Find some funny jokes!

1. There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold! hahaha ..............

Xiaoming lost a leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost his other leg in another car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

In fact, Xiao Ming is a dog. hahaha .............

One day, the cabbage was walking on the road and felt very hot, so it was taken off one by one and disappeared. hahaha ..............

4. A steamed stuffed bun walked on the road and felt very hungry, so he ate himself. hahaha ..............

Xiaoming and Xiaohong are deskmates. One day, Xiaoming borrowed a pen from Xiaohong.

Xiaohong said "don't borrow"

"Lend it to me and you're dead!"

Then Xiaohong said, "Oh, I'll lend it to you."

When Xiaoming returned the pen to Xiaohong, Xiaohong really died. hahaha ..............

6. Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf. The wolf said, "I will eat you!" " ! ! "

Guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb. hahaha ..............

7. Xiaohua, did you use my pencil?

Xiaohua: No, I'm useless.

Bug: Are you really useless?

Xiaohua: I'm so useless!

Bug: Alas, you are the17th person to admit that you are useless, hahaha. ..............

8. When will Taiwan Province Province be reunified?

When buying instant noodles, hahaha ..............

9. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?" hahaha ..............

10. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak met in the street. Why don't they say hello? (assuming they can talk)

Because ... they are all strangers ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ hahaha. ..............

1 1. One day, a man met God.

God suddenly kindly gave the man a wish.

God asked: Do you have any wishes?

The man thought for a moment and said, I heard that cats have nine lives, so please give me nine lives!

God said: Your wish has come true!

One day, the man was idle and bored.

If you want to say death, forget it. There are nine lives anyway.

Lying on the tracks,

As a result, a train passed by,

That man is still dead.

Why is this?

Because the car of that train has 10 knots. hahaha. ..............

12, Xiaoming owed 200,000 yuan to the underground bank, and Xiaoming begged him to give up for a few more days.

The banker said, "Be sure to return it tomorrow, otherwise ... chop off two fingers;

The day after tomorrow ... chop 4; The third day ... "

Xiao Ming: "There is no need to return it, right?"

Banker: "No, then you will become a tinker bell." hahaha. ..............

13, one person has a bad stomach. One day, he went to the Stomach Hospital and said to the doctor, "I pull everything, eat watermelon, eat cucumber and pull cucumber!" " The doctor thought about it and said to him, "I think you have to eat shit!" " "Ha ha ha! ..............

14, I went to the hospital alone. The doctor said you should have a blood test, a urine test and a stool test.

After a while, he came back and told the doctor that I had swallowed both blood and urine, but I couldn't swallow shit, hahaha. ..............

15. There are three people in the family, namely the robber, the kitchen knife and the trouble.

One day, the trouble disappeared. The robber came to the public security bureau with a kitchen knife and said to the police, "hello, I'm a robber." I am looking for trouble with a kitchen knife. " hahaha. ..............

16, hee hee and haha are good friends, very good friends.

17, one day, haha died. Hee hee is very sad. He went to Haha's grave and said, "Haha, you are dead."

On Monday, 18, I got on the bus without anything except the bus fare 1 yuan. Sitting from the starting point to the finish line, I feel very calm all the way. But when I got off at the terminal, I found a note in my pants: "An adult goes out without anything, and it's no shame to lose it." - "

On Tuesday, I took a broken wallet with 1 cent in it. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "We are not beggars, please don't insult our profession. - "

On Wednesday, I still broke my wallet, which contained counterfeit money of 100. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "It is illegal to keep a large face value and forge a copy. Please consciously hand it over to the relevant departments. - "

On Thursday, I took an envelope containing a stack of overdue Straits Got Talent. When I arrived at the terminal, I found the envelope was still there. I took out the newspaper and read it. The newspaper was replaced by the latest straits talent newspaper. 1 Remarks: "Now is the consulting era. Only by updating information in time can we seize the opportunity and win success! - "

On Friday, I put a toy mobile phone in my pocket. After arriving at the terminal, the mobile phone was still there, and there was an extra note: "Please don't make such jokes, which will affect the normal work of our company. - "

On Saturday, I took a toy pistol and stuck it in my waist. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the gun was gone and a note was stuffed in my pants: "I hate you robbers most, you have no technical content at all!" " Confiscate the tools of crime! - "

On Sunday, I was about to get on the bus, and there were too many people to squeeze in. When waiting for the next bus, I felt in my pocket and found that there was an extra 20 yuan, and there was a note: "Brother, our business is not easy this day. This is 20 yuan. You can take a taxi to where you want to go, please don't mess with us. "

19, three mice are bragging. One said, "I eat rat poison as candy, and I feel uncomfortable if I don't eat it for a day." Another said, "I like to walk in the street twice a day, otherwise I won't sleep well." The third mouse said, "It's getting late. Go home and hug the cat to sleep." hahaha ..............

20. A primary school student participated in the school recitation competition for the first time and was particularly nervous. The teacher encouraged him for a long time, but his palms were still sweating. It's finally her turn.

Pupils gritted their teeth and walked a few steps to the center of the stage: "Teachers and classmates, the topic I recited is: Red leaves are crazy (maple leaves) ..." ~ ~ # RMB * * ......

As a primary school student, I am particularly envious when I see my classmates who are assigned to read the composition by the teacher. I always hoped that the teacher would let me read it. The opportunity has finally come.

"So-and-so, read your composition to everyone!"

Pupils suddenly stood up: "My teacher". Teacher, I am more like your mother ...

This time, I am the host of a song and dance troupe, and I am not proficient in learning.

At a performance, I hurried on stage without being ready.

The performance takes turns.

It was her turn to announce the curtain call: "Audience friends, let's listen to Du Zi flute ..." (Note: "Du Zi" means swearing in Northeast dialect)

The audience threw out a piece of #-

Everybody stand up! Play the national flag and raise the national anthem. ...

There is also a passage from a Russian writer's novel: all the houses here belong to the lords (referring to the rich).

As a result, one of my male classmates read aloud: All the houses here belong to old men. As soon as the voice fell, our Chinese teacher asked him doubtfully: Where do the old ladies live?

2 1, Electrical Appliances held a joke contest, stipulating that every electrical appliance should tell a joke, so that every audience at the scene would laugh, or they would be arrested in Aruba.

The washing machine was the first one to play. As soon as he finished his joke, all the audience burst out laughing.

Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"

So the washing machine was taken to Aruba.

Next is the smartest computer. As soon as his joke was finished, all the home appliances laughed.

I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"

So! Computers were also brought to Aruba.

The third place is the most humorous desk lamp. The desk lamp confidently finished the joke, and everyone laughed and rolled on the ground.

The rice cooker said, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"

Just as the desk lamp was about to be taken to Aruba, the rice cooker stood up angrily and turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said, "I'm full." Smile happily, right? Don't open your mouth so wide. Cold! "