I am in a super bad mood. I beg jokes to make myself giggle!

1 One day in the sky and one year on the ground; Eating a cigarette in the sky is seven or eight days on earth.

The college entrance examination filled in three volunteers. The first two are Tsinghua Peking University. I waited eagerly at home for a month and didn't wait for the admission notice. I guess the Tsinghua Admissions Team missed my name, and the notice of Peking University was lost by the postman on the way.

Wow, it's rare for you to grow such a mature face before you are twenty years old. You will definitely become a pillar of the motherland in the future.

He who is not afraid to look for bones in eggs is afraid that he must look for eggs in bones.

Although I can't ask my parents to drive me to college in my life, I must send my son to college in 20 damn years.

Brother, I am a man who has killed people, spared too much, served as a soldier, been in prison, traveled privately, sold drugs, stole taxes and took advantage of them. What dare I do? Do anything for my brother, no matter how tall his building is, close your eyes and jump.

Seven, four, three, big monkey, just waiting for you.

I was a gifted scholar in my class in high school. I am proficient in piano, chess, calligraphy and painting, and I listen to others play the piano on TV. Chess, watching people play chess on TV; Books, reading novels in class; Painting and doodling on the desk after class are the most important people in the school.

You can call me an animal, but you can't call me shameless. Animals have dignity.

10 If you don't believe me, you just don't believe in science. If you are against me, you are only against people.

1 1 Look at those stars. Thirty is more beautiful than twenty, and forty is more beautiful than thirty. That is, the longer the more beautiful. Therefore, I believe that I may become handsome in the next twenty years. For so many years, before going to bed every night, I firmly believe that I will become more handsome when I wake up the next morning, but every time I wait until the next morning, I am always disappointed. In the past twenty years, constant disappointment has led to constant hope. Now I finally understand that a flawless face like mine is hard to surpass.

12 now that science is so developed, a man cuts him off with a knife and rubs his chest up, and becomes a woman; A woman adds a small piece to her, and then punches her flat, and she becomes a man.

13 is more fierce than eating, because I am a natural eater, and eating is my second life.

14 Don't laugh at my thinness, I'm covered in muscles; Don't look at my thin arms. I have enough strength. I don't care about ordinary little girls and boys, even if they add up to three or five.

15 wives need to change from time to time in order to be innovative and passionate. Which successful man hasn't been divorced several times? If you haven't divorced, you haven't succeeded.

16 If you treat money like dirt now, beautiful women will treat you like dirt. If you don't get the money in the future, you may not be able to buy a house; If you can't buy a house, you may not find a wife; Can't find a wife, can't raise a son.

17 As a talented young man like me, he is called' Black Girl'. Even if he goes begging on the street, he will watch the fun with beautiful women. Just grab one. How can he not find a wife?

My adopted son must be as clever as me. Once you teach him, he will soon pass, once he is proficient, he will forget.

19 If you don't get the money in the future, your wife will scold you for being worthless, or you will elope with the rich. When your son grows up, he will think you are a coward.

I've never been fearless in my life. There are only three things I fear most in my life. The first is that my wife is afraid to run away with others. The second thing is that my son is not as handsome as me when he grows up; The third thing is afraid that my son will look down on me when he grows up.

2 1 In junior high school, I was a very pure man. I read too many novels. I actually believe that there will be love in this world, and my ambition is very simple. As a noble person, I am worse than dust in my eyes. I have only three things to do in my life: find a wife, raise a son and live my whole life. Now my concept is backward. I need to correct it. To hell with love. I want to find more wives and have more sons.

22 mom and dad! Before I turn 30, I will buy at least three big houses, one in Beijing, one in Shanghai and one in Guangzhou, each with a minimum of 1800 square meters. I will take out 150 square meters to make toilets, which is bigger than the whole house.

"Advanced Mathematics" is the abbreviation of "Advanced Mathematics", which is a little different from high school mathematics. High school mathematics tells you that one plus one equals two, while high numbers tell you why one plus one equals two. It is a subject to explore advanced mathematics.

At that time in high school, as a student in a physics and chemistry class, I hated five subjects, Chinese, mathematics, physics and chemistry, and one subject was English, and my favorite subject was physical education.

Soldiers who don't want to be generals are not good soldiers; I don't want to be my father's son, and I'm not a good son.

There are no absolutely lecherous men in this world. Those men with normal development can be roughly divided into three categories: the first category, lust, lust, fear, wealth and power, will turn the flowers and trees for spring; The second color heart is colorless and gallbladder, which can only be placed in the heart at ordinary times; The third kind of man is not only colored, but also courageous. Unfortunately, his own conditions are insufficient to win the hearts of the opposite sex. This kind of person is the most dangerous. I accidentally committed a crime and went to prison to eat the same pot, which not only ruined others, but also ruined myself and two families.

