Three Kingdoms 2013 joke

Cao Hong: "Look, Prime Minister! That enemy general is back again!" Xiahou Dun: "It's the seventh time today, isn't he tired?" Cao Cao: "Damn it, I must kill him Are you willing to stop after killing all my troops?" Zhao Yun, who was fighting in the rebellion, said, "Zhang Fei! Where is Changban Bridge?" "People say that Uncle Liu Huang is extremely ugly. It seems all nonsense. Zhongmou, look, Uncle Liu is so handsome, mighty and majestic. He is simply the most beautiful man in the world..." Sun Quan: "Mother, You are mistaken. That is Liu Bei's general, Chang Shan, Zhao Yun and Zhao Zilong. "Huh?" Wu Guotai said: "Looking at it this way, Liu Bei is really ugly." Explanation: "The late Emperor's business was not half over, but the middle road collapsed. Today, Yizhou is suffering from fatigue... Your Majesty, are you listening?" "Ah? Oh, oh, I am listening. Today, there are three portions of sweet shrimps and fish porridge. Pi Bi, this is the time of life and death when the stomach is hungry. Then fill it with persimmon-flavored crabs and plant cheese... Xiangfu, continue to read your "Chef's List"" #Zhuge Liang and Liu Bei went to the countryside to show sympathy for the people. Liu Bei said. : "I took a long breath to cover my tears, and mourned the hardships of the people's lives." Zhuge: "My lord, you also understand "Li Sao"?" Before he finished speaking, a flying pigeon suddenly came to deliver a message. Liu Bei unfolded the letter, which read: "Hello, we found that you mentioned (Li Sao). Qu Yuan, the author of "Li Sao", also opened a Weibo... "What is the kingly way? "Replace all the opponent's judgment cards with ones that are unfavorable to him, and you will suffer the consequences." "What is domineering?" ""Replace all the opponent's judgment cards with ones that are unfavorable to him, and also take away the replaced card" "...What is the way of Confucius and Mencius? "Before changing the judgment cards, watch the stars openly." Before Sun Ce died, he called Sun Quan to his bedside and said to him: "Brother is about to die. Don't tell Zhou Yu about Xiao Qiao and me, and don't tell Zhang Zhao about me and you. Do you remember?" "My father is above, safe and sound, Gong Jin is beside me, the city is broken and people are dead!!!! Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei braved the wind and snow, and visited the thatched cottage three times without stopping. Their sincerity can be a lesson to the world. This story tells us a profound story Local truth: The most heart-wrenching thing in the world is the lack of one of the three... After the Wei army defeated Jiang Wei's rebellion, the general ordered: "Every army returns to the camp to wait for the king's order. "The Wei soldiers wanted to take revenge, so they disemboweled themselves. The general was angry: "You dare to dissect the enemy general's body privately, you are so bold! Wow! So bold! Soldier: "Why is it so bold to say it twice, general?" Wow! So bold! "The phone rang. Jiang Wei picked it up and heard the voice saying: "Hello? ……Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Ah..." Jiang Wei yelled: "Deng Ai, send me a fucking text message next time! ""If Governor Zhou can help our army get out of trouble, the body of Yan native Zhang Yide... will be yours!" Seeing Zhang Fei talking and starting to take off his clothes, Zhou Yu felt a chill, jumped up, pointed at him and cursed: "Pervert!" What are you going to do? !" Zhang Fei was confused when he heard this: "It's weird, the military advisor clearly said that you can't resist the basic method..."