Chinglish jokes

Chinglish jokes

English is a branch of West Germanic language, which was first used by medieval Britain and became the most widely used language in the world because of its vast colonies. The following is the related content of jokes made by Chinglish that I compiled.

Chinglish jokes 1

Scene 1:

Employer: how much do you want a month? How much do you want a month?

nanny: 8 yuan,eat you,sleep you. 8 yuan, eat yours, live yours.

here comes the question, so what do you mean by eating and controlling?

Scene 2:

A friend came to Canada to eat steak for the first time, and the waiter asked, "How would you like your steak done?" How would you like your steak? )

my friend didn't understand, so he listened to others say "Medium" when they ordered, and he thought I couldn't learn from them.

He said to the waiter, "Large, please?"

The waiter was stunned and said, "Sorry, we don't have that."

Then he said, "Small, please?"

The waiter was shocked again and said, "Sorry, we don't have that."

The friend around him was in a hurry, and told him how you want your steak. He suddenly realized, thought for a moment and said, "Eight hundred percent".

The waiter said again, "Sorry!

Scene 3:

Xiaoming said to the teacher in English class: May I go to the toilet?

The teacher said: Go ahead.

Xiaoming sat down. After a while, Xiao Ming said to the teacher: May I go to the toilet?

The teacher said: Go ahead.

Xiaoming sat down again. The classmate next to him couldn't help but ask: didn't you tell the teacher to go to the toilet? Why not go?

Xiao Ming said: You didn't hear the teacher say "Fuck you"!

here comes the question, so what does go ahead mean?

Scene 4:

Shortly after I started work, A/R(Account Receivable Accountant) of a company called to urge the check. I asked him which company he was calling as usual.

The man said politely, "This is XXX calling from beach brother.''

I am very happy to understand it, but as I am not familiar with the company name, I want to write it down in my notes first, so as not to forget it later.

just as he was getting carried away, he began to spell the name of his company smoothly, and said it solemnly:

' b.i.t.c.h ... bitch, correct?

The man finally failed to hold back his anger and shouted at me like a roar:

' No! ! ! B.E.A.C.H.....BEACH!

I haven't done any business with this company in the next year ...

Did you get the joke?

Scene 5:

Xiaoqiang went to see a movie. When he arrived at the movie ticket office, he found that a foreigner and the ticket seller were even better than each other for a long time, so he volunteered to be a translator. The ticket seller said, Please tell her that only the standing tickets are left now. If you want to see them, you have to stand and watch them.

Xiaoqiang turned his head and said to the foreigner: no sit see, stand see. If see stand see.

The foreigner replied: Sorry I don't understand your English.

Xiaoqiang said to the ticket lady: Oh, he said he didn't understand English ...

How do you say "standing ticket"?

Scene 6:

A man, who is also fluent in English, arrives at the embassy and has a form to fill out. One column is: Sex. The man thinks for a long time and resolutely writes: "Once a week".

the visa officer burst into laughter and said, "This item should be filled in with male or female."

The man immediately blushed, thought about it, and filled in "female".

the official stared blankly and said, "shouldn't it be male? "

The man suddenly said," I am a normal man, so I have sex with female. "

What does" sex "mean? Chinglish jokes 2

1. We two who and who?

who is with whom?

2. How are you? how old are you?

why you? why are you always there?

　3．you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ！ together up ！

you have seed, I will give you some color to see see, brothers, together!

4. As far as you go to die

As far as you go, so far as you die! ! ! !

　5．hello everybody! if you have something to say,then say! if you have nothing to say,go home! !

if you have something to play, you will retreat to the DPRK if you have nothing to do

6. You me you me

Same to you

7. You give me stop! !

stop!

8. Knowing is knowing is not knowing is not knowing

Knowing is knowing, and not knowing is not knowing …

9. Watchsister

Cousin

1. Dragon born dragon, chicken born chicken, mouse'' son can make hole! !

a dragon gives birth to a dragon, a phoenix gives birth to a phoenix, and a mouse's son can make holes!

11. I give you face you don't wanna face, you lose you face, I turn my face

I give you face, you are shameless, you are humiliated, I turn my face

12. One car come one car go, two car pengpeng, People die

car accident scene description

13. Heart flower anxious open

Be in full bloom

14. Go past no mistake past

Don't miss it

15. Xiaoming: I am sorry!

foreigner: I am sorry too!

Xiao Ming: I am sorry three!

Foreigner: What are you sorry for?

Xiao Ming: I am sorry five!

　16．If you want money,I have no; if you want life,I have one!

if you want money, it's fatal.

17. I call Li old big. To year 25.

My name is Li Laoda, and I'm 25 this year.

18. You have two down sons

You are good at it.

　19. good good study,day day up!

Study hard and make jokes about Chinglish every day. 3

During my four-year study abroad career, I have personally experienced "several countries" English in my life practice. But the most memorable and often amazing English depends on our Chinglish.

the most influential and classic example is "Long time no see", which means "long time no see. The Chinese who went to work in the United States in the early days did not have' common sense' in English grammar, so they naturally created such a greeting according to Chinese grammar. After long-term use, the American people quite accept such an ungrammatical phrase, thinking that it is simple and clear, and the pronunciation is clear and convenient. Therefore, this Chinese phrase has entered the mainstream of English openly. Now when I get together with friends I haven't seen for a long time abroad, this sentence must be the beginning.

after talking about the positive image, of course, we will talk about the negative model. The first negative example often appears in shopping scenes. When we buy something in China, we are used to saying, Give me this and pass me that, for example, give me a Marlboro bag. One of my classmates made a joke at the airport the first time he came from China. He said to the clerk in the airport store, "Give me a Marlboro." This sentence pattern only appears when gangsters rob shops. The clerk broke down in a cold sweat at that time. Fortunately, the manager around him was flexible and asked, "Do you mean you want to buy a Marlboro?" Our classmates felt that the manager was really "inexplicable" and said in their hearts, "I can still rob Egypt if I don't buy it" and nodded and said, "yes yes!"

In fact, the correct expression of this kind of sentence should be: "May I have something, please?"

The second "negative textbook" is the noodles that we northerners often eat. We China students usually call it Noodles. But when I first came abroad, I found that there was no such thing as "noodles" in the supermarket. The English name of noodles is pasta or spaghetti. Noodles usually refer to tiny embroidered noodles for children to eat.

The third Chinese usage that needs to be corrected is also about eating, specifically about the feeling after eating. When we China students meet something delicious, we often comment it as "delicious". In fact, this delicious is a very formal usage, and foreigners usually don't have to speak. They usually use tasty, or just a simple good, which is highly summarized. There is a pizza shop near my dormitory. The slogan on the signboard is "Damn tasty", which translates directly into "Damn delicious"! Tell me how tough they are, but no matter how tough they are, I have never heard of anyone using "damn delicious".

Finally, two jokes are attached to the readers. The first one is my own. When I first came here to study abroad, I had a dinner party with lamb chops. The next day, an absent foreign classmate asked me what I had eaten, and I opened my mouth and came to "lamp". There is only one letter difference between lamp and lamb chop lamb, but it means to go far away, but it means to control the light. The foreign classmate was amazed at the moment, and subconsciously looked at the headlights on the ceiling, thinking: This buddy has a great mouth!

The second one belongs to my classmate. One day, this gentleman was cooking in his own kitchen. A foreign friend called him and asked him where he was. He answered "I am in the chicken" without thinking. In fact, he must mean "I am in the kitchen". This negligence does not matter, I didn't expect to change myself into the rooster's stomach. ;