How can men who are introverted and unconfident improve their emotional intelligence?

Character is innate, and self-confidence and emotional intelligence can be learned through practice.

Introverts generally think more, because they don’t like to talk much, and they will think about things over and over in their hearts. In fact, I think introverts have a higher chance of success than ordinary people if they work hard. Big, the only thing they need to overcome is communicating with others. This can be changed completely. Just remember to make a mental draft before each communication and take the initiative to communicate. In short, introversion is not a disease!

First of all, we must correctly understand ourselves and our introverted personality

If you cannot accept yourself, then others will also stay away from you. Introverts are just not good at communicating with others. Lack of self-confidence and low emotional intelligence are not manifestations of "bad personality". Indeed, people with communication disorders often feel that they are in a lonely state, but their hearts are extremely eager to be accepted, respected, affirmed and even appreciated. When in this situation, we should affirm ourselves first instead of denying ourselves. Then, discover your strengths. Everyone has their own advantages or hobbies. You must learn to find that point and constantly amplify it. In fact, it is not that you dare not communicate with others, but that you have not encountered the key to open your lock. Finally, try to break through yourself and take the first step. Many things are the product of deliberate practice. You will never know how far you can go unless you push yourself. If your EQ is low, read some books on improving your EQ, observe more, simulate communication scenarios in your brain, and imagine how you would answer better in that situation.

There are three comprehensive representatives of emotional intelligence:

1. The ability to control one’s own emotions

In other words, a very excited state Next, don’t get carried away and laugh loudly; don’t burst into tears easily when you are very sad and hit; don’t curse when you are very angry; what should I do? Smile calmly and remain unchanged in response to all changes, but I really can't stand it and turn around to leave. Remember, leaving doesn’t mean you’re admitting defeat but that they don’t deserve to communicate with you.

2. Guess the other person’s feelings and thoughts

This is a bit difficult. Observe words: high-pitched voice, high and low decibels, fast and slow speaking speed; Observe facial expressions: facial expressions, focused eyes, forehead Sweat flow, throat sliding, ear redness, finger movements, calf movements, and shoulder frequency can all reflect inner activities.

The simplest way is to put yourself in the other person's shoes. If you put yourself in the other person's shoes, you will be able to understand the other person's inner activities.

3. The ability to deal with interpersonal relationships

This is the place that best reflects the level of emotional intelligence. Handle the relationship with people well, let others accept you, identify with you, and think you are His friend is willing to share it with you. You need to show yourself according to the different needs of each person. Some people like to talk, then you have to be a listener and keep secrets and never disclose them; some people need help, give it without harming your own interests. Help, care; some people need guidance, then be brave enough to share some of your experiences.

Everyone may encounter different situations when traveling in the world, but everyone’s end point is the same. Making the journey pleasant and meaningful is also a kind of happiness. Don’t give up easily. Change yourself to make yourself better and better. It is a kind of success. I hope my sharing can give you some inspiration and help.

Hello.

It is actually quite difficult to improve emotional intelligence. Self-confidence is a consciousness characteristic and psychological state that actively and effectively expresses self-worth, self-respect, and self-understanding. It is also called confidence.

Confidence means that you believe in what you say and do, and do not bow down to others. If you blindly bow down to others, you will lose your self-worth and self-respect.

Self-understanding is self-affirmation and is the result of an individual's self-evaluation of his or her social role. Self also refers to one’s own pure and fair heart after reflection.

Characteristics of consciousness: Knowledge refers to human beings’ intellectual and rational pursuit of the world. It is unified with the connotation of cognition.

Qing refers to emotion, which refers to human beings’ feelings and evaluations of objective things.

Meaning refers to will, which refers to the mental states of self-restraint, perseverance, confidence and tenacity displayed when human beings pursue certain goals and ideals.

Consciousness has three major functional characteristics: consciousness, purpose and initiative. Among them, the initiative of consciousness is to generate personality tendencies such as interest and will.

The self-awareness of consciousness produces people’s inner intentions such as hunger, cold, desires and needs.

The purpose of consciousness is to produce people’s external consciousness such as wakefulness, confusion, concentration and distraction.

Ways to improve emotional intelligence:

First, don’t complain or criticize.

