Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - She said she had done this bottle of life-threatening Fen and would tell you about me.
She said she had done this bottle of life-threatening Fen and would tell you about me.
I have a convenience store, which is located in an urban village in the center of the city. The urban village is full of young men and women who work outside. Most of the men work in nearby factories or construction sites, and the women work in nearby shopping malls. The salesperson inside.
There is a barbecue stall next door to the convenience store. The owner is a Northeastern man. I call him Lao Liu. He always likes to chat with me in his spare time. Every time the city management comes to check, he always says to me: So This is a big city, but there is no room for my barbecue stall. Whenever he complained to me, I would always laugh and scold him that his Wen Zou Zou did not match his appearance. He laughed loudly and scolded me, saying that he was an artistic young man.
Lao Liu is not a young man. He is already in his early 30s. If being in his early 30s is still considered a youth, then I should be considered a minor. As for whether Lao Liu is literary or not, if the poisonous chicken soup he reads on Weibo in WeChat Moments every day counts, then let’s just say he is. What’s more, today’s literature and art have become mixed in both praise and criticism.
Diagonally across from the convenience store is an entertainment city that is famous throughout the city for its extremely high cost performance. Although it is dilapidated, it is brightly lit at night and there is a constant stream of people coming in and out. Mr. Liu smiled and joked: The business of our two stores is also thanks to it. What Lao Liu said is true, the restaurants, supermarkets, and tobacco and alcohol stores around the entertainment city are basically open until late at night.
One late night, I was sitting at the counter in a daze. The business of the barbecue stall was extremely booming. Old Liu was busy behind the barbecue grill in the mist with a beer belly, like a canopy marshal flying in the clouds. , I watched him laugh involuntarily, and he seemed to notice it. He opened his mouth and cursed something at me. I could see through the glass that he was greeting me in his native dialect.
After a while, Lao Liu walked in, took a pack of cigarettes, looked outside and said to me: "Let's make a bet, big brother." I looked up at him, and he pointed at a table of men and women at the barbecue stall and said, "That man will come to you to buy family planning supplies within half an hour." I looked in the direction of his finger. There was a man and a woman sitting at that table. The boy seemed to be drunk, and his saliva was flying around as he told the girl something. The girl supported her chin with one hand and listened quietly. I smiled and said, "What are you betting on?" As if he knew I would be interested, Old Liu laughed and said, "100 yuan." After that, Old Liu twisted his butt and ran back to his Gaolaozhuang.
With the bet in hand, I also focused my attention on the men and women at the table. Not long after, the boy finished the wine in the glass, said something to the girl, crossed the road and walked into the dark room. alley. Lao Liu also noticed, I stretched out my hand towards Lao Liu, Lao Liu put down the mutton skewers in his hand and asked a waiter to help him grill them. He walked in, took out a hundred yuan from his apron and slapped it on the counter. , "What's going on? I've seen countless people and I shouldn't be mistaken." He said as he lit a cigarette. I pointed to the girl sitting alone and said: "Do you dare to continue betting? If you win, I will return the 100 to you. If I win, you can get me some skewers. I haven't had dinner yet." When Lao Liu heard this, he laughed: "If you didn't tell me earlier if you didn't want to eat, I would make some for you. How big of a deal do you still need to gamble?" I waved my hand and said, "Do you want to bet?" Lao Liu looked at the girl outside and said, "Bet!". I continued: "I bet she will definitely come to my place to buy things later." After hearing what I said, Lao Liu said disdainfully: "If you want me to treat you to dinner, just say so. The little girl is outside. After drinking, you must buy something to drink and eat." I didn't look at Old Liu and then said: "She will buy a bottle of 53 degrees Fen." Lao Liu looked at me in surprise, took a puff of cigarette and said, "No way, I saw that this big girl has already drunk a lot, why would she buy liquor, and the alcohol content is not low?" I looked at him with a smile. , Old Liu nodded after a while, took the cigarette and left, muttering something to himself as he walked.
Although it is very indecent for two big men to behave like this, there is no doubt that I will win this bet. It is not that I have more experience than Liu, but that girl often comes to my place. Buy wine, and only that kind of wine.
Fatal 53, this is the honorific name given to this kind of wine by the locals. The alcohol content is not too high, but the stamina is great. Most locals will not choose wine when buying wine, but will choose wine with lower alcohol content. of the same series.
The girl only sat there for a while, then asked Old Liu to pay the bill, and staggered into the convenience store. Old Liu followed closely behind, and as I expected, the girl bought it. After a bottle of Death 53, he left. Lao Liu's eyes widened, he looked unwillingly in the direction the girl left and said to me: "Just tell me what you want to eat."
