What jokes describe people who own stocks?

1. I met a lady in the trading hall. She said: The China stock market is a bit like an incompetent husband. Let's abandon him, a little reluctant; Stay together every day and suffer indignities. Eat and drink well and wait on him. I hope he can take a little sun as his spirit. I just saw his erection, and he hasn't finished taking off his clothes. He's dying. The key is that as soon as you get dressed and are ready to have an affair, he pulls you back and says, there is a reaction, there is a reaction, you wait!

2. The bear market has finally come. Three friends who used to make a living by trading stocks had no choice but to start looking for jobs. They came to a restaurant to apply. The boss asked the first one, "What's your specialty?" A: "I used to be a trader and I would speculate." Q: "How is the craft?" A: "Nothing, just that I can speculate the stock price from 5 yuan to 50 yuan." The boss was very happy and said, "Good! I only need one chef here, and that is you. " The second person handed in his resume, and the boss flipped through it and said, "Oh, it's a stock review. Tell you the truth, your job is to stand at the door every day and give me a lira when you meet people. Isn't this hard for you? " The second man smiled and said, "Simple, simple." The boss turned to the third man and asked, "What do you do?" The man blushed and said nothing. The second man quickly said, "I brought him here. He was born a retail investor. Just arrange a job to wash dishes and sweep the floor. " Embarrassed, the boss said, "I am very advanced here." What do I need retail investors to do? " While speaking, I suddenly heard a noise coming from the hall. The boss quickly called the waiter and asked her what was going on. The waiter replied: "Today, the buyer forgot to buy meat, and the food ordered by the guest could not be delivered for a long time. He is losing his temper. " The boss suddenly panicked. At this time, the retail investors next to him suddenly pulled out a sharp knife, straightened their trouser legs, cut off a large piece of meat with a knife and threw it bloody to the waiter: "Take it to the emergency department first!" He turned to his boss and said, "I have no other skills." Cutting meat is often done. Ask them both. " The boss was very happy and said, "Good, let's go to work today!" " "

3. Drowning people can swim;

Empty ones all look at the K line;

Those who stand guard are all playing bands;

The hunters are the richest;

People who cut meat borrow money;

Old slick, listen to the radio;

Raw melons and eggs are covered by the market;

Those who sing a lot are on the boat;

People who sing empty songs are cheated;

Those who lose money are diligent in bookkeeping;

Those who make profits are lazy.

4. A retail investor was walking by the river, and an official of China Securities Regulatory Commission went over and warned that it was dangerous to stand by and watch the river. If you fall into the river, you will be at your own risk. Retail investors are not satisfied: I stand by and watch. What's it to you? A small step forward. The CSRC pulled out the officials of the Ministry of Finance and kicked the retail investors, who fell into the water. Looking at the foam in the river, the official of the CSRC proudly said, I told you to be careful not to listen. Is something wrong? "

5, the first fall, just like a girl being touched, so nervous! The second fall is like being touched on the chest, which is terrible! If you fall again, it will be like being raped. Very painful! If you fall again, you won't feel it! Keep falling ... Shit! I am like this. Who's afraid of who? If you fall down again, you will feel happy.

6. Mr. Lu Xun said: There is no end in the world. There are more people cutting meat, which becomes the limit.

7. Wind and rain send cows home, and blizzard welcomes bears. The stock market is already freezing. Which stock is still popular? Joe is also struggling for spring scenery, hesitating to throw it, and only God knows when the stock index will bottom out.

8. The stock market is a story: falling in love is called stock picking; Engagement, called Jiancang; Marriage is called a transaction; Giving birth to a child is called distribution; Super-life is called additional issuance; Divorce is called settlement, quarreling is called shock; Breaking up is called cutting meat, and lovelorn is called falling limit; Separation is called suspension; Remarriage is called reorganization, and remarriage is called rebound; Pregnancy is called empowerment, and childbirth is called rejection; Feeding is called filling right; Bullying your wife is called forcing gas; Looking for flowers and asking for willows; A pledge of eternal love is called a bubble ... Understand these stories and you will understand the stock market.