People with high emotional intelligence generally do not criticize others, blame others, complain, or complain. In fact, these complaints and accusations are bad emotions, and they are contagious. People with high emotional intelligence will only do meaningful things and not meaningless things.

Second, enthusiasm and passion.

People with high emotional intelligence remain enthusiastic and passionate about life, work or relationships. Know how to mobilize your own positive emotions and let good emotions accompany your daily life and work. Don't let those bad emotions affect your life or work.

Third, tolerance and tolerance.

People with high emotional intelligence are tolerant and broad-minded. As big as your heart is and as big as your vision is, your stage will be as big as you want. People with high emotional intelligence don't care about everything and have a tolerant and tolerant heart.

Fourth, communication.

People with high emotional intelligence are good at communication, good at communication, and treat others with a candid attitude, sincere and polite. Communication and communication are skills that need to be learned and constantly summarized and explored in practice.

Fifth, praise others more.

People with high emotional intelligence are good at praising others, and this kind of praise comes from the heart and sincerity. Only those who see the advantages of others will progress faster, while those who always pick on the shortcomings of others will become complacent and regress.

Sixth, stay in a good mood.

People with high emotional intelligence maintain a good mood every day, get up every morning, give themselves a smile, and encourage themselves, tell themselves that they are the best, tell themselves that they are the best, and friends around them They all like themselves.

Seventh, good listening habits.

People with high emotional intelligence are good at listening, listening to what others say, listening carefully to what others say, listening more and watching more, instead of talking to themselves. Listening is an expression of respect for others. Listening is the prerequisite for better communication. Listening is the best communication between people.

Eighth, be responsible.

People with high emotional intelligence dare to act and take responsibility, do not shirk responsibility, and analyze and solve problems when they encounter them. People who face up to their own strengths or weaknesses and dare to take responsibility.

Ninth, make a little progress every day.

People with high emotional intelligence make a little progress every day, do what they say, and start taking action immediately. It’s not just words but no action, action is the guarantee of success. As you make a little progress every day, your friends will be more willing to help such people.

Tenth, remember other people’s names.

People with high emotional intelligence are good at remembering other people’s names. If you do it carefully, you can remember it. If you remember other people's names, they will be more willing to get close to you and be friends with you. You will have more and more friends and a good circle of friends.

Go out more and contact more people. If you encounter more things and people, your thoughts will be different and you will be much better.

Eight ways to improve emotional intelligence 1. Learn to draw appropriate psychological boundaries, which is good for everyone. You may think it's a good thing to have unclear boundaries with others, so that everyone can get along as they please without having to bargain hard with each other.

What are the forces that work against us to improve our emotional intelligence? The answer is anything that wastes energy. Many people’s nervous systems are as calloused as their father’s hands. We have become so accustomed to not being aware of the energy drain. Energy is subtle, but you can also experience noticeable changes, such as an adrenaline rush when you hear good news and a feeling of exhaustion when you hear bad news. We often don’t notice subtle drains of energy, such as hanging out with a negative person, looking for a piece of paper all over the table, etc. What are the things in your life that slowly drain your energy? There is a small piece of carpet piled in the corner of my house, and every time I see it, I think someone might trip over it. This shouldn't be a big deal, but it distracts me. This is how we define distraction—feeling distracted after every exposure. Sometimes it's the same with friends - feeding off and giving energy to each other - but some are energy vampires and they just suck your energy away. At this time, there are two choices: one is to face the problem squarely, establish psychological boundaries and continue to interact with them cautiously; the other is to reduce interactions with such people. Indeed, we need to remove the slow waste of energy and free ourselves to focus on improving our emotional intelligence. Want to accelerate - you can choose to reduce resistance or increase push.

How can men who are introverted and unconfident improve their emotional intelligence?

Three major aspects of improving emotional intelligence: ↓↓↓

1. The ability to perceive the emotions of others.

2. The ability to control one's emotions.

3. High degree of unity of goals and behaviors (value maximization).

1. How to improve the ability to perceive other people’s emotions

1.1 Expressions

70% of human emotional expression comes from expressions. Some people are inexpressible in their emotions. Then the eyes cannot be faked.

Of course, it doesn’t need to be as detailed as in a detective movie. In our daily life, it is enough to be able to recognize basic emotions.