I found a secret, although there is no sufficient scientific basis for the time being, but I believe it will be confirmed by science in the near future, that is, when you just look in the mirror, you will always feel that you are not very handsome, but don't be afraid. Just stare at the mirror for a few more minutes, and you will gradually become more handsome. If you look for a quarter of an hour, you will feel that there is no more handsome person in the world than you. If you watch it for half an hour, you will feel that you are outside the cloud nine. Watch it for an hour, and you will feel like a Buddha.

Life has been more comfortable recently. I slept until eleven o'clock in the morning and got up for lunch. Sleep again in the afternoon, sleep until 5: 30, get up and eat; I slept until eleven o'clock the next morning after dinner. I'm so tired. My skin didn't get enough rest, so my face was not very calm. Small acne was born. Yesterday, there was a "starry moon" on my skull. Today, there are a "Cowherd and Weaver Girl" on both sides of my nose. So today I feel that half an hour is not enough. It takes an hour to take pictures.

It is said that eating an apple for a quarter of an hour can kill more than 90% bacteria in the mouth, but how can an apple eat for a quarter of an hour? It's only three minutes at most. I either don't eat, and I have to eat at least five at a time.

Don't think that buying fruit is a trivial matter. There is a lot of knowledge in it. There are men and women, and the flowers are divided into male and female. Have you ever heard that this kind of fruit is also divided into male and female? I haven't heard of it. I tell you, fruits, like people, are not only male and female, but also beautiful and ugly. I usually like to eat mother apples, especially beautiful mother apples. What's the point of eating male apples? It's like asking you to kiss your male classmate, right? That's disgusting.

3 1 will envy those ancient people. Look at Jia Baoyu, surrounded by girls all the time. At the age of ten, he first tried to have sex with xiren. Look at me. When I was ten years old, I was in the third grade of primary school. Now I'm almost twenty years old and I'm still a virgin. Besides, Emperor Kangxi became the king of a country at the age of eight and came to power at the age of fifteen or sixteen. Look at me. At the age of eight, I was still in the kindergarten class, and I was only in the first grade at the age of fifteen or sixteen. It's good to be an emperor. I'm so happy to have three thousand wives. Let me calculate an account first. Like the girls' dormitory in our school, one dormitory can accommodate six girls. Even if there are 20 dormitories on one floor, 120 can live. Multiplied by the six floors of a building, it is 720. Honey, it takes 3,000 wives to live in four or five buildings. I don't expect to marry 3 thousand wives, and I can't afford to raise too many. As long as you can marry 30, you will be satisfied in this life.

No matter what you do, you must have quality, be a person with character, play a quality ball, and be lustful.

I will become dirtier in the future, not dirtiest, only dirtier.

If I gain 60 kg and grow 25 cm tall, I can become an international male model.

35 buttocks are a little bit, which is also very nice.

36 if three or two people hide in the room to watch, it is called yellow video; If three or five hundred people watch it outdoors, it is called performance art; If you have the courage to put it on TV, it is called a fashion show.

37. Shit! When I have money in the future, I will buy a computer to play at home. I have to use a super hard disk with 160 memory to store his 120 memory porn. Take your time.

People in Europe and America are all professional actors. Because people want to develop the female audience market, the hero should not only be strong, but also handsome. Unlike Japan and South Korea, they are all self-directed and self-acting, and the leading actor is ugly, which makes people feel spoiled.

The physical gap between us orientals and westerners is really a world apart. I've always been proud of it. Compared with others now, it's like a little monkey who is embarrassed to take out his hand when he sees a big monkey. Alas! Like a frog in a well.

The ancients were all keen on wine, food, famous flowers and beautiful women. I am not greedy and dare not expect to have both. I just want beautiful women, but when will beautiful women throw themselves at me? I climbed onto the platform and shouted, "Where is the beauty?" I only heard countless echoes: "I'll shoot porn, I'll shoot porn ..."

4 1 Don't talk about poor love without money. If you have money, you can come.

The top 42 is strong, and the base is cheap. There must be a cheaper way to deal with bitches.

I always thought I was a handsome man, and he was invincible in the world. Unexpectedly, this man is about to catch up with me. I was so angry that I wanted to splash him with concentrated sulfuric acid.

I like going to the supermarket best. I never buy anything when I go to the supermarket, and I don't bring money. Just two eyes is enough. There are so many beautiful women there that I can't count them. I can feast my eyes again this time.

If I can't find a seat by car, I usually stand at the back door happily, because I am not the first person to get on the bus, but I must be the first person to get off.

46 jeans are tired of wearing, cut into cropped pants to wear; If you are tired of wearing nine pants, cut them into big shorts to wear; Tired of wearing big underpants, I cut them into denim briefs.