9. A man bought a book in a bookstore and said to the clerk, "I want to buy a book. There is no murder here, but there is a hidden murder. " There is no love, only love and hate; There are no detectives, but they are always on their guard. Can you recommend one to me? ""Only this, "said the clerk." China stock market. "

10, Confucius said: in a threesome, there must be shareholders;

Cao Zhi said: This is a village, and the killing is too urgent;

Su Shi said: I don't know the true face of Lushan Mountain, just because I am in the stock market;

Lu You said: Don't forget to tell Nai Weng the day you buy the stock.

Wen Tianxiang said: since ancient times, people have no shares, leaving funds at the bottom;

Xu Zhimo said to the stock market: I left gently, just as I came gently. I waved my sleeve and the headmaster couldn't come back at all.

1 1. Look at the living conditions of shareholders in an all-round way: the transaction is bitter when weeding at noon; Facing the K-line chart, there is no spectrum all day; Crying all morning, crying in the afternoon; It is very painful to make up the position.

12, the stock index has been falling all the way, with "basement" under the "floor" and "18 hell" under the "basement"; When I fell to 18 hell, some investors asked Yan, has it really bottomed out this time? Unexpectedly, Yan Luowang smiled. You are wrong again! After refinancing, I have expanded the hell to the 36th floor!

13, a cup of tea, a pack of cigarettes, a rotten stock that has been staring at for a long time;

A penny, a spare time, a group of retail investors for half a year;

A horse, a batch of farms, and a bunch of stock reviews are all deceptive;

An institution, a securities supervisor, does not know who is cheating;

14.a shares, B shares and H shares are obscene;

Motherboard, small board, three boards, the board is finished;

Bank of China, China Construction Bank, Agricultural Bank of China and Bank of China have an accident;

Yesterday, today, tomorrow, every day;

Farmers, citizens, investors and refugees;

The stock market, the property market, the automobile market and the city are all sad;

Stocks, paper money, lottery tickets and ship tickets are harmful to people;

Horizontal batch: don't let people live.

15. The CSRC admitted that the initial location of the exchange was not based on geomantic omen, and it should not be located in Shanghai (bone-breaking) and Shenzhen (deep earthquake), but in Tianjin (adding gold) and Xiamen (blind Mongolia), and Hunan Yueyang (Yueyang) and Hengyang (Hengyang) could also be candidates, completely changing the impotence status quo of China stock market. In about seven years, the index rose to zero, and Shang Fulin lived up to its name (the index rose to zero). Shareholders strongly demand that Zhang Wannian (up by 10,000 years) be the chairman of the CSRC.

16, Education: Hope to go in, despair to come out. Medical treatment: minor illness goes in and serious illness comes out. Real estate: humble abode, house slaves come out. Performing arts: the jade girl goes in and the young lady comes out. Dou E goes in and the madman comes out. Officialdom: Harry went in and out with gentry. Coal kiln: Squat in and lie out. University: the school flowers go in and the residual flowers come out. Stock market: Yang Baiwan goes in, Yang Bailao comes out, BMW goes in, bicycle comes out, suit and tie goes in, and underwear comes out.

17. The hardest thing to say: the truth; The most difficult thing to adhere to: true colors; The hardest thing to find: a bosom friend; The most difficult education: children; The most irresistible: temptation; The hardest thing to maintain: health; The hardest thing to understand: happiness; The hardest thing to keep: time; The most difficult situation: dwelling in a humble abode; The most difficult to understand: house price: the most difficult to understand: statistics; The hardest thing to make money: the stock market; The hardest thing to show: smile; The hardest thing to flow: tears; The most difficult thing to distinguish: falsehood; The hardest thing to confess: suffering.

18. Watch China stock market during the day and watch China football at night. In less than half a year, you are not far from entering a mental hospital!

19. A gecko got lost at the gate of the securities company, just as a big crocodile climbed up from a distance. In desperation, the little gecko hugged the crocodile's leg and shouted at his mother. Crocodile burst into tears: Son, you just lost half a month in stock trading.