Halfway through the words, the other person’s expression seemed a little embarrassed. Did I say the wrong thing? Where was the misunderstanding? Does the other party feel aggrieved by mentioning pretentiousness but not mentioning it? Feeling the changes in the other person's expression and adjusting your way of speaking and thinking in a timely manner is the correct feedback.

Therefore, improving your emotional intelligence starts with recognizing other people’s expressions.

1.2 Response

Some people like to be immersed in their own expressions, regardless of the other party's response, which makes others unhappy and makes the chat unable to continue.

A friend once told me on QQ how his recent entrepreneurial project was going. I was busy, so I had to agree with him, um, it’s good, not bad, do a good job, keep going. Anyone with a discerning eye can see that this is ending the topic, because every sentence is a conclusion. But he just didn't stop. It wasn't until I said that I was going to eat that he ended the topic hastily.

Here, we must pay attention to the difference between "I am going to eat" and "I am going to eat." I am going to eat. The intuitive feeling is, I am going to xxx, indicating that I am not interested in your topic. Interest, and the key point of "I'm going to eat" is the action of "going". If I really go to eat, maybe we can continue to talk about this topic when I come back.

Therefore, whether it is chatting on WeChat or in person, be sure not to flatter yourself, otherwise it will arouse the disgust of others.

1.3 Learn to feel the atmosphere

Perception of emotional chemical reactions in a group is an indispensable ability. We inevitably have to be in a group.

It is important to know when to say something and when not to say something.

Think about those people who always create embarrassment in chats, and those who take the initiative to change the topic to resolve the embarrassment after being embarrassed. Are they the two extremes of emotional intelligence in this group?

In a relationship, the above three points become particularly important, because when your partner is angry, she will not tell you why she is angry, so there will be the following dialogue:

"Are you unhappy?"

"No"

"You must be unhappy."

"When I say no, I mean no!"

"Okay, baby, I was wrong <(._.)>"

"You are right"

"I really know I was wrong_(: 3" ∠)_"

"Where did you go wrong?"

"()Let me think about it..."

You have to know that girls are often unhappy when they are unhappy. It’s not one thing that makes her angry, it’s not that you didn’t buy her the clothes she likes, it’s not that you didn’t set up a chair for her, it’s not that you didn’t say good night, it’s not that she lost her temper because of this little thing, but because of many things before. Accumulation, why does it accumulate?

Because you didn’t notice that she was unhappy before, and you didn’t notice the change in her expression. She also felt that she was not being aggrieved, but was being hypocritical, and cumulatively, she was no longer a slave to you. , not happy anymore.

I read a question before, and the question asked was "My girlfriend who I have been dating for more than a year suddenly said that being with me is very tiring, and she broke up with me inexplicably."

The most upvoted answer below is "I feel tired when I see the four words "inexplicable". It can be seen that this girlfriend hinted that she was tired many times before breaking up. Therefore, if you want to improve your emotional intelligence, it is necessary to have a few failed relationships.

2. The ability to control one's emotions

The older you get, the more you will find that the most difficult thing to defeat is yourself.

Because humans are creatures controlled by hormones and various liquids, it is really troublesome to learn to control emotions.

For the same bad thing and the same villain, our way of dealing with it goes from immature to mature and goes through the following levels.

These are actually not just for villains, it doesn’t matter if you lose your temper.

Many times the objects of our emotions are friends, relatives, and lovers.

In emotions, we are very clear about what words can hurt the other person. If we say it at this moment, the consequences of this sentence may be irreparable, so we will do the wrong thing for saying the wrong thing. Regret, has this happened many times?

Say the cruelest words and hurt the people closest to you?

Another kind of emotional object is annoying people, especially villains. Once you mess with them, they can always pester you and blackmail you. So you must not provoke villains. In fact, you can spend your whole life torturing villains and making them miserable, but your life has also been set up. Is this what you want, to tear a villain apart in your life?

Therefore, knowing what you want is also a key point in improving your emotional intelligence.

The purpose of controlling one's emotions is to give others the response they want.

Think about whether there is such a person around us. No matter what you say, he always likes to deny "no, no, no," "no, no, no," "not necessarily, not necessarily," no matter what you say. "It's impossible, it's impossible." There are people like this around me, and it's very annoying.

Every one of us desires to be recognized, and no one likes to be denied.