I was eating the skewers that Lao Liu brought me. Lao Liu sat next to me and asked me if I knew the girl. I denied it while eating, but Lao Liu said indifferently: " If I remember correctly, that girl worked in the entertainment city opposite, and the boy brought her here to eat either kidneys or leeks. I thought I was going to the front line at night." Hearing what Lao Liu said, the mutton I had just eaten squirted out of my mouth. I wiped my mouth and asked Lao Liu: "What kind of logic do you have?" Lao Liu smoked a cigarette and said with a smile: "You don't know this. Well, I have observed that most of the men and women coming out from the opposite side will sit at my stall for a while. The men will usually eat a few bunches of kidneys to replenish their energy because they have to work hard at night, and the women will usually drink a few bottles of beer. In order to relax at night, I will buy a bulletproof vest from you after dinner, and then go straight to the front line. You are still young, so it is normal that you cannot understand."
After listening to what Old Liu said, I didn’t know how to refute. I recalled that most of the men and women who came out diagonally across the street in the past were just like what Old Liu said. I looked at the kidneys in my hands. , he hesitated but put it on the plate, wiped his hands and said: "Old Liu, don't you see, you still have such observation skills." Lao Liu is good at everything, but he can't praise me. As soon as I flattered him, Lao Liu started telling me about the articles he was reading recently and the chicken soup bloggers he followed. I waved my hand to interrupt, picked up the plate and gave it to him. He took the plate with unsatisfied intentions and said as he walked away: "You people are just stubborn and unwilling to accept new things." I ignored him and waved my hand at him.
It was three o'clock in the morning again. There were only a few tables at the barbecue stall. Lao Liu and I were bragging to each other at the counter, talking about things I didn't believe. Lao Liu I yelled and slapped the counter, saying that I would call someone to prove it to him. I watched the counter, which was already flimsy, on the verge of disintegration under his repeated slaps, and quickly lit a cigarette for him to show that I shouldn't question it.
Just when we were bragging about the Three Kingdoms to World War II and starting to predict the causes of the outbreak of the Third World War, she walked in. The bragging game between me and Lao Liu came to an abrupt end and both of us looked at her. Lao Liu looked at He led her to the shelf and said in a voice that only I could hear: "Sister, please give me some strength and buy a body armor. Let my brother get back the 100 yuan from last time. I don't trust this kid with this money." Ah." I patted his head and told him to stop talking nonsense. She walked around the counters and finally picked up a bottle of 53 degrees Fen. When checking out, Old Liu muttered to the side: "Why don't you buy a bulletproof vest?" She looked at Lao Liu in confusion. Lao Liu hurriedly lowered his head and pretended to sort out the cigarettes on the counter. I laughed and said, "Don't mind, this brother drank too much." She looked at Lao Liu and then at me. Said: "Isn't he from the barbecue stall next door? He can drink too much?" I didn't know how to answer the question. Lao Liu reacted very quickly, shook his head and looked at her with pretending to be confused and said: "Girl, I won't hide it. You tell me, even though my brother runs a barbecue stall, his alcohol capacity is only this amount." After speaking, Lao Liu stretched out a finger, "One pound?" She looked at Lao Liu and said. Lao Liu shook his head and stood up, stretched out his arms, put one foot on the bench and shouted, "Keep drinking." I couldn't hold it back and burst out laughing, thinking to myself: This old Liu is really good, he can use it in any joke he reads. She also smiled, turned her head and waved her hand towards me, and then walked out the door. When she walked away, Lao Liu still kept pointing at the sky. I patted him and said, "Everyone has left, and you are still pretending." Lao Liu sat down with a smile, turned around and took out the wine from behind my counter, and said with a smile: "Come, drink with me for a while."
Lao Liu is like a wine vat. I don’t know how much he can drink. I heard him boast that he drank from the three provinces in the East to the Taihang Mountains, and he never met anyone who could drink him down.
I didn’t open the door of the convenience store until the evening the next day. When Old Liu saw me coming, he laughed at me because I had to drink too much. I didn’t want to talk, so I waved my hand to him and told him to get out. , he laughed loudly and said he would come to me for another drink in the evening. I ignored him and sat at the counter.
At night, Lao Liu came with skewers, and we crowded at the counter to watch the TV series. Just when it was exciting, she came, walked in and smiled at Lao Liu and me. Lao Liu He smiled and said, "Sister, you are quite good at drinking. One bottle a day." She took the wine, stood in front of the counter and said with a smile: "I'm not as good as you, you can keep drinking." Lao Liu couldn't stand the provocation and pointed to the barbecue stall outside and said, "Come to my place and have a drink?". She hesitated and then agreed.
At Lao Liu’s instigation, I closed the door of the convenience store and sat at the barbecue stall. After drinking for three rounds, she was made to laugh by Lao Liu, while I was thinking about where to go. Let me vomit. Lao Liu deserves to be the barbecue stall he has worked at for so long. Seeing that I was not in good condition, he dragged a bucket over and said, "It's okay, vomit. If you can vomit to full, you are awesome." I vomited out with a cry. Lao Liu pretended to pat me on the back and said, "If you can't drink, just drink less." I wiped my mouth after vomiting and said, "That's not what you said when you drank." She smiled and said, "Is this your drinking capacity?". I looked at Lao Liu and said, "This guy gave me too much yesterday, and he hasn't recovered yet."
