ! !

14. When I went out for dinner at noon, I met a beautiful woman in red with a white puppy. She couldn't walk. The beast met a gray bitch with bright eyes and jumped on it. This is a piston movement. The beauty in red has been holding her hand and witnessing her behavior. Passers-by laughed, so she had to throw away the dog leash and let it develop. No, when I came back from dinner, she was still watching them together. The picture is too beautiful to shoot or type.

15. Today, I went to eat hot pot. I said to the proprietress when I checked out? Sister, look! ? Wife of shop-owner smiled and pointed to a beautiful woman on the side and said to me? My daughter is over there. She is 19 this year. You still call me big sister. Think about what to call her. ? I thought about it, mom! ?

16. It was the New Year in China. The next-door neighbor is timid and asked me to help her kill the chicken. I held the chicken tightly in my left hand and cut the chicken's artery with scissors in my right hand, and half a bowl of blood was shed. Chicken drops into my hand slowly, so be quiet. I think a life is dying. My neighbor brought me a plate of hot water. I put the chicken in, hot water splashed all over us, and the chicken ran away.