And once you deny someone else, he will immediately stand on the opposite side of you and start an argument. As for what the facts are, he will never admit defeat, so the discussion becomes meaningless.

You will find that the more awesome people are, the less likely they will directly deny others. In the same words, they will say "well, yes, but on the other hand, is it possible xxxx", they His way of speaking is always to affirm the other party first, and then express his own point of view, so that others feel comfortable communicating with him, so that the discussion can continue.

Learning to recognize others is a very important point in improving your emotional intelligence.

In a relationship, if a girl cries because of a trivial matter (T_T), your first reaction cannot be "Is it such a trivial matter?"

If you say this, So congratulations, you will successfully detonate a nuclear bomb.

Your emotional direction at the moment must be "It's such a small thing, so what?", but your purpose is to "coax her and make her happy", so you need to control your emotions at the moment and admit it first "That's for sure." Then look for the real reason why she cried. Is it because her aunt is here, or because she didn't hold her after having sex last night? You know.

3. Maintain the unity of purpose and behavior

Regardless of EQ or IQ, our ultimate pursuit is to maximize value. Getting things done and done are behaviors with high EQ. .

For example, if your girlfriend wants to chat, but you want to sleep, what should you do?

At this time, boys who don’t understand girls are not happy. Why are you doing this? I have worked overtime and have not finished the project yet. I have to get up early tomorrow. Why can’t you be more sensible and hang up the phone? , but five minutes later a call came and said, "You didn't say good night to me!?"

This is how a man with high emotional intelligence would do.

"Although I have to get up early tomorrow to catch up on progress, I haven't talked to my baby for a long time, so let's talk about five yuan."

A sensible girl will satisfy you at this time Went to bed.

Sometimes girls care about your attitude when they act coquettishly and seemingly unreasonably, rather than what they really want.

For another example, you pursue a girl, and what she wants is apples. You spend all your savings and buy her a cart of bananas, but she doesn’t want them and refuses you. You are not willing to accept them. , asked her, "Why are you still not with me after I have given everything for you?" Does this joke sound familiar? Are many men chasing girls like this? I am so good to you, why are you not with me? together?

Who told you that "being good to you" = "stay with me"?

Oh, those girls said that I want to be nice to me, do you really believe it?

Look at those people who block the door to and from get off work every day, send flowers to the company, and put out candles to express their love. Which one does not make girls very embarrassed, and which one does not have the opposite effect. They want to impress girls, but they touch themselves.

The goal is pursued, but the behavior is pushed to the opposite. This is low emotional intelligence.

A classic sign of low emotional intelligence:

Why are you kicking me?

Everyone knows that this is ABC, three people chatting. A said something that shouldn’t be said or it would cause embarrassment. C would be uncomfortable hearing it. B reminded A under the table that A said this sentence. .

Yes, if you say something wrong, without your intention, and are reminded that you don’t understand what you mean, saying this is very embarrassing and shows low emotional intelligence.

But what if A was originally going to show off? Why can't we get through this matter today if we don't talk about it? We have been avoiding the problem for a long time and we must talk about it today. If we don’t break it up today, this company will be doomed?

The original intention of A is to show off, and so is the behavior. Why is the emotional intelligence low?

#PS: I want to talk about the misunderstanding of emotional intelligence by people around me. It seems that people who make me unhappy have low emotional intelligence.

In the past, students always told me, teacher, I looked at the symptoms of low emotional intelligence that you mentioned, and found that my boss has very low emotional intelligence. He often yells at us and doesn’t control his emotions, so why is he still there? Can you be a boss?

First of all, losing your temper is not necessarily wrong, it depends on the purpose. Including Mr. Xing has a bad temper. Can you say that he has low emotional intelligence? Obviously not, he just doesn't dump many people. He knows what he wants, works hard to achieve it, makes himself happy and gains something, that's enough.

Of course it is possible that your boss does have low emotional intelligence, so what? Emotional intelligence is just a catalyst for career success. Do you have some bosses who have money? Do you have access to resources? Some bosses have rich fathers. Do you have them? Some professors master core technologies. Even if you have low EQ, you can do it. Can you be the boss? Of course, if he has high emotional intelligence, his career will go more smoothly, let alone this.

