Jokes about the New Year

1, the Spring Festival is coming, and I didn't save a penny when I should have saved money before; Now it's really saved. The money is worthless.

2. According to unreliable information, the Beijing Traffic Management Bureau predicts that during the rush hour in Spring Festival travel rush, due to the heavy traffic pressure on the ring road, it is suggested that you go from Zhongguancun to Guo Mao to bypass Shijiazhuang.

As the Spring Festival approaches, Xiao Wang sends a short message to his boss. When I received the reply later, Xiao Wang felt that the boss was really polite, and he was blindsided when he opened it. I saw that it said, "It's not safe for the company to have no one on duty during the Spring Festival. Thank you."

4. A male and a female colleague agreed to win half the prize at the annual meeting. As a result, the female colleague really won the lottery and got a luxury suite for one night.

5, the most shocking year-end award is: coffin, meaning promotion and wealth.

Chapter 2: Little jokes about the New Year.

1. Go out to visit the temple fair with my wife during the New Year.

It's nice to see a ferrule. The boss is a middle-aged uncle, squatting there to set up a stall.

Ten dollars allows her to play three circles.

My wife was very happy and said that she would bring a big doll back.

Then throw it out for a circle and directly trap the baldness of the owner. ...

Uncle shopkeeper gave me a sad look, and then said to his wife, "Sister, if you have a husband, don't molest uncle, ok ..."

2. At home during the Spring Festival, I teased my little nephew: When I grow up, I will marry my wife, and my wife is not good to you.

He said, I called her a widow!

The children in the neighborhood are very cute. They pay New Year greetings to their elders, and they will get lucky money from 500 yuan.

He put the money and two pieces of Wang Zi toffee in his pocket.

When I came home at night, I found that there were only two pieces of milk candy left in my pocket, and all my money was gone.

When he found that he had lost his money, he said, "It's a good thing the sugar didn't drop." .......

There was a holiday in front of me. I didn't play enough and didn't sleep enough, so I regretted it at work. If God gives me another chance, I must add a time limit to this holiday. I hope it is 365 days.

Chapter 3: Little jokes about the New Year.

1. For foodies, the Chinese New Year holiday is just a shield for them to eat unscrupulously.

Friday, Valentine's Day and God of Wealth Day are the same day. What does this mean? Ask for disassembly. All shall be well, Jack shall have Jill.

Cai Ming will be hot again this year. Maybe it will win the first prize in the sketch category.

Yes, I didn't realize that Cai Ming was such a smooth talker.

A: This is not a wheelchair this year. My feet are off the ground, and smart brain cells occupy the highlands again.

The Spring Festival is coming, and many car wash workers have gone home. Car wash prices continue to jump, and there is a queue in 60 yuan for one wash. . .

I drove downstairs and washed my car with a bucket of water.

When my wife came home, I proudly said, "Look, I saved 60 yuan. Washing the car will kill me. You can cook dinner. "

My wife gave me a white look and said, "I can only save 60 yuan." By New Year's Eve, at least 100 yuan can be saved. "

5. Wife: Have you finished your homework?

Son: I haven't written it

Wife: School will start soon. Why didn't you move at all?

Son: This fully shows that I am a person who will achieve great things in the future, because I am calm enough to stay calm in an emergency.

Wife: It's really cool to hold on until you hand in your homework.