Halfway through, Lao Liu asked her why she drank every day, and she smiled and said nothing. Lao Liu didn't ask again. After a period of time, we often drank and chatted together, and she became familiar with me and Lao Liu. We also knew that she did not work in the entertainment city, but lived here. She had no job. According to her She is here because she loves this city.
I don’t know what charm she likes about this city, and I don’t know what makes her drink every night. Until that day, she drank as usual. Lao Liu didn’t drink with us because the barbecue stall was busy. , after drinking half a bottle of 53, I unconsciously mentioned why she kept drinking this wine. She looked at me, pointed to the sky like Lao Liu, and said: "Stop talking, keep drinking!" I nodded and finished the bottle of liquor. My eyes were blurry. When Lao Liu saw that I was almost drunk again, he hurriedly ran over and said, "You said you drank yourself too much again." I waved my hand and asked him to go about it, and Lao Liu winked at her to ask her to look at me. I got up and unlocked the door of the convenience store, went in and took a bottle of 53 and returned to the table. She looked at me in surprise, and then looked at Old Liu for help, but Old Liu was busy grilling skewers and didn't notice.
I unscrewed the lid and asked her: "Why did you drink this wine? This wine is not delicious."
She still didn’t answer, just looked at me with her chin in her hands. This scene woke me up. I remembered the scene where I saw the boy yelling something at her when I was betting with Lao Liu, and finally left. . She seemed to have guessed what I was thinking, smiled and said: "Someone has asked me the same question before, and I couldn't answer it. Now if you ask me, I can tell you." I stared at her, waiting for her to finish, but she did not continue. Instead, she pointed to the wine on the table and said, "After you finish this bottle, I will tell you." I didn't hesitate to pick up the wine bottle on the table and pour it into my mouth. I couldn't drink it. I was just curious about why she drank every day and why she liked this city. She was stunned. Lao Liu dropped the string in his hand and ran over and took away the wine in my hand. But I had already drank more than half the bottle. The spicy smell of alcohol was teasing my stomach. I shouted to her. : "Tell me." Before I could finish speaking, I started vomiting profusely. After vomiting, I lay on the ground. After feeling dizzy, I lost consciousness.
When I woke up, I was already at home. Lao Liu was sitting on my bedside playing with his mobile phone. I kicked him. When he saw that I was awake, he got up, poured me a glass of water and asked me, "How do you feel?" ? Half a bottle of 53". I sat up and took the water glass and said, "I feel nothing particularly uncomfortable except for the pain in my head." Lao Liu looked at me and said with a smile: "You must not feel it. I almost vomited my stomach out. How can I feel anything else? Originally, she planned to send you to the hospital, but I didn't let you. Based on my experience, you will vomit." It’ll be fine once it’s over.” I took a sip of water and asked, "She's gone?" Lao Liu looked at me with a half-smile but said, "Don't mention it. After you got down on the ground, you made her so anxious that she shouldn't have forced you. Just now she I'm still there, saying that I went out to buy lunch, by the way, just hope you're okay, I'm leaving now, and I have to go back to prepare the ingredients for the evening." After saying that, he stood up and put on his shoes. While putting on his shoes, he said, "She's pretty good, take good care of her." After that, he opened the door and left, leaving me with a puzzled look on my face.
After Lao Liu left, she knocked on the door not long after. I got up and opened the door. She was surprised to see me and asked me if I was okay. I smiled awkwardly and she He sat on the sofa and asked me to eat with him. During the meal, I remembered what happened yesterday and asked: "You haven't told me yet, why do you go to my place to buy wine every day?" She paused while eating, put down her chopsticks, looked at me and said with a smile, "Because you are in the supermarket."
A mouthful of rice almost choked me to death. As I coughed, she continued: "My friends and I passed by here before and drank at Lao Liu's barbecue stall. We were harassed by men who drank too much. You and Lao Liu fought with them. They After being taught a lesson, I left, and then you two sat next to us and started drinking. While drinking, you turned to comfort me and said you don't have to be afraid." Halfway through what she said, I remembered what happened that day, and I asked again: "Then what does this have to do with you drinking every day?" She smiled and said: "At that time, Lao Liu wanted to drink beer, and you had to drink 53." With other kinds of wine, everyone gets drunk without getting drunk, but 53 does not have this problem and can make people drunk directly." "Then you go to my place to buy wine every day?" I asked. She nodded and lowered her head to eat. I hesitated and said, "You said you like...this city." "Because of you," she whispered as she lowered her head and plucked the rice in the bowl.
Now, when talking to her about the previous events, she said: "After her only relative passed away, she came to this city and did not dare to return to her hometown without relatives. But that day I "Don't be afraid, it gives her an inexplicable sense of security."
Lao Liu now often teases me about drinking and getting a wife. When drinking, he often says: After drinking this bottle of 53, I will tell you my story in the three northeastern provinces.
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