Emotional intelligence is a pronoun, and it does not mean that someone understands something superior. Some bosses do not have high emotional intelligence, but we cannot say that emotional intelligence is not important. It's as if you are looking at this question and the answer is to improve your own emotional intelligence, rather than to criticize those around you who have low emotional intelligence. Just like Jack Ma's ugliness was successful, you can't say that a person's appearance is unimportant#

To sum up, high emotional intelligence does not mean that one is indifferent to emotions, but that one has a sense of one's own emotions through the perception of others' emotions. Control your emotions, give others the responses they want, learn to use your emotions, and achieve your own goals through just the right behavior, which is called value maximization.

I am honored to receive an invitation from Teacher Wukong to answer questions!

First of all, we must correctly understand ourselves and our introverted personality.

If you cannot accept yourself, others will also stay away from you. Introverts are just not good at communicating and expressing themselves with others. Lack of self-confidence and low emotional intelligence are not manifestations of "bad personality". Indeed, people with communication disorders often feel that they are in a lonely state, but their hearts are extremely eager to be accepted, respected, affirmed and even appreciated. When in this situation, we should affirm ourselves first instead of denying ourselves.

Then, discover your strengths.

Everyone has their own advantages or hobbies. You must learn to find that point and constantly amplify it. In fact, it is not that you dare not communicate with others, but that you have not encountered the key to open your lock. Finally, try to break through yourself and take the first step.

Many things are the product of deliberate practice. You will never know how far you can go unless you push yourself. If your EQ is low, read some books on improving your EQ, observe more, simulate communication scenarios in your brain, and imagine how you would answer better in that situation.

The comprehensive representation of emotional intelligence has three aspects:

1. The ability to control one's own emotions

In other words, when you are very excited, don't get carried away and laugh loudly; Don’t cry loudly when you are very sad and shocked; don’t curse when you are very angry; what should you do? Smile calmly and remain unchanged in response to all changes, but I really can't stand it and turn around to leave. Remember, leaving doesn’t mean you’re admitting defeat but that they don’t deserve to communicate with you.

2. Guess the other person’s feelings and thoughts

This is a bit difficult. Observe words: high-pitched voice, high and low decibels, fast and slow speaking speed; Observe facial expressions: facial expressions, focused eyes, forehead Sweat flow, throat sliding, ear redness, finger movements, calf movements, and shoulder frequency can all reflect inner activities.

The simplest way is to put yourself in the other person's shoes. If you put yourself in the other person's shoes, you will be able to understand the other person's inner activities.

3. The ability to deal with interpersonal relationships

This is the place that best reflects the level of emotional intelligence. Handle the relationship with people well, let others accept you, identify with you, and think you are His friend is willing to share it with you.

You need to show yourself according to the different needs of each person. Some people like to talk, then you have to be a listener and keep secrets and never disclose them; some people need help, give it without harming your own interests. Help, care; some people need guidance, then bravely share some of your own experiences. Everyone may encounter different situations when traveling in the world, but everyone’s end point is the same. Making the journey pleasant and meaningful is also a kind of happiness. Don’t take it lightly. Giving up and changing yourself to make yourself better is a kind of success. I hope my sharing can give you some inspiration and help.

A person is naturally introverted, unable to speak, and does not talk much. Although it is his own shortcoming, as long as he changes himself with his heart and slowly improves, he will be able to overcome it.

Two: One People often stay at home, and being with mobile phones and computers will always make them not good at communication. You should communicate more and get to know different people. Don't be afraid. Everyone is making progress little by little, so don't give up on changes just because of a little setback.

Three: Keep everything in your heart and don’t want to tell anyone. There will always be a few good friends to whom you can confide. Appropriate confiding can relieve your own stress.

Four: Have no confidence in yourself and shrink back when encountering things. Everything is passive. Don't be afraid to face everything bravely

Five: If you still can't let go of yourself at the age of thirty, you may have something to hide. Don’t give up on changing just because you are old. No matter how old you are, you can change yourself

In short, if a thirty-year-old man is introverted, it’s not that he is not smart, but that he has no self-confidence and no one laughs at him. You are in a bad mental state and cannot relieve stress.

So how to improve your self-confidence? First of all, you must have self-confidence and tell yourself that you can do what others can do. If you don't work hard and strive for it, how do you know you're not good? If you can't speak, you speak less. You need to practice yourself regularly to speak. I believe you are the best

I'm here to see the answer.