How should boys chat so as not to become topic terminators?

Do you know why some people "talk eloquently" and others "curse comes from their mouths"? Because many people can't communicate and express. When you ask this question, it is obvious that you are the one who "expresses" this matter very badly.

How to change it?

The first point: a clever woman can't cook without rice.

If there is no accumulation, any topic will be "poor in words", so it is particularly important to prepare your own "golden sentence treasury". Usually, when brushing friends circle, Weibo, Tik Tok and headlines, write down paragraphs, well-said golden sentences, distinctive figures and events with high attention. A good memory is not as good as a bad pen. Write them down in a memo or in an app with special records such as cloud notes and Evernote notes.

The second point: find out the similarities between * * *

There are two kinds of topic terminators, one is "nothing to say" and the other is "the king of silence". Both people have a fatal weakness, that is, they can't find the same topic as their peers.

What are the common points that are easy to find?

If it is the first time to chat with a stranger, the vertical axis can be from far to near from the perspective of time. For example, after introducing himself, he said that he was a surname. You can say that I have many friends with this surname. What was this surname like before? Where are most of them? When you talk about something that has a profound relationship with the other person, the other person's attention will soon be drawn to you. A little closer, such as where are you from, when did you come, and what I was doing at that time, is like asking a person, "When did you arrive in Beijing?" When he finishes, you can continue. After talking about the recent and present, we can also talk about the future, such as which industries will be affected by the epidemic and so on. This is the width of the timeline.

Let's start with the horizontal axis. The horizontal axis is chatting according to each other's current situation, such as hobbies, people, scenes and hot topics with high attention. The simplest thing is to let others talk about their hobbies, and then quickly find the areas they are familiar with and start talking. There's really nothing to talk about. You can talk about the latest hit movies, variety shows, music and TV dramas. As the saying goes, everyone has gossip. You can talk to mature men about careers, houses, cars, investments, shoes, watches, and mature women about clothes, shoes and bags, shopping, celebrity gossip, family chores and love history. If the other person likes reading, talk about his favorite writers and books. If the other person likes drinking, talk about red wine, wine glasses and wineries.

The third point: control field.

What are you most afraid of when chatting? It's not that there is nothing to say, but that a person is wordy and wastes everyone's time.

No matter how you communicate and express yourself on any occasion, you should have a sense of controlling the field. This kind of consciousness does not mean that you want to be a boss or a senior, but to control the direction of the topic.

How to control the direction of the topic? Ask questions and shift the focus.

Accurate questions make the other person gush, but what if the other person really gushes and you don't want to continue listening to "nonsense"? It is certainly not good to interrupt directly, but it can divert the focus: for example, accidentally dropping chopsticks, or turning to look for a mobile phone, or directly answering "Well, what happened to someone recently" during the other party's speech, by diverting the focus and disrupting the original logic of the other party, once a normal person is suddenly interrupted, especially after the sound of "ding" and "bang" appears, it is easy to "fragment".

The ultimate goal of controlling the field is to end the game decisively after achieving the purpose of communication.

The fourth point: deliberate practice

No matter how much material is collected, not practicing is equivalent to not being able to communicate and express, and the master of communication and expression will definitely practice deliberately.

For example, Lang Lang is a world-famous pianist, but when he was studying, the teacher of the Central Conservatory of Music told him that he had no talent for piano. In order to achieve something on the piano, his father forced him to practice crazily, and finally won the first place in the entrance examination of the Central Conservatory of Music, which gradually produced the well-known Lang Lang.

In fact, communication is also a skill. I suggest you look at Lang Lang's life experience, and you will understand that if you want to do anything well, you need to practice and practice again.